HURT AND PAIN: WHEN GOING THROUGH DEPRESSION

Red Amazon Danbo on Brown Wooden Surface

“It never last long.”


sunken place

Sometimes I find myself in place mentally that is hard to escape. And that place is know as depression. In my life, I have learned to cope with the feeling of depression, but for some reason it never goes away. I manage it better now, but it was much worse in the past. Where does it come from? How does one become depressed? And I don’t know, nor can I tell you how it came about. But I will say, that I am one of millions of Americans that battle with this issue. Luckily for me, I have a coping mechanism that aid me in getting over feeling down.

is it born or brought on

People say you can become depressed in life, but are there traits that you have that you are born with in life. Things that make you who you are, that never leave. Are we predisposed to being depressed? There are a lot of people who believe this to be true. Now me on the other hand, there are things in your family, but for me it was more so quality of life. I was depressed from childhood all the way through my 20’s. I am 31 years old and just now able to begin to have the happiness I wanted early on. And that is what depression does, it alters your entire existence and you have delayed progress.

running from the problem

Where is the problem you’re going through stemming from? many of us have unresolved issues in our lives that we never worked out. My issue was identity because a lack of male in my life, self-conscious about appearance, and growing up poor.How do you begin to work your problems? Sure there is ways to go about it by seeking medical treatment. But at times, you have to move past the treatment and be able to ask yourself questions when not able to seek treatment. So know why you have the issue, and that could potentially make treatment easier.


Personal Website: http://www.faheemjackson.squarespace.com

Instagram Me: @theefaheemjackson

Twitter Me: @2320howe

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FEAR OF LOSING IT ALL: WHY MENTAL LOSS FREAKS PEOPLE OUT

Photo of Head Bust Print Artwork

“I need my mind.”


when it goes

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to lose your mind? Or better yet, what are your fears associated with losing the ability to rationalize in society? People have a lot of fears, dying is one of them. But a major fear that is ranked high would have to be losing the memory or logic. Lose of memory or the ability to function because of an incurable brain disease is tragic and scary. Especially if you are someone who operates in the space that is artistic like myself. Why are the fears so strong even though very few people will fall under the category of strong brain dysfunction?

the good times are gone

Growing up, we often go into this nostalgic space that makes us look at how far we have come thus far. And when you get to a certain stage in your life, sometimes that can vanish, and it leaves us often depressed. Imagine having a vibrant life that you don’t even remember because your thoughts are no longer available to you. This takes place with people who suffer form dementia and Alzheimer disease. We still have no clue what leads to someone attaining this sickness, but it eats the brain slowly. Eventually you lose total function of your body and pass away.

you become the kid

When raising children, they need and depend on you. But what happens when the kid is the parent and the parent is the child? This is where the elderly start to become enraged because they are used to being the leader. But when the mind goes, this take son a whole other dynamic. Because now the person need you to think for them. And humans are not monolithic creatures. What is good for you has been your decision. Now the person you chose life to be good for, is making your decisions for what is good for you.


Personal Website: http://www.faheemjackson.squarespace.com

Instagram Me: @theefaheemjackson

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A MELTDOWN TO REMEMBER: WHAT I LEARNED FROM THE GREAT RECESSION

Image result for RECESSION“We crashed and some still have not recovered.”


2007

I was in my second year at the University of Wisconsin-Parkside working on my Bachelor’s Degree. The summer had just wrapped and the gas prices were on the rise. And not just any rise, but they were becoming a problem for me and other Americans. Then, the next month, there started to be this huge drop in stock prices along with another incident; Lehman Brothers collapse.

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A company that had assets in the hundreds of billions and yet they still were in the hole by a few hundred billion. And that collapse led to an entire meltdown of the system. Because to me, I thought companies fall all the time. But a $1 billion fall is a lot different than a $600 or $700 billion fall.

it all falls down

Then over the course of the next year, the entire system as we know it started to unravel. I thought, as well as the entire nation felt like we were headed for a Great Depression. So what naturally happened? Well, there was a run on the banks. And that’s when we found out that the banks themselves had been compromised over the years, and they had melted down also.

Now what you have is a $600 – $700 billion collapsed company, multiple banks faltering, which meant a whole host of other issues, and to top it off, the automobile industry was ripped at the seams.

change we can believe in

This is it, the year history was made. The election of America’s first African American president Barack H. Obama. And with his election run, which to date is one of the most successful runs in U.S. history, made America look on the up. There was this new feeling of hop and prosperity coming out from this recession. Not to mention a new president who would take the United States out of a war in the Middle East.

adult, african ethnicity, barack obama

But even with President Obama in office, there was still this feeling of hopelessness. Because what transpired in the American economy was going to take more than a monumental presidential run to fix the system.

lessons for the future

What I learned from the downfall is that you must have other aspects of income coming in (usual cash), never expect tomorrow will be just as good as today, and understand what you can afford. Corporate America has to be accountable, but people also have to know what they are capable of sustaining as well. We all, to an extent was way over our heads. Hopefully we learn so it doesn’t happen again.


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PHYSICALLY HEALTHY, BUT MENTALLY HURT: HOW TO FIX THIS SITUATION

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“Where does your hurt come from?”


FINE ON THE INSIDE, HURT ON THE INSIDE

What happens in life when you feel good health wise? Better than you have ever felt in your life, but you still are not happy. That is the feeling of so many people. They feel sick and go to the doctor’s office only to find out they’re good. So what is the issue with them feeling so bad? I have been down this road where I feel hurt but I am not hurt. What could it possibly be that is making me hurt so bad. And I have written in prior posts how I have dealt with depression in my life. Where does this come from?

PLACES OF ORIGIN

Now, we can look to all these scientific reasons why we are physically healthy but mentally broken. It could be a chemical imbalance, or you are worrying about issues that are out of your control. People who consistently stress are the hypochondriacs and more severe are those who suffer from Munchausen Syndrome. Is there a definite way to cure such issues with people internally? Will there ever come a day where we figure out a cure for hurt, anxiety, and depression; best guess is no.

STEPS

There are ways that you can fix such issues. Now, that doesn’t mean everyone will be cured, but there are ways to treat. And even means of treating for those unable to afford clinical treatment.

  1. Admit that you are hurt and in pain. Knowing what the issue is, is important in finding a treatment.
  2. Be honest with yourself and be able to decipher if the problem is something within or outside. I say this because a lot of people have problems stemming from themselves. Yet they need someone else to shift blame to besides themselves.
  3. Next, know and understand that you are not alone with the issue that you have in life. So many deal with the same problems that you have to bear.
  4. Find a means of sharing your thoughts of how you feel in life. This is why I blog, write my books, and screenplays. Finding a way to cope with all you have to deal with by expressing yourself and getting it out into the world. Know you will be critiqued, but it’s about the bigger picture.
  5. Realize that putting yourself out there and excepting yourself removes the power others could potentially have to use your hurt against you.
  6. From taking back control over yourself and sharing with the world, you have the confidence to persevere. Living your truth is the most powerful realization in the world.
  7. Continue to persevere, but don’t forget for one moment where you used to be once you get to where your happiness takes you. It’s far too easy to get lost and digress back to those hurt times.

CONCLUSION

Above all, happiness is such an ambiguous term. What does that really mean? What does healthy living really mean? Some people never smoke and get cancer, while others drink a lot and live to great ages. Some people will have an abundance of wealth and lack satisfaction, while others live middle class and always remain content. Finding your balance is the main focus when living the good life.


My Personal Website: www.faheemjackson.squarespace.com

Instagram Me: @theefaheemjackson

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CEREBRAL ACTIONS: DEPRESSIVE THOUGHTS SHOW IN YOUR ACTIONS

Image result for depression

“Being able to shift your thoughts, will ultimately put you in a better place.”


You ever the hear phrase that your thoughts become your actions. That whatever you conjure up in your mind have a tendency to manifest itself in how you react in situations. So if you think that you are not going to succeed and you believe in that enough it will show itself in your work. And that is how powerful the mind can be. You can use it to benefit yourself in life or it can be your greatest enemy. And generally, the people who look down on themselves are those battling with depression and anxiety issues. From a person with experience dealing with depression in life, it’s a come and go illness.

Recently I checked the statistics, and from the information gathered by the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness effecting Americans of roughly 20% of the American population. This same association gathered more evidence that also showed that the following also exist with people of mental illness which are various forms of depression:

  • Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), which is the excessive worrying of potential issues that could arise where the person could be at lose of health, money, work, or family. And at times the issues they are worried about happening, may never actually take place. Yet, the people worry none the less causing them to develop a mental illness.

  • Panic Disorder (PD), which are panic attacks that come form out of nowhere, where the person is constantly in fear of the attack happening again.

  • Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD), is an illness where the person has an intense fear of being judged especially when placed in social environments where they have to interact with people.

  • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), effects people in a way where they people who are obsessive have these thoughts that cause anxiety and depression, and the compulsive aspect aids them in designing consistent behavior that relieves them of this anxiety.

  • Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), is a debilitating condition that arises from people who have bare witness to traumatic events such as terrorist attacks, serious accidents, or most notably, warfare.

Well, with these various mental illness that cause our emotions to become actions, what are ways to channel this depression. For me writing and putting my thoughts and feelings into the world is one way. Once you see how many other people deal with trauma, you’re able to cope knowing you aren’t alone. And that people are just as afraid to come out as you. But in writing, I also was able to channel my negative emotions into characters of stories for my screenplays and books. In channeling these anxieties into characters, in order for the character to get better, I have to make the script or book work by showing progress in the character. This inevitably made me a better problem solver of self.


My Personal Website: www.faheemjackson.squarespace.com

Instagram Me: @theefaheemjackson

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INTERNAL DUNGEON: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A DARK PLACE

adult, alone, black and white

“Fear, hurt, guilt, anguish; just to name a few.”


Waking p everyday, not knowing what tomorrow will bring. Unsure about your future, and not knowing what direction to take in life. You are in pain, so hurt that you don’t know how much longer you could possibly go on. And on top of it all, you start to contemplate what life would be like if you weren’t alive. That my friend is when you realize that you are living in a very dark place. Whose been in a dark place before? A place so dark that you can’t see your hand outstretched in front of you. Where did it come from and how did you manage to overcome such emotion. So many people on a daily basis battle with this feeling. I know about the feeling because I have, and at certain moments of my life, still feel the darkness. But those moments are not as prevalent today as ther were in the past.

For me at least, I was coming from undergraduate school into to graduate school not really knowing what I wanted to do in life. After college, there is a major drop off point from going to school. You have all these ideas of what you’re going to be doing once school ends. Then school ends and you’re thrown into the thralls of society. Thrown out there with a bunch of wolves who are used to fending for themselves. They were afraid like me once, but they have adjusted and are ready to devour me as I come into the game. And on top of that, you struggle with identity: as a man, in success, and in mental strength. Then I found writing, and it turned me on to a new world. A world of transparency, where I could otherwise not have been transparent previously. Writing is a skill that you are able to fully express yourself, where verbally I was unable to do so.

So in your life, what place were you at, and how did you manage to overcome that deep dark place? Hopefully there were was no physical harm to ones self that came with the darkness. See, there’s a lot of guilt that comes with darkness. Guilt that you might be living a life you know very well you shouldn’t be living. Fears that plague you because you are so unaware of what lies in the future. And the internal pain you feel when you have lost confidence in your ability to progress. In the end, being in a dark place does not have to be permanent. You still have time to save yourself from yourself.


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MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES: WHY IT’S SO EMBARRASSING

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“The battle is real.”


In the United States, millions of people suffer from mental health issues in this country. And the reasons for these issues are very broad and wide. The only issues that I can speak about directly are my own. That’s right, I have dealt with issues concerning mental health for the greater portion of my life. And the issues have been anxiety, depression, and a slight case of bipolar. The majority of it is anxiety with the depression coming soon after. So if I had to break down my internal issues, it would be 70% anxiety, 20% depression, and 10% bipolar. Some stuff is in my head and can be dealt with, while others will never go away. And what’s interesting is that, that internal anxiety that stems from fears have made me more urgent in life. But why would a person like me, as smart, kind, thoughtful, become the three categories?

Well, for starters, it comes from a lack of interest in what everyone else in your peer group is doing. We might see that sometimes as a good thing in life, but it can be bad as well. When you begin to lose interest in the activities of your age group, you feel uncomfortable. Why? Well, when you can’t connect to people your age, you begin to isolate yourself from the group. The conversations that they have and what triggers in you, makes you feel weird. They all are talking about going to the movies or a music festival. But you have no interest in any of the age appropriate fun. And the activities that do spark interest in you, is so past the other kids your age. I never dated also because thinking about dating was more interesting than actually dating. So I lost my virginity late in life as well.

And that lack of interest and inability to connect makes you depressed. Because you are considered weird by your peers. Yet it wasn’t until I became an adult I realized that I was not weird, I just thought in regards to things past my age group. All the other young people my age want to go to SXSW, Coachella, or Lollapalooza; I am trying to become a great writer and academic. Then it hit me, there are plenty of people my age who think the same way as myself. Plenty of people who have become introverts because we see things as it pertains to the world that takes us out of our age group. When your peers are trying to figure out what nightclub to go to on the weekend, you’re trying to gain intellectual capital to catapult yourself into success. Your lack of interest in one area, heightens your awareness in other areas, giving you the ability to think in a way most your age don’t. You view the world a lot more wide and broad, and not as myopic.

In the end, my brain has grown as it pertains to the way I see the world socially, politically, and economically. And I’m not referring to a one sided view. Perspective, a perspective that allows me to see the world from others viewpoint that I would normally not agree with. I walk the streets and observe humanity in our natural element and gain my insights into the world through daily interactions. Most people my age are not walking the street people watching as a means to understand the human construct. So my anxiety and depression stems from not connecting because the inability to be interested in anything my age group is interested in, yet I don’t want to be around people much older. It has taken me 30 years to understand and hopefully as I reach middle age, my life will be want I wanted it to be 20 years prior.


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