DATE NIGHT: THE NEW ERA OF DATING

Man and Woman Sitting Together in Front of Table

“Whose in charge of what?”


boy the times have changed

In today’s society the landscape of dating sure has taken a turn. It’s a far cry from what dating was like in our parents or even grandparents generation. You had a courting process that could take as much as a year or more. Today people are know to have sex in the same night that they meet. And I am just trying to understand, if the end game is having a long lasting relationship, does hooking up so soon work itself out. Some people argue that it does not matter while those with more life experience will say it is a big mistake to go into something so intimate so soon.

boy meets girl, sometimes

Times have also changed regarding who asks out who on a date. Still for the most part it’s guys meeting the girl. But there have been a wave of women asking guys out on dates. Now, it is still fairly new, but it has been a trend over time. Today’s women feels there should not be any restrictions on who ask who out on a date. I will caution women, that when you are more into us than we are into you, you could be running into some problems. So if this is a pursuit for relationship, then it could mean that he is the prize. So, now you become the constant hunter. Because as much as you think as a woman you are under control you really aren’t in control.

what is to come next

For the future to come, who knows what will be the next move forward. If only you knew that, there is a lot of money to be made. Why, well, people have been busy because individuals have to work more today. So the time spent dating is tough. And with the advent of all these dating apps, what will be the tech move to bring people even closer together?


Personal Website: http://www.faheemjackson.squarespace.com

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CHIVALRY DIED, O-K: ARE MEN STILL EXPECTED TO PLAY THE ROLE

Image result for chivalry

“It’s what you’re supposed to just do.”


rule of engagement

When it comes to men and women meeting each other in society, the initial meeting is the same as it has always been. Boy meets girl, girl says yes, then they go on the initial date as planned generally by the male who expressed interest. But we are in a society today that goes against the conventional rules. Yet, we are still driven to a degree by the process that most lived with an aspect of our new school. And that is something is up for debate today because should men pay for dates. Should women of today be expected to take on the role. Or should we have a society that is a little bit of both?

women of today

In the America that we live in today, more and more women are in positions of power. That means with that comes a degree of standards that exist like no other time in history. And this is where women fall into this grey area. Because men in that same position, our standards don’t really sway that much. All it means for men is that we have more options to explore. Why, well we are very on the surface type of creatures. We start at physical and work our way from there. So when women are looking for mates in a certain tax bracket and men don’t care about the bracket, then women will have to find themselves successful competing against women with nothing to show for in life.

proper treatment

In the case of going on dates, for the me I do think that the men should pay simply because we are the ones trying to get with the woman. Not too many women asking us on dates. So when you ask someone on the date, then asks that they pay, you are part of a much wider problem. If you wanted them to pay for you, you should wait for them to ask you on a date. The person that ask is reaching out because they are the pursuer. Now, women can pursue as well, but most of the time, we are trying to get them to be with us.

change of times

As we have moved on through the decades, men and women have switched roles on a variety of areas. But what will all this mean for women seeking to find a potential mate? And to answer the question, a lot of women are going to be single in the future to come. And the reason why I said single, men are not looking for financially stable equals. We are looking for persona over what the woman has in her bank account.


Personal Website: http://www.faheemjackson.squarespace.com

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INTERRACIAL DECISION MAKING: WHY I HAVE NEVER DATED OUTSIDE MY ETHNICITY

Related image

“Such a difficult decision.”


interracial 

Within my life, I have ever dated outside my ethnicity. Not that I don’t find anyone attractive, it’s more than just that. It’s a social aspect of living in America. Living i this country long enough, you realize there is a stigma with being in a relationship with a Black male. So I never even held a real conversation with a woman of another group in years. So I guess you can say I live by the ways of society. But it’s just too much of a job to date. I just want to meet someone and date. Why is everything a subject of debate?

lonely evenings

If you are going to only date your own ethnicity, then be prepared for a lot of lonely nights. Because you may be single for a very long time. Depending on what you want that cut of meat most likely is not available. Or, if you do meet someone in you group, it’s not in the right space and time for you to be in a relationship. But the life I am living is more conducive to women than men. Yet I am not holding out for a specific ethnicity. More so I am not able to deal with the hardships of interracial.

off limits

Remember I said earlier about Black men and stigma. Well, this notion that we are not to be spoken is a real sentiment. So, even in a space where the woman may come from an excepting household, it still is a bigger issue. That probably is a reason why I have been so single for so long. When you are only dating one type of person, that can be a very limiting selection situation. But still, females are told from other groups not to date us, so it’s hard to ignore.

playing life safe

When you play life safe, you will never know what else is out there. But for me, I still have that fear of coming in contact with what so many have to deal with, It’s depressing because you see people you like, who may like you, but the fear lingers. I don’t want to be the reason someone choose me, and it doesn’t work out. Then they lost everything around them for nothing.


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PLAYING FAVORITES: ARE BLACK WOMEN REALLY NOT A DATING CHOICE

Woman Wearing White Sleeveless Lace Shirt

“The selection process.”


the dating pool

In the selection process of dating for so long, there is this held belief that Black women are never the first choice for dating. Now as a man, I don’t believe in that, but let’s for a second observe the theory here. I myself, even though I am an African American, don’t fully understand the selection viewpoint of Black women. Not because I don’t care, mainly because in the paradigm of living have focused on my day-to-day task of survival. Also, even though I have two sisters, I have never asked them about their dating experiences as Black women. It wasn’t until recently now that I am over 30 years old did I really explore this belief.

the available bum

Now, in Black women’s environment there are these guys who lend themselves called, “Ready Made Bums.” They, in my opinion, are nowhere near a reflection of the overall selection pool. But who they are, they are these men who approach women with all the wrong intentions and in all the wrong ways. These men are microwave ready masculinity. Nothing that is of substance, nor anything that is worth satisfying for the long haul, thus the name Ready Made Bums. But like I said before, to what degree do these men exist in comparison to the ones that are out there who are of substance.

self-fulfilling prophecy

It is a known that what we put out there into the universe tends to come to us. So if you are moving about life saying men are bums, not many who aren’t will be around. Meaning, whatever you tell yourself about yourself will formulate even if it’s not true. My question to you would be if you say men are bums, where do you live? What are the venues you tend to hang out at on weekends? Who are your circle of friends? Who are other people in your lives that do have good relationships? Because if your daily life is around people who do have healthy relationships, it will rub off onto you. That’s why it’s important to watch your associations of people close to you.

those in your ear

A word to Black women, beware of the other women in your ear when seeking out a male companion. Especially if that woman giving you advice does not have or has a hard time acquiring herself a man. Because you’re going to also get all the wrong information filtered to you. She’s going to be giving you the advice based on her own problems. Why, well no woman is going to tell you how to get a good man; or introduce you to a good man before she gets a great man herself. That’s like me having a winning lotto ticket, I’m broke, but you need the money more than me. No, I’m cashing that ticket, then once I’m settled I’ll tell you how to get paid.

changing your scenery

Maybe a change in scenery would help Black women who feel this way. Planet Fitness is $10 per month; it’s a great way to meet men. Guys who are into health and wellness tend to have a great outlook on life. Another place to go would be, for those who can afford it, get a membership to a golfing club. A lot of professional men tend to spend their time golfing outside of work. It’s also a great place to make professional business connections as well. Try not to hang in groups, especially when seeking a male companion. Because you will be greatly influenced by the women in your circle. Remember, friends are friends, but friends at times may talk you out of a great relationship because they are thinking about who they think you should be with, not who you really should be with. Overall, get out, try things you never thought you would like: skydive, you biking, join a book club, and speed date.


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BUILD WITH OR ALONE: SHOULD YOU FIND A MATE TO BUILD A LIFE OR NOT

Photo of Man and Woman Holding Hands

“Building together is easier than separate.”


the union

When it comes to pursuing your career, you have to think about some things. One of those things is should I pursue this career alone or with someone by my side. We all would like to go into the world and build, but alone. I mean alone, wouldn’t it be easier with someone. At first we try to go at the build by ourselves, but soon learn how difficult it is to climb alone. And in the process, we meet our significant other and learn two heads are better than one. And here is where most people will build a sustainable life together.

the journey with self

Even with someone in your corner you will have to build a career to some degree alone. So when building purely alone, there comes this hardship with always being to yourself. You don’t have anyone to share anything with; time or stories. The experience of being able to get to that point of success together is diminished. For instance, myself; I am taking this road alone, but I don’t regret it. But that is just me talking, not to say that it’s for anyone else. You just to have a very strong mind, otherwise you will throw your hands in the air and give up. But how will the career build in a relationship be beneficial? I mean after all, the person is not on the job site with you. Your skills are your skills, not their input.

what is the mate’s purpose

When you go to work, it is up to you to be there in the moment and build. Your mate is doing their own thing on their job. So what is their purpose really? Well, for starters, like I said before, you have someone to share your journey with. But besides that, the agony of working a job and then coming home is tough alone. But when there is someone there, they are able to take off the extra that you would otherwise endure alone. They will give the courage to continue forging forward. So the feeling of dealing with work’s struggles are shared.


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COURTING: HOW RELATIONSHIP UNIONS HAVE CHANGED OVER TIME

Photography of Couple Holding Hands

“Where have we gone wrong?”


dating norms

In life, we all want to meet that right person. But in a society where so much has changed, how do you go about meeting that right one? Because dating is not what it used to be in the old days. There was a process one had to go through before you were able to date. And that process always by way of the man getting grilled.

You had to qualify yourself for a date with a woman before even actually really getting to know her, but her family. That’s right, mom and dad had to have the final say. And then you were able to go on that date. And don’t even think about asking for sex. You were lucky to get  peck on the cheek, if that much.

process of the past

When you look at the past the steps you had to go through as follows:

Introduction
  • When you were a guy interested in a woman in the distant past, you had to first introduce yourself to the girl’s parents. Mainly, you had to let the girl’s father see you. And that doesn’t mean a date, it just means you’re interested so he knows.
Parental Discussion
  • Here is the part where the girl’s parents sit her down and they have a discussion with her. Asking her questions regarding who the boy is, and where is he from. Sometimes the girl acted as if she didn’t know, but she knew. And that would lead to the next step.
Parental sit down
  • This is the part where the boy is sat down in the house and asked a series of questions. Who is your kin? Where do you live? What does his parents do for a living? What is his intentions?
Parental Permission
  • And finally you get a chance a to go on that date, but you first have to get it cleared as the guy with your family. And they have to assess if its ok as well.
Date Night
  • And finally, the date night. Which is not really a date night because it’s at a well lit place. Usually you’re eating at a diner where there are people who know your family. And there is a time restriction for how long you be out.

the new norm

The new ways in which we date have taken on new meaning. Now online dating is all the rage, and you don’t have to meet a woman’s family. You just have to approach and if she is with it then, what the hell, you guys date. Only problem is that women come in contact with more problem today because of the changes.

Whereas you had to meet dad in the past, that doesn’t exit today. But things always change and take on new meanings. And dating is no different; but what will inevitably come of all this change.


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BLENDED FAMILIES: HOW THE FACE OF FAMILY HAS CHANGED

Cute Family Picture

“We are one.”


the blend

What is a blended family? A blended family is a married couple or dating couple that brings together the two sides of a family that was in progress before meeting the other person. And that has always involved the children from previous relationships. Someone might come in with two children and the other person might come in with three or four children.

Whatever the case may be, the blended family is something that is fresh and new in the American landscape. Because for years there has been this stigma on dating or marrying someone with children. But when the two are bringing together children from former relationships it’s a different dynamic.

work-a-bility

Now does this way of raising a family work in society? And if this were 30 plus years ago you might say no. But in reality, the blended family might actually work better than you expected because the two sides have already this mutual agreement. Meeting someone with no kids it’s tougher because they don’t understand the struggle.

Or better yet, they are not going to understand the sacrifices you have to make, or they have to make now that their is a child in the mix that’s not theirs. But what are other blended families that present a new challenge?

ethno-religious

What happens when the new blended family is of a different ethnic group or religion? This working is tough because you are now introducing yourself to not only a new family, but also a new relationship with society, cultural beliefs, and approaches to dealing in life. Meaning what if a Jewish and Muslim man and woman meet with children.

That is an interesting cultural dynamic because you have two groups who have long dealt with serious issues from a region of the world going back a long time. How to do you make that work not just and that person, but also with families?

love conquers all; maybe

They say that love conquers all, but dos it really? Because I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it doesn’t. You need more than just love to exist in society. It’s unfortunate, but you have to take into consideration the world a child is being brought into at the moment. You love each other, but how will life be for them.

So there is nothing wrong with love, but what are the impacts on the kids’ lives.


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