“It should be easy, why not?”
I’ve heard throughout my entire life that marriage is a hard union to maintain. And that it will take a lifetime of work for you to really appreciate the person that you are with. But then I started to think about the union for a while. With the vows you take, shouldn’t marriage be an easy task to fulfill. It says to love, honor, and obey. Yet people still say that the union is hard. Is it really hard, or could it be that monogamy is not natural. Could it be that we really have other feelings and push them down in the name of societal norms. Well, let’s observe this for a minute.
To love, honor, and obey is difficult when you are not with a person you thought you would be with. We all have this person in mind that we want to be married to; this idealistic view. Then we meet someone and all of that changes. So here we are with this person, yet part of us resent. Why is it so hard to have this conversation? It’s hard because no one wants to admit that they resent something about the person they are with. You love this person, and can’t figure out why there is this internal feeling of disdain. It lies there deep inside of us because on one hand we have the societal way in which we are supposed to live. Then on the other hand, we have the nature us that is different from the societal us.
And that nature us creates other conflicts that make marriage hard as well. Because another natural reaction is that we don’t want to be around the same person for the rest of our lives. That is something which can take years to get used to. Some people can do it with ease, others struggle. Why do some struggle, it has to do with more nature. It’s normal to want your own life and space, but what about marriage and children. You sacrifice so much of yourself, especially when the kids come into play. So you feel a part of you is lost and now you want out to some extent. And that brings us to the next reason marriage is hard, the kids.
Once those kids enter the equation you have less time for you and him and more dedicated to the kids. Not to mention you are now neglecting yourself. For the most part, women have a different reaction when kids come into the equation because women carry children. But men start to feel like we are losing something as well. It can take some people time to realize they might not be losing something, but gaining something more. Then you have the parents that can’t wait to their kids are old enough to have their own lives. This way, they can be themselves again.
In the end, that’s what it boils down to; nature versus societal norms. Society wants and expects us to have a certain type of marriage. But there is no real way to maintain and make it work. You should be making up your own rules. Why are people living by this societal norm instead of what you like as a couple. And as long as people are not able to address the reasons for their marital hardships, we’ll always have issues concerning marriage leading to divorce.