SCIENCE OF PARENTING: WHAT MAKES WOMEN CLOSER THAN MEN

blanket, boots, care

“We are not like them.”


the job aint easy

You ever hear people say that the job of raising children is not an easy? Well, it is; I don’t have any, but observing my mother raising children, I can tell it was a struggle. The feat of not only getting up making sure they are fed, but placing them into the world. You have to let go and realize they are in the world and trust they make the right decisions. Because the kid part are the cute years, it’s when we get older where the job becomes difficult. Once those adolescent years hit and friends become more of an influencer than parents, that’s when the job gets tough. But this topic is more than that, it’s about the relationship that each parent has with the child/children.

gender differences

The science behind why a woman is connected to the child more is simple. She is the one who carried the kid, so there is a deeper bond than the man has with the child. Men can easily role around and play with the kid then head off to work. We have that ability to connect then disconnect in an instant. But all throughout the day, especially when the child is a baby, women can’t do the same. It is impossible for a woman to tune out when the kid is young. She is able to do so as the kid gets older, and ready to take on their own identities. But is there more behind the idea that women connect better than men? Meaning, what is the even deeper science behind mom and dad bonds.

evolution

Humans have attachments to each other which aids in our ability to coexist as a planet. But when we have children men bond differently then women. And there is a science to this bond. My best guess is that men were never meant to be in the life of the child. Father’s being around is a social construct more than it is biological. Don’t get me wrong, men still will fight and die for their young, but were we supposed to be a community like we are today. There are social means as to why we as men stick around: give the kid guidance, be an example for what the kid shall be in life, a protector in the household, an additional contributor to the family, and a partner for the woman. These are social constructs, but biologically, we don’t have those attachments because maybe we were never meant to have them. That doesn’t excuse deadbeat fathers, it just aims at understanding why we can be great fathers, yet disconnect to get work done, or even become better disciplinarians.


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LET ME UPGRADE YOU: WHAT IS DATING UP TO YOU

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“Come talk to me when you’re on my level.”


In an American society where commerce dictates so much of how we live and how we behave, how does this commerce relationship we have in this country effect our dating lives? For men, you know what you have to bring if you’re going to be living in this capitalistic based society. And as for women, you’re steady trying to find that guy who you see as your equal or above. But when you are a man in this country it can be a tougher go. You know you have to be in a certain place in your life by a certain time. Women can live with their parents and still demand from men the same things as a woman with her own form of success. With that said, what are the thoughts on dating up? Because dating up is more of a woman’s viewpoint, but for men only under certain circumstances.

Women have to date up; why well it’s simple. So many men are trying to get with you, whether to be in a relationship or just for sexual intercourse. So you have to more picky, and there is a lot more thought that goes into choosing a guy. And the prettier the woman, the harder it is for her to find a potential mate. Because the pool of men who want to be with you is even higher. Unlike men, who see this as an opportunity to date around because we have so many options, for women it can be harder because of so many options. So when a woman does choose a guy, he’s going to have to really step up, especially if she is a woman that’s used to guys at a certain level trying to talk to her. Now that does not necessarily translate into just finances, it’s that and more. But are there times when men have to upgrade as well. We, unlike women, don’t have to, but there are those that do.

When it’s time for men to upgrade, we have to do so when finances are involved. Because to us marriage is an investment that only we can lose for the most part financially. So when a man becomes financially successful, he becomes that pretty girl. And that’s when he starts to be extra selective with the women that he dates. He has to learn to sense out the very things that women have to sense out about men when choosing. Because just like with every man trying to get with a woman, so many women look at you as this total package. But not all of them are worthy, so you have to shuffle through the plethora of women like women do us. See, in the end, finding that person you feel is on the level you want them to be is important to so many. As a matter of fact, it is more important now than any other time period prior. But if finances is that one thing you’re trying to seek out alone as a woman it will be harder to find; jut like we as men can’t just chase a woman for aesthetics purposes only.


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GENDER FRIENDSHIPS: CAN MEN AND WOMEN REALLY JUST BE FRIENDS

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“Friendzone is a hard zone.”


I was contributing to a discussion on a Facebook page of a woman I know who was having a hard time regarding finding male friends. And she was saying how it’s hard to have male friends because there is always some way of bringing the situation back to him liking and pursuing her. And I started to think about that, can men and women truly be friends, given the two are heterosexual. Because it’s obvious they can be friends when one or both of them are gay. But what happens when both are attracted to the opposite sex, but also are physically attractive. Can two people find each other attractive and still be friends? Because men and women are biologically on this Earth to procreate, but socially we are expected to behave a certain way in certain situations.

That’s what is interesting about both genders, is that there is this scientific piece, then there is the societal element. Society says, you are supposed to give the other person space when they just want to be friends and respect that space. Science dictates that I am attracted to this person, and want to intimate with his person. So what happens is that the friendship sometimes degrades when one person is trying to date the other person, while the one being pursued just wants to be friends.So how do you get across to the person that you just want a friendship, yet you know how we are designed as men and women?

This is all the reasons above why so many women have their gay friends. This is so they don’t have to deal with the stress of having a guy every single second of the day trying to create means of getting with her. She can also go to the night spots that this guy frequent and have a good time as well. But on top of this, she can also have the comfort of being able to hang with her guy friend and receive man advice with no pretense. Now, on the other hand, be careful if you want someone to just be your friend and they are fine, but then you turn around and change up the contract. This is also known to happen as well. You can’t hold someone to a friendship and then you don’t hold up your end of the bargain.

In the end, men and women can ultimately be friends, but I think that happens with time and maturity. Your objective when you are a young man is to meet women and date. So when you come across a woman that you find attractive, the last thing you’re thinking is let’s hang out. You would almost sound phony in situations trying to act as if you do want to be friends as a means of getting close to her. But once people do age, they take on certain viewpoints making it easier to have opposite sex friends.


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ANIMAL TRAINING: WHEN TRYING TO HAVE AN UPPER HAND ON A SIGNIFICANT OTHER HURTS YOU

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“Whose really in control in the end?”


Ever hear women talk about how they have their man animal trained? How when you meet a man you have to train him how to behave how you want him to behave. But there lies a problem in the thinking regarding this method of getting a man to do what women want him to do. And no, I’m not referring to the disrespect of who you’re in a relationship with while training. I am talking about the reaction from the animal (man) toward his owner (woman). She could possibly be setting herself up for a real problem down the line. But for starters, let’s observe a little closer as to why a woman might want to have her man animal trained. And having a man trained has a lot to do with women and their lack of control within a dominant society ran by men. So in a relationship, she can get her just do for what she receives in society.

Forever, women have been the “E” to our “ER.” Meaning, she is the receiver and we have always been the giver. So even in the case of sex, no matter the position, she is the “E” and we are the “ER.” Now that women have had to play these roles for so long, now they would like to have a little animal training of their own. So when a woman gets in a relationship, well some women at least, they want to start to enforce their will on the man. Meaning, they train him to act a certain way, and then in return she gives him a dog equivalent of treats; whatever the treat may be. It could come in the form of cooking him dinner or him getting a sexual favor. And soon as the animal (man) misbehaves, she takes away the treats. But there is a problem with the animal training method, if you as women are not careful. What do I mean by being careful, this is what I mean.

When animal training, you as a woman are doing what any real animal trainer would do. You do what you have to get the results you want from this animal. And yes, eventually, the animal behaves how you want the animal to behave. So, as a woman, your friends come around, and you say, “Watch me work.” You pick up a treat (the metaphor for something you want), and say, “Here boy.” And when the man reacts how you want him to, you say, “Good boy.” (figuratively speaking) The other women are amazed, and soon start to ask questions as out how to train their husbands as well. You get a name as the ultimate dog trainer. But there is something you don’t know as the trainer (woman). You didn’t realize that the dog is actually smarter than you think. He has been watching and studying you.

Then the next time your friends come around you say, “Watch this new trick.” “Hey boy, roll over.” The dog looks at the owner, then turns his head. The other women are stunned that the dog is not responding. Then the owner gets more aggressive, “Hey, boy, roll…,” before she can finish, the dog swipes her with his paw as she falls to the ground.  And just like that, your friends witness you getting schooled. Now you have to make up some excuse like, “Oh my, I don’t know what’s gotten into him.” But you know what’s up, he has scoped out your rules. So in a last ditch effort, you dangle the treat in front of him. He looks at the treat up and down, then turns away like he doesn’t want it. Your friends, slowly leave the house as you are stuck wondering what happened. And in that moment you realize that you lost your master skills. But you also realize, the dog was playing you from the jump.

What happens, you ultimately try getting your power back, but the dog saw you already. And that position is not going to come back. So you inevitably start to cater to the dog, “Will you please come go for a walk.” And just like that, the trainer is getting trained by the very dog she was supposed to train herself. And she can’t get too mad at the dog because she trained the dog which would mean a flaw in her methods to train effectively. In the end, when trying to get your significant other to do for you, if they are not willing, end it. Because you might wind-up wasting your own time. And no feeling hurts more than getting animal trained by the animal you initially trained.


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SWITCHING UP THE CONTRACT: WHY THE BEGINNING IS NEVER THE REAL DEAL

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“Signed and sealed.”


Ever get the feeling that you signed up for a relationship that is not winding-up like you thought it would pan out. You met this person one way and they switched up on you the moment the relationship started. When you first met them, whatever you loved about them changed. You feel like you’ve been robbed and cheated of something you were promised. It’s like someone buying you a gift for Christmas with beautiful wrapping paper, then the box was empty inside. Imagine the frustration at receiving an empty Christmas gift. In the beginning, you both gave each other a sheet of paper to sign. This was a contract, and you were supposed to hold up your end of the bargain. But after a while the contract was forgotten about and shelved. Now the person is in breach of contract for the breaking the rules of the document.

For so many who experience the break in contract, you feel cheated like I said prior. I hear everyone put their best foot forward, but come on. We are all on our best behavior, but you’re talking the person completely changed their entire identity. That is not putting your best foot forward, that is lying and portraying yourself to be something that is absolutely nothing of who you really are in a relationship. So what do you do if you’re experiencing the change up in contract? If you’re dating, you can easily end the relationship, but not in marriage. In marriage, you’re stuck in a situation that you can’t get yourself out of, even if you tried. So, with any contract that you can’t break, you have to hopefully pray that the other person breaks before you do. And if someone doesn’t break, you’r stuck in a partnership you can’t afford to leave.

And why do people switch up the contract, it’s either because they lied about who they are, or they can’t keep up the persona that they introduced to you. The lying exist because these people are miserable and want someone to revel in their misery as a couple. But for the most part, people have a hard time maintaining the person they say they were in the contract. And whatever made you desired is lost because that desirable thing you had was intricate to the contract. So the desire becomes lost; but what’s funny is that the desire can come back. Yet most people give up after a while and the contract is null and void once there was a initial breach in the beginning.


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PLAYING GAMES ONLY YOU CAN LOSE: WHY WOMEN IN PLAYER WORLD GETS HURT IN THE END

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“Two can’t play the game.”


In the world of dating, both men and women tend to play games. But there is a catch when it comes to the world of playing games. And that is that only one person winds-up getting hurt. And usually it is the woman that gets hurt. Why is that; why is it that the woman is always getting hurt? Well, because the woman cannot win at the end of the day. Now if you’re a woman, you might think to yourself, that’s not right. But in reality it is true; you are far more likely to get hurt. Now mind you, once again, I am talking about the game of playing, not just your typical monogamous relationship. When you’re in the game of playing, there is generally a winner and a loser. But let’s get into the reasons why the woman get hurt at the end of the day.

The reason the woman gets hurt in the playing game is because when you look at the game, there is a shelf life associated with women playing the game. Almost like looking at yourself as an athlete. You come into league running and jumping like everyone else, but you start to get older. And the problem with getting older is you can’t run and jump on the basketball court like you used to. You have to learn certain skills to stay in the game. Only problem is that it’s a young woman’s game to play to try to win. So now you’re 35 years of age in the arenas of 23 and 24 year old girls because you want to stay relevant to the men that are chasing after them. And with no prior exit strategy, you find yourself alone while he goes off into the sunset with someone else. And this happens due to the standards of men versus women.

Men and women have similar but not same standards, especially in the playing game. Women “need” a man worth something to play, and the man can be with whatever. Because he just needs an attractive woman, and what you need is harder to come by in the game. So you’re really becoming subservient to whatever he’s willing and able to do. Basically what I’m saying is that in the world of playing, you really can’t hold us to anything because we can always get another woman. You as a woman can’t just run out and easily get another top notch, successful guy to be with you. Now, I’m not talking about on average, I’m talking in this playing game. Your standards in the game are higher, so you are in a more compromising position than we are in the game. Let me go even further and describe how it can hurt you.

On average, a man looks for a woman he’s compatible with, and vice versa. But in the playing game, your age is a major determinant as a woman. I’ll give you another example, you trying to play is like the drug game. The woman is equivalent to the guy standing on the street corner while we as men are more like distributors or cartel bosses. You take on the most risk as women, and usually come out the most hurt. And in the end, that’s why women may not want to play. And if you do, have an exit strategy. Because two people can be hurt in the game, but more often it’s you because your standards are higher. We can marry the first thing we see, you generally don’t live by that same creed.


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BRINGING YOU TO THE EDGE: WHY AS MEN WE MUST CHECK OURSELVES

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“Don’t let her make you just as emotional.”


 When we get in arguments as men, we tend to get to the same level of anger as the woman in the argument and it boils over. You are being pulled into this person emotionally, and cannot let that get to you. And the reason is because as men once we get emotional, it becomes how can I hurt this person the most. What can I say to get this person to shut up. Why, well we’re in charge of physicality. And that is not to say that as a woman you are this lesser in society (we know that given you birth our children). But what I will say is that men tend to carry ourselves in a more physical way with our emotions, whereas women are more internal. And what do I mean by men not letting the woman’s anger get to you; this is what I mean.

In any argument, one person is always trying to gain the upper hand over the other person. And with that comes insults that are thrown for what appear to come from deep down inside. And with the person trying to gain the upper hand, you will always have someone say something that they regret. And usually, it is us as men. Why is it us as men? The reason why us as men get to that point because once we reach the boiling point we try to hit you with anything to tear you apart. It’s to crush anything and everything you thought you had inside to give. But it most often result in us stopping before hand. Because that realness in how we feel could cut you deep. Which might ultimately make you out to be worse than the woman you’re arguing with.

Now, men typically say things we feel out of rage when feeling rejected in some sort. So we stoop to a much lower level than the woman to try to make her feel less because we can’t have her. And it has to do with checking our egos. But the other reason is that we hate to lose arguments so we say the worse thing we feel to win. Because in life to men, this battle is a zero sum; there has to be a winner and there has to be a loser. And in the moment of fighting, I have to win and you have to lose. So we will try to bring you down emotionally, to bring ourselves up in the fight. So in the end, we try to win at all cost, or least end the conversation when we want to end it. And once we feel we have lost control, we go to extreme measures to end the conversation. But what we really end of doing is saying something that shows us in a much worse light than the woman.


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