LET ME UPGRADE YOU: WHAT IS DATING UP TO YOU

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“Come talk to me when you’re on my level.”


In an American society where commerce dictates so much of how we live and how we behave, how does this commerce relationship we have in this country effect our dating lives? For men, you know what you have to bring if you’re going to be living in this capitalistic based society. And as for women, you’re steady trying to find that guy who you see as your equal or above. But when you are a man in this country it can be a tougher go. You know you have to be in a certain place in your life by a certain time. Women can live with their parents and still demand from men the same things as a woman with her own form of success. With that said, what are the thoughts on dating up? Because dating up is more of a woman’s viewpoint, but for men only under certain circumstances.

Women have to date up; why well it’s simple. So many men are trying to get with you, whether to be in a relationship or just for sexual intercourse. So you have to more picky, and there is a lot more thought that goes into choosing a guy. And the prettier the woman, the harder it is for her to find a potential mate. Because the pool of men who want to be with you is even higher. Unlike men, who see this as an opportunity to date around because we have so many options, for women it can be harder because of so many options. So when a woman does choose a guy, he’s going to have to really step up, especially if she is a woman that’s used to guys at a certain level trying to talk to her. Now that does not necessarily translate into just finances, it’s that and more. But are there times when men have to upgrade as well. We, unlike women, don’t have to, but there are those that do.

When it’s time for men to upgrade, we have to do so when finances are involved. Because to us marriage is an investment that only we can lose for the most part financially. So when a man becomes financially successful, he becomes that pretty girl. And that’s when he starts to be extra selective with the women that he dates. He has to learn to sense out the very things that women have to sense out about men when choosing. Because just like with every man trying to get with a woman, so many women look at you as this total package. But not all of them are worthy, so you have to shuffle through the plethora of women like women do us. See, in the end, finding that person you feel is on the level you want them to be is important to so many. As a matter of fact, it is more important now than any other time period prior. But if finances is that one thing you’re trying to seek out alone as a woman it will be harder to find; jut like we as men can’t just chase a woman for aesthetics purposes only.


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THE RELATIONSHIP TAGLINE: HOW WE AS MEN HAVE SHIFTED OUR LANGUAGE TO APPEASE WOMEN

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“We say it, but do we feel it?”


“I want a woman with her own money, and dreams, and everything else she wants that society says I should want from a woman.” This is the tagline that every guy is supposed to say when asked what he wants from a woman in a relationship. But do you really mean every word that comes from your mouth, or are you just saying that to get in good with women? Because if you’re just trying to get on her good side, she’ll peep your game out sooner or later. Then she’ll hate you more for wasting her time than if you were just honest to begin with; so why. Why do we say we want all these things from a woman in society, yet when we get these things that we say we do, we run from women. It’s an act that woman define as a weakness in men, and it is if you’re looking at it from the standpoint of what we say we want from women.

Only problem is, is that in today’s society, we are carrying this tagline because it’s what women want to hear and necessarily what they should hear from us. I’m not saying that men want a woman who does nothing for herself in life, but it is not to the extent to which we speak in society. But when you don’t say who she is and what she’s doing is important to you, we’re attacked for not caring. So what we have done as guys, is that we lie to women, but not with our words. Women tend to be better communicators verbally then we are as men. So when birthdays and holidays come around, we do things for women because it means something to you. Not always because it means something to us; Valentines Day comes around, you as that woman get two dozen roses. Why, well because it means something to you. Women react to these actions, and sometimes get hurt in the process.

So why is it so hard for men besides the societal aspects to be up front and honest about what we really want from women. And the reason comes from watching women’s likes and dislikes, then behaving according to what they demand and not who we are as a person. Meaning, she wants monogamy, but you want to just date different women. Instead of you passing on the relationship, you play boyfriend, and you’re not boyfriend material. So when it’s time to go to the next level, you remove yourself from the equation, or make her break up with you so you can avoid the commitment. So what is that men want, simple, have your life. Real men are not intimidated with your success. Have your career, hang with friends, but here is where it gets sensitive: do what I say do at some point in time how I want it done and tend to my needs as well.

And that’s when the problems start, since women of today translate that into control. “Do what I say do!” “What do you mean by that!” That’s when the conversation falls flat, not because he really wants to control you. Men are typically not good verbal communicators, so instead of stating the context of what you mean, you further bury yourself by lacking verbal communication. Meaning, do what I say do, isn’t jump when I say jump. It simply means, you have times where your word is law, and I have mine. And this is a particular moment in time when my word should mean something. It’s not control, it’s a reciprocal relationship. And in the end, that’s who men are, but societal standards are such today where you have to lie and give women a tagline. But eventually, she’ll believe in the verbal content and behavior. Yet if you’re not that guy, she’ll hate you more for not being honest in the beginning.


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FEMININE PLIGHT: WHY IT’S HARDER FOR WOMEN TO FIND MARRIAGE THAN ME

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“They need more than we do.”


When seeking out a potential mate in a relationship, I am quite lucky to be a guy in society. As a man with two sisters, I can tell you first hand that the life of a woman is a hell of a lot harder when choosing a mate than men. And the reason why I say that is because it’s almost like men are this lottery ticket that they (women) need to scratch to see if we’re worth something. Men can hold on to a lotto ticket that is less valuable and it not reflect on us in society. So a man can look for a woman outside of her accomplishments, while the woman choose based on his treatment of her and his accomplishments. We are more inclined to be able to sway while it’s harder for women. Why is that, is it that women have to maintain a certain decor that we don’t; is it societal or biological.

Well, there is a biological and a societal aspect of women choosing men to be in relationships. The societal reasons why has to do with how we over time have constructed our civilizations to make women choose. If you are a very successful woman with a less successful guy, then a question of your standards comes in play. A man can be a CEO in a relationship with a school teacher, yet it’s harder on the flip-side. Number one, him lower than her on the financial totem pole is hard for her because women are told in society that he need to be somewhere near her. She is seen as irresponsible and he is seen as lacking as a man. But we are totally aloud to be with a woman with less, and at times nothing at all. So as much as we think we’re in this new equal space its still not so. But where does nature lie in the choosing of a mate.

A lot! Nature plays a major role in how women have to choose as well. A man who is more successful and more productive is naturally seen as more attractive. Why, well from a nature response there is a procreating piece that women start to think about in regards to having a family. His productivity and efficiency is stable enough to start a family with him. There is a physiological action that takes place internally that women shut down a lot quicker than men. So when a man approaches a woman, they (women) quickly start to process their response, constantly thinking forward as to their response because of their vulnerable position. And the older the woman get, the harder it becomes to find a mate because there are so many social stigmas attached to why she is not married with children.

In the end, men are like pretty girls when we are successful. And at times, more beautiful than the women who want to be with us. Meaning, we have the key to what you want in us. You need a man whose doing something and going somewhere in life. We can have and we cannot have it. So for the woman it’s a tougher go, and a lot of women settle for someone she never thought she would be dating. Then there are the group who just spend their lives dating around and never marry and have children. They become a second mom to their nieces and nephews if they have them. All because the guy she wanted is not at her level or near. Meanwhile we choose when we want and how we want, and it’s all a matter of how we feel about her as a woman, not necessarily where she is at in her career.


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BLACK EXPECTATIONS: HOW LOW STANDARDS FOR BLACK MEN HAVE MADE ME PUSH BACK HARD

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“You’re supposed to fail!”


As a Black male in society, I have noticed something since I was a young boy. And that is that we are not only expected to fail, but almost encouraged to fail. And what it has done to me was turn me into an overachiever. Some might say, what is wrong with overachieving in society; well a lot. If you spend your time trying to be the best in your career pursuits, then where is the time for you to enjoy life around you. So what I have done in my 30 years so far on this Earth is utilize my time for not being what I am expected to be. Which is a baby daddy, I have no children; a criminal, I have no arrest record; a woman beater, I have never been in a relationship. What you’l wind-up doing is taking the odds against you to the extreme.

Well, if all is true, then what should be done by us as Black males. Should we disregard the stereotypes and live our lives? Or should we continue to forge ahead and fight for greatness. What’s scary is that once you die as a person, the only one that remembers you on a constant basis are those that love you most. People talk from time to time about the great things you have done, but does it matter. Does how much I work to combat stereotypes actually mean anything? Because what if 100 years from now, there is no disdain toward Black men, and what I have been living is something of the past? That would mean I gave up so much of my life for nothing. Instead, I could have been partying and enjoying every step of the way. But what about the flip side of things.

What if I continue on my path, and in time I do something great. Something so great that it completely alters the course of history forever. For example, what if Martin Luther King Jr. chose to be an academic instead of a Civil Rights leader. He might be some retired elderly man right now, still living in Atlanta, Georgia. Or what if Joan of Arc or William Wallace never stood up for what they believed; how would life have changed? So, in the end, there is something to me working and not enjoying in life. Maybe there is something that is indicative in me as a Black male that needs to be in society instead of out partying. I’m not saying that I am better or more special than the rest, but the ideas for society that I have make me realize that I am not supposed to fail. I am here for a reason, and that is to pass my gifts on to the world.


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LEVELS: WHAT IS THE REAL MEANING OF A LEAGUE IN DATING

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“Is your league a real league?”


When you’re young, you ever hear someone say that you should date in your league? But once you start to get older, you realize that a lot of the leagues you thought were real leagues are not leagues at all. And that is when you are able to navigate around the a lot of the loud noise that you can’t date someone that society says you are not supposed to date. But what is it? What are real leagues? Because when you are young the league is based around what clothing you’re wearing. Or better yet, how physically attractive you are; from your body type to your facial region. You are also determined by how up to date you are on the latest gadget everyone owns. But then you age and realize the true meaning of a league. And that’s when your mind starts to really open up. So why don’t you see that at your young age?

The reason you don’t know what a league is, is because there is to some degree a lack of self-awareness you have when you are coming through your teens and even your twenties. You’re also not as well traversed about the world around you. A league is much more important than just the article of clothing and your body type, it’s how far you’ve come in life thus far. Where are you in relation to most males and females your age. Now this can be difficult because we all have our individual journeys. But you should still be making some type of stride in the direction you want to head in, in life. And if you are making the appropriate adjustments to being where you want to be, then you are allowed to have a league. And who are those people not allowed to have a league?

Well, the men and women who live at home with their parents, yet they demand that the person they date have their lives together. A woman who works a part-time job who demands her man has a substantial means of income; and man who lacks ambition wanting to not have a woman sitting around doing nothing. We seem to think that we’re all being rational in our relationship pursuits, until you ask the question, where are you in life. When you look over your life so far, are you proud to say that you are where you want to be? And a lot of people can’t say that. So if you are satisfied, then you are of the bunch that are on a collision course with greatness. And that my friend is the definition of a league. Asking for the things in life that you are willing to push for and/or have already that you expect from someone else.

In the end, we look on television, inside of a magazine, or browsing the internet. We look at certain people having a certain lifestyle and we say that is what I want. But instead of saying I will build it myself, or meet someone and we can build each other to that point, we want someone else to give us something. But we come into the situation with nothing, acting as if it is something, and that is our basis for a foundation. Then time pass, and you realize your league was a non-league. Now you must play catch-up in life before you get left behind. And hopefully you have not wasted too much time and you can rebound.


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SELECTIVE ACCOUNTABILITY: HOW WE TRANSFER RESPONSIBILITY TO SOME AND NOT OTHERS

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“I did that and assume responsibility.”


Ever watch television and you hear newscasters saying how much people in the public eye need to be held accountable. And what’s funny about them is if you state that they are held to the same standard, they dismiss what you are saying to them. Like people on CNN and FOX News, they are public figures in a celebrity way, yet they try to dismiss their celebrity under the guides of members of the press. But they truly are public figures just as much as any athlete or entertainer. And that’s when you realize that we all try to hold someone accountable, but then shift the blame when it’s time for ourselves or someone close to us. Because if it’s us or someone close to us, or even people we support in society, there is always this spin to how we rationalize. We say things like, “Well, they’re different.” “Or, you make certain amount of money.”

So why do we have a spin to our personal agendas? One reason is because by definition, an agenda is an ideological plan implemented to come to an agreement of meeting an objective. Which is a broad and ambiguous meaning for a word. But the real hidden aspect of an agenda are the “held common beliefs.” And that is something in society which makes the agenda become a problem. Because the group of people pushing any agenda today does so that it supports its own interest and not necessarily the interest of everyone. And here lies the reason why it’s hard to hold someone or groups of people accountable for their actions. It’s because once you pick a side, you usually stand firm on that side. And refusing to bend or break is the way we go about handling the situation. But at times you become so convinced of your belief in your agenda, you lose rationale and easily become taken down a rabbit hole.

And the rabbit hole is what happens when you say things like, “Athletes are held to certain level of accountability.” “But then turn around and say my national newscaster is giving the news so it’s different when they speak.” When in reality, your newscaster may be held to an even higher level of accountability and should, than the entertainer. It’s an easy out, and the ability to not have to have a conversation about a topic, or even the fact that you are trying to keep people from reading into who are as a person. And we don’t like to say, well I do that as well, and I am going to make the leap to change because I expect that from other people. No, we say it’s different, but it’s really not different. We just don’t want to change and we hide behind what we expect from you to mask who we really are behind closed doors.

In the end, we all have these accountability issues as it pertains to ourselves or other people. And a lot of it has to do with our belief systems. We want so dearly to believe that what we believe matters. So if what I believe matter, then what am I left with. Inevitably we hold people to a task we don’t hold ourselves to, or those close to us.


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THE KNOW: HOW POVERTY IS MORE OF A MIND FRAME THAN MONEY

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“Getting out, does not guarantee you’ll stay out.”


As a young man, I grew up under the poverty level here in the United States. Now, if you would have told me that at a young age, I would not have believed you. But once I became an adult, I decided to look back and research how much money my mother made on her job. And for a single
Related imageparent household making the income that my mother made, we were classified as an impoverished family. Yet, we always had food, clothing, and a roof over our heads. Little did I know, that my mother was one rainy day, one sick day, one bad break away from us being homeless. So is poverty about money alone or is it a mind frame?

I come from a family of poor people. And it’s generational poverty; whereas my mother and father were poor, their parents were poor, and so forth. As a matter of fact, my family on both mother and father side have been poor since slavery in America. So for well over 200 years of American history, we Related imagehave lived through poverty. Understandably so how we could have in the past given the historical accounts; both slavery and Jim Crow. And we can also point to other social-economic policies aimed at certain ethnic groups in certain communities. But that aim was mainly to aid White communities, and Black neighborhoods. Now, a large portion of White men and women are suffering.

So is it still about race, yes and no. I feel race can be used, yet it’s bigger than that today. The struggle is real and everyone is feeling it. So how, how do you bring yourself out of poverty? And my theory is that poverty is more than just not having money. It’s about knowing how money work and how Related imageyour money work. And that requires putting yourself in the know. And the know is whatever it is you’re seeking to accomplish in this world. For example, professional athletes make it financially out of poverty, yet their minds are still in poverty. So the majority of them wind-up broke after playing professional sports. Why, well because they don’t know anything about money.

Athletes are beneficiaries of the lottery effect , where they get overnight wealth. And lack of knowledge places them back into poverty. A lot of Americans don’t understand how, but more of them would do the same. Image result for lottoBecause it’s not only spending habits that land them back into poverty, it’s financial investors and managers mismanaging funds. So what about the American who does not get their start in sports/entertainment? Where do they look first when trying to overcome their struggle? And the tough question is, there is no one place to look. You have to adopt a certain mind frame for finding and making an income; as well as retaining a standard of living.

And in the end, that’s something that people cannot grasp hold of; the mind frame. You can’t teach it, and you can’t fully learn. You just have to have a mind that is built to understand how to put yourself in a know space. ThereRelated image will always be people giving you a blueprint. But you’re not supposed to just runaway with it, more so, you should be using it to build your own vision. Their blueprint is just a basic template to get you started. Yet people at times are even offset by the blueprint of another person. And often will reject you for offering the blueprint. Nonetheless, this getting out of poverty game is psychological. And if the mind is not right, neither will be your standard of living.


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