MARRIAGE AND A BABY WHAT: THE DECLINE OF THE NUPTIALS

 

Wedding Couple Figurine

“I do(n’t).”


generational shift

Unlike the past generations, more and more young people are rethinking marriage. And the reason for such a cultural shift has a lot to with divorce. We watched the past generations going in and out of marriage with costly divorces. And the infidelity also is of concern considering the availability of reaching people we would like to talk to. So what are young people doing today’s society? Well a lot of the new millennial generation and the group right behind us are settling for just dating and living with someone. This way you cut down on all the confusion that comes with marriage like all the paperwork you have to sign. And the breakup if it does take place is a lot more fluid. You just shake hands and walk away from the situation.

dough is important

I have been reading articles lately surrounding why marriage is on the decline in America among the young generation. And so many have said that women cannot find an economically attractive potential spouse. And for these reasons a lot of them have chosen to just stay single. Because what is the purpose of struggling so much when you are able to do more alone. Conversely, the men who are attractive for dating exist to an extent, they just don’t want to take the financial risk. Who really want to get involved in a situation where you’re losing 50% just because she wakes up and decides that she is no longer happy. It’s more fiscally sound to just date. At least dating there is a guaranteed that if the relationship succeed or not, you’re good.

less family intervention

Families for the longest have interjected themselves in the lives of those around them. But when you decide to get married there is even more entitlement to get involved. And for these reasons people tend to stay dating. When you are dating no one gets involved so you are able to have your own lives. The moment you decide to get married then you have to deal with all the pressures of family. The life of a person dating another person means that you are going to be seeing this person and only dealing with this person. Not the voices of the people around you.


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BLENDED FAMILIES: HOW THE FACE OF FAMILY HAS CHANGED

Cute Family Picture

“We are one.”


the blend

What is a blended family? A blended family is a married couple or dating couple that brings together the two sides of a family that was in progress before meeting the other person. And that has always involved the children from previous relationships. Someone might come in with two children and the other person might come in with three or four children.

Whatever the case may be, the blended family is something that is fresh and new in the American landscape. Because for years there has been this stigma on dating or marrying someone with children. But when the two are bringing together children from former relationships it’s a different dynamic.

work-a-bility

Now does this way of raising a family work in society? And if this were 30 plus years ago you might say no. But in reality, the blended family might actually work better than you expected because the two sides have already this mutual agreement. Meeting someone with no kids it’s tougher because they don’t understand the struggle.

Or better yet, they are not going to understand the sacrifices you have to make, or they have to make now that their is a child in the mix that’s not theirs. But what are other blended families that present a new challenge?

ethno-religious

What happens when the new blended family is of a different ethnic group or religion? This working is tough because you are now introducing yourself to not only a new family, but also a new relationship with society, cultural beliefs, and approaches to dealing in life. Meaning what if a Jewish and Muslim man and woman meet with children.

That is an interesting cultural dynamic because you have two groups who have long dealt with serious issues from a region of the world going back a long time. How to do you make that work not just and that person, but also with families?

love conquers all; maybe

They say that love conquers all, but dos it really? Because I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it doesn’t. You need more than just love to exist in society. It’s unfortunate, but you have to take into consideration the world a child is being brought into at the moment. You love each other, but how will life be for them.

So there is nothing wrong with love, but what are the impacts on the kids’ lives.


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IMPERSONAL DATING: WHY AMERICA HAS CHANGED SO MUCH IN THE DATING WORLD

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“We have voices for a reason.”


human connections

As human beings we have built not only civilizations, we have built human connections throughout history. But in recent history we have lost an aspect of that human connection. And one of those areas has to be with how we date in society. People are not really approaching each other anymore, it’s all bout the social media connection. We look at each other’s profiles and judge on the basis of that alone. It’s almost as if approaching a person is this ancient way of meeting. Never did people think that dating life would become so impersonal.

dating methods

The above is a commercial from the dating website eHarmony. If you were to ask people in the past, would they be finding love over the internet they would have probably thought you were crazy. And what’s even more odd, just to show you how we have changed, taboo of dating on the internet is young. As a matter of fact, my mother bought me my first computer at age 12 years old. This was back in the year 2000. Just 18 years ago, it was odd to meet someone on the internet for a date, now it’s commonplace. But what are other ways people are meeting in today’s society?

TINDR & GRINDR
  • These are two dating apps where you can meet someone more instantly, but it is not geared toward monogamous relationships. Tindr is used by singles to swipe left or swipe right to Related imageexpress interest or a lack of interest in someone. If you like them and want to meet you swipe in the direction of interest and proceed forward. Grindr is that same way, but it’s more centered toward the gay community. There is an aspect of these apps that is adventurous, but also it takes away from the building of relationships if you’re only interested in the initial physical encounter and that’s it.Related image

 

 

 

is it all bad?

We all like to think that generations who come after us are doing it wrong. We want to believe that we have the best solutions for dating in society. What’s interesting is that in the next 25 – 30 years you will have people whose mothers and fathers met off of Tindr, Grindr, eHarmony, JDate, and Black People Meet. It won’t seem odd, and will also be looked at as archaic to see life otherwise. And who knows, maybe in enough time, life will go back to how things used to be in our grandparents generation. But as for now, this is dating in society.


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APPROPRIATE DATING AGE: WHEN YOUTH IS ON TRIAL BASED ON THE GENDER OF THE ELDER

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“Is age really only a number?”


The above photo is a picture I found on the internet that shows what appears to be a much older woman hugged up with a younger man. And it has popped up on dating sites as well. So I ask you, is age only a matter of a number? Is there more that comes with dating someone who is younger that you must realize? Because yes, there are going to be some characteristics besides the physical that we see, that will make dating a person of a certain age different than dating someone close in age. And when I say dating someone younger, I am not referring to dating someone 60 years old if you are 40 years old. Because I feel there is something built into the minds of both parties different than 40 years dating a 20 year old. So, why do men and women begin to date younger?

For starters, you observe men, and we have always dated younger women because it’s just what we have always dated. It’s hard to explain besides the initial attraction which tends to be purely physical. But what is it besides the physical that keeps the situation together? One reason is that we as men and women have two separate biological clocks that differ from each other. When a woman is 35 years of age she is generally already a mother and married, or in the process of; while men typically can wait longer. There is a reason we can wait, it’s because we can have children for the rest of our lives. So there is not this rush to find someone to marry. Women start to decrease odds of bringing a child into the world once they reach a certain age. So men date younger because when a younger woman is ready to have children she’s still young and not in rush up to that point.

Well, what about women and their reasons for wanting to date younger. In the recent years, more and more women have opened up the possibilities of dating younger. Only when it comes to women, the relationships become a little more complicated. Women have traditionally themselves gone for much older men because men by a certain point in life are established in their careers. So dating a man who is younger goes against so much of their beliefs about relationships. So when an older woman dates a guy who is younger, the situation is usually judged by women more harsh than men. Because you as a woman knows how the majority of you feel about that particular situation. So it’s odd to you to see that couple.

In the end, for me, it comes down to a certain age at different stages of life. Now that I am 30 years old, I would much rather date a woman who is at least 23 years old or 24 years old. Because she is out of college, and starting to have a realistic perspective of society. Before that point we all have these altruistic views of the world that aren’t real, so I would have a hard time communicating with someone not in the general population already. You need to have to some degree of an understanding of how the workforce works. This way you know my struggle and understand my work ethic.


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FED UP: WHY BLACK WOMEN HAVE CHOSEN TO BE WITH NON BLACK MEN

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“Slim options, forced to keep an open mind.”


Over the recent years, interracial dating and marriage have climbed in the African American community. And for the longest it was the men who were opting to date outside our ethnicity, but now it’s more women. So what has taken hold, is this just some coincidence, or is there another reason as to why? The answer is yes, from what I have noticed for the most part, there is a reason for this jump cross racial lines lately. And don’t get me wrong, interracial dating and marriage is nothing new in America, but I have seen the rise over time. And there are some clear indicators as to why these numbers have risen. Reasons for dating outside are due to environment in which you were raised or currently reside, options when choosing to date or marry, and off balanced numbers of Black women to men.

The first reason why Black women have chosen to date outside their ethnicity points to the environment where they grew up and/or live now. Black people who are generally raised in predominantly White communities tend to date within that given community. Not the least bit odd because you tend to marry in life what is within your immediate community. So if there are Black women who grew up in these White populated neighborhoods, they are more likely to marry White men. Or, if they are living in a community where these are the men around, this is who they most likely will gravitate toward. Which leads me into the other reason why Black women are now dating more outside their ethnicity; options.

And I don’t mean options as them expressing their options to date and marry. I’m referring to the availability of Black men for Black women to date. The most educated block of women in America are now Black women, while Black men sit at the bottom of society. So that in itself is enough to make so many Black women choose to be with men outside the community. Also within the options is the place at which Black women may be financially and socially versus where he might be at the moment. We have more and more Black professional women in the workforce, surrounded by predominantly White males in power positions. So if you’re a woman, you think to yourself, I would prefer someone in the same position as myself. But who do you date when everyone else is choosing within their ethnicity and you’re stuck single; you choose whoever comes along.

But when looking at why Black women are choosing to date outside their ethnicity, you look at the numbers alone and there are way more Black women than men. As matter of fact, millions more. And then when you factor into the equation that so many Black men are incarcerated, not in college, not going to college, not in the employment pool, in the employment pool, but barely surviving, then you can’t blame Black women for their choices. The numbers are so titled, that it’s almost as if you have to encourage interracial dating for Black women to have a chance. But in the end, could this just be in Black women’s heads because White women themselves are waiting, generally for a White male. Also is it always a conscious decision for Black women to date outside her ethnicity, or dating who approaches you. Whatever the case may be the numbers are still climbing, and Black women are becoming more and more open.


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ANIMAL TRAINING: WHEN TRYING TO HAVE AN UPPER HAND ON A SIGNIFICANT OTHER HURTS YOU

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“Whose really in control in the end?”


Ever hear women talk about how they have their man animal trained? How when you meet a man you have to train him how to behave how you want him to behave. But there lies a problem in the thinking regarding this method of getting a man to do what women want him to do. And no, I’m not referring to the disrespect of who you’re in a relationship with while training. I am talking about the reaction from the animal (man) toward his owner (woman). She could possibly be setting herself up for a real problem down the line. But for starters, let’s observe a little closer as to why a woman might want to have her man animal trained. And having a man trained has a lot to do with women and their lack of control within a dominant society ran by men. So in a relationship, she can get her just do for what she receives in society.

Forever, women have been the “E” to our “ER.” Meaning, she is the receiver and we have always been the giver. So even in the case of sex, no matter the position, she is the “E” and we are the “ER.” Now that women have had to play these roles for so long, now they would like to have a little animal training of their own. So when a woman gets in a relationship, well some women at least, they want to start to enforce their will on the man. Meaning, they train him to act a certain way, and then in return she gives him a dog equivalent of treats; whatever the treat may be. It could come in the form of cooking him dinner or him getting a sexual favor. And soon as the animal (man) misbehaves, she takes away the treats. But there is a problem with the animal training method, if you as women are not careful. What do I mean by being careful, this is what I mean.

When animal training, you as a woman are doing what any real animal trainer would do. You do what you have to get the results you want from this animal. And yes, eventually, the animal behaves how you want the animal to behave. So, as a woman, your friends come around, and you say, “Watch me work.” You pick up a treat (the metaphor for something you want), and say, “Here boy.” And when the man reacts how you want him to, you say, “Good boy.” (figuratively speaking) The other women are amazed, and soon start to ask questions as out how to train their husbands as well. You get a name as the ultimate dog trainer. But there is something you don’t know as the trainer (woman). You didn’t realize that the dog is actually smarter than you think. He has been watching and studying you.

Then the next time your friends come around you say, “Watch this new trick.” “Hey boy, roll over.” The dog looks at the owner, then turns his head. The other women are stunned that the dog is not responding. Then the owner gets more aggressive, “Hey, boy, roll…,” before she can finish, the dog swipes her with his paw as she falls to the ground.  And just like that, your friends witness you getting schooled. Now you have to make up some excuse like, “Oh my, I don’t know what’s gotten into him.” But you know what’s up, he has scoped out your rules. So in a last ditch effort, you dangle the treat in front of him. He looks at the treat up and down, then turns away like he doesn’t want it. Your friends, slowly leave the house as you are stuck wondering what happened. And in that moment you realize that you lost your master skills. But you also realize, the dog was playing you from the jump.

What happens, you ultimately try getting your power back, but the dog saw you already. And that position is not going to come back. So you inevitably start to cater to the dog, “Will you please come go for a walk.” And just like that, the trainer is getting trained by the very dog she was supposed to train herself. And she can’t get too mad at the dog because she trained the dog which would mean a flaw in her methods to train effectively. In the end, when trying to get your significant other to do for you, if they are not willing, end it. Because you might wind-up wasting your own time. And no feeling hurts more than getting animal trained by the animal you initially trained.


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NOT WORTH THE TROUBLE: WHY I DON’T WANT KIDS

Image result for NO KIDS

“Saving myself from what could be a disaster.”


Since becoming an adult I have been pondering over the idea of whether I want to become a parent someday or not. And as time progress, I know I don’t want to get married. But what about a child. Right now, I know I don’t want children, though I think about it. Who knows how I will feel at the age of 40 or 50 years. Because next month, I will be 30 years old, and I still feel the same about having children now as I did as a 20 year old. But also, my ideas of marriage and relationships have not changed either. The only aspect of my life that has changed is success in a career. So why haven’t I changed my stance of children?

Well, my main reason I don’t want children is because I don’t want to deal with the idea of dealing with the other person. Once you have children, there is a dual input in raising a child that I don’t want to adhere to. I have my way that I want to do things and that is that. Now, I do believe that someone else may have a better way. But it’s not about a better way, it’s about my way I want things to go. So with that said, it wouldn’t be best to have children with someone. My best way to go about having children might be to adopt one day. This way I can raise my child how I want to raise them. But are there other reasons that are keeping me from parenthood?

The other reason I don’t want children is because of the aspect of who having to always make them your life. Once you have children, they are your life. You have no other choice because even on hard and depressed days, you have to suck it up and deal. There is no out, most often, parents wish there was somewhere other than here at the moment. Yes, if you’re famous, you can hire a nanny, but most Americans can’t afford a babysitter, must less a nanny. So they have to find a way to deal with their lives. And although this is not a human existence that you genuinely want to live all the time, it’s a must. Children have no choice in their existence, so it’s a thought before having them.

Now, the third reason, is because there are so many things I want out of life. And having children get in the way of those things. And for the most part, they’re not that big of a deal, except when you have kids. Like, living in New York City, I’ll get up and just go for a walk around the city. Just something so simple, is major when you’re a parent. You can’t just up and leave the house. Because you are no longer alone anymore because there is someone there to depend on you. See, in the end, children are a career outside your daily job. It doesn’t pay, and there is no guarantee that what you teach them will ultimately work. So for now, I live my life for myself and whatever benefits me. But children are still a 10% yes and 90% no, and marriage is still 100% no.


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