LOVE OR SOMETHING KIND OF LIKE IT: THE BUSINESS THAT IS MARRIAGE

Man in Black Long-sleeved Shirt and Woman in Black Dress

“Forever, not quite.”


what is love

What is the definition of love? Love is a deep affection or an intense feeling of pleasure one feels from another or people. So to put it simply we love those that directly effect our lives and contribute to it for the better. Sometimes this is biological and others times it could mean something else. But to me, love is not deep affection or intense feeling of pleasure. To me love is a conditioning of ones behavior based on past, present, and future behavior. We base our love on the things that people say to us and do for us. There is a me in all of this because if it’s not benefiting me why love someone. And that benefit can come in many different forms. And you can’t love everyone because not everyone is contributing to your overall positive quality of life. So how do we define how to love and when to love someone?

friendships and relationships

People come into our lives at different points and we define those coming together times with each other as likeable. It develops into love once they have consistently showed their affection over time. How do you know it’s love and not lust. Well, you have those nostalgic moments where you remember the good they have brought into your life. Then you think to yourself, “that is why I love them.” Lust is a deep sexual desire which tends to be temporary. The memories that last forever define your relationship with them. But being friends and the love of a monogamous relationship is different. The love you get in a monogamous relationship has a degree of intimacy that involves sharing your body in a manner that is sexual. And this is where you separate those you date from the those you friend. Yet, what is it about the dating love that turns into marital love? And is marital love really love, or is it something more?

getting hitched

To be in love with someone is to be in a constant state of fear and emotional security. That to me is insanity because how can you feel afraid and yet secure at the same time? It’s because the love is on a very conditional basis. And that marriage is really not love, yet it is more of a construct that is based around love. A construct that grants you the ability to love someone so long as they provide you with the tangible security in conjunction with intangibles to keep them interested. Or better put, love is emotions you feel, only the obligations of the love contract that brought you together keeps being fulfilled. So if money brought you together, never lose money. If physical brought you together, stay looking hot. Now, let me be clear, when we first meet, we are pure physical. But in the course of the relationship, you are supposed to look at other things as a means to make it work. And whatever those things formulate in to, is what the condition of love is based around. So if it starts looks and, then formulates into caring for me when others won’t, you will get sick in marriage and remember, “Oh, sticking it out through sickness was something that made us want each other.” If the terms are based on a pretense that you know to be false, your marriage will get tested. And you will fail the test because it was a lie to begin with.

unconditional is not real

If I break your heart, will you stay or go. Most people say I don’t no. Then you know what, your love is not unconditional. Because infidelity is a condition to end a relationship. When you love without a condition, there is nothing that person can do wrong. But we all have a condition, and for most people the condition is living out the terms of our relationship contract under the guides of love. Love, honor, and obey is a vow we take. But that simply means to stand by me with the same consistency that we dated. But most people don’t stay bonded like they did dating, so the marriage starts to get stale. Then you head for divorce or have a boring life. There is infidelity that occurs which is receiving that affection outside the marriage when the terms are not met, or shutting down and hurting your own happiness. Does that mean, for example, when men cheat we feel unappreciated, few do, most of us do it just cause. But unconditional is not real, it is just a figment of our conscious that we aspire to become while as a creature of the natural world, we are packed with conditions that if not met will end a marriage. So basically a marriage is a contract between two parties who intend to keep their promise of love which could expire at any moment if the terms of the deal are not felt met by one or two parties. What the hell type of ambiguous bullshit is that, BUT IT’S REAL.


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LOVE OR MONEY: WHAT IS YOUR REASON FOR BEING IN BUSINESS

Flat-lay Photography of Macbook Pro Beside Paper

“Do you really like what you do?”


like it or love it

A lot of people go into business with different reasons for why they go into business. Some people go in with the idea that they will make a lot of money. And others go into their business with the idea that they are going to provide a service to people. But what is more important when pursuing a business career? Is it the idea that you are potentially going to make a lot of money? Or is the importance more focused on loving the job? Because there are the upsides and the downsides of both. You can’t say one is more important or less than the other. Because it’s all about why that person is pursuing.

for love

When you love something the money will come. And the reason you need to love what you do in business is because you are going to be going at it for a very long time. So you must really have to like what you do. Because initially there is no money in what you going to be doing. So if it’s all about the money you will give up early on in your pursuit. The idea of money will be such pain because in the paradigm of living the money is so slow, you almost feel like why am I doing this everyday. So for money, there is no gratification, especially in the beginning.

for money

We all love doing what we do when we get a chance to do it. But we also have to be practical in the sense where we need to start generating an income. Money pays for food, utilities, living arrangements, healthcare, etc. You have to realize that money has to be a driver in what it is you do. You’re not running a charity and even then money is important. You have needs, but you also have wants. You want to live comfortably, travel, take part in certain leisure activities. So money has to be a priority; is it number one, maybe not, but it is important. We all love the expression, “If you could live comfortably how you want and do your career for free, would you.” It sounds good, but the dough needed to do that is a lot. And for most, that is not the case.

balancing act

You have to find yourself teetering somewhere between the love and money. And at times you will find yourself balanced to one side over the other. No one is completely on one side and happy. If you don’t have a balance then you get depressed having too little and depressed with so much. And the other thing tends to lose out. So find your balance in business prusuits and go for it.


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BLENDED FAMILIES: HOW THE FACE OF FAMILY HAS CHANGED

Cute Family Picture

“We are one.”


the blend

What is a blended family? A blended family is a married couple or dating couple that brings together the two sides of a family that was in progress before meeting the other person. And that has always involved the children from previous relationships. Someone might come in with two children and the other person might come in with three or four children.

Whatever the case may be, the blended family is something that is fresh and new in the American landscape. Because for years there has been this stigma on dating or marrying someone with children. But when the two are bringing together children from former relationships it’s a different dynamic.

work-a-bility

Now does this way of raising a family work in society? And if this were 30 plus years ago you might say no. But in reality, the blended family might actually work better than you expected because the two sides have already this mutual agreement. Meeting someone with no kids it’s tougher because they don’t understand the struggle.

Or better yet, they are not going to understand the sacrifices you have to make, or they have to make now that their is a child in the mix that’s not theirs. But what are other blended families that present a new challenge?

ethno-religious

What happens when the new blended family is of a different ethnic group or religion? This working is tough because you are now introducing yourself to not only a new family, but also a new relationship with society, cultural beliefs, and approaches to dealing in life. Meaning what if a Jewish and Muslim man and woman meet with children.

That is an interesting cultural dynamic because you have two groups who have long dealt with serious issues from a region of the world going back a long time. How to do you make that work not just and that person, but also with families?

love conquers all; maybe

They say that love conquers all, but dos it really? Because I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it doesn’t. You need more than just love to exist in society. It’s unfortunate, but you have to take into consideration the world a child is being brought into at the moment. You love each other, but how will life be for them.

So there is nothing wrong with love, but what are the impacts on the kids’ lives.


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LOVE COMES FROM SOMEWHERE: WHY DO HUMANS LOVE

Sweet Photo of Couple

“We got it; who put it there?”


WHAT IS IT?

What is love? Love is defined as a deep feeling of intense affection for someone, something, or some place. It can also go deeper a be a sexual attachment to someone. But don’t let the sexual part mislead you, or even the words intense affection. Because you can also love your friends and family as well. It is a feeling most learn at a very young age. We all know what it is, but in time we all learn to understand what its true meaning is really about in life. So, now my question is, where does it come from?

HOW DID IT GET THERE

The area of the brain that is associated with love is the striatum. This is also the area of the brain that becomes affected once someone abuses drugs. Which is why it’s so hard for addicts to kick their addiction. But I am not talking about where it comes from in the mind. My asking where does love come from is more of an evolutionary question? Because when we are born, we don’t know what love is, we’re taught love. Doesn’t matter if it’s our families or society. But if anything negative is implanted at an early age, or something traumatic enough happens to us, we can have that love disrupted. So is love evolutionary that we developed over time? Did someone place it there? Or is one of those, it is what is; something unexplained why we have it?

ANGLES 

On one end of the spectrum we have religion and on the other end we have science. Religion states that man was created in the likeness of God, and that everything about you that makes you who you are was placed there by he who created you. Then science states that over millions of years through human evolution, you came to be who you are through a series of events that took the right mixture of everything in the environment to happen.

Religion

In the beginning of time there was the heaven and Earth. Yes, this is the religious view of what love is, God created it. Religion would say that God gave you the ability to love. Placed it within you, and the fact that you found it brings you one step closer to him. And you are to use that love for God to spread it around to others who have not yet found him. So love from this angle places a spiritual belief on the affection.

Science

The Big Bang, which laid the initial foundation for what would be life on Earth. And yes, this is now the scientific reasoning for what would lead to life then love. Science would say we had love in us already, and the ability to connect to each other as a species showed how we unlocked that love. Now, to go further, the establishing of communities, raising offspring, and building meaningful intimate relationships along with connecting as a species is what helped us thrive thus far on this planet. Scientist would state that love is evolutionary, taking on meanings and changing as time went on.

MANY CHANGES

As with religion and science, both have something in common, and that is how love evolves. Love will evolve and continue to evolve. Years ago, people were saying meeting someone online for a date was scary. But now, people are getting married from online relationships. We are deep into our mobile devices, but that will change how we love as well. More people are scoping our social media as a means to get to know you rather than speaking initially to you. So as love changes, so will our world.


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KWANZAA: DAY 1, UMOJA

Image result for umoja

“Community involvement.”


Yesterday was day one of the celebration Kwanzaa. Day one focuses on Umoja, which is the community, familial, and ethnic unity. For those of you that don’t know what Kwanzaa is as a holiday, it was created back in the late 1960’s as a celebration to acknowledge those of African heritage. There are seven core principles, and yesterday was the day of that principle Umoja. And if you are African American, what does Umoja mean to you? I grew up in a predominantly African American family, but we celebrated Christmas my whole life. Now that I am an adult, I more and more lean toward the celebration of Kwanzaa. One of the reasons is because of the capitalist view of the holiday that is Christmas. But that is just a small aspect of the Christmas holiday. A second reason is that when you come from such a dismantled community, a holiday celebrating the uplifting of you becomes quite important.

And what I have noticed about the holiday is that it has grown year by year in popularity. More people are joining and leaving Christmas in greater numbers. Because of what it promotes, which brings me to day one. The community, family, and ethnic group’s togetherness. Nothing else in America is designed to uplift Black people. So with an introduction of Kwanzaa, it becomes very special. Bringing together friends and family, members of the community, working on a common core belief. And that belief is to take care of the people around you. Not just the ones who you share a kinship with, but the ones who live right next door. And with so much fragmentation, who could blame anyone for not wanting to take part in the festivities.

Day one is very important, if not the most important day because without that close bind between friends, family, and community, it becomes impossible to have the other six days that lead up to the last day. So I say Umoja, build relationships and get o know those around you. As well as strengthen the ties of kinship that already exist.


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MERRY XMAS: WHAT DOES TODAY MEAN TO YOU

 

Christmas wishing card

“Seasons Greetings.”


Today is Christmas, which is arguably the biggest holiday in America. A day where families across the country sit in their living rooms and open gifts. In addition to gifts, there will be dinners, movies being watched, and sports on television. Now let me ask you, what does today mean to you? Is Christmas a day for gift giving, or is today the day for you to reflect on all the good things that have happened thus far in your life? Because as with the gift giving, there are people across the country without the ability to buy gifts for loved ones. Not only purchasing gifts, some won’t even have a meal for themselves to consume. Yet if you look throughout the history of Christmas, giving gifts have been something new on this holiday. For the longest people made their gifts for each other. There was more thought that went into buying gifts.

So why is everything about buying the best gift today? Is it that the true spirit of Christmas has been lost? Or is it that Christmas has evolved like everything else in society? Maybe this is the evolution of Christmas. Because as I walked the streets of New York, you could barely see the sidewalk below you there were so many feet walking these streets this holiday season. Everyone was in the Christmas spirit. Now notice I said the Christmas spirit. A lot of people don’t view this type of shopping as the Christmas spirit. They view it as nothing more than another snatch and grab. A more greed and shallow driven holiday that was meant for sharing love and religious sentiment. But like I said before, everything in our society evolves, even our holidays. So what will the future of our Christmas season look like as time progress.

In the end, we all have our different interpretations for what today means. When I was a child, my sister and I received gifts and talked amongst ourselves. Then later on, we would go to my great grandmother’s house for dinner. But since everyone have grown and gotten married, time is now split between so many different families there isn’t this big family dinner. But as far as the celebration of Christmas, who knows, it might go back to its roots as life becomes more expensive in America.


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GENDER FRIENDSHIPS: CAN MEN AND WOMEN REALLY JUST BE FRIENDS

Image result for gender friends

“Friendzone is a hard zone.”


I was contributing to a discussion on a Facebook page of a woman I know who was having a hard time regarding finding male friends. And she was saying how it’s hard to have male friends because there is always some way of bringing the situation back to him liking and pursuing her. And I started to think about that, can men and women truly be friends, given the two are heterosexual. Because it’s obvious they can be friends when one or both of them are gay. But what happens when both are attracted to the opposite sex, but also are physically attractive. Can two people find each other attractive and still be friends? Because men and women are biologically on this Earth to procreate, but socially we are expected to behave a certain way in certain situations.

That’s what is interesting about both genders, is that there is this scientific piece, then there is the societal element. Society says, you are supposed to give the other person space when they just want to be friends and respect that space. Science dictates that I am attracted to this person, and want to intimate with his person. So what happens is that the friendship sometimes degrades when one person is trying to date the other person, while the one being pursued just wants to be friends.So how do you get across to the person that you just want a friendship, yet you know how we are designed as men and women?

This is all the reasons above why so many women have their gay friends. This is so they don’t have to deal with the stress of having a guy every single second of the day trying to create means of getting with her. She can also go to the night spots that this guy frequent and have a good time as well. But on top of this, she can also have the comfort of being able to hang with her guy friend and receive man advice with no pretense. Now, on the other hand, be careful if you want someone to just be your friend and they are fine, but then you turn around and change up the contract. This is also known to happen as well. You can’t hold someone to a friendship and then you don’t hold up your end of the bargain.

In the end, men and women can ultimately be friends, but I think that happens with time and maturity. Your objective when you are a young man is to meet women and date. So when you come across a woman that you find attractive, the last thing you’re thinking is let’s hang out. You would almost sound phony in situations trying to act as if you do want to be friends as a means of getting close to her. But once people do age, they take on certain viewpoints making it easier to have opposite sex friends.


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