CULTURTAL CLASHES: WHEN BOTH SIDES DON’T WORK

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“It’s just not working.”


when two sides come together

People always say love you want to  be with. But not all things are based around love. Because sometimes the differences are far too great to be overlooked. And that is the case for when most people of different cultures decide to get married. And this is hard considering we live in a country where there are so many groups who live in such close proximity of each other. So the idea that people from different groups marry should not be seen as that big of a deal. But it sill means a lot to a lot of different people. But what do you do when both sides are having these issues with trying to bring two people together?

should family have a say

Most people want their families to approve of the person they are dating. And if the family does not approve that could mean disaster for the relationship. But when you have someone who comes from a totally different culture, then that creates a whole new set of challenges. This means the family intervening saying how the kid should be raised. And this is usually not going to be based around your happiness. But more so because it aligns itself with what make them feel good. Only problem is that when you are in the house everyday, make sure this works for you because you have to live this life.

society could really test you

A lot of people don’t care about what society thinks, but when you have to deal with the grunt of their behavior, then it makes a difference. When you have to deal with the ignorant things that people say and do, then you think differently. And if you genuinely don’t want this for yourself, you are going to find yourself in a serious situation. So does that mean to give up on a good relationship, no. What it does mean is that you are going to have to develop some tough skin.


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WHEN THEY’RE BROUGHT INTO THE WORLD: CHILDREN OF INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS AND THEIR STRUGGLES

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“Yanked in both directions.”


the struggle is real

When growing up in the United States as a biracial child, you are sometimes stuck between the two worlds of the racial game. You are too White for the Black kids and two Black for the White kids. So you have to sway over time between the two groups until you become an adult and learn to have an identity for yourself. But until that point there is constant struggle after struggle. From the Black kids saying you think you’re better because you’re lighter to the White kids who know you’re of melanin because of the parent in your household.

when a nation is divided

Anytime there is strife within the country, these kids are the ones typically stuck in the middle of the argument. Because you’re growing up in the house with both parents that usually in America are reflected of the bickering in society. And I am not referring to a divide with any other group outside of Black and White in America because their history in this country does not run as deep. You almost feel like an alien in the conversation because anything you say is going to come off as taking a side. So at times, the biracial kid remains quiet and hopes no one ask for their input.

it’s more than love

When choosing a mate, you have to think about the fact that you’re bringing a child into this world that will be faced with these social hardships. You have to know be comfortable with knowing the world in which you live and the child that will come into the world. Because the world is not what you want it to be, it’s what it is. And you have to prepare your child fort the world they will be entering. And for those that think otherwise, they are truly being naive. This is the reason people don’t want to have an interracial relationship because of the crazy world their child/children are entering.


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FED UP: WHY BLACK WOMEN HAVE CHOSEN TO BE WITH NON BLACK MEN

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“Slim options, forced to keep an open mind.”


Over the recent years, interracial dating and marriage have climbed in the African American community. And for the longest it was the men who were opting to date outside our ethnicity, but now it’s more women. So what has taken hold, is this just some coincidence, or is there another reason as to why? The answer is yes, from what I have noticed for the most part, there is a reason for this jump cross racial lines lately. And don’t get me wrong, interracial dating and marriage is nothing new in America, but I have seen the rise over time. And there are some clear indicators as to why these numbers have risen. Reasons for dating outside are due to environment in which you were raised or currently reside, options when choosing to date or marry, and off balanced numbers of Black women to men.

The first reason why Black women have chosen to date outside their ethnicity points to the environment where they grew up and/or live now. Black people who are generally raised in predominantly White communities tend to date within that given community. Not the least bit odd because you tend to marry in life what is within your immediate community. So if there are Black women who grew up in these White populated neighborhoods, they are more likely to marry White men. Or, if they are living in a community where these are the men around, this is who they most likely will gravitate toward. Which leads me into the other reason why Black women are now dating more outside their ethnicity; options.

And I don’t mean options as them expressing their options to date and marry. I’m referring to the availability of Black men for Black women to date. The most educated block of women in America are now Black women, while Black men sit at the bottom of society. So that in itself is enough to make so many Black women choose to be with men outside the community. Also within the options is the place at which Black women may be financially and socially versus where he might be at the moment. We have more and more Black professional women in the workforce, surrounded by predominantly White males in power positions. So if you’re a woman, you think to yourself, I would prefer someone in the same position as myself. But who do you date when everyone else is choosing within their ethnicity and you’re stuck single; you choose whoever comes along.

But when looking at why Black women are choosing to date outside their ethnicity, you look at the numbers alone and there are way more Black women than men. As matter of fact, millions more. And then when you factor into the equation that so many Black men are incarcerated, not in college, not going to college, not in the employment pool, in the employment pool, but barely surviving, then you can’t blame Black women for their choices. The numbers are so titled, that it’s almost as if you have to encourage interracial dating for Black women to have a chance. But in the end, could this just be in Black women’s heads because White women themselves are waiting, generally for a White male. Also is it always a conscious decision for Black women to date outside her ethnicity, or dating who approaches you. Whatever the case may be the numbers are still climbing, and Black women are becoming more and more open.


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THE SENSITIVITY THAT IS US: WHERE DOES THE FEELING OF AN ALLEGED RACIAL INTERACTION COME FROM

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“I feel this way and don’t even know why.”


Walking up the street, a White woman grabs her purse as I walk by; I instantly go into a space. A White man or woman tell me I look like someone they’ve seen before, then I go into a space. I am walking through the store, a White man or woman is following close by, I go into a space. And that is that; what is it about the United States that still makes me go into this head space of, “Did they just do hat because I am.” And it has a lot to do with this unspoken relationship that the two ethnic groups still have in America. An event takes place that we both witnessed before our very eyes, and yet we have multiple perspectives. Now, this already happens with humans as it is, but we are two groups that see things so differently.

I remember when former NFL running back O.J. Simpson was found not guilty of murdering his wife and her friend. The faces of White America went straight to shock while the faces of Black America went to rejoice. But this is not something that was agreed upon by the two groups. This was automatic, and it was swift. Neither of the two groups sat down among each other or separate and had a meeting. There was nothing of the like; everyone just knew how to react when it happened. I was only in elementary school when it happened and I remember the faces. Teacher at my school were enraged, and the people in the surrounding community where I lived was happy. And what formulated out of all this was one man’s life dictated forever and two innocent people dead. And that is the weird and uncomfortable relationship that is Black and White in America.

We all know the history, but this goes deeper than the past. It’s so disturbing how it effects you internally when you come across someone from another group. I’ve even asked myself like, “Wow, where in the hell did that come from?” Me speaking to myself, then you stop yourself in your tracks. But people who are unfamiliar might say, “Well why feel that way?” And reply is that I don’t. It’s as involuntary as sneezing. Meaning a situation can easily go from zero to sixty where the processing of what is going on takes place after the fact. I, still to this day have a hard time making eye contact for instance with a lot of law enforcement as t pertains to that weird racial dynamic. It’s almost as if the person doesn’t exist, until the person is no longer in my presence. Because in the end, the relationships are uncomfortable because no one expresses how they truly feel to move forward. America is an ignore it and it will go away country. Which is not how it should be dealt moving forward.


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COLORBLIND OPTIONS: WHY IT’S HARD FOR ME TO DATE INTERRACIALLY

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“I commend those who can do so.”


Living in New York City, you become accustomed to seeing interracial relationships. But me myself, I have never been in one. Not because I am not attracted to a woman of another group, but because of the social strain. To those that are able to do so, more power to them. Yet I have not been able to muster up the courage and date someone non-Black. And that choice is because it is easier dating someone within your ethnic group than outside. It’s not how I was raised growing up, but my mother also let me know the reality of doing so. Date who you want, but this is what comes with it. Didn’t make sense to me until I stepped into society and saw it with my own eyes.

When you see how people behave, it is very uncomfortable. And when I say react, I don’t mean stop and stare. I mean the actions of an individual that places me in a weird situation. As much as we say it’s none of people’s business, that doesn’t sink in that your life could be at risk. Dumb as it may sound, there are men compelled to react just by me being on a date with a woman from their group. And what is the woman to do; nothing. She can call for help, but physically she is at a disadvantage. Now, all of this sounds crazy, and to be honest it is. But when in that situation, it must be very hurtful. As for me, I have never been in that position, and to be honest I wouldn’t want to be. But what can you really do; nothing.

That is one aspect of dating interracial I couldn’t handle. But another is the parental/family aspect. There was a fashion model who not long ago opened up about her relationship to a Black man and what her family thought about it. They refused to communicate with him. Almost as if he weren’t standing in the room. But eventually they accepted him into the family. I couldn’t deal in an environment like that. If you can’t accept me for other more serious reasons, then yes, but not racial. And by me playing into you I am feeding the fire. But to him it must have been worth it, because him and this model are married now.

So in the end, to some it’s worth it, but not so much for others. To have to go through the strain of having to defend yourself constantly can work against you. And if you are with someone that could cost you a friendship, family, and even jobs, is tough to accept. We can’t hide the fact that it exist, and I don’t see the problem going away anytime soon. But until it does, this is just a reality.


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OH, HE’S BLACK: THE OBJECTION TO DATING BLACK MEN

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“Why they object.”


I read a recent post on Instagram where a statement was made regarding model Ashley Graham. She is currently married to a Black male and stated that at first members of her family were apprehensive. See, if you haven’t already guessed she is White and he is Black. But why, why is it still an issue of whom you bring home of another ethnic group? But most of all, why is it persona non grata, in dating Black men? As a Black male myself, you know all the stereotypes connected. But all men and women have them in some shape or another. Yet it is us who parents are the most against in dating their daughters.

All the reasons for not wanting a female to date Black men I have heard them over and over again. But these same responses exist in other men. People say their reasons as if it is perfection on the other side. Then what is the real reason for not wanting your daughter dating Black men. One reason is that even though we are told racism is not much of an issue today like in the past, there is a fear. You know that if your child does give birth, chances are, it will look more African American than anything else. And you know that people in society are prejudice. It’s easy to say I am lying, but when your grandchild comes home after being teased and discriminated against, it becomes a different story.

You become forced to face the inevitable. How do you tell your grandchild it is all in your head? Easy to say to me, not so easy to say to them when we live in the real world where these types of people exist. But another reason why parents are so apprehensive is because of fear of what might happen to their child. And I don’t mean from the man, but society. She is now in the line of fire just as much as me. Everything he is subjugated to, she is touched just as much for being with him. So it’s yet another smack dab in your face situation. No parent wants to deal with the idea of their daughter coming home crying because she was threatened because of who she dates. But this is a reality when in an interracial relationship.

Well, why won’t people confront their families. I mean, if you don’t agree with it should be easy right; wrong. If anything it’s harder because your family are not people you chose, but they are the only family you have. So if your interracial relationship don’t workout, they have to work. So the tolerance of dealing with family is higher than a relationship because family is more guaranteed. And that leads me to my third reason people are apprehensive. You can lose a lot when choosing to date outside your ethnicity. Because you might not get opportunities because you’re with who you’re with. You think it’s because someone else is better, it might be because who you are dating rubs people the wrong way.

In the end, I don’t think the views will change that much. I know me as a Black male, and as a overall human being. If people are not willing to accept me for me, I don’t believe I could deal with it. But I guess some people want the other person that much. And I guess that’s what it boils down to; how much you want that other person. Others are not willing to give up that much, but some are, and for the ones that give everything up, it’s worth it.


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Interracial Dating: Does It Matter?

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“Is love really color blind?”

I myself have never been in an interracial relationship, but I see the struggle. To say that people have an uphill battle when living their lives together is an understatement. You’re under constant pressure to always defend yourselves when faced with opposition. But are there exceptions? Do we accept interracial dating for certain groups and not others? Is this more of an isolated situation? It’s tough, but you have to look at both sides in regards to people choosing to date outside your ethnicity.

What are both sides? Well first, let’s look at what we mean by interracial dating. In the United States, when referencing interracial dating we pay more attention to Black and White people dating. We don’t get into the topic of Puerto Rican and Chinese; Indian and Tai; Saudi Arabian and Brazilian. In America, it’s typically Black male and White woman; White male and Black woman. But just that description is enough to confuse people. The problem starts at the color designation. This nation has been color constructed for so long as a means to designate a group your opposition or enemy.

The issue that people have with interracial dating is the idea that now you are forced to face those hidden emotions. Now everything is in your face; something a lot of people don’t like to see. But why is it anyone else’s business what life you lead. Because as much as we don’t like someone telling us how to live, we feel we have to voice in others’ lives.  But which interracial situation causes the most problems. In my opinion, Black males and White females.

There is this coveting that pertains to White females and this looming cloud over Black males. But I learned something that no one really wants to talk about regarding the matter. It’s about the esthetics of the female if it matters to White guys and Black women. If the female is pretty it makes the White guy more upset and if the female is ugly, it makes Black women more upset. This sounds ridiculous, but it exist on both sides. If the Black woman is unattractive then Black guys could care less. The only exception  is that you never hear White females speak outwardly about any of this.

So basically, it doesn’t matter to a great extent the ethnicity as it is the physical attractiveness and success of the person. In other words, you make yourself appear like you care, but ostracize within your own group. These are the things that people in interracial relationships have to deal with in society. Now is this an isolated situation or is it national. I do think it exist throughout the country, but it’s more overt in certain regions.

Even though the it has been over 50 years since the end of the Civil Rights Movement, there are still pockets of America that are against interracial dating. The more known places are the South and Midwest towns and cities. You can’t see it as openly on the West and the East because they are more liberal. So, living in a city like New York City or Los Angeles is a different lifestyle compared to a small town in Texas or Indiana. Whatever the case may be it takes strong people to deal on a daily with the ignorance of people in our society.