YOU DON’T NEED ME, SO BYE: WHY DO MEN LEAVE WOMEN FOR RISING ABOVE

adult, arrival, beard

“Why sometimes our equal could be a turnoff.”


Men are protectors, we are providers, especially when it comes to the women in our lives. But what happens when that woman is not only a provider, but she is just as bossed-up as you? We always say in public how we love ourselves a single independent woman, but to a large degree, we love to have women that need us. And when I say need us, I don’t mean needy. There is a difference between need and needy. The needy is more clingy and can’t leave your side which tends to be quite irritating. But the need would be something as little as changing a tire or paying for a meal at a restaurant. Because we are raised from a young age these are the things you are supposed to do for the women in your life.

Yet in today’s society, women are in more privileged positions than they were in the past. Yet unlike the past, they are having a harder time finding love. Why, is it because the access to quality men has lessoned? No, it’s because there are so many men who feel, “Oh, she has everything together already, she doesn’t need someone like me.” “A man like me would be more suitable for a women who could use the help.” Meaning, a woman who is a teacher would need the guy more than the woman who is a boss like an Oprah Winfrey. We look at Oprah and say, “Why would you need a guy, you have everything under control already.”

And that is what causes the disconnect. Because we as men look at finances as this end all. When a woman is of financial means, we look at her as being both man and woman. She is a man because she is bossed-up, but a woman because of the obvious. So I don’t think guys are intimidated by her success. So many of us look at her like, she has the situation herself, we need to be with the woman who could use the help. What help do you need if you are already in the position that we seek to fill. Now women on the other hand don’t see the situation as such. To them, they could use someone in their lives just as much as the woman not on her level.

To her, if she is a boss, it gives her more reason to need the relationship. The relationship serves as the stable environment outside the hectic world of her business career. To her, you can’t put a price on relationships, yet on the other hand it’s what we are as men. Because in the end, we are raised to be productive as men. Money is not everything, but a financial contribution is a major reason why men introduce ourselves into the lives of women. Being a financial provider is a major aspect of how we define manhood. Making money means, the mortgage, rent, utilities, food, transportation, clothes, healthcare, travel/leisure, education, and care for kids. It’s an entirety that makes us want to be men of financial means. So when women already have it, we feel her life is already filled.


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STEPPING OUT: FIRST DAY IN THE REAL WORLD

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“It’s terrifying, but we all have to do it.”


When you are a college student, you have all these ideas about how your life will go once college is over. But there is no real blueprint for how life will turn out. No pot of gold awaits you as you walk across that stage. You graduate on a Saturday or Sunday, and then back to your regular day job you currently hold. And that’s when it sets in, yep, life. The blueprint you thought was going to work is not working at all. The plan of getting out, and some organization observing your resume, then giving you a job is not real after all. So what do you do, you keep working whatever job you currently hold. And days turn to weeks, weeks to months, and months to years. And before you know it, you’re working a job that you could have easily gotten not going to college.

Why do so many people give in and say screw it. They quite progressing forward, and now they have this expensive piece of paper that they have to pay off. Meanwhile, there are going to be the few who come straight out and get jobs. But the masses work the same mundane jobs that they had in college. Well, college is the icing on a cake, and sometimes only constitute for sprinkles. The cake is you, and you have to carve something out for yourself. So how do you carve out an identity for yourself? You start to first test out different things that peak your interest. (Oh yeah, something you should have been doing in college, not just partying) Then once you find that something, you should really do as much as you can to hone in on a skill at that thing.

Put yourself in the know as much as possible. Take on internships, go out and build something yourself; put yourself in harms way so things good can happen to you. Which sounds odd to put yourself in harms way, but you have to do so. You have to be fearless and dangerous while you’re young. Don’t be afraid to try your hand at something, anything, to be great. You’re still at an age where that fearlessness is inside of you, and that jaded feeling of dealing with the world is not present. Because at the age of 22, 23, or 24, you can live like a hermit, and build a life. Put your time and energy into the things you love, and are good at in life.

Because in the end, that is my philosophy since I have been actively pursuing my goals for the past 5.5 years. Notice I said goals and not dreams. Dreams are these images you get of being somewhere in life, yet no work is currently being put in. But a goal put you on track to getting where you want to be. And don’t worry about the failures, you’re going to get plenty along the way, but as long as you’re learning from them, they are lessons and not shortcomings.


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KWANZAA: DAY 1, UMOJA

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“Community involvement.”


Yesterday was day one of the celebration Kwanzaa. Day one focuses on Umoja, which is the community, familial, and ethnic unity. For those of you that don’t know what Kwanzaa is as a holiday, it was created back in the late 1960’s as a celebration to acknowledge those of African heritage. There are seven core principles, and yesterday was the day of that principle Umoja. And if you are African American, what does Umoja mean to you? I grew up in a predominantly African American family, but we celebrated Christmas my whole life. Now that I am an adult, I more and more lean toward the celebration of Kwanzaa. One of the reasons is because of the capitalist view of the holiday that is Christmas. But that is just a small aspect of the Christmas holiday. A second reason is that when you come from such a dismantled community, a holiday celebrating the uplifting of you becomes quite important.

And what I have noticed about the holiday is that it has grown year by year in popularity. More people are joining and leaving Christmas in greater numbers. Because of what it promotes, which brings me to day one. The community, family, and ethnic group’s togetherness. Nothing else in America is designed to uplift Black people. So with an introduction of Kwanzaa, it becomes very special. Bringing together friends and family, members of the community, working on a common core belief. And that belief is to take care of the people around you. Not just the ones who you share a kinship with, but the ones who live right next door. And with so much fragmentation, who could blame anyone for not wanting to take part in the festivities.

Day one is very important, if not the most important day because without that close bind between friends, family, and community, it becomes impossible to have the other six days that lead up to the last day. So I say Umoja, build relationships and get o know those around you. As well as strengthen the ties of kinship that already exist.


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INTO THE UNKNOWN: WHAT OUR TRUE FEARS ARE ABOUT LIVING

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“What will tomorrow bring is always scary.”


Growing up as a child, we have all these different places we see ourselves in life. We see ourselves being the top person in our career field. We see ourselves happily married with children. We see ourselves living this all-around great life, that sometimes doesn’t quite pan out that way. We see ourselves in all these positions, yet when it comes time to actually step into society, we have a hard time coming to grips with the real world. In the real world, things don’t turn out how we always plan them. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball and how you deal with the adversity says a lot about who are you as a person. How will you respond if life doesn’t turn out how you thought it would turn out?

Life is not this straight path that leads to this pot of gold. You might go to school, get out, get a good job, and in a matter of months have no place of employment and no place to live. How do you deal with this when it comes your way? What do you do when face with no job and no means of survival? There is no playbook when dealing in life, this is something that happens on the fly. We have all these theories on how to deal until it happens. That’s when panic sets in, and you start to make decisions that could worsen your situation. And at that point you realize what true adulthood is all about. Your biggest fears are right in front of you. Life has eaten you up and spit you out.

It’s tough because you look at all those people around you who never work as hard as you, yet you are the one who manages to go through so much. And then you’ll find yourself asking questions as to why you have to deal with such adversity, yet the people who don’t work as hard get to coast through life. But that you don’t want, what you never want to do, is make your disdain at your situation make you angry at another person’s life. Number one, never make the assumption that their life is going well. And number two, your life could actually worsen from where it currently is because you are so focused on them. Yet it’s hard to do so when you’re going through so much.

See, in the end, that unknown that you’re entering that is life can be petrifying. Even when you are prepared to live your life, you still have fears about each and every day. You don’t know when the supervisor will come in and say, “We had to let you go.” You don’t know when a simple hospital visit could be a longer stay that reveals a terminal situation. Yet thinking about it daily will also drive you crazy. So you live, going to sleep waking up, not knowing what will come of each day. But it is also that unknown that strangely enough makes you feel alive. That makes us appreciate everyday, because after all, it could be your last: last in a relationship, last on a job, last in life.


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SYNERGY: HOW BRINGING TOGETHER TWO OR MORE GREATS IS BETTER THAN ONE

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“Our wholes together can effect the world much better.”


Do you relish in working alone on projects? I am one of those types of people who love to work alone. But now that I have ventured into the world of indie filmmaking, I can no longer work alone on projects. I know how to write, direct, and produce, but what about the acting? Better yet, what about the sound mixing, sound design, production design, makeup and hair, boom operating, lighting crew, and assistance on set? These are roles that I don’t have expertise in, and need people with that level of knowledge to assist me. So with that said, I realized that I have to reach out to people who are in the know, that can aid me so the project comes out correctly how I envisioned it. So why do we like working alone when working as a team is better?

We like to do so because the ideas in our heads are so alive and vibrant. But without the right people around you, the ideas are merely just that, an idea stuck in your head. For example, I am not an artistic director, I can draw something, but to get the full spectrum of what I want to convey, I am unable to do so. So having an person strong in this area is quite important. That is what makes a person great at what they do. This is also true when running a company. The CEO is the chief over the entire company, but what about the COO, CFO, and the President. Better yet, what about your VP’s, Heads of this department and that department, as well as Human Resource people. All the way down to the day-to-day employees that make things happen who you will never meet.

See, bringing together these people who work well to make this well oiled machine operate is what makes the person at the top great at their jobs. It’s like a conductor in an orchestra. The conductor’s job is not enough, you need a violinist, a cello, the harp, and a bass player, but what about a trumpeter and tuba player. To the listener, we hear beautiful music, that you wouldn’t otherwise hear if it came from just one person. Because in the end, the collective working together to accomplish a goal will always work better than one. We want to work alone because so many of us like recognition for our work ourselves. When in reality, bringing in people to make it better helps boost it that much more.


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GIVING IN: HAVE LOSING SOMEONE CLOSE TO YOU EFFECTED YOUR BELIEF IN GOD

“Have you been broken or restored?”


Now, the title I decided to use for this topic is a little odd because dying is apart of life. But the title leaves open for a lot of ways to look at this particular subject. Dying could be seen at a young age, from an unexplained illness, or a tragic event happening to someone of such good nature. You might have so many questions as to why this person left the Earth at such a young age. Or better yet, how could such a debilitating illness take someone so good to the world. With so much bad in the world, why do so many of the good die young? It just doesn’t make sense how someone the world could seriously use could go so fast. What have you done when someone close to you passed unexpectedly? Did it bring you closer to God or make you not believe more?

In my life, there has not been anyone that have made me question. More so I look at the situation as a, “Wow, this person isn’t here anymore.” It just seems odd when that person who is not here was so pivotal in a family. So with me there was stunned feelings because of how everyone was discussing the holiday season. Little did we know, this person would not be around for both upcoming holidays.

Now on the other hand, there have been people in life who completely turn in their belief systems. This is usually people who lose relatives or friends to something tragic or an illness. In their minds, there is no God when something like this can happen. For example, a kid gets kidnapped and murdered, but the killer of that child is never found. People lose faith once they realize nothing will happen to find the person. So from that person who lost a child, they don’t want to hear about God, they might want revenge.

In the end, I can not tell anyone how to feel if they have lost someone close to them. Especially if the circumstances were quite tragic. With my example, it was the passing of my grandmother that was sudden. But she was 80 years of age, so it was easier to deal knowing she had lived a full life. But for others, that sometimes isn’t even enough.


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MERRY XMAS: WHAT DOES TODAY MEAN TO YOU

 

Christmas wishing card

“Seasons Greetings.”


Today is Christmas, which is arguably the biggest holiday in America. A day where families across the country sit in their living rooms and open gifts. In addition to gifts, there will be dinners, movies being watched, and sports on television. Now let me ask you, what does today mean to you? Is Christmas a day for gift giving, or is today the day for you to reflect on all the good things that have happened thus far in your life? Because as with the gift giving, there are people across the country without the ability to buy gifts for loved ones. Not only purchasing gifts, some won’t even have a meal for themselves to consume. Yet if you look throughout the history of Christmas, giving gifts have been something new on this holiday. For the longest people made their gifts for each other. There was more thought that went into buying gifts.

So why is everything about buying the best gift today? Is it that the true spirit of Christmas has been lost? Or is it that Christmas has evolved like everything else in society? Maybe this is the evolution of Christmas. Because as I walked the streets of New York, you could barely see the sidewalk below you there were so many feet walking these streets this holiday season. Everyone was in the Christmas spirit. Now notice I said the Christmas spirit. A lot of people don’t view this type of shopping as the Christmas spirit. They view it as nothing more than another snatch and grab. A more greed and shallow driven holiday that was meant for sharing love and religious sentiment. But like I said before, everything in our society evolves, even our holidays. So what will the future of our Christmas season look like as time progress.

In the end, we all have our different interpretations for what today means. When I was a child, my sister and I received gifts and talked amongst ourselves. Then later on, we would go to my great grandmother’s house for dinner. But since everyone have grown and gotten married, time is now split between so many different families there isn’t this big family dinner. But as far as the celebration of Christmas, who knows, it might go back to its roots as life becomes more expensive in America.


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