ALL EYES ON YOU: WHY YOU THINK SOMEONE IS ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT YOU

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“Why we think they’re all laughing.”


Why at times in our minds when we walk into a room, do we think that everyone is watching us or talking about us? This inner feeling that the people around us have this feeling that they don’t want to express how they feel, but it’s present. This mentality that someone or everyone is watching you may not be as serious as you may think. It can be a real mental problem that you as that person have that you have to work out internally. Well, why might we feel this way even from some of the most confident people?

A reason we feel this way is because there is something wrong with us that we know exist. And if someone is intently looking at us, then they have figured out the thing that is wrong. And if they figured out the thing that is wrong without our input, then what else do they know that I haven’t told them. When you are uncomfortable about something that you hope no one knows about, it can be a very debilitating feeling. This feeling can keep us from making friends, dating, or even coexisting in our daily lives. So how do we combat this problem that we have built internally?

Well, you have to learn to be confident in who you are because people can feel it. When you lack confidence, it’s almost as if there is a light bulb over your head that says I am unsure. So this light follows you everywhere because it is in your body language. From the way your head drops when you walk into a room or even how you talk without letting people fully hear what is coming out of your mouth. Your entire aura speaks I am not sure of myself. And what person is uninteresting enough to want to be around if they feel this way.So if you want to stop feeling this sense of internal insecurity, you have to address the real issue. The real issue may be something you’re hiding that you don’t want others to see or know.


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PEER PRESSURE: WHY SO MANY YOUNG PEOPLE DON’T FIGHT IT

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“A time in life without a sense of self.”


When you’re growing up in school, you seek to fit into the environment of that academic space. And coincidentally enough, that space is not attaining the best grades, but more so trying to wear the latest fashion, and hang out with what is perceived to be the cool kids. And that word perception sticks out the most because your perception of each other is what’s the strongest, not the real person. Why is perception the most important, well it has to do with lack of facts. The facts that lead you into the inner workings of the real person. But who cares about facts, when you can easily makeup a perception that suits you just fine. And that is what we live by all growing up until we become adults and take on our own identities. That keeping your image together for what people think you is known as your reputation.

Now, considering your reputation proceeds you wherever you go, you work hard to keep that image in tack. But what if your image is not the image of what your peers think is acceptable for you to have in life. See, it’s easy as an adult to say, screw that, this is such a small window into the outside world, but kids don’t understand your advice. We can look at life from such a rational perspective, once you step out into the world. You have realized as an adult that no one truly cares how much swagger you have in life. You have to be able to be productive, but that built in understanding is not present in kids and teens. You can’t fully expect children to have that level of self-awareness, or that built in rejection mechanism that you get once you become adults. To them, this is your circle of friends for life. As adults we understand you may never see these individuals ever again once you graduate high school.

And not because you think you’re better than your friends, but more so, you start to out grow people’s mind frames. So the kids who were once your adversaries, eventually become people you have as associates. Now, there are those exceptions to the rule; such as the kids you just walk to the beat of their own drum. These kids are very few and far between, but they do exist. I took on the walk to my own beat after getting injured in sports. You go from, “Who is that boy that runs track and plays football so well,” to “He use to fly playing sports, oh well.” That’s when I learned people like you for what you’re doing, not necessarily because of you. So they generally gravitate toward that because we all want to be attached to something we perceive to be great, even if it’s for a short stint. Yet again, there goes that word perception; people perceived me to be great.

And in the end, that’s why fighting peer pressure is so difficult for so many young people. It’s not just the idea of wanting to not be the odd one out, but you want to be attached to something you perceive to be better than yourself. We all have this time in our lives where we want to be something other than ourselves. And once we see someone who appears to be doing anything remotely better than us, it looks appealing to us. So if the kid who has the latest sneakers growing up walks into school, we seek to be close and attach ourselves to that person. That person could potentially have a trouble home life, but they are perceived to be better because they are in a social class outside of where we see ourselves.


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MY SINGLE LIFE: UNDERSTANDING SELF IS KEY TO LIFE’S FULFILLMENT


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“Certain things never change.”


I have posted previous topics regarding being single and self-awareness. Only this topic aims at why I am the type of person who prefers to be single over being in a relationship. And it has a lot to do with aging and coming to an understanding that you feel a certain way and it may never change. Now don’t get me wrong, we as humans go through many transformations throughout our lives, but there are personality traits which will never change about you. And for me, being the aloof person who don’t quite want you around is a personality trait of mine that I feel is for the rest of my life. It’s something that I love most about myself, but there are the downsides of being as aloof as I am. The downside is that you can more than likely guarantee you’ll never find a successful relationship. And for most, they are able to stomach that reality.

And what do I mean by being as aloof as myself. Well, there is this amazing aspect that I found about life in coming home and not having to compromise with anybody for anything. Going to the refrigerator not having at ask what to eat or being on a schedule. That feeling when you walk in the house at 7:00 p.m. or 12:00 a.m., and it not being a discussion is paramount. I shouldn’t have to explain where I’ve been, I just want to sleep. And that’s when it sinks in, “Buddy, you need to be single.” You think to yourself, “Really.” Well, yes, you should remain single if you are the type of person that I am in life. The problem is, is that most people don’t stay single. They want someone to accept their personality, but that’s just not realistic. Because a relationship is about compromise, not doing things you genuinely want to do. That’s when I get that not interested feeling in my stomach.

At first, it is something that is depressing, but you know your mind better than anyone. You know deep down inside why, but it hurts. But for me, at age 30 years old, I say to myself, “Oh, ok, this is what this is.” The “oh” is coming to realization that you mean I have to do what to date or be in a relationship. That is why I never have been in one. I have to speak to your friends, or get to know your family members. What the hell for, can’t I just be with you, and not have to be in their presence. Then you pause and say, “Yeah, maybe being me is a risk.” Because in the end, you have to have a non-negotiable list. The things you will deal with and not deal with in life. And my list is I should not have to speak to friends or family I don’t want to talk to or may not like; I should not have to do relationship people things like be around other couples; and I should not have to consult with you before doing anything. And those top three will keep you single. But I love the me that I am. And coming through adulthood I have become happier and more aware; and that’s what’s important.


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VULNERABILITY: HOW IT’S HARD FOR US TO BE HONEST WITH US ABOUT OURSELVES

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“I can, can you you say the same?”


When I first started writing, it was back in 2011 at an attempt to write my first screenplay. But since then I have realized something with my writing. It has made me realize how transparent I have become because of what I write. In order to be good as a literary, you have to be as honest as possible, and why not start with yourself. I have come to terms with what is screwed-up about myself, and I am bent on changing that thing or things. Not only have I come to terms, but I am also in a mental space where I can talk about those issues and share them with the world. So my question to you all is, how come people have a hard time putting themselves out for others to see the real them. Where does that internal feeling come from that make us go into a shell when put in stressful situations.

One of the main reasons we hide is because of shame. We might have something in our personal lives that is far from the norm of society, but we can’t talk about it. So we hold it inside hoping that no one is able to see that internal thing that is us. And when put into positions where we are forced to explain ourselves, it becomes even more difficult to converse. These socially awkward moments are because man constructed society to give us even today a template for what’s socially acceptable. And anyone that deviants from that norm is seen as having a problem. I have things that I like that deviant from the norm, but unlike those who hide from it, I am able to converse about the things I like. But besides the shame, what are other reasons that people can’t be open with who they are in society.

Another reason is that we want to stand out front and be unique, but then when put in a real unique situation we run. It’s because what makes us unique that is hidden deep within us is not a unique quality that others can grasp and understand. Meaning, your unique quality might be mathematics, but how you become so good at it is because you see the numbers in front of you. Sometimes to the point that the numbers seem to float in the air. It sounds like you’re in serious need of a psychiatrist, but it’s real. Some people’s minds are made up a certain way that discerns information a hell of a lot different than the rest of us. They can understand and wrap their minds around problems in the strangest ways that the rest of us cannot. And ultimately, what will you learn by opening yourself up.

In the end, it’s like Marianne Williamson’s famous Our Deepest Fear passage from her best selling novel, A Return to Love. “When we let our own light shine, we subconsciously give others permission to do the same.” “When we are liberated from our fears, we automatically liberate others.” Don’t worry about the immediate nay sayers because it’s about the bigger picture. You’ll open yourself and masses who feel the same as you, or make people want to do what you do the more you open up. And that’s when you make the immediate connection of bringing people close who see you as a guide to a more prosperous life that they should be living.


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YOUR VISION NOT ANYONE ELSE’S: WHY THEY DON’T BELIEVE IN YOU

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“Don’t expect them to believe in you.”


Someone I work with today was informing me that they have had enough and it was time to pursue their purpose. They were about the quite work and embark on their journey to their own personal greatness. It struck me as odd because this was a person who worked a lot, but now they were quitting. But I am embarking on my own journey, and I don’t know what road it will take me down. And that’s when it hit me, I don’t know this person’s inner workings. Maybe they feel that they have it figured out and things are finally making sense inside of their heads. The pieces are starting to come together and everything is working out for the best. But what is it about the people who don’t see your vision? They can not see you past what you are in the moment, and it takes them longer. Sometimes they never turn around, and only live to see you falter.

The reason being is that they may now have passions of their own, or they might not want to see you above them. If you are working a dead-end job and someone is above you, why would they want to see you prevail in life. They might hate their job just as much as you hate yours, but at least they have the upper hand over you. What happens when you overshoot the runaway of what they expected. Your airplane was never supposed to have made it out of the gate. But you have managed to fly off the runway and into the sky. So much so that you are cruising at altitude while they are still at the terminal watching you soar in the air. And that is when it sinks into their head that they must try to say something, anything to get you to stop working.

Because if they give you the confidence to keep pushing, then what is there out here for them. And that’s when you learn that there are people who look at life in the scope of their failures is your success. If you doing so much and they are not where you are, then what does that say about them. So they have to bring you down a few pegs. But if your life is in so much of a wrecked place, do something about it. Don’t try to bring someone else down because you have not landed on your feet. You are not where you thought you would be by now, so in an attempt to not feel alone, you want to keep them where you are in life. This also falls into the whole crabs in a barrel mentality. You are fine by me, so long as we all are stuck in this one place together. And that’s when you have to make moves to separate yourself.

Because in the end, your personal growth is your growth. It’s not up to you to help another adult figure out their stuff in life. You are responsible for your own problems. So as you pursue your dreams, don’t listen to the crowd noise. Your main goal should be to try to tape into the minds of those that love and respect your vision. You are going to always have adversaries, that’s the nature of the game. Just as long as you meet your expectations, that’s all that truly matters.


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SELFISH ME: WHY YOU SHOULD BE A DICTATOR WITH YOUR LOVE

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“Only to those who deserve it.”


In life, when dealing with people no matter what the relationship capacity, you must be a dictator with your love. And what do I mean by being a dictator with your love? I mean you must be very authoritative, and translate to people what it is you want and expect. And if they are not willing to meet you there, then you must move on from them. Because you only have one life to live, and you don’t want to waste it on people not worthy of your time and occupying your space. Some call it acting funny; well, good. Humans have been around for ions of time. And the fact that you only have on average 78 years on this planet means you should spend your time well. Make whatever time you have on Earth count. So when people mean you no good, get rid of them.

Like I said before, you will lose people. But that is an aspect of life the comes with maturing; it’s called widening the gap. You start at a certain point with each other and along the journey you elevate. And the way for you to come to where the people you left behind are, is to come down. Now you’re compromising your time, space, energy, love, and overall existence. And you shouldn’t be compromising because you’re living the best you and running your race in life. They are the ones who should be rising to the occasion. Why are you the one sacrificing for them, when you have a mission on this planet. Now you can slow down while you’re running your race, but if you are passed by, then don’t complain. Because you were in the race, but you chose to slow down. Everyone has to grow up and become an adult. It’s not your job to raise people.

This is all why you must be such a dictator with your love. Everyone is not meant to be in your life. With that said, you must also learn the art of not giving a “F**k.” Love no one more than you love yourself, and be righteous when you say it as well. Those who understand that you are heading in a positive way and use that as a platform to propel themselves will understand. Because people who are of this mind will flock in and around each other. But those who are just in it for hanging around and occupying time won’t. They want to be in your life as part of the finished product that is you; the more polished you. But they are the ones who are not willing to get their hands dirty in the architectural building of you.

So in the end, you must be very selfish with who you give yourself to. You might have thought this topic was going to be about dating. But it’s more than just dating. It’s for dating, friendships, family, and strangers you come in contact with in life. When you let people occupy your space that aren’t worth your time, you do yourself an injustice. They mean you no good, and can only hurt your growth in the long run. So dump them and dump them fast, or watch yourself unravel along with them.


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I’M NOT QUIET OR LONELY, JUST IN THOUGHT: WHY DO WE ASSUME INTROVERTED IS UNHAPPY

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“Being to yourself gives you time to reflect.”


A lot of people throughout my life have told me that I am an introverted person. They have asked me why am I so stand off-ish or why do I like being so lonely. But there is a reason why I have become the person that I am today. For starters, I am an introverted person, but I am not stand off-ish nor am I lonely. Because stand off-ish people are unaware of self so they have a hard time in conversations with substance. And there is also a vast difference between someone who is alone and lonely. I am a person who spends time alone, but I am far from lonely. But how does a person be alone and not lonely? Aren’t they one of the same? Yes, they are, but to an extent. So why do we perceive people to be lonely and stand off-ish, or even disconnected when they don’t converse as much?

Well the reason we give people these types of labels has a lot to do with being human. When you are a human, we all want and yearn for some level of companionship in our lives. It can come in many different forms: doesn’t matter if it is a pet or a friend, or even a monogamous relationship. We all want to be close to someone or something that makes us feel like we exist on Earth. But you can also have people around you and still feel alone and shut out. Well, how is that the case? It’s because not everyone is meant to be in your life. And you should really assess who you allow into your space before you make the leap to bring them close to you. These people not meant to be in your life are the leaches who will suck you for everything you got, and then they’re gone once they have what they have come for.

Another reason why we look at people who are to themselves as lonely is because it’s what is associated with depression and anxiety. People who suffer from these illness typically exemplify the characteristics of a person who is lonely. They feel uncomfortable when put in social settings because of their own insecurities. So they typically shy away from people and keep to themselves. And there is a great deal of truth to this claim. Because I am a person who has been kept back because I have dealt with these internal issues in my life. Throughout life, I have been self conscious, depressed, lacked confidence, and anxious. So a lot of times I strayed from so many social situations because I felt this way. But it wasn’t until I became an adult I realized who I really was: which goes back to what I said earlier about self awareness. And that is the key to understanding yourself and others to understands themselves as well.

In the end, I have learned a few things by being alone. I have learned to have a great deal of patience because the solitude forces you to be still. You’re in a space alone with your own thoughts. So you have to do a lot of reflecting on your life. You have to look up until this point in life and be happy with where you are and where you are going. This is the moment you become self-aware. I also learned to have an objective opinion because I am not dealing with only the intricacies of my own peer group. So being around different people than myself in society allows me to be more practical. I am not a loner, I am reflecting; I am not lonely, I have plenty of people who love and care about me; I am introverted, but only because I have looked deep within self to find my purpose driven life; and I am not stand off-ish, I just usually stray away from conversations when I have nothing of substance to add. But what I have learned, is that the more time progress, the more people learn about me, the more they understand and respect who I am.


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