BUILD WITH OR ALONE: SHOULD YOU FIND A MATE TO BUILD A LIFE OR NOT

Photo of Man and Woman Holding Hands

“Building together is easier than separate.”


the union

When it comes to pursuing your career, you have to think about some things. One of those things is should I pursue this career alone or with someone by my side. We all would like to go into the world and build, but alone. I mean alone, wouldn’t it be easier with someone. At first we try to go at the build by ourselves, but soon learn how difficult it is to climb alone. And in the process, we meet our significant other and learn two heads are better than one. And here is where most people will build a sustainable life together.

the journey with self

Even with someone in your corner you will have to build a career to some degree alone. So when building purely alone, there comes this hardship with always being to yourself. You don’t have anyone to share anything with; time or stories. The experience of being able to get to that point of success together is diminished. For instance, myself; I am taking this road alone, but I don’t regret it. But that is just me talking, not to say that it’s for anyone else. You just to have a very strong mind, otherwise you will throw your hands in the air and give up. But how will the career build in a relationship be beneficial? I mean after all, the person is not on the job site with you. Your skills are your skills, not their input.

what is the mate’s purpose

When you go to work, it is up to you to be there in the moment and build. Your mate is doing their own thing on their job. So what is their purpose really? Well, for starters, like I said before, you have someone to share your journey with. But besides that, the agony of working a job and then coming home is tough alone. But when there is someone there, they are able to take off the extra that you would otherwise endure alone. They will give the courage to continue forging forward. So the feeling of dealing with work’s struggles are shared.


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COURTING: HOW RELATIONSHIP UNIONS HAVE CHANGED OVER TIME

Photography of Couple Holding Hands

“Where have we gone wrong?”


dating norms

In life, we all want to meet that right person. But in a society where so much has changed, how do you go about meeting that right one? Because dating is not what it used to be in the old days. There was a process one had to go through before you were able to date. And that process always by way of the man getting grilled.

You had to qualify yourself for a date with a woman before even actually really getting to know her, but her family. That’s right, mom and dad had to have the final say. And then you were able to go on that date. And don’t even think about asking for sex. You were lucky to get  peck on the cheek, if that much.

process of the past

When you look at the past the steps you had to go through as follows:

Introduction
  • When you were a guy interested in a woman in the distant past, you had to first introduce yourself to the girl’s parents. Mainly, you had to let the girl’s father see you. And that doesn’t mean a date, it just means you’re interested so he knows.
Parental Discussion
  • Here is the part where the girl’s parents sit her down and they have a discussion with her. Asking her questions regarding who the boy is, and where is he from. Sometimes the girl acted as if she didn’t know, but she knew. And that would lead to the next step.
Parental sit down
  • This is the part where the boy is sat down in the house and asked a series of questions. Who is your kin? Where do you live? What does his parents do for a living? What is his intentions?
Parental Permission
  • And finally you get a chance a to go on that date, but you first have to get it cleared as the guy with your family. And they have to assess if its ok as well.
Date Night
  • And finally, the date night. Which is not really a date night because it’s at a well lit place. Usually you’re eating at a diner where there are people who know your family. And there is a time restriction for how long you be out.

the new norm

The new ways in which we date have taken on new meaning. Now online dating is all the rage, and you don’t have to meet a woman’s family. You just have to approach and if she is with it then, what the hell, you guys date. Only problem is that women come in contact with more problem today because of the changes.

Whereas you had to meet dad in the past, that doesn’t exit today. But things always change and take on new meanings. And dating is no different; but what will inevitably come of all this change.


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IMPERSONAL DATING: WHY AMERICA HAS CHANGED SO MUCH IN THE DATING WORLD

Related image

“We have voices for a reason.”


human connections

As human beings we have built not only civilizations, we have built human connections throughout history. But in recent history we have lost an aspect of that human connection. And one of those areas has to be with how we date in society. People are not really approaching each other anymore, it’s all bout the social media connection. We look at each other’s profiles and judge on the basis of that alone. It’s almost as if approaching a person is this ancient way of meeting. Never did people think that dating life would become so impersonal.

dating methods

The above is a commercial from the dating website eHarmony. If you were to ask people in the past, would they be finding love over the internet they would have probably thought you were crazy. And what’s even more odd, just to show you how we have changed, taboo of dating on the internet is young. As a matter of fact, my mother bought me my first computer at age 12 years old. This was back in the year 2000. Just 18 years ago, it was odd to meet someone on the internet for a date, now it’s commonplace. But what are other ways people are meeting in today’s society?

TINDR & GRINDR
  • These are two dating apps where you can meet someone more instantly, but it is not geared toward monogamous relationships. Tindr is used by singles to swipe left or swipe right to Related imageexpress interest or a lack of interest in someone. If you like them and want to meet you swipe in the direction of interest and proceed forward. Grindr is that same way, but it’s more centered toward the gay community. There is an aspect of these apps that is adventurous, but also it takes away from the building of relationships if you’re only interested in the initial physical encounter and that’s it.Related image

 

 

 

is it all bad?

We all like to think that generations who come after us are doing it wrong. We want to believe that we have the best solutions for dating in society. What’s interesting is that in the next 25 – 30 years you will have people whose mothers and fathers met off of Tindr, Grindr, eHarmony, JDate, and Black People Meet. It won’t seem odd, and will also be looked at as archaic to see life otherwise. And who knows, maybe in enough time, life will go back to how things used to be in our grandparents generation. But as for now, this is dating in society.


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LET ME UPGRADE YOU: WHAT IS DATING UP TO YOU

Image result for moet and glass

“Come talk to me when you’re on my level.”


In an American society where commerce dictates so much of how we live and how we behave, how does this commerce relationship we have in this country effect our dating lives? For men, you know what you have to bring if you’re going to be living in this capitalistic based society. And as for women, you’re steady trying to find that guy who you see as your equal or above. But when you are a man in this country it can be a tougher go. You know you have to be in a certain place in your life by a certain time. Women can live with their parents and still demand from men the same things as a woman with her own form of success. With that said, what are the thoughts on dating up? Because dating up is more of a woman’s viewpoint, but for men only under certain circumstances.

Women have to date up; why well it’s simple. So many men are trying to get with you, whether to be in a relationship or just for sexual intercourse. So you have to more picky, and there is a lot more thought that goes into choosing a guy. And the prettier the woman, the harder it is for her to find a potential mate. Because the pool of men who want to be with you is even higher. Unlike men, who see this as an opportunity to date around because we have so many options, for women it can be harder because of so many options. So when a woman does choose a guy, he’s going to have to really step up, especially if she is a woman that’s used to guys at a certain level trying to talk to her. Now that does not necessarily translate into just finances, it’s that and more. But are there times when men have to upgrade as well. We, unlike women, don’t have to, but there are those that do.

When it’s time for men to upgrade, we have to do so when finances are involved. Because to us marriage is an investment that only we can lose for the most part financially. So when a man becomes financially successful, he becomes that pretty girl. And that’s when he starts to be extra selective with the women that he dates. He has to learn to sense out the very things that women have to sense out about men when choosing. Because just like with every man trying to get with a woman, so many women look at you as this total package. But not all of them are worthy, so you have to shuffle through the plethora of women like women do us. See, in the end, finding that person you feel is on the level you want them to be is important to so many. As a matter of fact, it is more important now than any other time period prior. But if finances is that one thing you’re trying to seek out alone as a woman it will be harder to find; jut like we as men can’t just chase a woman for aesthetics purposes only.


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FEMININE PLIGHT: WHY IT’S HARDER FOR WOMEN TO FIND MARRIAGE THAN ME

bride, cake, ceremony

“They need more than we do.”


When seeking out a potential mate in a relationship, I am quite lucky to be a guy in society. As a man with two sisters, I can tell you first hand that the life of a woman is a hell of a lot harder when choosing a mate than men. And the reason why I say that is because it’s almost like men are this lottery ticket that they (women) need to scratch to see if we’re worth something. Men can hold on to a lotto ticket that is less valuable and it not reflect on us in society. So a man can look for a woman outside of her accomplishments, while the woman choose based on his treatment of her and his accomplishments. We are more inclined to be able to sway while it’s harder for women. Why is that, is it that women have to maintain a certain decor that we don’t; is it societal or biological.

Well, there is a biological and a societal aspect of women choosing men to be in relationships. The societal reasons why has to do with how we over time have constructed our civilizations to make women choose. If you are a very successful woman with a less successful guy, then a question of your standards comes in play. A man can be a CEO in a relationship with a school teacher, yet it’s harder on the flip-side. Number one, him lower than her on the financial totem pole is hard for her because women are told in society that he need to be somewhere near her. She is seen as irresponsible and he is seen as lacking as a man. But we are totally aloud to be with a woman with less, and at times nothing at all. So as much as we think we’re in this new equal space its still not so. But where does nature lie in the choosing of a mate.

A lot! Nature plays a major role in how women have to choose as well. A man who is more successful and more productive is naturally seen as more attractive. Why, well from a nature response there is a procreating piece that women start to think about in regards to having a family. His productivity and efficiency is stable enough to start a family with him. There is a physiological action that takes place internally that women shut down a lot quicker than men. So when a man approaches a woman, they (women) quickly start to process their response, constantly thinking forward as to their response because of their vulnerable position. And the older the woman get, the harder it becomes to find a mate because there are so many social stigmas attached to why she is not married with children.

In the end, men are like pretty girls when we are successful. And at times, more beautiful than the women who want to be with us. Meaning, we have the key to what you want in us. You need a man whose doing something and going somewhere in life. We can have and we cannot have it. So for the woman it’s a tougher go, and a lot of women settle for someone she never thought she would be dating. Then there are the group who just spend their lives dating around and never marry and have children. They become a second mom to their nieces and nephews if they have them. All because the guy she wanted is not at her level or near. Meanwhile we choose when we want and how we want, and it’s all a matter of how we feel about her as a woman, not necessarily where she is at in her career.


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SEXUALLY INADEQUATE: WHAT IF YOUR PARTNER COULDN’T SATISFY YOU

Close-up of Woman Holding Condom

“Not so pleasurable.”


Scenario: You meet this person and agree to a date. You go on the date, date goes well. Then after some time the relationship starts to get serious. You love their energy, conversation, and how well they treat you. Then you eventually you find yourself in an intimate setting under intimate circumstances. And here you are about to have sex with the person you’re in relationship with, and, yuck, just like that, disappointment. What would you do and how do you deal with the situation? Are you able to be in a relationship, or better yet a marriage with someone who does not please you sexually? Are you willing to give up a relationship to go out searching for someone else who can please you? There are people who say it’s not worth losing someone, but just as you have those people, you have the other side that feel like it’s worth losing.

Well, let’s look at both sides of the coin. First and foremost, let’s start with the why you should stay. This passage on why you should stay is important because in a society where relationships, especially good ones are hard to come by, is it worth losing and starting over for sex. How about looking at some statistics for sex. Researchers have compiled stats and found out that average sex last somewhere in a range of 7 to 13 minutes. Anything under the 7 minute mark is considered too inadequate, and sex lasting significantly longer than 13 minutes is too long. So why am I giving the stats for sex time? Well, it’s because if you’re going to give up a good relationship for sex, know that the average couple has sex twice per week on average less than 10 minutes. Is 10 – 20 minutes in a week worth an entire relationship?

But now, how about the flip-side of the situation. And that is that sex is more than just the act itself. Being physically into someone translate into a whole host of other areas. It can effect how you communicate on a daily basis, and it has potential of effecting your mood throughout the day. Well, how so? People who reported having more pleasurable partners during sex, show a higher satisfaction in the relationship which leads to less fighting and more fulfillment out of life. But also sex is important because if you’re going to be dating this person, or better yet married, shouldn’t you be sexually into the person. How do you spend the rest of your life with a person in marriage that you have no physical attraction to; that can cause a strain in the relationship. So in essence, it does make sense to a degree to want to end a relationship.

In the end, rather you should end it or not is ultimately up to you. There is no right or wrong answer as to what you should do because everyone approaches the situation differently. But whatever you shall choose, know that you made a decision and live with that decision. Because people tend to stay or leave then get mad at the other person for staying, or angry at others for leaving. Know that is your decision, and as long as you can live with that decision, then make whatever choice you have to make.


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SWITCHING UP THE CONTRACT: WHY THE BEGINNING IS NEVER THE REAL DEAL

Related image

“Signed and sealed.”


Ever get the feeling that you signed up for a relationship that is not winding-up like you thought it would pan out. You met this person one way and they switched up on you the moment the relationship started. When you first met them, whatever you loved about them changed. You feel like you’ve been robbed and cheated of something you were promised. It’s like someone buying you a gift for Christmas with beautiful wrapping paper, then the box was empty inside. Imagine the frustration at receiving an empty Christmas gift. In the beginning, you both gave each other a sheet of paper to sign. This was a contract, and you were supposed to hold up your end of the bargain. But after a while the contract was forgotten about and shelved. Now the person is in breach of contract for the breaking the rules of the document.

For so many who experience the break in contract, you feel cheated like I said prior. I hear everyone put their best foot forward, but come on. We are all on our best behavior, but you’re talking the person completely changed their entire identity. That is not putting your best foot forward, that is lying and portraying yourself to be something that is absolutely nothing of who you really are in a relationship. So what do you do if you’re experiencing the change up in contract? If you’re dating, you can easily end the relationship, but not in marriage. In marriage, you’re stuck in a situation that you can’t get yourself out of, even if you tried. So, with any contract that you can’t break, you have to hopefully pray that the other person breaks before you do. And if someone doesn’t break, you’r stuck in a partnership you can’t afford to leave.

And why do people switch up the contract, it’s either because they lied about who they are, or they can’t keep up the persona that they introduced to you. The lying exist because these people are miserable and want someone to revel in their misery as a couple. But for the most part, people have a hard time maintaining the person they say they were in the contract. And whatever made you desired is lost because that desirable thing you had was intricate to the contract. So the desire becomes lost; but what’s funny is that the desire can come back. Yet most people give up after a while and the contract is null and void once there was a initial breach in the beginning.


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