Category: #gender

2019: WHAT WILL THE NEW YEAR COME OF MY BLOG

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“Narrowing down the topics.”

what’s to come

The end of 2018 is just a week away. And I will be planning my blog for next year 2019. And for the coming year, I will be narrowing down the blog to 6 topics not 12 spanning the year. And these 6 topics will be of the most popular from my current year. So instead of writing a post from 1 topic for the month, I will be writing posts for 1 topic every two months. And this is the change, the metamorphosis of my blog that will eventually narrow down to fewer topics. As of now, there are two topics in competition with each other to see which one will make the cut. I will also provide more video content as well. Feel free to drop a comment about the topics you liked. Continue to like, follow, and share my work. SEE YOU  IN 2019!!!

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GAY IN THE COMMUNITY: HARDSHIPS OF BEING GAY IN A TRADITIONAL BLACK COMMUNITY

Two Men About to Kiss

“Out ain’t easy.”

gay under conservatism 

In the Black community, we have long been so governed under the Christian faith that anything that goes against the grain has been ostracized.  And the issue that falls under this topic would have to be gay relationships. It exist in a community, but not widely talked about in a community. You are refrained from really discussing it, but it’s so in your face in today’s society. But how does it feel to be a member of the LGBT community in such a conservative environment? Me being a heterosexual male, I can’t relate to this, but have heard stories told.

biblical fears

The bible has its many uses, but in certain communities the bible was used to do two things. It was used to enslave and it was used to uplift; crazy right. The enslavement of Black people through Christianity in America was a justified, but the religion has also been used to uplift a community. So the the fundamentalist fears that stand keeps a people from delving too deep into LGBT rights. Since the bible states that it is against it, then most likely there will be a push against it.  Which means there is a clear separation between how one feels as a person and how one views the relations via the bible.

generational shifts

There is something to be said about the change in times. Because this is more of an issue to an older generation. Because if you are under a certain age, then this conversation is more of a non-discussion. Because to a younger generation you’re used to seeing Gay couples. Rather it be on television, film, or in our daily lives. So to hear our parents, or even grandparents not accepting is a shock to us. We love our grandparents, and pride ourselves on being open. We even push back against those who speak out against the LGBT community, but we are not ready to deal with our elders who fight against the movement.

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GENDER SWAP: HOW THE EXPECTATIONS OF MEN AND WOMEN CHANGES

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“SHe-IM.”

expectations

As a man in society, I have always known from a young age that there are these expectations from us that are typically different than women. Funny because I was raised in a house with a mother and two sisters. You would think I was inundated with all these feminist viewpoints that I carry with me still today. Yes, there are ways I see the world that may be through the lens of a women via the women that raised me. But at the same time, they gave an honest feel for how the world actually works, not an illusion or from their own internalized disdain.

what is gender

When we observe what is gender, we have the definition which states that gender is the cultural and social differences that make up both males and females rather than the biological. Because the terms male and female are the biological words for the organism which either produces sperm or ovulates in the creation of an organism. Which means a women (gender) who is born female (sex) is so mutually inclusive because of the classification we give to the sex of a person. She is born female therefore she is a woman. And the same applies to a man. So in terms of the class and the biology, we are able to understand. But is everything so technical, or is there just an obvious aspect of all of this I have explained?

“outlined” expectations “old and new”

The following at the bottom are the two genders and the two sexes, as well as their expectations and limits.

MALE

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  • Gender: Open doors for the woman on dates, protect and provide, being the voice for the son to lean on, sexual opposite, spiritual opposite, vocal
  • Sex: provide sperm, physically defined (shoulders, chest, arms, etc.), genitalia (penis), Y-chromosome
  • New Roles: Minimal house work, voice to both son and daughter equally, co-provider, limited protection, not always sexual opposite
  • New Limits: No new real change

FEMALE

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  • Gender: Care for children, stay at home, voice to the daughter, sexual opposite, docile, primp, silent
  • Sex: X-chromosome, eggs, physically defined (breast, hips, rear), genitalia (vagina)
  • New Roles: not always sexual opposite, working woman, voice to both son and daughter equally, co-provider, self-protection, independence
  • New Limits: No new real change, except some physical attributes (strength)

workable or not?

Now, will it work in the end; men and women swapping in society? Can the woman be the man and man be the woman? I think there are certain aspects of who we are that will, and others can’t change. The ones that can’t change are so deeply rooted in who we are that change is impossible. Evolution has made us into who we are that yes, we will try to manipulate the limitations of ourselves, yet it will prove to not work. But there will still be considerable changes in expectations.

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RAPE CULTURE: IS THIS A REAL ISSUE?

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“No still means yes, really?”

against her will

For eons, women have had to bare the grunt of being subjugated to sexual assault. Whether it’s on a job or even in their home lives; women have been targets for many sexual attacks. But what my question would be is if there is a real culture based around the idea that rape is alright to a certain extent. Because as men, we have an idea for what rape would be in our mind, but in a woman’s mind it could mean something different. Because to a woman, even if she thinks rape it can constitute as rape; which is a slippery slope when you’re a guy. But I am not even fully referring to that, I’m talking about a different type of culture in the mind of a woman.

playful assault

To a woman, when you’re being playful, she might be a little uncomfortable. You might be thinking, “Oh this is just fine, she’s just overreacting.” For example, walking up behind a female and giving her a hug when you are not in a relationship or close friends. That could be seen as uncomfortable and that woman could go into a space. She could go to a place in her mind that makes her feel violated. Now, if she is into you, then she may let it slide. That can be a tricky situation that you have to feel out, but can also put you in a position to make her feel uncomfortable as well. That’s why when you’re on a job, you have to be sure that you are not coming off as someone putting a woman in a weird situation. So when in doubt, be professional.

what is rape really?

Men in Hollywood over the past year have been losing their careers because of their sexual assault allegations from their female counterparts. Some cases have been force and others have been methods of coercion. But to a man, rape is holding a woman down against her will, and raping her. It is the way we have been taught rape is in our lives. No, no; rape if not sexual assault is trying to get a woman to sleep with you as a coworker where you’re above her in a position of power. She might sleep with you out of fear of losing her job, which can lead to you being in a situation. Sexual assaults can also be seen as a guy at a bar who won’t stop trying to get your phone number.

signs

So what are the signs if you’re a guy of rape from a woman. It used to be force, or of course underage sexual contact. But now in today’s society, the lines seem to be blurred. And when you look in in the history of society, we have cultivated this environment that have made it difficult for women to exist without having to watch her back. And biologically, women are less physically built than men, so they are already in a vulnerable position. But the only way this can be dealt with is through progress.

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APPROPRIATE DATING AGE: WHEN YOUTH IS ON TRIAL BASED ON THE GENDER OF THE ELDER

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“Is age really only a number?”

The above photo is a picture I found on the internet that shows what appears to be a much older woman hugged up with a younger man. And it has popped up on dating sites as well. So I ask you, is age only a matter of a number? Is there more that comes with dating someone who is younger that you must realize? Because yes, there are going to be some characteristics besides the physical that we see, that will make dating a person of a certain age different than dating someone close in age. And when I say dating someone younger, I am not referring to dating someone 60 years old if you are 40 years old. Because I feel there is something built into the minds of both parties different than 40 years dating a 20 year old. So, why do men and women begin to date younger?

For starters, you observe men, and we have always dated younger women because it’s just what we have always dated. It’s hard to explain besides the initial attraction which tends to be purely physical. But what is it besides the physical that keeps the situation together? One reason is that we as men and women have two separate biological clocks that differ from each other. When a woman is 35 years of age she is generally already a mother and married, or in the process of; while men typically can wait longer. There is a reason we can wait, it’s because we can have children for the rest of our lives. So there is not this rush to find someone to marry. Women start to decrease odds of bringing a child into the world once they reach a certain age. So men date younger because when a younger woman is ready to have children she’s still young and not in rush up to that point.

Well, what about women and their reasons for wanting to date younger. In the recent years, more and more women have opened up the possibilities of dating younger. Only when it comes to women, the relationships become a little more complicated. Women have traditionally themselves gone for much older men because men by a certain point in life are established in their careers. So dating a man who is younger goes against so much of their beliefs about relationships. So when an older woman dates a guy who is younger, the situation is usually judged by women more harsh than men. Because you as a woman knows how the majority of you feel about that particular situation. So it’s odd to you to see that couple.

In the end, for me, it comes down to a certain age at different stages of life. Now that I am 30 years old, I would much rather date a woman who is at least 23 years old or 24 years old. Because she is out of college, and starting to have a realistic perspective of society. Before that point we all have these altruistic views of the world that aren’t real, so I would have a hard time communicating with someone not in the general population already. You need to have to some degree of an understanding of how the workforce works. This way you know my struggle and understand my work ethic.

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GENDER FRIENDSHIPS: CAN MEN AND WOMEN REALLY JUST BE FRIENDS

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“Friendzone is a hard zone.”

I was contributing to a discussion on a Facebook page of a woman I know who was having a hard time regarding finding male friends. And she was saying how it’s hard to have male friends because there is always some way of bringing the situation back to him liking and pursuing her. And I started to think about that, can men and women truly be friends, given the two are heterosexual. Because it’s obvious they can be friends when one or both of them are gay. But what happens when both are attracted to the opposite sex, but also are physically attractive. Can two people find each other attractive and still be friends? Because men and women are biologically on this Earth to procreate, but socially we are expected to behave a certain way in certain situations.

That’s what is interesting about both genders, is that there is this scientific piece, then there is the societal element. Society says, you are supposed to give the other person space when they just want to be friends and respect that space. Science dictates that I am attracted to this person, and want to intimate with his person. So what happens is that the friendship sometimes degrades when one person is trying to date the other person, while the one being pursued just wants to be friends.So how do you get across to the person that you just want a friendship, yet you know how we are designed as men and women?

This is all the reasons above why so many women have their gay friends. This is so they don’t have to deal with the stress of having a guy every single second of the day trying to create means of getting with her. She can also go to the night spots that this guy frequent and have a good time as well. But on top of this, she can also have the comfort of being able to hang with her guy friend and receive man advice with no pretense. Now, on the other hand, be careful if you want someone to just be your friend and they are fine, but then you turn around and change up the contract. This is also known to happen as well. You can’t hold someone to a friendship and then you don’t hold up your end of the bargain.

In the end, men and women can ultimately be friends, but I think that happens with time and maturity. Your objective when you are a young man is to meet women and date. So when you come across a woman that you find attractive, the last thing you’re thinking is let’s hang out. You would almost sound phony in situations trying to act as if you do want to be friends as a means of getting close to her. But once people do age, they take on certain viewpoints making it easier to have opposite sex friends.

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REFLECTION: WHY SEEING SOMEONE SUCCEED WHO LOOKS LIKE YOU IS IMPORTANT

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“They did it, so can I.”

As an African American man, I was able to witness the election our nation’s first Black President of the United States. And what transpired following was a young generation of Black males and females that became interested in politics. Whether it is aspiring to lead the nation one day, or even taking the rankings in their own communities. Seeing someone that looks like you in a position that normally people who look like you don’t hold is important. Because coincidentally enough, seeing someone that looks opposite of you is not enough to make you think you can succeed in your career field. When Democratic hopeful Hilary Clinton ran for president last year, young girls all over the country thought they would see the win of the first female president. But why, why is it so important to see you in certain places of employment succeeding?

Well, like I said prior, it has to do with not seeing someone that looks like you hold that position. I never think twice about growing up in America being a professional athlete because so many Black men are athletes. But there are other professions where we still very rarely take initiative to join. There are still very few Black male engineers, school teachers, and doctors. And come to think of it, I have seen very few even in my lifetime, professional Black men, who have held the previous employment positions. So when you don’t see it, you automatically rule it out as a potential career path. Even myself, I have ruled out so much in my lifetime because I never felt it was possible for me to do so. So what you have is a large population of men who aspire to do only a few chosen things where the odds are astronomical to succeed.

But what about gender, is it important to see a woman dominating in her field. Of course, it’s why so many young girls want to become models. It’s an industry where the women on average earn more of an income than the men. But we still don’t have enough women who are engineers, top corporate executives, and high rankings in the military. This year, even though Hilary Clinton did not win in 2016, so many females recently became mayors and council members in elections throughout the country this past election day. And with that, there is wave of younger women in their twenties who have taken to politics. Also with new tech companies popping up, it’s only a matter of time before more women start to enter this industry as well.

In the end, those who don’t understand why it’s important generally fall under the category of the norm. You’re used to seeing those that look like you in a position, so it becomes irrelevant. So you don’t need to be told or see someone because it’s a given. But until the society we live in is fully representative, you’ll always have people who look at life this way.

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