GENDER SWAP: HOW THE EXPECTATIONS OF MEN AND WOMEN CHANGES

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“SHe-IM.”


expectations

As a man in society, I have always known from a young age that there are these expectations from us that are typically different than women. Funny because I was raised in a house with a mother and two sisters. You would think I was inundated with all these feminist viewpoints that I carry with me still today. Yes, there are ways I see the world that may be through the lens of a women via the women that raised me. But at the same time, they gave an honest feel for how the world actually works, not an illusion or from their own internalized disdain.

what is gender

When we observe what is gender, we have the definition which states that gender is the cultural and social differences that make up both males and females rather than the biological. Because the terms male and female are the biological words for the organism which either produces sperm or ovulates in the creation of an organism. Which means a women (gender) who is born female (sex) is so mutually inclusive because of the classification we give to the sex of a person. She is born female therefore she is a woman. And the same applies to a man. So in terms of the class and the biology, we are able to understand. But is everything so technical, or is there just an obvious aspect of all of this I have explained?

“outlined” expectations “old and new”

The following at the bottom are the two genders and the two sexes, as well as their expectations and limits.

MALE

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  • Gender: Open doors for the woman on dates, protect and provide, being the voice for the son to lean on, sexual opposite, spiritual opposite, vocal
  • Sex: provide sperm, physically defined (shoulders, chest, arms, etc.), genitalia (penis), Y-chromosome
  • New Roles: Minimal house work, voice to both son and daughter equally, co-provider, limited protection, not always sexual opposite
  • New Limits: No new real change

FEMALE

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  • Gender: Care for children, stay at home, voice to the daughter, sexual opposite, docile, primp, silent
  • Sex: X-chromosome, eggs, physically defined (breast, hips, rear), genitalia (vagina)
  • New Roles: not always sexual opposite, working woman, voice to both son and daughter equally, co-provider, self-protection, independence
  • New Limits: No new real change, except some physical attributes (strength)

workable or not?

Now, will it work in the end; men and women swapping in society? Can the woman be the man and man be the woman? I think there are certain aspects of who we are that will, and others can’t change. The ones that can’t change are so deeply rooted in who we are that change is impossible. Evolution has made us into who we are that yes, we will try to manipulate the limitations of ourselves, yet it will prove to not work. But there will still be considerable changes in expectations.


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AGE OF DEPRESSION: HOW THE MORE WE UNDERSTAND SELF THE MORE UNHAPPY WE BECOME

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“In an era of technology, we are more connected, yet very much detached.”


In a world where we are more connected than anytime before, you would think it would make us happier. Yet it has not only made us happier, but the more we learn and understand ourselves the more depressed we become. And I don’t mean know ourselves like knowing me as an adult. I mean knowing us is it pertains to our existence on Earth. You would think with the advent of technological innovation and scientific breakthroughs, we would have a much higher level of enlightenment that would make us happy. But what that heightened awareness has done is give us the complete opposite effect. But should we digress because of this unintended effect?

View of Tourist Resort Well, let’s first look at what makes us depressed in today’s society. There are many different reasons why people tend to be unhappy. For starters, you are able to see up close your reality. And what I mean by your reality, you can see where you stand financially, socially, academically in the world. For example, you can Google image luxury, and see a world that is beyond your world just by typing it into a search engine. When my mother was young, an opulent life existed, yet you didn’t quite know about it. Clear Wine Glasses in a RowPeople were either born into wealth, or it was something you stumbled upon. Not today, today, you can actually see how little you have relative to someone else. And what’s crazy, you might have a socioeconomic position that is supporting you and your family. Yet you can’t enjoy because you are comparing yourself to someone way above you.

Why do we do it? Why do we look to someone that is far beyond us? Well, at times, that person is our age. No matter your age today, there is someone that age doing something on a more monumental scale than yourself. When I was in college, I was broke coming out, yet guys my age were signing multi-million dollar contracts to play sports. Comparing yourself to them and not appreciating what you have, even when what you have is adequate to live, robs you of gratification Image result for comparison peopleand the ability to live a fulfilling life. Meaning, you might want to make $50,000 in a year, but someone tells you, you should want better. Now you can’t enjoy what life you could have had with what you wanted because you’re chasing something you may not even want just to satisfy other people’s perspective. And with our lives being inundated with so much imagery, we still have another aspect of our lives that make us unhappy: our own existence.

Coping with our existence is tough for so many. And I don’t mean existence in the context of waking and going to work everyday, coming home, and sleeping. I mean the fact that we are here, on Earth, living and breathing. The fact that I was not born a lion, tiger, bird, or a house cat, but a human is hard for many to cope with in life. The simple existence that is me, a carbon based life form that has Related imagetaken forever to evolve into what I am, is hard to accept. And a lot of it comes from increased scientific understanding of ourselves. Here is where religion may have aided us in living on this planet. With the idea that there is something greater once we die, it gives us hope. As time progress in society, more and more people are becoming awoken to our existence. So awake, we are unmotivated to do anything. So now we become depressed with the idea that this is all that is here for us.

You would think that feeling this way would give people a sense of urgency, yet it’s having the inverse effects. The closer we come to figuring out why we are on Earth, the more we become detached from living. Maybe not knowing, is what’s best at times. Because in the end, unlike any other species where nature dictates how they behave, we are given conscious. We are given the ability to say yes or say no. We are endowed with the ability to make sound decisions. And that very conscious that gives us that ability also makes us aware of our situations in life. Some people make the best out of it, and others can never cope. And for those that can’t cope, it leads to further depression; leading to substance abuse or even suicide.

“He who increases knowledge, increases sorrow on the land.”

                          -Ecclesiastes 1:18


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DATING ALLEGATIONS: WOULD YOU TELL SOMEONE CLOSE TO YOU ABOUT A CHEATING PARTNER

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“To talk or not to talk.”


Having a friend in a relationship can be a new adjustment if you guys have both been single for so long. Now this new person comes in the mix and everything is different. But that is not the topic of today; the topic of today is sharing information with your friend regarding their significant other. What if you had proof that your friend’s significant other was talking to someone else on the side? Would you inform your friend that this person was out talking to someone else? Or would you keep the information to yourself? Telling your friend could mean an argument depending on how they felt about the person. But keeping it a secret could mean jeopardizing the friendship as well.

Let’s observe the outcomes of telling your friend. See, if you tell your friend it could go a few ways. The first is that your friend is proud that you would bring the information to them. Allowing them the access into what is going on behind their backs is really important. But there is another outcome from telling them. That is that they might lash out at you for telling them. You don’t know how they feel and it could backfire ending a friendship. So, so many people tend to not say anything and leave the situation alone. But even that has repercussions to it. What are the repercussions for not telling your friend about their significant other?

That’s right, there is the other side of the coin. And that is not telling your friend what happened. This could have its own set of problems by not speaking. Because once your friend finds out what happened and you knew, now what comes of the friendship. When they found out you know, it will put a serious damper on the relationship. Especially if you are their best friend, they expect you to say something before anyone says something. So then if they are mad for you not saying anything, and mad for you saying anything, then what? And it all boils down to the friendship that you and this other person have together.

In the end, friends usually have an understanding whether they would want someone to say something. If you don’t have an understanding with your friend, then it can go good or bad. With no communication, it can go in any direction.



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FORCED FEELINGS: WHY WE GIVE PEOPLE WHAT THEY SHOULD ALREADY KNOW

Man and Woman Sitting on Sidewalk

“What is meant to be, is meant to be.”


When looking for a relationship, we all have our negotiables, and I our non-negotiables. The actions in the relationship that we will and won’t stand for from the other person. But my question to you is, is everything that we define as a negotiable and nonnegotiable, should it always be implied? Because I have heard women make statements that at times they need to imply to men to behave a certain way. But I say, why, why are you telling a grown man how he should behave in a relationship. And I have a theory as to why. But for starters, why do we have these negotiable and nonnegotiable standards?

Well, we have these standards so that the other person knows what we will and won’t stand for in the situation. But another reason we have them is to give the other person a heads up that we have a certain level of respect for ourselves. The third reason is that we also want to see how well the other person communicates what they like and dislike. I know it sounds a little trite, but communication is key. Without a clear line of communication, the relationship won’t work. So now that I have given a quick overview into why we have negotiables and nonnegotiables, what is an underlying reason for them? Meaning, what do I sense from hearing you tell someone certain things they should already know.

For example, why are you telling someone they need to respect you in a relationship. Once you reach a certain age, you should just know how to talk to someone. Now, like I said earlier, women especially feel they need to explain themselves because some guys are not respectable. But hey now, hold the phone. Why are you having to tell a grown man he has to respect you? And if so, that doesn’t sound like a good situation. The situation should be more so based around you just going with the flow, and seeing who and what he’s about. Now, I have a theory into why you might give people golden nuggets of advice.

When you meet someone that you’re attracted to, you don’t want to lose this person. So if you’re giving them golden nuggets of advice in how to treat you, then they are going to react to what you say. So if you tell a man he must respect you, he will. But to me, it sounds like forced feelings of grander. What do I mean, you won’t just let this person show their real selves because what if this person does trip up and disrespect you. Now you have to get rid of this person you like. So you tell them how to treat you, and especially a man, we’ll play off the actions. Eventually he shows his true self because the feeling of giving you respect was forced in the beginning. And you don’t want forced feelings, they should be real.

In the end, we give people information in how to treat us not just as a heads-up so they know, but we want them to stay. So we give them information in what to do and not what to do because we want them in our lives. They will play off those actions of what we want. You love Valentines Day, you’re getting roses because it means something to you. You love God, we’re going to church because I know a nonnegotiable of yours is a faith base. What you should do is remain silent. See if they’ll bring up religion on their own, or special holidays. Make them figure it our, and if they slip up, you might have to get rid of them. Not because everyone makes mistakes, but because you might be dodging a bullet that could hurt you in the long run.


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TIL DEATH DO US PART, UH, NOT REALLY: WHY THIS PERFECT UNION IS SO HARD

Midsection of Woman Making Heart Shape With Hands

“Forever and ever; or maybe not.”


In our society, we are expected to meet one person in life. Fall in love with that person. Get wed, have children and live like that forever. But is that really who we are as people, or is that the image we portray. I always hear that this union is so perfect in the eyes of God. So what is it about this union that is so hard? Because when you observe the vowels you take, it should make marriage easy. I promise to honor and obey, through sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, til death to us part. Then we look each other in the eyes and say I do.

But in my opinion, marriage is so hard because you actually don’t want to do the vowels you promise to uphold. Meaning, the human element of who we are don’t want to obey someone, be with them if they are poor, not in good health, or til death. But why is that so hard to say? Why do we trick ourselves into believing this is a union that we want? Now, when you observe marriage, the structure of it makes sense. You’re with one person and one person only. It cuts down on a lot of confusion that would otherwise be present when you’re dealing with multiple people. Meaning, it is a lot easier to have three children with one woman, than three children with three women.

So the structure makes sense, but here is the biological piece. We don’t want to deal with the downside that comes with relationships. Why because the downside is not something that attracts us to the person. Meaning, we were attracted to the healthy person, so why would we want to stay in sickness. You had a job, I don’t want to be around now that you are broke and unemployed. And obeying you, what if there are things in my life I want to accomplish. I can’t do them if you are not comfortable with the decision. Oh, and not to mention til death, how do I know I want to be with you for life.

These are all the feelings that go through our minds when we are married or getting married. So why do we involve ourselves in the union? One reason is because of the societal views. We don’t want to be the outsider in the group who is not getting married. If we’re single and the people around us are getting married, then we begin to get uncomfortable. We feel like we are not living a just life, and need to fit into the group. So we don’t marry because we want to. Moreso we marry so that we can gain the approval of another person or people around us. We feel it is some sort of obligation to those outside of us. But what is another reason we marry?

The other reason we marry even though these feelings are there is because there is someone there to walk through life. You could go out trying to have random hook-ups, but random is not going to care for you as you age. Random is not going to be there for you financially in case of a setback, random is not going to listen to your grievances, and random won’t care if you’re living or dying. So knowing there is someone who will be by your side no matter what is calming to the mind. There are days you don’t want to be around that person and they around you. But they always are there when you need them.

In the end, people marry even if they hold these internal feelings because it hurts to walk life alone. Being alone with no one to share your life with is tough. It’s more than just a love life or having fun. They do so because at the end of life, if you and this person is still alive, someone will be there to care for you, when no one else will. So overall, to the people who marry, it’s worth it.


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MANSPECTATIONS: WHAT BEING US IN SOCIETY REALLY MEANS

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“Being us means a lot of work.”


Be courteous, open car doors, pull out the chair, hold the umbrella when it’s raining. Basic expectations from women to men in society when dating us. But does the job of being a man ever get to be too tough. Especially in today’s society where tangibles have taken the place of so many intangible expectations. Yet, is it all bad because shouldn’t women choose the best potential candidate. But let’s not confuse the best with just monetary. Are there any expectations that women don’t understand about being a man in this world? Because they always say it’s not about the finances, but finances could be a reason why the relationship ultimately ends.

You see, since childhood, boys are raised to be providers. We’re raised that real manhood extends itself to being law abiding productive members of society. We are supposed to go to school, get out of school, attain a good job, and then meet a good woman. But when we are unable to attain a job, then meeting that woman takes a back seat. Even though making money is not all of it, there are still financial expectations that must be met. So until we get on our feet, then we tend to prolong the dating experience. But should we always prolong the experience because of money alone? What if you have more to offer?

You may have more to offer, but it is still not enough. See, it’s one reason why I have decided not to date. I am not introducing a woman into my life until I am in a place I want to be. And with what I am pursuing, there are no guarantees. But is expectations from us as men really all about dating, what about employment? Are there separate expectations for men than women? And the answer is yes we do, we are expected to rise to a certain height. The excuses are a lot less tolerated from men than women. If anything, women themselves typically overcompensate because they’re expected to be meek and mild.

In the end, being a man is not as easy as you would think. The men who have it easy are not that prevalent. Yes, if you are blessed with hitting the genetic lottery and look a certain way. Or if you possibly have a cognitive ability that most don’t, then life can be a easier. And that’s manhood, you either work to fit into the social construct or wind-up ostracized.


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REVERSE HISTORY: WHAT IF WHITE PEOPLE WERE SLAVES

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“What if history was switch around.”

Let’s say instead of the Transatlantic Slave Trade in Africa, it took place in Europe. What if Africans invaded Portugal, Spain, Italy, Sicily? What if Africans paid some Europeans money to lure them from inland? And what if we placed them on ships and brought them to the new world? That means White people in the Caribbean (Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic, Haiti, Cuba, Jamaica, Bahamas, Barbados, etc.), Central America (Panama, Nicaragua, Costa Rica, etc.), South America (Brazil, Uruguay, Colombia, Venezuela, etc.), and the United States.

Now let’s look at the country I live in, the United States. What if Europeans were brought to the southern states as slave labor? This means almost 300 years of persecution in a country where Black people would be the forefathers of a declaration that says we are all equal instead of Whites. White people would have to work for nearly another 100 years, before they would be free by us as Black people. Now the emancipation of White people would be signed, but not fully free until 1865, a few years after originally written.

Freedom would be short lived because once we free White men and women, then they are forced for nearly 100 years of social inequality. Yet the segregation is supposed to be separate, but equal, and yet far from that. They would eventually fight for their right to vote, right to hold political office, right to life and pursuit of happiness just as Black people do. Even after segregation ends, we deny White people jobs, so with limited employment opportunity, they are turned a life of crime through drugs such as Heroin, Cocaine, and Crack Cocaine. This really gives way for Black law enforcement to control the communities that White men and women dwell.

Oh yeah, during this time we change the rules of welfare from a family policy to a new more sinister policy. Women can receive aid from the government as long as the White male is gone. He leaves for one day, then one week, one month, and eventually he is gone forever. So in combination with welfare and narcotics, White people are now on a collision course with failure. Failure that would rival that of the segregation they experience. Eventually their community would come to a form of satisfaction once they are able to elect the first White president. White people express their pride in a man who for the first time is holding a post that has been long denied by Whites.

You see, reversing the history, I wonder how all these experiences by Blacks would fair with White men and women. I’m writing this because so many people who recently voted for Donald Trump has been seen as a Whitelash. An attack and push back over the nation’s first Black president. Is this true or is this false? Has America really made strides in changing the past or are we going back to our racial ways. Recently there have been protest over Trump’s election and he has not even taken office yet. Only time will tell from here on out. But what would this country look like if history was reversed?