BLENDED FAMILIES: HOW THE FACE OF FAMILY HAS CHANGED

Cute Family Picture

“We are one.”


the blend

What is a blended family? A blended family is a married couple or dating couple that brings together the two sides of a family that was in progress before meeting the other person. And that has always involved the children from previous relationships. Someone might come in with two children and the other person might come in with three or four children.

Whatever the case may be, the blended family is something that is fresh and new in the American landscape. Because for years there has been this stigma on dating or marrying someone with children. But when the two are bringing together children from former relationships it’s a different dynamic.

work-a-bility

Now does this way of raising a family work in society? And if this were 30 plus years ago you might say no. But in reality, the blended family might actually work better than you expected because the two sides have already this mutual agreement. Meeting someone with no kids it’s tougher because they don’t understand the struggle.

Or better yet, they are not going to understand the sacrifices you have to make, or they have to make now that their is a child in the mix that’s not theirs. But what are other blended families that present a new challenge?

ethno-religious

What happens when the new blended family is of a different ethnic group or religion? This working is tough because you are now introducing yourself to not only a new family, but also a new relationship with society, cultural beliefs, and approaches to dealing in life. Meaning what if a Jewish and Muslim man and woman meet with children.

That is an interesting cultural dynamic because you have two groups who have long dealt with serious issues from a region of the world going back a long time. How to do you make that work not just and that person, but also with families?

love conquers all; maybe

They say that love conquers all, but dos it really? Because I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it doesn’t. You need more than just love to exist in society. It’s unfortunate, but you have to take into consideration the world a child is being brought into at the moment. You love each other, but how will life be for them.

So there is nothing wrong with love, but what are the impacts on the kids’ lives.


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IMPERSONAL DATING: WHY AMERICA HAS CHANGED SO MUCH IN THE DATING WORLD

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“We have voices for a reason.”


human connections

As human beings we have built not only civilizations, we have built human connections throughout history. But in recent history we have lost an aspect of that human connection. And one of those areas has to be with how we date in society. People are not really approaching each other anymore, it’s all bout the social media connection. We look at each other’s profiles and judge on the basis of that alone. It’s almost as if approaching a person is this ancient way of meeting. Never did people think that dating life would become so impersonal.

dating methods

The above is a commercial from the dating website eHarmony. If you were to ask people in the past, would they be finding love over the internet they would have probably thought you were crazy. And what’s even more odd, just to show you how we have changed, taboo of dating on the internet is young. As a matter of fact, my mother bought me my first computer at age 12 years old. This was back in the year 2000. Just 18 years ago, it was odd to meet someone on the internet for a date, now it’s commonplace. But what are other ways people are meeting in today’s society?

TINDR & GRINDR
  • These are two dating apps where you can meet someone more instantly, but it is not geared toward monogamous relationships. Tindr is used by singles to swipe left or swipe right to Related imageexpress interest or a lack of interest in someone. If you like them and want to meet you swipe in the direction of interest and proceed forward. Grindr is that same way, but it’s more centered toward the gay community. There is an aspect of these apps that is adventurous, but also it takes away from the building of relationships if you’re only interested in the initial physical encounter and that’s it.Related image

 

 

 

is it all bad?

We all like to think that generations who come after us are doing it wrong. We want to believe that we have the best solutions for dating in society. What’s interesting is that in the next 25 – 30 years you will have people whose mothers and fathers met off of Tindr, Grindr, eHarmony, JDate, and Black People Meet. It won’t seem odd, and will also be looked at as archaic to see life otherwise. And who knows, maybe in enough time, life will go back to how things used to be in our grandparents generation. But as for now, this is dating in society.


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LOVE COMES FROM SOMEWHERE: WHY DO HUMANS LOVE

Sweet Photo of Couple

“We got it; who put it there?”


WHAT IS IT?

What is love? Love is defined as a deep feeling of intense affection for someone, something, or some place. It can also go deeper a be a sexual attachment to someone. But don’t let the sexual part mislead you, or even the words intense affection. Because you can also love your friends and family as well. It is a feeling most learn at a very young age. We all know what it is, but in time we all learn to understand what its true meaning is really about in life. So, now my question is, where does it come from?

HOW DID IT GET THERE

The area of the brain that is associated with love is the striatum. This is also the area of the brain that becomes affected once someone abuses drugs. Which is why it’s so hard for addicts to kick their addiction. But I am not talking about where it comes from in the mind. My asking where does love come from is more of an evolutionary question? Because when we are born, we don’t know what love is, we’re taught love. Doesn’t matter if it’s our families or society. But if anything negative is implanted at an early age, or something traumatic enough happens to us, we can have that love disrupted. So is love evolutionary that we developed over time? Did someone place it there? Or is one of those, it is what is; something unexplained why we have it?

ANGLES 

On one end of the spectrum we have religion and on the other end we have science. Religion states that man was created in the likeness of God, and that everything about you that makes you who you are was placed there by he who created you. Then science states that over millions of years through human evolution, you came to be who you are through a series of events that took the right mixture of everything in the environment to happen.

Religion

In the beginning of time there was the heaven and Earth. Yes, this is the religious view of what love is, God created it. Religion would say that God gave you the ability to love. Placed it within you, and the fact that you found it brings you one step closer to him. And you are to use that love for God to spread it around to others who have not yet found him. So love from this angle places a spiritual belief on the affection.

Science

The Big Bang, which laid the initial foundation for what would be life on Earth. And yes, this is now the scientific reasoning for what would lead to life then love. Science would say we had love in us already, and the ability to connect to each other as a species showed how we unlocked that love. Now, to go further, the establishing of communities, raising offspring, and building meaningful intimate relationships along with connecting as a species is what helped us thrive thus far on this planet. Scientist would state that love is evolutionary, taking on meanings and changing as time went on.

MANY CHANGES

As with religion and science, both have something in common, and that is how love evolves. Love will evolve and continue to evolve. Years ago, people were saying meeting someone online for a date was scary. But now, people are getting married from online relationships. We are deep into our mobile devices, but that will change how we love as well. More people are scoping our social media as a means to get to know you rather than speaking initially to you. So as love changes, so will our world.


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GIVING IN: HAVE LOSING SOMEONE CLOSE TO YOU EFFECTED YOUR BELIEF IN GOD

“Have you been broken or restored?”


Now, the title I decided to use for this topic is a little odd because dying is apart of life. But the title leaves open for a lot of ways to look at this particular subject. Dying could be seen at a young age, from an unexplained illness, or a tragic event happening to someone of such good nature. You might have so many questions as to why this person left the Earth at such a young age. Or better yet, how could such a debilitating illness take someone so good to the world. With so much bad in the world, why do so many of the good die young? It just doesn’t make sense how someone the world could seriously use could go so fast. What have you done when someone close to you passed unexpectedly? Did it bring you closer to God or make you not believe more?

In my life, there has not been anyone that have made me question. More so I look at the situation as a, “Wow, this person isn’t here anymore.” It just seems odd when that person who is not here was so pivotal in a family. So with me there was stunned feelings because of how everyone was discussing the holiday season. Little did we know, this person would not be around for both upcoming holidays.

Now on the other hand, there have been people in life who completely turn in their belief systems. This is usually people who lose relatives or friends to something tragic or an illness. In their minds, there is no God when something like this can happen. For example, a kid gets kidnapped and murdered, but the killer of that child is never found. People lose faith once they realize nothing will happen to find the person. So from that person who lost a child, they don’t want to hear about God, they might want revenge.

In the end, I can not tell anyone how to feel if they have lost someone close to them. Especially if the circumstances were quite tragic. With my example, it was the passing of my grandmother that was sudden. But she was 80 years of age, so it was easier to deal knowing she had lived a full life. But for others, that sometimes isn’t even enough.


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APPROPRIATE DATING AGE: WHEN YOUTH IS ON TRIAL BASED ON THE GENDER OF THE ELDER

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“Is age really only a number?”


The above photo is a picture I found on the internet that shows what appears to be a much older woman hugged up with a younger man. And it has popped up on dating sites as well. So I ask you, is age only a matter of a number? Is there more that comes with dating someone who is younger that you must realize? Because yes, there are going to be some characteristics besides the physical that we see, that will make dating a person of a certain age different than dating someone close in age. And when I say dating someone younger, I am not referring to dating someone 60 years old if you are 40 years old. Because I feel there is something built into the minds of both parties different than 40 years dating a 20 year old. So, why do men and women begin to date younger?

For starters, you observe men, and we have always dated younger women because it’s just what we have always dated. It’s hard to explain besides the initial attraction which tends to be purely physical. But what is it besides the physical that keeps the situation together? One reason is that we as men and women have two separate biological clocks that differ from each other. When a woman is 35 years of age she is generally already a mother and married, or in the process of; while men typically can wait longer. There is a reason we can wait, it’s because we can have children for the rest of our lives. So there is not this rush to find someone to marry. Women start to decrease odds of bringing a child into the world once they reach a certain age. So men date younger because when a younger woman is ready to have children she’s still young and not in rush up to that point.

Well, what about women and their reasons for wanting to date younger. In the recent years, more and more women have opened up the possibilities of dating younger. Only when it comes to women, the relationships become a little more complicated. Women have traditionally themselves gone for much older men because men by a certain point in life are established in their careers. So dating a man who is younger goes against so much of their beliefs about relationships. So when an older woman dates a guy who is younger, the situation is usually judged by women more harsh than men. Because you as a woman knows how the majority of you feel about that particular situation. So it’s odd to you to see that couple.

In the end, for me, it comes down to a certain age at different stages of life. Now that I am 30 years old, I would much rather date a woman who is at least 23 years old or 24 years old. Because she is out of college, and starting to have a realistic perspective of society. Before that point we all have these altruistic views of the world that aren’t real, so I would have a hard time communicating with someone not in the general population already. You need to have to some degree of an understanding of how the workforce works. This way you know my struggle and understand my work ethic.


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LET ME UPGRADE YOU: WHAT IS DATING UP TO YOU

Image result for moet and glass

“Come talk to me when you’re on my level.”


In an American society where commerce dictates so much of how we live and how we behave, how does this commerce relationship we have in this country effect our dating lives? For men, you know what you have to bring if you’re going to be living in this capitalistic based society. And as for women, you’re steady trying to find that guy who you see as your equal or above. But when you are a man in this country it can be a tougher go. You know you have to be in a certain place in your life by a certain time. Women can live with their parents and still demand from men the same things as a woman with her own form of success. With that said, what are the thoughts on dating up? Because dating up is more of a woman’s viewpoint, but for men only under certain circumstances.

Women have to date up; why well it’s simple. So many men are trying to get with you, whether to be in a relationship or just for sexual intercourse. So you have to more picky, and there is a lot more thought that goes into choosing a guy. And the prettier the woman, the harder it is for her to find a potential mate. Because the pool of men who want to be with you is even higher. Unlike men, who see this as an opportunity to date around because we have so many options, for women it can be harder because of so many options. So when a woman does choose a guy, he’s going to have to really step up, especially if she is a woman that’s used to guys at a certain level trying to talk to her. Now that does not necessarily translate into just finances, it’s that and more. But are there times when men have to upgrade as well. We, unlike women, don’t have to, but there are those that do.

When it’s time for men to upgrade, we have to do so when finances are involved. Because to us marriage is an investment that only we can lose for the most part financially. So when a man becomes financially successful, he becomes that pretty girl. And that’s when he starts to be extra selective with the women that he dates. He has to learn to sense out the very things that women have to sense out about men when choosing. Because just like with every man trying to get with a woman, so many women look at you as this total package. But not all of them are worthy, so you have to shuffle through the plethora of women like women do us. See, in the end, finding that person you feel is on the level you want them to be is important to so many. As a matter of fact, it is more important now than any other time period prior. But if finances is that one thing you’re trying to seek out alone as a woman it will be harder to find; jut like we as men can’t just chase a woman for aesthetics purposes only.


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THE RELATIONSHIP TAGLINE: HOW WE AS MEN HAVE SHIFTED OUR LANGUAGE TO APPEASE WOMEN

Related image

“We say it, but do we feel it?”


“I want a woman with her own money, and dreams, and everything else she wants that society says I should want from a woman.” This is the tagline that every guy is supposed to say when asked what he wants from a woman in a relationship. But do you really mean every word that comes from your mouth, or are you just saying that to get in good with women? Because if you’re just trying to get on her good side, she’ll peep your game out sooner or later. Then she’ll hate you more for wasting her time than if you were just honest to begin with; so why. Why do we say we want all these things from a woman in society, yet when we get these things that we say we do, we run from women. It’s an act that woman define as a weakness in men, and it is if you’re looking at it from the standpoint of what we say we want from women.

Only problem is, is that in today’s society, we are carrying this tagline because it’s what women want to hear and necessarily what they should hear from us. I’m not saying that men want a woman who does nothing for herself in life, but it is not to the extent to which we speak in society. But when you don’t say who she is and what she’s doing is important to you, we’re attacked for not caring. So what we have done as guys, is that we lie to women, but not with our words. Women tend to be better communicators verbally then we are as men. So when birthdays and holidays come around, we do things for women because it means something to you. Not always because it means something to us; Valentines Day comes around, you as that woman get two dozen roses. Why, well because it means something to you. Women react to these actions, and sometimes get hurt in the process.

So why is it so hard for men besides the societal aspects to be up front and honest about what we really want from women. And the reason comes from watching women’s likes and dislikes, then behaving according to what they demand and not who we are as a person. Meaning, she wants monogamy, but you want to just date different women. Instead of you passing on the relationship, you play boyfriend, and you’re not boyfriend material. So when it’s time to go to the next level, you remove yourself from the equation, or make her break up with you so you can avoid the commitment. So what is that men want, simple, have your life. Real men are not intimidated with your success. Have your career, hang with friends, but here is where it gets sensitive: do what I say do at some point in time how I want it done and tend to my needs as well.

And that’s when the problems start, since women of today translate that into control. “Do what I say do!” “What do you mean by that!” That’s when the conversation falls flat, not because he really wants to control you. Men are typically not good verbal communicators, so instead of stating the context of what you mean, you further bury yourself by lacking verbal communication. Meaning, do what I say do, isn’t jump when I say jump. It simply means, you have times where your word is law, and I have mine. And this is a particular moment in time when my word should mean something. It’s not control, it’s a reciprocal relationship. And in the end, that’s who men are, but societal standards are such today where you have to lie and give women a tagline. But eventually, she’ll believe in the verbal content and behavior. Yet if you’re not that guy, she’ll hate you more for not being honest in the beginning.


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