WHEN THEY’RE BROUGHT INTO THE WORLD: CHILDREN OF INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS AND THEIR STRUGGLES

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“Yanked in both directions.”


the struggle is real

When growing up in the United States as a biracial child, you are sometimes stuck between the two worlds of the racial game. You are too White for the Black kids and two Black for the White kids. So you have to sway over time between the two groups until you become an adult and learn to have an identity for yourself. But until that point there is constant struggle after struggle. From the Black kids saying you think you’re better because you’re lighter to the White kids who know you’re of melanin because of the parent in your household.

when a nation is divided

Anytime there is strife within the country, these kids are the ones typically stuck in the middle of the argument. Because you’re growing up in the house with both parents that usually in America are reflected of the bickering in society. And I am not referring to a divide with any other group outside of Black and White in America because their history in this country does not run as deep. You almost feel like an alien in the conversation because anything you say is going to come off as taking a side. So at times, the biracial kid remains quiet and hopes no one ask for their input.

it’s more than love

When choosing a mate, you have to think about the fact that you’re bringing a child into this world that will be faced with these social hardships. You have to know be comfortable with knowing the world in which you live and the child that will come into the world. Because the world is not what you want it to be, it’s what it is. And you have to prepare your child fort the world they will be entering. And for those that think otherwise, they are truly being naive. This is the reason people don’t want to have an interracial relationship because of the crazy world their child/children are entering.


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SCIENCE OF PARENTING: WHAT MAKES WOMEN CLOSER THAN MEN

blanket, boots, care

“We are not like them.”


the job aint easy

You ever hear people say that the job of raising children is not an easy? Well, it is; I don’t have any, but observing my mother raising children, I can tell it was a struggle. The feat of not only getting up making sure they are fed, but placing them into the world. You have to let go and realize they are in the world and trust they make the right decisions. Because the kid part are the cute years, it’s when we get older where the job becomes difficult. Once those adolescent years hit and friends become more of an influencer than parents, that’s when the job gets tough. But this topic is more than that, it’s about the relationship that each parent has with the child/children.

gender differences

The science behind why a woman is connected to the child more is simple. She is the one who carried the kid, so there is a deeper bond than the man has with the child. Men can easily role around and play with the kid then head off to work. We have that ability to connect then disconnect in an instant. But all throughout the day, especially when the child is a baby, women can’t do the same. It is impossible for a woman to tune out when the kid is young. She is able to do so as the kid gets older, and ready to take on their own identities. But is there more behind the idea that women connect better than men? Meaning, what is the even deeper science behind mom and dad bonds.

evolution

Humans have attachments to each other which aids in our ability to coexist as a planet. But when we have children men bond differently then women. And there is a science to this bond. My best guess is that men were never meant to be in the life of the child. Father’s being around is a social construct more than it is biological. Don’t get me wrong, men still will fight and die for their young, but were we supposed to be a community like we are today. There are social means as to why we as men stick around: give the kid guidance, be an example for what the kid shall be in life, a protector in the household, an additional contributor to the family, and a partner for the woman. These are social constructs, but biologically, we don’t have those attachments because maybe we were never meant to have them. That doesn’t excuse deadbeat fathers, it just aims at understanding why we can be great fathers, yet disconnect to get work done, or even become better disciplinarians.


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OPERATION REDISTRIBUTION: THE IMPACT OF SCHOOL CLOSURES IN CHICAGO

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“Where do they go from here?”


I have been following the school closures in the city of Chicago for some time now. Some of the schools closing made sense and others didn’t make sense. The ones that did make sense had schools of only a couple of hundred students, and some smaller schools had less than one hundred students. Then you had the other places where the performances were so low that the buildings had to be closed and redistribution of students were enforced. Now my reply to all this change is once these new schools open for students, what will be the requirements and how many students will be allowed to make a full matriculation? But most of all, for those without a home school to go to, where will they go. Because there are laws prohibiting kids below a certain age to be in school. Laws that were put in place in the 19th century to keep kids from working in the labor force below a certain age. So kids between ages six and sixteen must be in school.

So with that said, kids will find a school. But will the schools be of adequate quality for them to attend, and how far away will the school be located? Some students may have to attend schools miles further from the distance they normally travel. And if they can’t make the distance, then you’re talking more overcrowding of schools close by. So what are some possible solutions because every kid is not going to have the opportunity of a new school. One of the ideas I came up with is to try to encourage home-schooling for those that are able. What used to be seen as taboo has become more popular in today’s society. Another suggestion is private schools opening their doors to students who perform well, yet are unable to get into these new public school and don’t want to attend the overcrowding, low performance schools. Because a student that performs well should always have a school to attend.

Now, a more extreme move is something that is of suggestion as well. That is to make the leap and move your child completely out of the Chicago area. And if you’re in the African American community, this suggestion makes sense considering the already disproportionate numbers of violent crime in the communities. So on top of the crime you’re now worried about how your child will be able to attend school. And in the end, what will be the ultimate decision if so many of these students can’t find a home school to attend? Where will they go, if they have any place to go? Will students be forced to attend schools so far out of the way parents are forced to pick up and move from the city? We’ll have to see once some of these schools are complete in the year 2019.


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NOT WORTH THE TROUBLE: WHY I DON’T WANT KIDS

Image result for NO KIDS

“Saving myself from what could be a disaster.”


Since becoming an adult I have been pondering over the idea of whether I want to become a parent someday or not. And as time progress, I know I don’t want to get married. But what about a child. Right now, I know I don’t want children, though I think about it. Who knows how I will feel at the age of 40 or 50 years. Because next month, I will be 30 years old, and I still feel the same about having children now as I did as a 20 year old. But also, my ideas of marriage and relationships have not changed either. The only aspect of my life that has changed is success in a career. So why haven’t I changed my stance of children?

Well, my main reason I don’t want children is because I don’t want to deal with the idea of dealing with the other person. Once you have children, there is a dual input in raising a child that I don’t want to adhere to. I have my way that I want to do things and that is that. Now, I do believe that someone else may have a better way. But it’s not about a better way, it’s about my way I want things to go. So with that said, it wouldn’t be best to have children with someone. My best way to go about having children might be to adopt one day. This way I can raise my child how I want to raise them. But are there other reasons that are keeping me from parenthood?

The other reason I don’t want children is because of the aspect of who having to always make them your life. Once you have children, they are your life. You have no other choice because even on hard and depressed days, you have to suck it up and deal. There is no out, most often, parents wish there was somewhere other than here at the moment. Yes, if you’re famous, you can hire a nanny, but most Americans can’t afford a babysitter, must less a nanny. So they have to find a way to deal with their lives. And although this is not a human existence that you genuinely want to live all the time, it’s a must. Children have no choice in their existence, so it’s a thought before having them.

Now, the third reason, is because there are so many things I want out of life. And having children get in the way of those things. And for the most part, they’re not that big of a deal, except when you have kids. Like, living in New York City, I’ll get up and just go for a walk around the city. Just something so simple, is major when you’re a parent. You can’t just up and leave the house. Because you are no longer alone anymore because there is someone there to depend on you. See, in the end, children are a career outside your daily job. It doesn’t pay, and there is no guarantee that what you teach them will ultimately work. So for now, I live my life for myself and whatever benefits me. But children are still a 10% yes and 90% no, and marriage is still 100% no.


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PARENTLESS BOND: WHY MEN’S ATTACHMENT WITH KIDS ISN’T THE SAME AS WOMEN

belly button, birth, family

“Her bond is different than our bond.”


When a woman is pregnant, there is a bond she creates with her child that no man is able to understand. The following link is of a video of a woman right after giving birth with her child exemplifying that bond between mother and child. (https://www.facebook.com/viralthread/videos/1317955175012988/) And I have always wondered, why don’t men have the same bond with the kid that the mother has. It’s because of human nature. But then I also began to think a little deeper as it pertains to fatherhood. And I have asked myself a question. When observing the human species as a mammal, were men meant to be in the lives of children? Was that evolution’s goal was to create an attachment? Or is being a father a human construct?

Because as a man, we have to build a relationship with that kid. Moms immediately have that bond because the baby grows inside of her. So the bond is more pure than with a man. That’s why when a woman leaves her child, it can be more hurtful than the father. But once again, does nature create these boundaries or do people have a hand in how we have relationships with children. In my opinion, I think it’s a little bit of both. We are very much dictated by social norms, yet nature is still there lingering. So what does this all mean regarding who we are as a species. And to narrow it down, I mean as men. Will there ever come a time where we will have that same connection?

And yes, I know as time goes on, children recognize us and we eventually become dad. But why does this exist. Because our biological attachment happens in the very very beginning. So by the time the human is fully created, we have no real attachment except for the creation of that human. But, I will say, there is something quite emotional once that kid arrives. There is a level of attachment that father has for that kid. The kid does not quite understand it, but the parent understands the importance of the parental-kid relationship. And that has a lot to do with our conscious as people.

And in the end, our consciousness gives us the ability to make sound decisions. And that decision is being there for your child. Other creatures in the wild generally let there children go at a far younger age than humans. But with the conscious we are given we stick around and raise them until we feel they have reached an appropriate age to leave the house. And without that, humanity most likely would not have lasted as long as we have lasted. Hopefully as time progress, we’ll find out more about ourselves.


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PARENTAL BEHAVIOR: WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH HOW YOU VERBALLY COMMUNICATE RESPECT TO THE OTHER PARENT

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“They see and hear everything, so be careful how you speak.”


For me growing up, I saw my mother and father have disagreements. Not understanding at my age that arguing between adults is normal; especially when children are involved. And the way you communicate those disagreements have a major impact on young kids, all the way into their adulthood. So with that said, how should parents go about channeling their emotions, especially when the kids are in the vicinity? What are key mistakes that adults make when trying to win an argument over the other person? Or not just an argument, but what about the upper hand. Is it always important to win an argument, or is it best sometimes to just walk away? Let’s observe mistakes both men and women make during disagreements.

As it pertains to the man, we make some errors when trying to win over an argument. One of the more common errors is using our ability to go higher in yelling in an argument. Men are physically stronger, we’re known to dominate over the conversation. We take this dominance stance to show that we are the ones in control. It’s this nature driven response, especially if we fill we are losing control of the argument. But the biggest mistake we make is trying to use vulgar language to get our point across. Using expletives, especially calling the mother out of her name, is such a deflating and quick route to take in winning the conversation. But let me remind you, this isn’t a one way street.

On the part of the woman, the clear mistakes that a woman make is number one, belittling the father. Especially, when children are around, it sends a dangerous message that there is a clear lack of respect for the father. It also lets the kid see how they can behave when they get emotional as well. But another clear mistake women make is saying that these are their kids. Removing the father from the equation as if they have no voice in raising kids, just because she gave birth. This also sends a message that you have no real purpose. Just the person who provided the other DNA that the child is endowed with. After that, you don’t have a real duty or obligation, except to be the financial contributor.

Now, as it pertains to the children in the situation, they are watching and listening to both of you. And based on how you two communicate, the children can use this verbal communication to their advantage. And while the parents bicker between the two of them, the kid is able to live their lives how they see fit. Until something bad takes place, and both parents are left with their hands in the air because it’s partly their fault. While they were busy arguing and fighting, there was no guidance in the kid’s life because the two parents wanted to prove each other wrong. In the end, that’s the main reason there needs to be a civil form of communication between parents. Not just for the sake of their relationship, but for the child/children who may be nearby; watching and listening.


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MAKING THEIR DECISIONS FOR THEM: WHY PARENTS HAVE TO LET GO AND LET LIVE

adult, affection, baby

“Eventually they have to go into the world on their own.”


When you are an infant, your parents job is to care for you. When you are a toddler, their job is to care for you. When coming through the early childhood stages, their job is to care for you. As an adolescent, they care for you just the same. But when it’s time for you to graduate from high school and enter the world, it’s hard for parents to let go. They are used to knowing how to care for you for so long, they think they know what’s best for you. Now, as someone with no children of course someone will say that I don’t know what I’m talking about. But here is where they are wrong.

Let’s say your parents feel they know what’s best for you. And theoretically, they would be telling the truth. They are your parents, they brought you into this world. And for that reason they know what’s best for their child/children. But there is a keyword in this explanation, and that is child/children. They may be your offspring, but they are not young anymore. It’s amazing that we feel that 18, 19, and 20 years of age is good enough to make decisions to join the military, but not what career to pursue. But let me explain the fundamental issue with choosing your child’s path.

And the issue is that of course you know what’s good for child; your child. Why, well because you have a laid out plan for them at a young age. You know the school they will attend, the appropriate food to feed them, clothes to wear, neighborhood where they will live, and the religion they will practice. But once they become adults and ask you what path to take, what courses, who to marry, where to live, and what job to take on; that’s when you hit a wall. Why do you hit a wall, because you don’t know what’s good for them in life. If you knew what was good for them, you would have a plan for them to walk through life.

The reality is that you don’t know what’s good for them once they become adults. It’s up to them to figure that aspect of life out on their own. You don’t know what career is best for them. You don’t know what steps they should take from 20’s into their 30’s, and beyond. All this time, you had a plan for them, yet soon as they become adults, you hit a wall. And that’s when you realize you don’t know what’s good for them. The fear sets in because your whole existence for 18 years has been them, now for the first time you feel helpless. But you are not helpless, your voice is still important.

Because in the end, you are still their parents. And even though you don’t know what’s good for them in life, there is still that love and support through life they need. You don’t know their strengths and weaknesses for a future career, but you can advise on what on what they might want to pursue. Help them find the thing that they are good at, and push to make them great.


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