Category: Marriage/Relationships

2019: NEW YEAR NEW APPROACH

“Topics of the year.”

narrowed down

The entire year of 2018 was about topics from a wide range of choices. This year 2019, I will be using my most popular topics and write about them over the year. They will be four topics that I will discuss once every three months. Meaning, finances was a big topics this past month. If chosen, I will write about finances for three months. Then I will move on to the next topics. My goal is to have one main focus, or three for my blog by 2020. So I want you all to continue to read, like, follow, share, and I will be keeping you posted.

Personal Website: http://www.faheemjackson.squarespace.com

Instagram Me: @theefaheemjackson

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2019: WHAT WILL THE NEW YEAR COME OF MY BLOG

Image result for 2019

“Narrowing down the topics.”

what’s to come

The end of 2018 is just a week away. And I will be planning my blog for next year 2019. And for the coming year, I will be narrowing down the blog to 6 topics not 12 spanning the year. And these 6 topics will be of the most popular from my current year. So instead of writing a post from 1 topic for the month, I will be writing posts for 1 topic every two months. And this is the change, the metamorphosis of my blog that will eventually narrow down to fewer topics. As of now, there are two topics in competition with each other to see which one will make the cut. I will also provide more video content as well. Feel free to drop a comment about the topics you liked. Continue to like, follow, and share my work. SEE YOU  IN 2019!!!

Personal Website: http://www.faheemjackson.squarespace.com

Instagram Me: @theefaheemjackson

Twitter Me: @2320howe

INTERRACIAL DECISION MAKING: WHY I HAVE NEVER DATED OUTSIDE MY ETHNICITY

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“Such a difficult decision.”

interracial 

Within my life, I have ever dated outside my ethnicity. Not that I don’t find anyone attractive, it’s more than just that. It’s a social aspect of living in America. Living i this country long enough, you realize there is a stigma with being in a relationship with a Black male. So I never even held a real conversation with a woman of another group in years. So I guess you can say I live by the ways of society. But it’s just too much of a job to date. I just want to meet someone and date. Why is everything a subject of debate?

lonely evenings

If you are going to only date your own ethnicity, then be prepared for a lot of lonely nights. Because you may be single for a very long time. Depending on what you want that cut of meat most likely is not available. Or, if you do meet someone in you group, it’s not in the right space and time for you to be in a relationship. But the life I am living is more conducive to women than men. Yet I am not holding out for a specific ethnicity. More so I am not able to deal with the hardships of interracial.

off limits

Remember I said earlier about Black men and stigma. Well, this notion that we are not to be spoken is a real sentiment. So, even in a space where the woman may come from an excepting household, it still is a bigger issue. That probably is a reason why I have been so single for so long. When you are only dating one type of person, that can be a very limiting selection situation. But still, females are told from other groups not to date us, so it’s hard to ignore.

playing life safe

When you play life safe, you will never know what else is out there. But for me, I still have that fear of coming in contact with what so many have to deal with, It’s depressing because you see people you like, who may like you, but the fear lingers. I don’t want to be the reason someone choose me, and it doesn’t work out. Then they lost everything around them for nothing.

My Personal Website: www.faheemjackson.squarespace.com

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PLAYING FAVORITES: ARE BLACK WOMEN REALLY NOT A DATING CHOICE

Woman Wearing White Sleeveless Lace Shirt

“The selection process.”

the dating pool

In the selection process of dating for so long, there is this held belief that Black women are never the first choice for dating. Now as a man, I don’t believe in that, but let’s for a second observe the theory here. I myself, even though I am an African American, don’t fully understand the selection viewpoint of Black women. Not because I don’t care, mainly because in the paradigm of living have focused on my day-to-day task of survival. Also, even though I have two sisters, I have never asked them about their dating experiences as Black women. It wasn’t until recently now that I am over 30 years old did I really explore this belief.

the available bum

Now, in Black women’s environment there are these guys who lend themselves called, “Ready Made Bums.” They, in my opinion, are nowhere near a reflection of the overall selection pool. But who they are, they are these men who approach women with all the wrong intentions and in all the wrong ways. These men are microwave ready masculinity. Nothing that is of substance, nor anything that is worth satisfying for the long haul, thus the name Ready Made Bums. But like I said before, to what degree do these men exist in comparison to the ones that are out there who are of substance.

self-fulfilling prophecy

It is a known that what we put out there into the universe tends to come to us. So if you are moving about life saying men are bums, not many who aren’t will be around. Meaning, whatever you tell yourself about yourself will formulate even if it’s not true. My question to you would be if you say men are bums, where do you live? What are the venues you tend to hang out at on weekends? Who are your circle of friends? Who are other people in your lives that do have good relationships? Because if your daily life is around people who do have healthy relationships, it will rub off onto you. That’s why it’s important to watch your associations of people close to you.

those in your ear

A word to Black women, beware of the other women in your ear when seeking out a male companion. Especially if that woman giving you advice does not have or has a hard time acquiring herself a man. Because you’re going to also get all the wrong information filtered to you. She’s going to be giving you the advice based on her own problems. Why, well no woman is going to tell you how to get a good man; or introduce you to a good man before she gets a great man herself. That’s like me having a winning lotto ticket, I’m broke, but you need the money more than me. No, I’m cashing that ticket, then once I’m settled I’ll tell you how to get paid.

changing your scenery

Maybe a change in scenery would help Black women who feel this way. Planet Fitness is $10 per month; it’s a great way to meet men. Guys who are into health and wellness tend to have a great outlook on life. Another place to go would be, for those who can afford it, get a membership to a golfing club. A lot of professional men tend to spend their time golfing outside of work. It’s also a great place to make professional business connections as well. Try not to hang in groups, especially when seeking a male companion. Because you will be greatly influenced by the women in your circle. Remember, friends are friends, but friends at times may talk you out of a great relationship because they are thinking about who they think you should be with, not who you really should be with. Overall, get out, try things you never thought you would like: skydive, you biking, join a book club, and speed date.

My Personal Website: www.faheemjackson.squarespace.com

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BUILD WITH OR ALONE: SHOULD YOU FIND A MATE TO BUILD A LIFE OR NOT

Photo of Man and Woman Holding Hands

“Building together is easier than separate.”

the union

When it comes to pursuing your career, you have to think about some things. One of those things is should I pursue this career alone or with someone by my side. We all would like to go into the world and build, but alone. I mean alone, wouldn’t it be easier with someone. At first we try to go at the build by ourselves, but soon learn how difficult it is to climb alone. And in the process, we meet our significant other and learn two heads are better than one. And here is where most people will build a sustainable life together.

the journey with self

Even with someone in your corner you will have to build a career to some degree alone. So when building purely alone, there comes this hardship with always being to yourself. You don’t have anyone to share anything with; time or stories. The experience of being able to get to that point of success together is diminished. For instance, myself; I am taking this road alone, but I don’t regret it. But that is just me talking, not to say that it’s for anyone else. You just to have a very strong mind, otherwise you will throw your hands in the air and give up. But how will the career build in a relationship be beneficial? I mean after all, the person is not on the job site with you. Your skills are your skills, not their input.

what is the mate’s purpose

When you go to work, it is up to you to be there in the moment and build. Your mate is doing their own thing on their job. So what is their purpose really? Well, for starters, like I said before, you have someone to share your journey with. But besides that, the agony of working a job and then coming home is tough alone. But when there is someone there, they are able to take off the extra that you would otherwise endure alone. They will give the courage to continue forging forward. So the feeling of dealing with work’s struggles are shared.

My Personal Website: www.faheemjackson.squarespace.com

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DYING FOR FAME: WHY DO PEOPLE WANT TO BE IN THE PUBLIC EYE SO BAD

Image result for fame

“Why we want it so bad.”

fame 

You work your craft for years and years, then you get that big break. And from that big break comes this level of celebrity. Once you’re in, there is no stopping you, you want more of what you have been working for all these years. But when there is ever a time that fame starts to elude that person, they get nervous; why.

Why do so many talented people who could still get work become nervous when they are not talked about anymore. You would think that the idea is to continue working. But being at the top is what they love, it’s why they worked so hard. To be at the top of their game. But today’s topic is actually not about famous people fighting to stay famous. More so society’s need to be known.

civilian notoriety

Now, previously I discussed the celebrity aspect of holding on to fame. But what about people in society who are chasing fame. They want to be so known that they are willing to create reality shows. Even if means that the show could be the catalyst for the family dynamics to break down. And interestingly enough there has been a breakdown in every reality show.

Yet, people still chase the fame. And we want to know, where does this stem from; is it mental or emotional? The need to be known everywhere you go, what is it?

lonesome roads

When you’re running this life race, you are doing so alone. Even when people are in your corner you don’t exactly have people present. So for the ones who can’t cope, they look for validation through other people. Wanting to be seen and known means a lot to them. It’s why Instagram is so addictive because of the likes and follow reward.

You post a photo, and then you see the likes rack up. It’s what keeps the internal all together. And unless you’re doing this as a means to generate an income or build a business then it can be seen as troublesome.

privacy is important

As much as people want fame, they want to left alone. They want to keep to themselves, but they also want the attention. So is it because they are getting enough from friends, family, monogamous relationships, etc.? Because unless you are working in a capacity where you just so happen gain notoriety for what you do, why else would you want fame?

See, most want to me known for something. It doesn’t have to translate into being famous. We just want to be recognized for something that we do, and do well. Which also goes back to how people seek the attention that they are receiving in their daily lives.

My Personal Website: www.faheemjackson.squarespace.com

Instagram Me: @theefaheemjackson

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COURTING: HOW RELATIONSHIP UNIONS HAVE CHANGED OVER TIME

Photography of Couple Holding Hands

“Where have we gone wrong?”

dating norms

In life, we all want to meet that right person. But in a society where so much has changed, how do you go about meeting that right one? Because dating is not what it used to be in the old days. There was a process one had to go through before you were able to date. And that process always by way of the man getting grilled.

You had to qualify yourself for a date with a woman before even actually really getting to know her, but her family. That’s right, mom and dad had to have the final say. And then you were able to go on that date. And don’t even think about asking for sex. You were lucky to get  peck on the cheek, if that much.

process of the past

When you look at the past the steps you had to go through as follows:

Introduction
  • When you were a guy interested in a woman in the distant past, you had to first introduce yourself to the girl’s parents. Mainly, you had to let the girl’s father see you. And that doesn’t mean a date, it just means you’re interested so he knows.
Parental Discussion
  • Here is the part where the girl’s parents sit her down and they have a discussion with her. Asking her questions regarding who the boy is, and where is he from. Sometimes the girl acted as if she didn’t know, but she knew. And that would lead to the next step.
Parental sit down
  • This is the part where the boy is sat down in the house and asked a series of questions. Who is your kin? Where do you live? What does his parents do for a living? What is his intentions?
Parental Permission
  • And finally you get a chance a to go on that date, but you first have to get it cleared as the guy with your family. And they have to assess if its ok as well.
Date Night
  • And finally, the date night. Which is not really a date night because it’s at a well lit place. Usually you’re eating at a diner where there are people who know your family. And there is a time restriction for how long you be out.

the new norm

The new ways in which we date have taken on new meaning. Now online dating is all the rage, and you don’t have to meet a woman’s family. You just have to approach and if she is with it then, what the hell, you guys date. Only problem is that women come in contact with more problem today because of the changes.

Whereas you had to meet dad in the past, that doesn’t exit today. But things always change and take on new meanings. And dating is no different; but what will inevitably come of all this change.

My Personal Website: www.faheemjackson.squarespace.com

Instagram Me: @theefaheemjackson

Twitter Me: @2320howe

Medium.com/@faheemjackson

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