“I feel this way and don’t even know why.”
Walking up the street, a White woman grabs her purse as I walk by; I instantly go into a space. A White man or woman tell me I look like someone they’ve seen before, then I go into a space. I am walking through the store, a White man or woman is following close by, I go into a space. And that is that; what is it about the United States that still makes me go into this head space of, “Did they just do hat because I am.” And it has a lot to do with this unspoken relationship that the two ethnic groups still have in America. An event takes place that we both witnessed before our very eyes, and yet we have multiple perspectives. Now, this already happens with humans as it is, but we are two groups that see things so differently.
I remember when former NFL running back O.J. Simpson was found not guilty of murdering his wife and her friend. The faces of White America went straight to shock while the faces of Black America went to rejoice. But this is not something that was agreed upon by the two groups. This was automatic, and it was swift. Neither of the two groups sat down among each other or separate and had a meeting. There was nothing of the like; everyone just knew how to react when it happened. I was only in elementary school when it happened and I remember the faces. Teacher at my school were enraged, and the people in the surrounding community where I lived was happy. And what formulated out of all this was one man’s life dictated forever and two innocent people dead. And that is the weird and uncomfortable relationship that is Black and White in America.
We all know the history, but this goes deeper than the past. It’s so disturbing how it effects you internally when you come across someone from another group. I’ve even asked myself like, “Wow, where in the hell did that come from?” Me speaking to myself, then you stop yourself in your tracks. But people who are unfamiliar might say, “Well why feel that way?” And reply is that I don’t. It’s as involuntary as sneezing. Meaning a situation can easily go from zero to sixty where the processing of what is going on takes place after the fact. I, still to this day have a hard time making eye contact for instance with a lot of law enforcement as t pertains to that weird racial dynamic. It’s almost as if the person doesn’t exist, until the person is no longer in my presence. Because in the end, the relationships are uncomfortable because no one expresses how they truly feel to move forward. America is an ignore it and it will go away country. Which is not how it should be dealt moving forward.
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