WAITING FOR MARRIAGE: SAVING SEX FOR MARRIAGE IS NOT GOOD

Close-up of Woman Holding Condom

“Don’t do it to yourself.”


holding out

The idea of waiting until you’re married to have sex is still a requirement for so many people. And the reason so many still do is because of their moral code via religious beliefs. But there are some fundamental problems with this belief. And the reality is that sex is a very nature activity that is a contributor to your overall happiness. So when your sex life is bad, then you could run a risk of living an unhappy life. This is something that no matter how strong your belief nature has a way of over riding the feeling you get from spirituality. So why do people hold out knowing it could be this problem once they do have sex. Or better yet, what do you do if you get a partner that is less than adequate?

what to do what to do

When you wait until you’re married to have sex the main problem that arise from this would have to be who suffers if it’s not good? In the case of men, we are able to still find a way around a female who is a bad lover. Since we are so driven through the physical sense, we can make things work. Because we not only can teach a woman to be better, but we enjoy being the teacher. Now on the flip side of things, sex is a lot more emotional for the woman taking part in the activity. So being in a marriage with a man who is a virgin, she can’t quite enjoy like we can. If you are unaware or unsure, she loses interest. And if you are a woman waiting for sex until that marriage point, you most likely will get hurt. Because now you have to figure out how do I stay faithful and deal with bad sex for life.

trivial, sorry, it just is

With all that is going on in the world. You have wars, famine, poverty, political corruption, diseases wiping people out, and not to mention a rock in the form of the end of the world that narrowly misses Earth. Now you have this mind that God is watching how you use your penis and vagina. It just makes the idea of God sound silly. And for the most part, religion is very centered on self. I believe in this because of everything that could be watched I am being watched. Humans are one of millions of species, but we are the ones watched the most. So to me, you are depriving yourself of living your best life because you are bound by the unknown. And to be honest, most people who divorce will admit that waiting was a big mistake.


Personal Website: http://www.faheemjackson.squarespace.com

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LOVE OR SOMETHING KIND OF LIKE IT: THE BUSINESS THAT IS MARRIAGE

Man in Black Long-sleeved Shirt and Woman in Black Dress

“Forever, not quite.”


what is love

What is the definition of love? Love is a deep affection or an intense feeling of pleasure one feels from another or people. So to put it simply we love those that directly effect our lives and contribute to it for the better. Sometimes this is biological and others times it could mean something else. But to me, love is not deep affection or intense feeling of pleasure. To me love is a conditioning of ones behavior based on past, present, and future behavior. We base our love on the things that people say to us and do for us. There is a me in all of this because if it’s not benefiting me why love someone. And that benefit can come in many different forms. And you can’t love everyone because not everyone is contributing to your overall positive quality of life. So how do we define how to love and when to love someone?

friendships and relationships

People come into our lives at different points and we define those coming together times with each other as likeable. It develops into love once they have consistently showed their affection over time. How do you know it’s love and not lust. Well, you have those nostalgic moments where you remember the good they have brought into your life. Then you think to yourself, “that is why I love them.” Lust is a deep sexual desire which tends to be temporary. The memories that last forever define your relationship with them. But being friends and the love of a monogamous relationship is different. The love you get in a monogamous relationship has a degree of intimacy that involves sharing your body in a manner that is sexual. And this is where you separate those you date from the those you friend. Yet, what is it about the dating love that turns into marital love? And is marital love really love, or is it something more?

getting hitched

To be in love with someone is to be in a constant state of fear and emotional security. That to me is insanity because how can you feel afraid and yet secure at the same time? It’s because the love is on a very conditional basis. And that marriage is really not love, yet it is more of a construct that is based around love. A construct that grants you the ability to love someone so long as they provide you with the tangible security in conjunction with intangibles to keep them interested. Or better put, love is emotions you feel, only the obligations of the love contract that brought you together keeps being fulfilled. So if money brought you together, never lose money. If physical brought you together, stay looking hot. Now, let me be clear, when we first meet, we are pure physical. But in the course of the relationship, you are supposed to look at other things as a means to make it work. And whatever those things formulate in to, is what the condition of love is based around. So if it starts looks and, then formulates into caring for me when others won’t, you will get sick in marriage and remember, “Oh, sticking it out through sickness was something that made us want each other.” If the terms are based on a pretense that you know to be false, your marriage will get tested. And you will fail the test because it was a lie to begin with.

unconditional is not real

If I break your heart, will you stay or go. Most people say I don’t no. Then you know what, your love is not unconditional. Because infidelity is a condition to end a relationship. When you love without a condition, there is nothing that person can do wrong. But we all have a condition, and for most people the condition is living out the terms of our relationship contract under the guides of love. Love, honor, and obey is a vow we take. But that simply means to stand by me with the same consistency that we dated. But most people don’t stay bonded like they did dating, so the marriage starts to get stale. Then you head for divorce or have a boring life. There is infidelity that occurs which is receiving that affection outside the marriage when the terms are not met, or shutting down and hurting your own happiness. Does that mean, for example, when men cheat we feel unappreciated, few do, most of us do it just cause. But unconditional is not real, it is just a figment of our conscious that we aspire to become while as a creature of the natural world, we are packed with conditions that if not met will end a marriage. So basically a marriage is a contract between two parties who intend to keep their promise of love which could expire at any moment if the terms of the deal are not felt met by one or two parties. What the hell type of ambiguous bullshit is that, BUT IT’S REAL.


Personal Website: http://www.faheemjackson.squarespace.com

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MARRIAGE AND A BABY WHAT: THE DECLINE OF THE NUPTIALS

 

Wedding Couple Figurine

“I do(n’t).”


generational shift

Unlike the past generations, more and more young people are rethinking marriage. And the reason for such a cultural shift has a lot to with divorce. We watched the past generations going in and out of marriage with costly divorces. And the infidelity also is of concern considering the availability of reaching people we would like to talk to. So what are young people doing today’s society? Well a lot of the new millennial generation and the group right behind us are settling for just dating and living with someone. This way you cut down on all the confusion that comes with marriage like all the paperwork you have to sign. And the breakup if it does take place is a lot more fluid. You just shake hands and walk away from the situation.

dough is important

I have been reading articles lately surrounding why marriage is on the decline in America among the young generation. And so many have said that women cannot find an economically attractive potential spouse. And for these reasons a lot of them have chosen to just stay single. Because what is the purpose of struggling so much when you are able to do more alone. Conversely, the men who are attractive for dating exist to an extent, they just don’t want to take the financial risk. Who really want to get involved in a situation where you’re losing 50% just because she wakes up and decides that she is no longer happy. It’s more fiscally sound to just date. At least dating there is a guaranteed that if the relationship succeed or not, you’re good.

less family intervention

Families for the longest have interjected themselves in the lives of those around them. But when you decide to get married there is even more entitlement to get involved. And for these reasons people tend to stay dating. When you are dating no one gets involved so you are able to have your own lives. The moment you decide to get married then you have to deal with all the pressures of family. The life of a person dating another person means that you are going to be seeing this person and only dealing with this person. Not the voices of the people around you.


Personal Website: http://www.faheemjackson.squarespace.com

Instagram Me: @theefaheemjackson; @faheemjacksonphotography

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RELATIONSHIPS ON THE DECLINE: WHY YOUNGER GENERATIONS ARTE NOT SEEKING MARRIAGE

Macro Shot Photography of Two Gold-colored Band Rings

“I don’t.”


let’s just live together

A lot of the millennial generation is of a young group that was raised by parents who taught us that we should want to get married. But so many of us don’t want to make the wrong mistake. Because if you don’t choose wisely, then you will find yourself marrying someone who makes your life hell. But we also don’t want to live a life alone either. It’s not like the 1950’s or the 1960’s when families had problems but were families. Today, you are taking too much of a risk to be married because so many people think in context of themselves. So it’s best to just stay single a lot of the times and go at life alone. Then again, what happens when children come into play? Do you really want to be a single parent?

doing it all aint always better

We love to brag about how we did it all by ourselves. We love to tell people how great we are at doing us. Reality is that it’s not always the best route to take in life. Sometimes, well, to be honest, a lot of times. See, I am a single male working on building my career by myself. And I am going to tell you something, it’s fucking hard. Now, that does not mean it is impossible for me to succeed. All I am saying is that we all have to get some sort of help in order to do well in life. It doesn’t mean anything less for you to want help.

dollars and cents

Marriage has always been a union where people are pooling finances to make this relationship work. So when you are trying to build a life for yourself, marriage is still the way many people build. Now, I am not saying your should get married to build with someone finances because then you run into a lot of problems personally. But, marriage still in today’s society is a gold standrd for how men and women build a life together. It’s like that old saying, two incomes are better than one.


Personal Website: http://www.faheemjackson.squarespace.com

Instagram Me: @theefaheemjackson; @faheemjacksonphotography

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BUILD WITH OR ALONE: SHOULD YOU FIND A MATE TO BUILD A LIFE OR NOT

Photo of Man and Woman Holding Hands

“Building together is easier than separate.”


the union

When it comes to pursuing your career, you have to think about some things. One of those things is should I pursue this career alone or with someone by my side. We all would like to go into the world and build, but alone. I mean alone, wouldn’t it be easier with someone. At first we try to go at the build by ourselves, but soon learn how difficult it is to climb alone. And in the process, we meet our significant other and learn two heads are better than one. And here is where most people will build a sustainable life together.

the journey with self

Even with someone in your corner you will have to build a career to some degree alone. So when building purely alone, there comes this hardship with always being to yourself. You don’t have anyone to share anything with; time or stories. The experience of being able to get to that point of success together is diminished. For instance, myself; I am taking this road alone, but I don’t regret it. But that is just me talking, not to say that it’s for anyone else. You just to have a very strong mind, otherwise you will throw your hands in the air and give up. But how will the career build in a relationship be beneficial? I mean after all, the person is not on the job site with you. Your skills are your skills, not their input.

what is the mate’s purpose

When you go to work, it is up to you to be there in the moment and build. Your mate is doing their own thing on their job. So what is their purpose really? Well, for starters, like I said before, you have someone to share your journey with. But besides that, the agony of working a job and then coming home is tough alone. But when there is someone there, they are able to take off the extra that you would otherwise endure alone. They will give the courage to continue forging forward. So the feeling of dealing with work’s struggles are shared.


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BLENDED FAMILIES: HOW THE FACE OF FAMILY HAS CHANGED

Cute Family Picture

“We are one.”


the blend

What is a blended family? A blended family is a married couple or dating couple that brings together the two sides of a family that was in progress before meeting the other person. And that has always involved the children from previous relationships. Someone might come in with two children and the other person might come in with three or four children.

Whatever the case may be, the blended family is something that is fresh and new in the American landscape. Because for years there has been this stigma on dating or marrying someone with children. But when the two are bringing together children from former relationships it’s a different dynamic.

work-a-bility

Now does this way of raising a family work in society? And if this were 30 plus years ago you might say no. But in reality, the blended family might actually work better than you expected because the two sides have already this mutual agreement. Meeting someone with no kids it’s tougher because they don’t understand the struggle.

Or better yet, they are not going to understand the sacrifices you have to make, or they have to make now that their is a child in the mix that’s not theirs. But what are other blended families that present a new challenge?

ethno-religious

What happens when the new blended family is of a different ethnic group or religion? This working is tough because you are now introducing yourself to not only a new family, but also a new relationship with society, cultural beliefs, and approaches to dealing in life. Meaning what if a Jewish and Muslim man and woman meet with children.

That is an interesting cultural dynamic because you have two groups who have long dealt with serious issues from a region of the world going back a long time. How to do you make that work not just and that person, but also with families?

love conquers all; maybe

They say that love conquers all, but dos it really? Because I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it doesn’t. You need more than just love to exist in society. It’s unfortunate, but you have to take into consideration the world a child is being brought into at the moment. You love each other, but how will life be for them.

So there is nothing wrong with love, but what are the impacts on the kids’ lives.


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APPROPRIATE DATING AGE: WHEN YOUTH IS ON TRIAL BASED ON THE GENDER OF THE ELDER

Related image

“Is age really only a number?”


The above photo is a picture I found on the internet that shows what appears to be a much older woman hugged up with a younger man. And it has popped up on dating sites as well. So I ask you, is age only a matter of a number? Is there more that comes with dating someone who is younger that you must realize? Because yes, there are going to be some characteristics besides the physical that we see, that will make dating a person of a certain age different than dating someone close in age. And when I say dating someone younger, I am not referring to dating someone 60 years old if you are 40 years old. Because I feel there is something built into the minds of both parties different than 40 years dating a 20 year old. So, why do men and women begin to date younger?

For starters, you observe men, and we have always dated younger women because it’s just what we have always dated. It’s hard to explain besides the initial attraction which tends to be purely physical. But what is it besides the physical that keeps the situation together? One reason is that we as men and women have two separate biological clocks that differ from each other. When a woman is 35 years of age she is generally already a mother and married, or in the process of; while men typically can wait longer. There is a reason we can wait, it’s because we can have children for the rest of our lives. So there is not this rush to find someone to marry. Women start to decrease odds of bringing a child into the world once they reach a certain age. So men date younger because when a younger woman is ready to have children she’s still young and not in rush up to that point.

Well, what about women and their reasons for wanting to date younger. In the recent years, more and more women have opened up the possibilities of dating younger. Only when it comes to women, the relationships become a little more complicated. Women have traditionally themselves gone for much older men because men by a certain point in life are established in their careers. So dating a man who is younger goes against so much of their beliefs about relationships. So when an older woman dates a guy who is younger, the situation is usually judged by women more harsh than men. Because you as a woman knows how the majority of you feel about that particular situation. So it’s odd to you to see that couple.

In the end, for me, it comes down to a certain age at different stages of life. Now that I am 30 years old, I would much rather date a woman who is at least 23 years old or 24 years old. Because she is out of college, and starting to have a realistic perspective of society. Before that point we all have these altruistic views of the world that aren’t real, so I would have a hard time communicating with someone not in the general population already. You need to have to some degree of an understanding of how the workforce works. This way you know my struggle and understand my work ethic.


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