ENTERTAINMENT BABYSITTERS: WHY DO WE EXPECT OUR ENTERTAINMENT TO CARE FOR OUR CHILDREN

Crescent Moon and Cloud Wind Chimes

“They have a job, but not raising our children.”


not their parents

Whenever I see parents get angry at the celebrities for letting their children down, it always struck me as odd. How did they let your child down? That i your job to let them down in life. If your child’s life crumbles because of the indiscretions of athletes or entertainers, then you as a parent failed somewhere. There is no reason why athletes and entertainers should be the driving force in your child’s life.

transfer responsibilities

A lot of parents unlike the past have to work nine to five jobs. Where as in the past the father worked and mom stayed home. Now there is little time to focus on the child because parents have to work. So now, more then ever, we are seeing the kid gain so much of their insights from the internet and entertainment.

Now is that the fault of the entertainer, no because their job is to entertain not teach. and parents have become upset that they are not able to have a career and have their children. So now, every single public figure now becomes the parent to the kid when the biological parent isn’t around.

maybe it’s you

Parents hate to admit that their child/children are the way they are because of bad parenting. But a lot of the problems that persist from parents is just that; parenting. Saying I have to work is not good enough because they are your responsibility. So no matter what, people will look to you as the parent. Because if you’re not going to shift blame for their success, don’t be so quick to shift blame for failures.


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HOLDING THEM CLOSE: WHY WE THINK LYING PROTECTS CHILDREN IN LIFE WHEN IT DOESN’T

adult, affection, baby

“We think it helps but it does more damage.”


parenting

When raising children, parents do everything in their power to make sure that child/children is taken care of; if they’re responsible. And sometimes this goes overboard to the extent of not showing and preparing them for the real world. And we starting to see that now in a generation of young people.The whole every kid gets a trophy; this something for nothing mentality.

And what it does is not set up a child for success, but sets them up for heartache and pain. Because you have to learn to lose early on in life so you can be ready for the real hardships down the line. And I don’t see cuddling them and shielding them as a means of aiding them in life. So why am I bringing up this particular topic in our cultural month.

teens take the NRA

Image result for emma gonzalez

Then photo above is of the young female leading the protest against gun violence, Emma Gonzalez. Emma is a student at Parkland High School, a school in Florida where a former student came in with an AR-15 rifle and shot and killed former classmates. Her as well as countless other young teens are challenging the 2nd Amendment to the Constitution of the United States.

Only problem is that when you are 17 years old you don’t quite understand certain aspects of a civilization until you reach a certain age. There is an emotional piece and a rational piece to what is being protested. The emotional is the anger toward the gun violence, while the logical is to say lose guns is saying end drug use, it goes deeper than that when you understand the human psyche and us as a species.

So what does this have to do with culture of parenting, a lot. Because besides the kid who shot up the school, we need to also explain as parents the rational side of the death penalty, guns, law enforcement. And sometimes we don’t because we don’t want to expose them to the dangers of life to soon. But that is something we must do. Sure parents march with them, then retrn to work and normal Monday morning. It’s fine to march, but it must be also met with rationale of the real world.

whose to explain

So overall, you as the parent must explain. It’s tough because you don’t want to frighten them, but this is the real world. It’s an imperfect world, but the only world we have, so explain. Explain with emotion, and with logic so they know and understand how to tackle issues without losing all logic, but still retain enough emotion to connect to people.


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SCIENCE OF PARENTING: WHAT MAKES WOMEN CLOSER THAN MEN

blanket, boots, care

“We are not like them.”


the job aint easy

You ever hear people say that the job of raising children is not an easy? Well, it is; I don’t have any, but observing my mother raising children, I can tell it was a struggle. The feat of not only getting up making sure they are fed, but placing them into the world. You have to let go and realize they are in the world and trust they make the right decisions. Because the kid part are the cute years, it’s when we get older where the job becomes difficult. Once those adolescent years hit and friends become more of an influencer than parents, that’s when the job gets tough. But this topic is more than that, it’s about the relationship that each parent has with the child/children.

gender differences

The science behind why a woman is connected to the child more is simple. She is the one who carried the kid, so there is a deeper bond than the man has with the child. Men can easily role around and play with the kid then head off to work. We have that ability to connect then disconnect in an instant. But all throughout the day, especially when the child is a baby, women can’t do the same. It is impossible for a woman to tune out when the kid is young. She is able to do so as the kid gets older, and ready to take on their own identities. But is there more behind the idea that women connect better than men? Meaning, what is the even deeper science behind mom and dad bonds.

evolution

Humans have attachments to each other which aids in our ability to coexist as a planet. But when we have children men bond differently then women. And there is a science to this bond. My best guess is that men were never meant to be in the life of the child. Father’s being around is a social construct more than it is biological. Don’t get me wrong, men still will fight and die for their young, but were we supposed to be a community like we are today. There are social means as to why we as men stick around: give the kid guidance, be an example for what the kid shall be in life, a protector in the household, an additional contributor to the family, and a partner for the woman. These are social constructs, but biologically, we don’t have those attachments because maybe we were never meant to have them. That doesn’t excuse deadbeat fathers, it just aims at understanding why we can be great fathers, yet disconnect to get work done, or even become better disciplinarians.


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PARENTAL MENTAL: HOW YOUR CHILD’S MIND IS SHAPED BY YOU AS THE PARENT/S

adult, adventure, baby

“You give them confidence or take it away.”


IT’S YOUR JOB

So many young people are entering the world afraid of their chances at success. But whose job is it to prepare them for the world? I’ll tell you whose job it is, it’s the parents. Your job as a parent/s is to make sure your child/children have the ability to say to themselves, “Life is tough, but I can do this, I can make it.” Yet there are so many who can’t cope because mom and dad didn’t properly show them the way. Now the kid is an adult thinking it’s society’s job to raise them.

HOW DO YOU GIVE IT

Parents are to give their children the confidence that they have had in order to make it in the world. But that’s assuming the mind of the parent/s are in the right place. How can a parent shape the mind of the child if theirs is so ruined. So that means now you have ruined parents raising children that will enter our society, who then in turn affect all of our lives. And you give them the confidence by making them realize that failures will come, but ultimately there is light at the end of the tunnel. And that they also are great in every shape and form, yet they must prove this by exemplifying it in the world.

HOW “WE” SUFFER

Notice I said how we suffer with the we in quotations. And the we is referring to the masses of people in the dominant society. When parents don’t give their children the proper guidance and encouragement, everyone else suffers who has to come across them. And that doesn’t just mean parents who were absentee, I’m also referring to parents who raise their kids making them think every kid should be handed something for nothing. Teaching them that their 50% is someone else’s 100%. Then they step into the world and realize that their 50 is 50, and my 100 is 100. And that my 100 will always beat your child’s 50.

IN MY OWN LIFE

Growing up for my sisters and I at least, you just knew their was nothing that was going to be given to you. You had to put forth effort in everything you did in life. And you were also in the know that you were going to stink at a lot more than you were going to be good at, so find what you’re good at and work to achieve greatness. Because inevitably the world could care less about your tears when you have nothing to show. It will be you who people judge, not how you grew up or any downfall you may have encountered in life.


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WHEN BLOOD AINT BLOOD NO MORE: WHEN IT’S TIME TO CUT OFF FAMILY

Image result for losing family

“Sometimes they’re worse than enemies.”


We are connected by blood, grew up with each other, and as you age you may have to cut them off: family. I have not had to make this decision, but there are people who have had to do so. I was listening to the radio when I heard a hip hop artist talk about having to cut off his own brother for stealing money from him. His brother stole $300,000 and now that relationship has to be severed. Because it’s not really about the money as it is about the idea of him ripping off his own family. How do you steal from someone so close to you? But that is when you see people’s real motives, and how far they are willing to go when they want something. So what are other reasons that one must cut off family from their lives? Well, what about the entitlement aspect of being related to someone.

In family, you are supposed to pull your weight and aid those in need when they do from themselves. But what happens when the person has this give me because we’re blood mentality. You are not entitled to have just because you’re blood. You’re also not obligated to care for family like a child or children, especially if the person/s are able-bodied adults. My grandmother told me about life growing up in the state of Mississippi. She said that every family had a plot of land, no matter how big or small. And it was very important you tended to that land everyday. Because if you didn’t tend to your land everyday, then you and family didn’t eat when crop came through for everyone else. Hopefully, a neighbor and/or family nearby had some leftover crop, otherwise you were screwed. And it was that thought process which kept people together. Kept people strong as one. You had to get up when everyone else was getting up and sleep as well.

But today, there is this built in ideology that since we have the same blood flowing through our veins we are indebted to each other. And what’s crazy is that we are not part of the architectural design of each other. You have to not only be there in good, but in bad as well. You have to expect to give as well as asking for something. And as my mother raised my sisters and myself, “If you don’t call that person on a consistent basis, then don’t call them when you need something.” She was telling us that you are supposed to deal on the basis of sentiment, not cents. Call them to say hello, not just because you see some benefit in it for you. And once it becomes a relationship built on I need, and give me, then you have to disconnect. Because now, the person/people don’t respect you anymore. Because it’s easy to make a demand when you have not done anything to get what you are asking for form the person.

In the end, it’s all about respect and boundaries. They have to understand you have a life and they have a life. There is nothing wrong with under-girding those that are close to you. But once the relationship comes to the point of me, me, me, and you’re sacrificing your own piece of mind, then you have to disconnect. Because you never love anyone more than you love yourself. Even if the it comes at the cost of losing people. You only have one obligation to one person in this world, and that is you. Help those around you, but understand that help is purely voluntary and not owed.


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GIVE EM THE FACTS: WHY MORE PARENTS SHOULD BE TRANSPARENT

adult, adventure, baby

“Tell them so they don’t figure out the hard way.”


Ever since I was a child, my mother made it her business to prepare my and sisters and I for the world ahead. And it was quite helpful, as I can tell you so far everything I was taught I have experienced. From dealing with people who try to get over, to dealing with jobs and the stress that comes with that as well. But my question which ties into the topic today is, why don’t more parents prepare their children for the real world? And I don’t mean raising them to be responsible and hard working. I’m talking about, with what you experience. Tell them in detail how society has impacted your life, and the real relationships you’ll encounter in adulthood. Most parents either tell children, “You’ll see,” or “work hard.” But these are very vague responses. They don’t provide much insight.

And what do I mean by providing a little more insight. Tell children how, especially when you get out of school, that your degree alone won’t help them get a job. Tell them how when you get out, chances are, you’re going to be working a job you hate initially. Landing a dream job takes more skills and more work. Explain to them how your supervisor may ask you to do something, and when you do that order in which you were given, the order fails. Then instead of the boss taking respectability for being wrong, they transfer blame onto you. Because their incompetence will cost them their job, they have to make you look stupid. And you can’t flip out on them because you will lose your job, and you need your job. So you learn to suck it up even when you’re right, and you grow to resent your job. Tell them the whole game.

Explain to them when they get in relationships that there is a control aspect to being in the relationship. Someone may want to have the upper hand in your life just because they are with you. And this may require detaching from them, and starting fresh with someone else. Tell your child how emotional people get once they start having sex, and how someone might try to use this as a means of controlling you as well. Know when to get out of a toxic situation and how. But while you’re teaching them this, make sure to tell them that you should never give anyone any bit of your time not willing to reciprocate. You don’t want to be your child’s friend, but make them realize they should come to you before their friend because you and only you are in their best interest. Also tell them how to manage their finances.

Teach your child that when you get a check, you don’t run to the store and spend, spend, spend. Living for today and not tomorrow is not smart. We might not wake up tomorrow is a reality, but plan for tomorrow, hell even next week even if it doesn’t happen. Money can be considered the root of all evil, but you need it to survive. So explain how you may or may not need wealth, but you don’t want poverty. And tell them how they can be somewhere in the middle. Teach them to know what they’re getting into before they get involved. Meaning, if you are comfortable with all the risk of making a decision, make it, but also live with it. And in the end, everything I have said was explained to me by my mother growing up. She spoke to her children like adults, not like her kids. We knew because she told us; so now I ask you, “Do you tell yours the truth?”


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NOT WORTH THE TROUBLE: WHY I DON’T WANT KIDS

Image result for NO KIDS

“Saving myself from what could be a disaster.”


Since becoming an adult I have been pondering over the idea of whether I want to become a parent someday or not. And as time progress, I know I don’t want to get married. But what about a child. Right now, I know I don’t want children, though I think about it. Who knows how I will feel at the age of 40 or 50 years. Because next month, I will be 30 years old, and I still feel the same about having children now as I did as a 20 year old. But also, my ideas of marriage and relationships have not changed either. The only aspect of my life that has changed is success in a career. So why haven’t I changed my stance of children?

Well, my main reason I don’t want children is because I don’t want to deal with the idea of dealing with the other person. Once you have children, there is a dual input in raising a child that I don’t want to adhere to. I have my way that I want to do things and that is that. Now, I do believe that someone else may have a better way. But it’s not about a better way, it’s about my way I want things to go. So with that said, it wouldn’t be best to have children with someone. My best way to go about having children might be to adopt one day. This way I can raise my child how I want to raise them. But are there other reasons that are keeping me from parenthood?

The other reason I don’t want children is because of the aspect of who having to always make them your life. Once you have children, they are your life. You have no other choice because even on hard and depressed days, you have to suck it up and deal. There is no out, most often, parents wish there was somewhere other than here at the moment. Yes, if you’re famous, you can hire a nanny, but most Americans can’t afford a babysitter, must less a nanny. So they have to find a way to deal with their lives. And although this is not a human existence that you genuinely want to live all the time, it’s a must. Children have no choice in their existence, so it’s a thought before having them.

Now, the third reason, is because there are so many things I want out of life. And having children get in the way of those things. And for the most part, they’re not that big of a deal, except when you have kids. Like, living in New York City, I’ll get up and just go for a walk around the city. Just something so simple, is major when you’re a parent. You can’t just up and leave the house. Because you are no longer alone anymore because there is someone there to depend on you. See, in the end, children are a career outside your daily job. It doesn’t pay, and there is no guarantee that what you teach them will ultimately work. So for now, I live my life for myself and whatever benefits me. But children are still a 10% yes and 90% no, and marriage is still 100% no.


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