MARRIAGE AND A BABY WHAT: THE DECLINE OF THE NUPTIALS

 

Wedding Couple Figurine

“I do(n’t).”


generational shift

Unlike the past generations, more and more young people are rethinking marriage. And the reason for such a cultural shift has a lot to with divorce. We watched the past generations going in and out of marriage with costly divorces. And the infidelity also is of concern considering the availability of reaching people we would like to talk to. So what are young people doing today’s society? Well a lot of the new millennial generation and the group right behind us are settling for just dating and living with someone. This way you cut down on all the confusion that comes with marriage like all the paperwork you have to sign. And the breakup if it does take place is a lot more fluid. You just shake hands and walk away from the situation.

dough is important

I have been reading articles lately surrounding why marriage is on the decline in America among the young generation. And so many have said that women cannot find an economically attractive potential spouse. And for these reasons a lot of them have chosen to just stay single. Because what is the purpose of struggling so much when you are able to do more alone. Conversely, the men who are attractive for dating exist to an extent, they just don’t want to take the financial risk. Who really want to get involved in a situation where you’re losing 50% just because she wakes up and decides that she is no longer happy. It’s more fiscally sound to just date. At least dating there is a guaranteed that if the relationship succeed or not, you’re good.

less family intervention

Families for the longest have interjected themselves in the lives of those around them. But when you decide to get married there is even more entitlement to get involved. And for these reasons people tend to stay dating. When you are dating no one gets involved so you are able to have your own lives. The moment you decide to get married then you have to deal with all the pressures of family. The life of a person dating another person means that you are going to be seeing this person and only dealing with this person. Not the voices of the people around you.


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RELATIONSHIPS ON THE DECLINE: WHY YOUNGER GENERATIONS ARTE NOT SEEKING MARRIAGE

Macro Shot Photography of Two Gold-colored Band Rings

“I don’t.”


let’s just live together

A lot of the millennial generation is of a young group that was raised by parents who taught us that we should want to get married. But so many of us don’t want to make the wrong mistake. Because if you don’t choose wisely, then you will find yourself marrying someone who makes your life hell. But we also don’t want to live a life alone either. It’s not like the 1950’s or the 1960’s when families had problems but were families. Today, you are taking too much of a risk to be married because so many people think in context of themselves. So it’s best to just stay single a lot of the times and go at life alone. Then again, what happens when children come into play? Do you really want to be a single parent?

doing it all aint always better

We love to brag about how we did it all by ourselves. We love to tell people how great we are at doing us. Reality is that it’s not always the best route to take in life. Sometimes, well, to be honest, a lot of times. See, I am a single male working on building my career by myself. And I am going to tell you something, it’s fucking hard. Now, that does not mean it is impossible for me to succeed. All I am saying is that we all have to get some sort of help in order to do well in life. It doesn’t mean anything less for you to want help.

dollars and cents

Marriage has always been a union where people are pooling finances to make this relationship work. So when you are trying to build a life for yourself, marriage is still the way many people build. Now, I am not saying your should get married to build with someone finances because then you run into a lot of problems personally. But, marriage still in today’s society is a gold standrd for how men and women build a life together. It’s like that old saying, two incomes are better than one.


Personal Website: http://www.faheemjackson.squarespace.com

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APPROPRIATE DATING AGE: WHEN YOUTH IS ON TRIAL BASED ON THE GENDER OF THE ELDER

Related image

“Is age really only a number?”


The above photo is a picture I found on the internet that shows what appears to be a much older woman hugged up with a younger man. And it has popped up on dating sites as well. So I ask you, is age only a matter of a number? Is there more that comes with dating someone who is younger that you must realize? Because yes, there are going to be some characteristics besides the physical that we see, that will make dating a person of a certain age different than dating someone close in age. And when I say dating someone younger, I am not referring to dating someone 60 years old if you are 40 years old. Because I feel there is something built into the minds of both parties different than 40 years dating a 20 year old. So, why do men and women begin to date younger?

For starters, you observe men, and we have always dated younger women because it’s just what we have always dated. It’s hard to explain besides the initial attraction which tends to be purely physical. But what is it besides the physical that keeps the situation together? One reason is that we as men and women have two separate biological clocks that differ from each other. When a woman is 35 years of age she is generally already a mother and married, or in the process of; while men typically can wait longer. There is a reason we can wait, it’s because we can have children for the rest of our lives. So there is not this rush to find someone to marry. Women start to decrease odds of bringing a child into the world once they reach a certain age. So men date younger because when a younger woman is ready to have children she’s still young and not in rush up to that point.

Well, what about women and their reasons for wanting to date younger. In the recent years, more and more women have opened up the possibilities of dating younger. Only when it comes to women, the relationships become a little more complicated. Women have traditionally themselves gone for much older men because men by a certain point in life are established in their careers. So dating a man who is younger goes against so much of their beliefs about relationships. So when an older woman dates a guy who is younger, the situation is usually judged by women more harsh than men. Because you as a woman knows how the majority of you feel about that particular situation. So it’s odd to you to see that couple.

In the end, for me, it comes down to a certain age at different stages of life. Now that I am 30 years old, I would much rather date a woman who is at least 23 years old or 24 years old. Because she is out of college, and starting to have a realistic perspective of society. Before that point we all have these altruistic views of the world that aren’t real, so I would have a hard time communicating with someone not in the general population already. You need to have to some degree of an understanding of how the workforce works. This way you know my struggle and understand my work ethic.


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LET ME UPGRADE YOU: WHAT IS DATING UP TO YOU

Image result for moet and glass

“Come talk to me when you’re on my level.”


In an American society where commerce dictates so much of how we live and how we behave, how does this commerce relationship we have in this country effect our dating lives? For men, you know what you have to bring if you’re going to be living in this capitalistic based society. And as for women, you’re steady trying to find that guy who you see as your equal or above. But when you are a man in this country it can be a tougher go. You know you have to be in a certain place in your life by a certain time. Women can live with their parents and still demand from men the same things as a woman with her own form of success. With that said, what are the thoughts on dating up? Because dating up is more of a woman’s viewpoint, but for men only under certain circumstances.

Women have to date up; why well it’s simple. So many men are trying to get with you, whether to be in a relationship or just for sexual intercourse. So you have to more picky, and there is a lot more thought that goes into choosing a guy. And the prettier the woman, the harder it is for her to find a potential mate. Because the pool of men who want to be with you is even higher. Unlike men, who see this as an opportunity to date around because we have so many options, for women it can be harder because of so many options. So when a woman does choose a guy, he’s going to have to really step up, especially if she is a woman that’s used to guys at a certain level trying to talk to her. Now that does not necessarily translate into just finances, it’s that and more. But are there times when men have to upgrade as well. We, unlike women, don’t have to, but there are those that do.

When it’s time for men to upgrade, we have to do so when finances are involved. Because to us marriage is an investment that only we can lose for the most part financially. So when a man becomes financially successful, he becomes that pretty girl. And that’s when he starts to be extra selective with the women that he dates. He has to learn to sense out the very things that women have to sense out about men when choosing. Because just like with every man trying to get with a woman, so many women look at you as this total package. But not all of them are worthy, so you have to shuffle through the plethora of women like women do us. See, in the end, finding that person you feel is on the level you want them to be is important to so many. As a matter of fact, it is more important now than any other time period prior. But if finances is that one thing you’re trying to seek out alone as a woman it will be harder to find; jut like we as men can’t just chase a woman for aesthetics purposes only.


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FED UP: WHY BLACK WOMEN HAVE CHOSEN TO BE WITH NON BLACK MEN

Related image

“Slim options, forced to keep an open mind.”


Over the recent years, interracial dating and marriage have climbed in the African American community. And for the longest it was the men who were opting to date outside our ethnicity, but now it’s more women. So what has taken hold, is this just some coincidence, or is there another reason as to why? The answer is yes, from what I have noticed for the most part, there is a reason for this jump cross racial lines lately. And don’t get me wrong, interracial dating and marriage is nothing new in America, but I have seen the rise over time. And there are some clear indicators as to why these numbers have risen. Reasons for dating outside are due to environment in which you were raised or currently reside, options when choosing to date or marry, and off balanced numbers of Black women to men.

The first reason why Black women have chosen to date outside their ethnicity points to the environment where they grew up and/or live now. Black people who are generally raised in predominantly White communities tend to date within that given community. Not the least bit odd because you tend to marry in life what is within your immediate community. So if there are Black women who grew up in these White populated neighborhoods, they are more likely to marry White men. Or, if they are living in a community where these are the men around, this is who they most likely will gravitate toward. Which leads me into the other reason why Black women are now dating more outside their ethnicity; options.

And I don’t mean options as them expressing their options to date and marry. I’m referring to the availability of Black men for Black women to date. The most educated block of women in America are now Black women, while Black men sit at the bottom of society. So that in itself is enough to make so many Black women choose to be with men outside the community. Also within the options is the place at which Black women may be financially and socially versus where he might be at the moment. We have more and more Black professional women in the workforce, surrounded by predominantly White males in power positions. So if you’re a woman, you think to yourself, I would prefer someone in the same position as myself. But who do you date when everyone else is choosing within their ethnicity and you’re stuck single; you choose whoever comes along.

But when looking at why Black women are choosing to date outside their ethnicity, you look at the numbers alone and there are way more Black women than men. As matter of fact, millions more. And then when you factor into the equation that so many Black men are incarcerated, not in college, not going to college, not in the employment pool, in the employment pool, but barely surviving, then you can’t blame Black women for their choices. The numbers are so titled, that it’s almost as if you have to encourage interracial dating for Black women to have a chance. But in the end, could this just be in Black women’s heads because White women themselves are waiting, generally for a White male. Also is it always a conscious decision for Black women to date outside her ethnicity, or dating who approaches you. Whatever the case may be the numbers are still climbing, and Black women are becoming more and more open.


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FEMININE PLIGHT: WHY IT’S HARDER FOR WOMEN TO FIND MARRIAGE THAN ME

bride, cake, ceremony

“They need more than we do.”


When seeking out a potential mate in a relationship, I am quite lucky to be a guy in society. As a man with two sisters, I can tell you first hand that the life of a woman is a hell of a lot harder when choosing a mate than men. And the reason why I say that is because it’s almost like men are this lottery ticket that they (women) need to scratch to see if we’re worth something. Men can hold on to a lotto ticket that is less valuable and it not reflect on us in society. So a man can look for a woman outside of her accomplishments, while the woman choose based on his treatment of her and his accomplishments. We are more inclined to be able to sway while it’s harder for women. Why is that, is it that women have to maintain a certain decor that we don’t; is it societal or biological.

Well, there is a biological and a societal aspect of women choosing men to be in relationships. The societal reasons why has to do with how we over time have constructed our civilizations to make women choose. If you are a very successful woman with a less successful guy, then a question of your standards comes in play. A man can be a CEO in a relationship with a school teacher, yet it’s harder on the flip-side. Number one, him lower than her on the financial totem pole is hard for her because women are told in society that he need to be somewhere near her. She is seen as irresponsible and he is seen as lacking as a man. But we are totally aloud to be with a woman with less, and at times nothing at all. So as much as we think we’re in this new equal space its still not so. But where does nature lie in the choosing of a mate.

A lot! Nature plays a major role in how women have to choose as well. A man who is more successful and more productive is naturally seen as more attractive. Why, well from a nature response there is a procreating piece that women start to think about in regards to having a family. His productivity and efficiency is stable enough to start a family with him. There is a physiological action that takes place internally that women shut down a lot quicker than men. So when a man approaches a woman, they (women) quickly start to process their response, constantly thinking forward as to their response because of their vulnerable position. And the older the woman get, the harder it becomes to find a mate because there are so many social stigmas attached to why she is not married with children.

In the end, men are like pretty girls when we are successful. And at times, more beautiful than the women who want to be with us. Meaning, we have the key to what you want in us. You need a man whose doing something and going somewhere in life. We can have and we cannot have it. So for the woman it’s a tougher go, and a lot of women settle for someone she never thought she would be dating. Then there are the group who just spend their lives dating around and never marry and have children. They become a second mom to their nieces and nephews if they have them. All because the guy she wanted is not at her level or near. Meanwhile we choose when we want and how we want, and it’s all a matter of how we feel about her as a woman, not necessarily where she is at in her career.


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ANIMAL TRAINING: WHEN TRYING TO HAVE AN UPPER HAND ON A SIGNIFICANT OTHER HURTS YOU

Related image

“Whose really in control in the end?”


Ever hear women talk about how they have their man animal trained? How when you meet a man you have to train him how to behave how you want him to behave. But there lies a problem in the thinking regarding this method of getting a man to do what women want him to do. And no, I’m not referring to the disrespect of who you’re in a relationship with while training. I am talking about the reaction from the animal (man) toward his owner (woman). She could possibly be setting herself up for a real problem down the line. But for starters, let’s observe a little closer as to why a woman might want to have her man animal trained. And having a man trained has a lot to do with women and their lack of control within a dominant society ran by men. So in a relationship, she can get her just do for what she receives in society.

Forever, women have been the “E” to our “ER.” Meaning, she is the receiver and we have always been the giver. So even in the case of sex, no matter the position, she is the “E” and we are the “ER.” Now that women have had to play these roles for so long, now they would like to have a little animal training of their own. So when a woman gets in a relationship, well some women at least, they want to start to enforce their will on the man. Meaning, they train him to act a certain way, and then in return she gives him a dog equivalent of treats; whatever the treat may be. It could come in the form of cooking him dinner or him getting a sexual favor. And soon as the animal (man) misbehaves, she takes away the treats. But there is a problem with the animal training method, if you as women are not careful. What do I mean by being careful, this is what I mean.

When animal training, you as a woman are doing what any real animal trainer would do. You do what you have to get the results you want from this animal. And yes, eventually, the animal behaves how you want the animal to behave. So, as a woman, your friends come around, and you say, “Watch me work.” You pick up a treat (the metaphor for something you want), and say, “Here boy.” And when the man reacts how you want him to, you say, “Good boy.” (figuratively speaking) The other women are amazed, and soon start to ask questions as out how to train their husbands as well. You get a name as the ultimate dog trainer. But there is something you don’t know as the trainer (woman). You didn’t realize that the dog is actually smarter than you think. He has been watching and studying you.

Then the next time your friends come around you say, “Watch this new trick.” “Hey boy, roll over.” The dog looks at the owner, then turns his head. The other women are stunned that the dog is not responding. Then the owner gets more aggressive, “Hey, boy, roll…,” before she can finish, the dog swipes her with his paw as she falls to the ground.  And just like that, your friends witness you getting schooled. Now you have to make up some excuse like, “Oh my, I don’t know what’s gotten into him.” But you know what’s up, he has scoped out your rules. So in a last ditch effort, you dangle the treat in front of him. He looks at the treat up and down, then turns away like he doesn’t want it. Your friends, slowly leave the house as you are stuck wondering what happened. And in that moment you realize that you lost your master skills. But you also realize, the dog was playing you from the jump.

What happens, you ultimately try getting your power back, but the dog saw you already. And that position is not going to come back. So you inevitably start to cater to the dog, “Will you please come go for a walk.” And just like that, the trainer is getting trained by the very dog she was supposed to train herself. And she can’t get too mad at the dog because she trained the dog which would mean a flaw in her methods to train effectively. In the end, when trying to get your significant other to do for you, if they are not willing, end it. Because you might wind-up wasting your own time. And no feeling hurts more than getting animal trained by the animal you initially trained.


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