GAY IN THE COMMUNITY: HARDSHIPS OF BEING GAY IN A TRADITIONAL BLACK COMMUNITY

Two Men About to Kiss

“Out ain’t easy.”


gay under conservatism 

In the Black community, we have long been so governed under the Christian faith that anything that goes against the grain has been ostracized.  And the issue that falls under this topic would have to be gay relationships. It exist in a community, but not widely talked about in a community. You are refrained from really discussing it, but it’s so in your face in today’s society. But how does it feel to be a member of the LGBT community in such a conservative environment? Me being a heterosexual male, I can’t relate to this, but have heard stories told.

biblical fears

The bible has its many uses, but in certain communities the bible was used to do two things. It was used to enslave and it was used to uplift; crazy right. The enslavement of Black people through Christianity in America was a justified, but the religion has also been used to uplift a community. So the the fundamentalist fears that stand keeps a people from delving too deep into LGBT rights. Since the bible states that it is against it, then most likely there will be a push against it.  Which means there is a clear separation between how one feels as a person and how one views the relations via the bible.

generational shifts

There is something to be said about the change in times. Because this is more of an issue to an older generation. Because if you are under a certain age, then this conversation is more of a non-discussion. Because to a younger generation you’re used to seeing Gay couples. Rather it be on television, film, or in our daily lives. So to hear our parents, or even grandparents not accepting is a shock to us. We love our grandparents, and pride ourselves on being open. We even push back against those who speak out against the LGBT community, but we are not ready to deal with our elders who fight against the movement.


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AFRICAN AND AFRICAN AMERICAN: HOW DOES THE MOTHER LAND VIEW US HERE USING THE TERM

Men And Women Wit Kids

“Same color different culture.”


from there here we are

I have always wondered what do Africans think of the term African Americans. Because that term describing Black people in America is actually a young term that was coined not as early as the 1980’s. How do they view the idea of us in America using the word African? Because yes, so many of us are descendants of African slaves forced over in the 1600’s. But what are their thoughts today regarding the wording? And from my understanding it’s an on the fence viewpoint. Because the are Africans who embrace, others reject it.

culture versus ethnicity

There is no doubt where we (Black People) come from as a group. Black people didn’t evolve in this country. We an’t pinpoint the exact area of Africa, but what are the differences between us and them. The obvious are the different cultural ways of life. Black people in America culture comes from the relationship with this country, Africans come from what they created on the continent of Africa. When it comes to ethnicity, our ethnicity in America is unknown because that aspect of us was lost. But overseas in Africa, they held on to their identity. So ethnicity is subject for debate while culture is different.

the struggles we share

There is something we share, and it is not necessarily a good thing. There have been many problems and fights for Africans and us here in America. Africa had their version of Jim Crow, and have had their own civil rights movements. There are slight variations that make our struggles and movements  different.

sights and sounds

When looking at the clothes and listening to the music in Africa, you can’t help but acknowledge where a lot of music in America came from. What’s interesting is that so many musicians don’t even study African tribal music, yet the beats are close to the beats overseas. It’s almost as if this something that we as Black people in America inherited. That ear for song and dance has stuck with us in America.


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TURNING THE TIDES: WHY BLACK AMERICA HAVE NEVER TURNED AGAINST THE US LIKE RADICALS FROM OVERSEAS

Group of Women and Men Standing on Gray and White Concrete Floor

“Not as angry as some may think.”


we have never

In the time since Black people have been in America, those who know best have had understand and were able to bare witness to some scary history. From slavery through the century of Jim Crow, and after throughout America with isolated incidents. But through everything, there has never been a violent response like that of someone from overseas. And what I mean is that you have never seen a response like a 9/11 from the Black community. So why are the men and women in the Middle East so turned up? Because what America has done to them is nothing compared to our relationship. And yet, people outside the country get more enraged.

simpler than you think

The main reason we have never struck America in terrorist fashion is because like a lot of Americans, most people in the Black community want to work and go home. It’s not on the mind of the community on a daily basis as to how to make America pay on a terrorism level. The daily thinking that must be conducted takes away from a normal functioning existence. Because for example, run this experiment. Get as mad as you possible can, doesn’t even matter about what. Make up a scenario in your head, then ponder over it for the never few hours. You’ll wish you have never gotten mad once the experiment is over. It’s because to get mad and stay mad is a very large undertaking. So to commit to an act of terrorism, you’re pass the point of existing. And now you have hit the uncharted territory of extreme mental illness.

the thought has crossed the mind

The anger is there, the rage is there, but the action is not. Trust and believe, even our civil rights leaders have wanted to take it to another level. Especially during their time period, the system aligned itself with the struggle. So fighting the system isn’t going to work through violence because the government has a bigger weapon than the citizens. So having to resort to the nonviolent approach has been a decision we were forced to make. And as a human, we all have a limit, but when forced to keep that emotion bottled and redirected is tougher. But self-preservation kicks in and people tend to not react out of emotion. Because the whole goal of Black people for a long period of time is to survive the encounter.

change in times

Even with the rough history, things have gotten better throughout time. Is the life perfect, far from it. But the Declaration of Independence states, “In an effort to create more perfect union.” Key phrase, “a more perfect union.” All that simply means is better than the prior. And with each passing decade as long as the current is better than the prior, then we as a country are doing better.


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RECONCILIATION: WILL THE BLACK AND WHITE COMMUNITIES EVER END THE TENSION

Photo of Four Persons Uniting Hands

“Ease the tension.”


a history of tension

In the United States over the past few centuries the tensions between the White and Black population has gotten better, but still remain a focal point of discussion in America. And now with the introduction of other groups into the mix like the Hispanic and Middle Eastern community, the dynamics just became more complicated. But over the recent years, there has been a sharp increase in the number of racially motivated problems across the country. Yet the racial relationship between Black and White is the deepest. So how does it end? Will it ever end? Are these one of those things that just go on and on forever, just taking on different dynamics?

steps forward

We like to think that the problems are so far behind us, but they are still relevant. So what are the ways that can change people’s mind-frames on race relations? And the biggest reason why there is a sharp incline is economics. When the chips are down and the stakes high, people start to look for indicators of their economic strife. And no one likes to think that it’s themselves. So we look at our current surrounding and people that look like us, then at others that look different from us. If there is enough people who look different from us with more than we have, that is an easy target for what my problems could be linked to.

Another step in seeing the problem through is for people to actually be honest and say they harbor feelings if ill will toward others different from themselves. No one likes to think of themselves as being racist, but will openly do things that are racist. And will rationalize why it’s not racism.

a future perspective

Let’s say 1,000 years from now, when we look back in history and observe America as a nation. Will we think to ourselves, wow, people actually fought about color. It will seem so primitive. Who knows, America might not even be a country at that point. What’s interesting is that we will have video footage of today, and even the past. Which will took even more odd to a future generation. But my thing about us today is that do we even care. I don’t think people in their daily lives think about how our future descendants will perceive us. Because 1,000 years from now is so insignificant to people’s current problems.


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INTERRACIAL DECISION MAKING: WHY I HAVE NEVER DATED OUTSIDE MY ETHNICITY

Related image

“Such a difficult decision.”


interracial 

Within my life, I have ever dated outside my ethnicity. Not that I don’t find anyone attractive, it’s more than just that. It’s a social aspect of living in America. Living i this country long enough, you realize there is a stigma with being in a relationship with a Black male. So I never even held a real conversation with a woman of another group in years. So I guess you can say I live by the ways of society. But it’s just too much of a job to date. I just want to meet someone and date. Why is everything a subject of debate?

lonely evenings

If you are going to only date your own ethnicity, then be prepared for a lot of lonely nights. Because you may be single for a very long time. Depending on what you want that cut of meat most likely is not available. Or, if you do meet someone in you group, it’s not in the right space and time for you to be in a relationship. But the life I am living is more conducive to women than men. Yet I am not holding out for a specific ethnicity. More so I am not able to deal with the hardships of interracial.

off limits

Remember I said earlier about Black men and stigma. Well, this notion that we are not to be spoken is a real sentiment. So, even in a space where the woman may come from an excepting household, it still is a bigger issue. That probably is a reason why I have been so single for so long. When you are only dating one type of person, that can be a very limiting selection situation. But still, females are told from other groups not to date us, so it’s hard to ignore.

playing life safe

When you play life safe, you will never know what else is out there. But for me, I still have that fear of coming in contact with what so many have to deal with, It’s depressing because you see people you like, who may like you, but the fear lingers. I don’t want to be the reason someone choose me, and it doesn’t work out. Then they lost everything around them for nothing.


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PLAYING FAVORITES: ARE BLACK WOMEN REALLY NOT A DATING CHOICE

Woman Wearing White Sleeveless Lace Shirt

“The selection process.”


the dating pool

In the selection process of dating for so long, there is this held belief that Black women are never the first choice for dating. Now as a man, I don’t believe in that, but let’s for a second observe the theory here. I myself, even though I am an African American, don’t fully understand the selection viewpoint of Black women. Not because I don’t care, mainly because in the paradigm of living have focused on my day-to-day task of survival. Also, even though I have two sisters, I have never asked them about their dating experiences as Black women. It wasn’t until recently now that I am over 30 years old did I really explore this belief.

the available bum

Now, in Black women’s environment there are these guys who lend themselves called, “Ready Made Bums.” They, in my opinion, are nowhere near a reflection of the overall selection pool. But who they are, they are these men who approach women with all the wrong intentions and in all the wrong ways. These men are microwave ready masculinity. Nothing that is of substance, nor anything that is worth satisfying for the long haul, thus the name Ready Made Bums. But like I said before, to what degree do these men exist in comparison to the ones that are out there who are of substance.

self-fulfilling prophecy

It is a known that what we put out there into the universe tends to come to us. So if you are moving about life saying men are bums, not many who aren’t will be around. Meaning, whatever you tell yourself about yourself will formulate even if it’s not true. My question to you would be if you say men are bums, where do you live? What are the venues you tend to hang out at on weekends? Who are your circle of friends? Who are other people in your lives that do have good relationships? Because if your daily life is around people who do have healthy relationships, it will rub off onto you. That’s why it’s important to watch your associations of people close to you.

those in your ear

A word to Black women, beware of the other women in your ear when seeking out a male companion. Especially if that woman giving you advice does not have or has a hard time acquiring herself a man. Because you’re going to also get all the wrong information filtered to you. She’s going to be giving you the advice based on her own problems. Why, well no woman is going to tell you how to get a good man; or introduce you to a good man before she gets a great man herself. That’s like me having a winning lotto ticket, I’m broke, but you need the money more than me. No, I’m cashing that ticket, then once I’m settled I’ll tell you how to get paid.

changing your scenery

Maybe a change in scenery would help Black women who feel this way. Planet Fitness is $10 per month; it’s a great way to meet men. Guys who are into health and wellness tend to have a great outlook on life. Another place to go would be, for those who can afford it, get a membership to a golfing club. A lot of professional men tend to spend their time golfing outside of work. It’s also a great place to make professional business connections as well. Try not to hang in groups, especially when seeking a male companion. Because you will be greatly influenced by the women in your circle. Remember, friends are friends, but friends at times may talk you out of a great relationship because they are thinking about who they think you should be with, not who you really should be with. Overall, get out, try things you never thought you would like: skydive, you biking, join a book club, and speed date.


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YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT: THE UNCOMFORTABLE ASPECTS OF PATROLLING THE INNER CITY

auto, automobile, blur

“Why am I here?”


not my community

Growing up for me in the inner city, the police patrolling the neighborhood was something commonplace. And you would think seeing the police patrolling would be something that is welcomed. Only  thing is that the relationship between law enforcement and the African American community has been fragmented for quite some time. And as I got older I looked in the faces of some of the men in uniform and asked myself the question, “How many of these men actually want to be here?” And when I say here, I don’t mean being a police officer. I am talking about the here, working in the Black community. Because cops become cops to protect “their” community; notice the quotes around their.

i want out

In the prior sentence I stated how serving in a community not your own may cause you to feel uncomfortable on a daily basis. And who knows how many police officers are patrolling a community they don’t want to work, but it’s part of the job. And if they do express discontent, then that becomes a problem as well. So they crossed their fingers and hope to be placed elsewhere. Now, is this a cross the board sentiment from cops, no, but it’s enough. So what must be done for those officers who are in an environment they are that uncomfortable to patrol? Well, I have my own theory in how to deal with such problem.

let them go

In America today, we think that every way to deal with someone is to fire them from their job. So if a police officer came out and said he/she didn’t want to serve in a community unless it reflects them, they would lose their gig. But to me, if you don’t want to be in the community of the people you are serving, why hold them on their jobs. Because we have enough where they are discontent and it’s only going to hurt the community. So let them transfer out because them staying only is going to lead to some problem down the line. Now that statement is controversial because a lot of people feel the cop who says hey prefer not the be around Black people is warranted a dismissal. I just feel removing the person from the environment relaxes the community.And now it becomes one less problem to deal with.


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