TALK WITH SELF: IT’S NOT CRAZY IT’S HOW YOU WORK PROBLEMS

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“You’re not crazy, you’re just deep in thought.”


INTRODUCTION

You ever see people walking down the street and having conversations with themselves? It’s something you see all too often in New York City. But the ones who are having a real full on conversation that you can hear are the ones with other issues going on in their head. Me on the other hand, I have these conversations with self to work out problems. In which I will take myself out of body to have a conversation with self as if it’s more than one person. Then once I figure out solutions to these problems, I come back as one person, and learn to overcome obstacles.

WHY? WHY? WHY?

Now you might ask of me, “Why not just have a conversation with someone else; you know like a real human being?” Well, that’s not a crazy suggestion. The only problem with that, is that sometimes you want a solution to a real complex problem, and not an emotional driven response. Far too often when you have an issue geared at something more complex, people want to interject their belief systems into the equation. And that is such a divisive and ambiguous situation where you get nowhere. It’s actually (talking to self) how we have solved some of the most complex of science problems and found scientific discoveries. These problems solved and discoveries come from the ability to take yourself out of self to solve problems for self with no emotion in it.

HUH, HOW DOES THAT WORK!

Some of you might still be confused as to how you remove yourself from your body into the body of the thinker and not emotional. Because we all have an emotion that drives us and compels us to react a certain way. So how does one differ from the rest of society? This is how one differs from the rest of society. We all have the ability to be logical and rational. But for the most part, people who can create mathematical, scientific, technological, etc. breakthroughs are people who can get out of their own way. Meaning, having the emotion, yet checking it at the door to create something for the greater good. The majority of society can’t because we all feel what we believe is real. Intellectuals just realize, that overall, the majority of humans emotions aren’t going to progress society, so they don’t mean much. So with that, they can take themselves away from self, check their bias at the door, and ultimately create greatness in the their lives and the world at large.


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CONSCIOUSNESS: WHY WE HAVE SUCH A HARD TIME COPING WITH ONE

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“Cognition is our greatest gift and curse.”


Since the beginning of time, people have been trying to figure out why we think and behave the way we think and behave. Where does this consciousness come from and why was it given to us. But our greatest strength that has built civilizations and continue to build is our greatest curse as well. Because in addition to the greatness, we have a history of famine, war, and poverty. We have used our strengths to control the minds of others, leading them down a path of wrongdoing. And this great gift that we have come to know and build so much, takes a toll on us when we are at the end of our lives. Or better yet, knowing that one day we will no longer be here on Earth. The idea of existing is beautiful, but the thought of all this consciousness dying and vanishing creeps us out.

My career goals are writing (screenwriting, playwright, novelist, and blogger), filmmaking, and photography. And when I sit down to generate ideas, with all the challenges of working on my next projects, also comes the great ideas. So where does all this come from that streams through my mind when it comes to telling a story. Is it a gift? Is it something that we are born with individually? Or do we find out a skill we have and build off of that to become great? In my opinion, humans don’t have a gift to inherently perform something that no one else can perform. We are all good at certain actions, but some of us will fight to build off of that, and others will ignore it. This is why we have few great people who go off and prosper at what they do. Like, for example, the movie, Good Will Hunting. Matt Damon’s character was a mathematical genius, but no one pushed him until he found Robin Williams.

In real life, there is no Robin Williams that comes in the form that Robin introduced himself to Damon. You have to put out into the world, and then hopefully someone will see you for your talents and you’ll move into a space where you can publicly express your full potential. Yet if no one is able to see you for what it is that you do, then is everything lost? No, it just means you have to go into the world and show people yourself. And having the cognitive ability to do so is what makes us think to ourselves, how do we get in that frame of mind. What is it in the brain where dots are connected and things start to make sense where we put ourselves in the know.

And in the end, that is the great wonder of the mind. That ability to continue to ask questions and gain insight into ourselves and the world around us. But the more we find out about ourselves, old traditions that have bound us for so long are dying. Religion being on of them. In the past we thought that this light in the sky that is the sun goes everywhere we go. Then it moved on to the Earth is the Earth, and we are pulled by gravitational force to wherever the sun goes. Then we have moved on to the sun not only pulling the Earth, but other planets as well. Now, we would like to know, where is the sun taking us as we orbit around it, shooting through the universe. The more time goes by, the more our minds become expansive, and we learn not just about ourselves, or our planet, but other awe and wonders of the universe that makes up us as well as other connecting universes. Yet with with all that knowledge, our all-knowing minds make us slaves to our own vulnerabilities in the process.


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INTERNAL DUNGEON: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A DARK PLACE

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“Fear, hurt, guilt, anguish; just to name a few.”


Waking p everyday, not knowing what tomorrow will bring. Unsure about your future, and not knowing what direction to take in life. You are in pain, so hurt that you don’t know how much longer you could possibly go on. And on top of it all, you start to contemplate what life would be like if you weren’t alive. That my friend is when you realize that you are living in a very dark place. Whose been in a dark place before? A place so dark that you can’t see your hand outstretched in front of you. Where did it come from and how did you manage to overcome such emotion. So many people on a daily basis battle with this feeling. I know about the feeling because I have, and at certain moments of my life, still feel the darkness. But those moments are not as prevalent today as ther were in the past.

For me at least, I was coming from undergraduate school into to graduate school not really knowing what I wanted to do in life. After college, there is a major drop off point from going to school. You have all these ideas of what you’re going to be doing once school ends. Then school ends and you’re thrown into the thralls of society. Thrown out there with a bunch of wolves who are used to fending for themselves. They were afraid like me once, but they have adjusted and are ready to devour me as I come into the game. And on top of that, you struggle with identity: as a man, in success, and in mental strength. Then I found writing, and it turned me on to a new world. A world of transparency, where I could otherwise not have been transparent previously. Writing is a skill that you are able to fully express yourself, where verbally I was unable to do so.

So in your life, what place were you at, and how did you manage to overcome that deep dark place? Hopefully there were was no physical harm to ones self that came with the darkness. See, there’s a lot of guilt that comes with darkness. Guilt that you might be living a life you know very well you shouldn’t be living. Fears that plague you because you are so unaware of what lies in the future. And the internal pain you feel when you have lost confidence in your ability to progress. In the end, being in a dark place does not have to be permanent. You still have time to save yourself from yourself.


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MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES: WHY IT’S SO EMBARRASSING

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“The battle is real.”


In the United States, millions of people suffer from mental health issues in this country. And the reasons for these issues are very broad and wide. The only issues that I can speak about directly are my own. That’s right, I have dealt with issues concerning mental health for the greater portion of my life. And the issues have been anxiety, depression, and a slight case of bipolar. The majority of it is anxiety with the depression coming soon after. So if I had to break down my internal issues, it would be 70% anxiety, 20% depression, and 10% bipolar. Some stuff is in my head and can be dealt with, while others will never go away. And what’s interesting is that, that internal anxiety that stems from fears have made me more urgent in life. But why would a person like me, as smart, kind, thoughtful, become the three categories?

Well, for starters, it comes from a lack of interest in what everyone else in your peer group is doing. We might see that sometimes as a good thing in life, but it can be bad as well. When you begin to lose interest in the activities of your age group, you feel uncomfortable. Why? Well, when you can’t connect to people your age, you begin to isolate yourself from the group. The conversations that they have and what triggers in you, makes you feel weird. They all are talking about going to the movies or a music festival. But you have no interest in any of the age appropriate fun. And the activities that do spark interest in you, is so past the other kids your age. I never dated also because thinking about dating was more interesting than actually dating. So I lost my virginity late in life as well.

And that lack of interest and inability to connect makes you depressed. Because you are considered weird by your peers. Yet it wasn’t until I became an adult I realized that I was not weird, I just thought in regards to things past my age group. All the other young people my age want to go to SXSW, Coachella, or Lollapalooza; I am trying to become a great writer and academic. Then it hit me, there are plenty of people my age who think the same way as myself. Plenty of people who have become introverts because we see things as it pertains to the world that takes us out of our age group. When your peers are trying to figure out what nightclub to go to on the weekend, you’re trying to gain intellectual capital to catapult yourself into success. Your lack of interest in one area, heightens your awareness in other areas, giving you the ability to think in a way most your age don’t. You view the world a lot more wide and broad, and not as myopic.

In the end, my brain has grown as it pertains to the way I see the world socially, politically, and economically. And I’m not referring to a one sided view. Perspective, a perspective that allows me to see the world from others viewpoint that I would normally not agree with. I walk the streets and observe humanity in our natural element and gain my insights into the world through daily interactions. Most people my age are not walking the street people watching as a means to understand the human construct. So my anxiety and depression stems from not connecting because the inability to be interested in anything my age group is interested in, yet I don’t want to be around people much older. It has taken me 30 years to understand and hopefully as I reach middle age, my life will be want I wanted it to be 20 years prior.


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LAWS OF ATTRACTION: WHY GOOD LOOKING IS MORE THAN LOOKING GOOD

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“You can’t help who you like.”


The laws of attraction are an aspect of our daily lives that is kind of hard to explain. I have had to deal with having an attraction to someone and that someone was actually in a relationship. But you can’t help the physiological feeling you get when you come across someone. They have a different impact on you that makes you kind of lose your cool. They have your undivided attention and for some reason, you tend to listen when they speak a lot more than others. I have had this exist only a few times in my life, and each time the person was in a monogamous relationship. Yet even with the relationship, it still didn’t matter because you have this feeling. Now, it’s not infatuation or the feeling to stalk, yet it makes you unfettered by the idea that that person is in a relationship. So where does this euphoric feeling come from.

I don’t know where it comes from, and my feeling was toward two coworkers in the same work environment. It wasn’t so much as the two people were physically attractive as it was their perceived confidence. Their assurance in themselves made them quite appealing to me. But was that all. Maybe the idea of me not being able to date them is something else that made them more attractive. Because it’s like the saying, “We all want something we can’t have.” And the problem is, is that once we do get the thing we wanted, sometimes it’s not even that big of a deal. The idea of wanting it seems that much more special, than actually having it. So like I asked before, “Where does it come from?” And I am not referring to just finding someone attractive. I’m talking about being so into them, that you don’t want to hurt their significant other, but the other is just not important to you.

Well, there all kinds of definitions for why we have these attractions to one another. You would think that there is this one aspect of life we can look to and say that, that it. But the reality is that attraction is not just a physical attraction, but the energy the person gives off. Me, for example, I give off the energy that I am not in the mood to be bothered. But in getting to know me, I have a lot of knowledge and a lot to say. But the problem is, is when you are an introvert in your personal life, and an extrovert in your career pursuits people get confused. When it comes to my career goals, I jump right out there. But my personal life is more of a, “Who is he, and why does he exist really.” Whereas my career pursuit is, “I jump, knowing I can and may fall flat on my face, but I do it anyways.” So when people find out I have an attraction to someone it strikes takes them by surprise because I am not this open book person.

In the end, the laws of attraction, the energy that someone lets off makes you like them for some reason. Whenever they come around, your mood shifts, and it becomes difficult to be in their presence. But you manage to do so, even at the cost sometimes of being uncomfortable internally. And sometimes, just sometimes; you are able to tell them how you genuinely feel.


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THE EVOLUTION OF MAN: HOW DO WE PHYSICALLY ADAPT

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“How are we adjusting moving forward?”


We are always hearing about how in the future technology will be at such a scale. Well, what about the idea of human evolution physically. I have heard numerous reports of how the human species will advance in our physical appearance in addition to technology. This makes sense considering technology is getting better. All it means is that our minds are expanding, giving rise to our heads growing because our brains are growing. And when that happens, you will have the entire facial structure taking on a new look. Meaning, our bodies will also take on another form. And this is not in the distant future. This physical change is likely to happen over the course of the next 50, 100, 200 years. When you observe the evolution of man, 200 years is not a long time. The United States as a country is not even 200 years old yet. So what other factors could possibly take place with this change?

You are going to have a less religious society; one that is more human centralized. One in which man will be forced to help each other because we will know more about ourselves. Depending on a deity is most likely to decline. In the centuries past, we needed to walk and drive more, but not in the future. So our awareness will be heightened in other areas because we will have technology to scale to transport us around. And when one sense is lowered another gets stronger. Meaning, when we are driving a car, our minds are constantly moving trying to figure out space around our vehicles. The car has made us extra sensitive because you’re watching so much at one time. But with self-driving vehicles in the future, you’ll watch less of the road, and more of the outside world. And here is where your mind can focus on ideas as you take your daily commute. The mind can be a lot more expansive.

The human body will be able to live longer, not just because of modern medicine, but because of less labor intensive activity. Well, at least for more developed nations. Places like the United States, where numbers of population will shrink due to cost of living, and technology on the rise, the strenuous work on the body is decreased. And from this you have an aging population, where the average age of people in America today is 78, and will jump higher over a century from now. With everything that I have said so far, the human body will also evolve in how we perceive the world around us. With the brain expanding our eyes will take in a lot more than prior. You start to see life around in color and shape different than your ancestors. Images may appear in a totally different shape, and we may build to scale at a higher level.

Humans over time will also become healthier due to previous studies. We are not carnivores, but have had to eat meat as a means to feed so many people; it’s survival. So with this diet change, the body could also take another form as well. Well at least in more developed countries where people are more health conscious. In the end, as with all the technological changes, we also have to talk about the changes to the human body. The technology is growing to scale because of the changes we are going through internally. We’re getting smarter, we’re getting softer, we’re becoming less religious, yet more compassionate. We won’t be in a Utopian society, but at every level we do learn from past mistakes to become greater in the future.


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INTERNAL ABYSS: HOW TO FACE THE HURT THAT IS YOU

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“Fighting the me inside of me.”


Ever feel like you’re having one of those days when you have the internal feeling of fighting something. You either know what it is or don’t know what it is. But whatever the case may be, it has you fixated on nothing good in the moment. It’s that feeling you get when nothing seems to be going right. The feeling you get when you are sluggish and unmotivated. When you’re beginning to contemplate why are you alive and what are you doing with your life. And that my friend is the sign of depression. You have the strong case of hurt, pain, anxiety, and stress. It is sometimes an onset of emotions, and other times it is prolonged. So where does it come from?

In my own life, I have battled depression. I have always wondered where it came from, and now that I am an adult I now know. And that depression that hit my world came from childhood and adulthood. From childhood, it had a lot to do with the idea that I was always afraid of everything. I wouldn’t even climb the tree like a lot of children when my cousins would be outside. My fears kept me from doing so much, that now I look back and wonder for what. What was my reason for being so scared of so much. One of the reasons is because guys in my community were going to jail and getting killed. So to keep from being a statistic, I thought it would be best to fear everything: jail, death, even life. My other reason for fear was not having a man in my life to teach me how weak it was to fear what I was fearing.

But that fear does not stop there in my life. It follows you into adulthood. My adult fear was becoming a parent when I know I don’t want children. Yet, I do want relationships. And if a woman want a child, oh well, yet now you have a kid here. So now she is making a decision involving my existence that I want no part of. So I have lived in isolation because of it. And that isolation tends to make one depressed. But since finding writing, it has made me cope with any internalized problems. So now that you know a little about myself, what about you? What makes you fight the internal thing that is you. I know that the flip side of me being so afraid, it has given me urgency and focus on important aspects of life as well because I am not as spontaneously crazy. So how do you fix the you inside of you?

You have to bring yourself to a place that will drive out the good in you. Meaning, find things you love that you are good at as well. And then work to be great at those things. Everything else will fall to the waist side. But if your mind is only in the frame of the hurt and pain, and you can’t get past that, you will always be depressed. And in the end, that always being in a state of depression is what’s the killer. Because looking over life you’ll be more hurt that you never made the initiative to do something about your life. And by that time it’s far too late.


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