Tag: #sexuality

IF YOU DON’T SOMEONE WILL: THE REALITY OF CHEAT CULTURE

 

Man and Woman Lying on Bed

“The new normal.”

infidelity

When I was growing up, I was always under the impression that people who married stayed together and happy forever. The more I grew the more I learned about relationships and how things really work themselves out. And one of those things I learned about was infidelity in marriage. But even more shocked when I found out the female statistics on cheating in the relationship. From there I wanted to know why so many people cheated on their spouses. Then I started to do some quick research and found out that so many people do so because their relationship has no passion within the marriage. But if you are working and raising children it’s easy to lose that passion. So is it that cut clean and dry or are there steps to get to that point.

the women who hurt

We are so used to hearing about men who cheat but we are not even thinking about the women who do so. For some reason we don’t associate cheating with women, but so many women do so. But why, is as easy as a guy approaching and next thing you know, she’s cheating. No, it is more of a process that takes place over time. Because I don’t think most women just run out and start cheating on her significant other. Now if he cheats first, that might be a different story. But in general, women usually hold out longer than most men. And a lot of that has to do with how women think about sex. They emotionally connect to someone via sex, so it’s hard to just go out and sleep with someone with nothing there. But once they do, it usually ends the marriage and there is no getting her back. She’s not going to go to that guy, but you have most likely lost her.

if it’s not good, get out

There are still some people who wait until they are married to have sex. But in today’s society you have people who have sex quicker. Now, if the sex is not good, most men may stay just because he might get sex again. Women most likely will stop the situation and move on. But for the ones who don’t move on, they stay for other reasons outside of intimacy, more so security reasons, then find the sex outside the relationship. So how do you become that good lover, and is it still enough not to make the person go outside as fast. In my opinion, if the person moves that fast, they are just prone to do that because people don’t jump off the ledge as quick.

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WAITING FOR MARRIAGE: SAVING SEX FOR MARRIAGE IS NOT GOOD

Close-up of Woman Holding Condom

“Don’t do it to yourself.”

holding out

The idea of waiting until you’re married to have sex is still a requirement for so many people. And the reason so many still do is because of their moral code via religious beliefs. But there are some fundamental problems with this belief. And the reality is that sex is a very nature activity that is a contributor to your overall happiness. So when your sex life is bad, then you could run a risk of living an unhappy life. This is something that no matter how strong your belief nature has a way of over riding the feeling you get from spirituality. So why do people hold out knowing it could be this problem once they do have sex. Or better yet, what do you do if you get a partner that is less than adequate?

what to do what to do

When you wait until you’re married to have sex the main problem that arise from this would have to be who suffers if it’s not good? In the case of men, we are able to still find a way around a female who is a bad lover. Since we are so driven through the physical sense, we can make things work. Because we not only can teach a woman to be better, but we enjoy being the teacher. Now on the flip side of things, sex is a lot more emotional for the woman taking part in the activity. So being in a marriage with a man who is a virgin, she can’t quite enjoy like we can. If you are unaware or unsure, she loses interest. And if you are a woman waiting for sex until that marriage point, you most likely will get hurt. Because now you have to figure out how do I stay faithful and deal with bad sex for life.

trivial, sorry, it just is

With all that is going on in the world. You have wars, famine, poverty, political corruption, diseases wiping people out, and not to mention a rock in the form of the end of the world that narrowly misses Earth. Now you have this mind that God is watching how you use your penis and vagina. It just makes the idea of God sound silly. And for the most part, religion is very centered on self. I believe in this because of everything that could be watched I am being watched. Humans are one of millions of species, but we are the ones watched the most. So to me, you are depriving yourself of living your best life because you are bound by the unknown. And to be honest, most people who divorce will admit that waiting was a big mistake.

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HUMAN REPRODUCTION: HOW DID THE FIRST HUMANS KNOW SEX LED TO MORE PEOPLE

Image result for human reproduction

“How did we figure it out?”

reproduction

Upon ejaculation the sperm enters the vagina and sticks to the walls. There is no guarantee that the sperm will get her pregnant, but for the sake of the topic let’s say she does. Of the millions of sperm that make the destination, only one will fertilize the egg. And once that happens, over the course of 9 months a baby is born into the womb of a woman. Then, when it’s time, a child will be brought into this world. That child will grow and most likely give life, thus the continuation of the human chain of existence. Now my question is, how did the first humans manage to make it happen?  How did the first people manage to know that sex would create a human? What was the thing that they attempted which made them engage in sex.

accidental intercourse

What if we found out about sex by accident? Maybe we were trying to figure things out as humans would today, and stumbled upon procreation. The discovery of anything has come by way of accident. Human arousal is the same as any other mammal. And yet we tried numerous ways to cope with this sense of arousal. As with a monkey placing a stick in a hole to try to worm out ants, that is an accident in itself. You see this being of the opposite sex, not understanding why we feel a certain way, we test things out. The sense of touch has aided man in figuring out a lot. But once they figured out that intercourse not only created humans, but brought about pleasure, it became paramount to our existence.

in the know

Once we became aware, it was time to expand beyond our borders into other areas. Because the curiosity about ourselves became more important. Also the numbers of us grew into greater amounts, so we moved out from which we initially dwell. But putting ourselves in the know does not only aid us in the past, but also in the future to come. And what’s crazy, there are families we will never know their existence because they didn’t figure it out and died off.

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HETEROSEXUALITY AND HOMOSEXUALITY: BORN WITH OR EVOLUTION

https://www.photojoiner.net/image/vlHSbUz4

“Are we born to know?”

SEXUALITY

Over the recent years, especially since Gay  marriage has become legalized across the country, the topic of what is born with not born with have taken place. Are you born Gay? But what I would also ask in addition to that question is are you born heterosexual as well? Because from my understanding of what sexuality is, sexuality is defined as the person’s orientation or feelings. It is a person’s way of expressing themselves in society sexually, as well as their biological, belief systems, physical, and behavioral makeup. Yet, there is something that is odd about anyone saying how they were born, no matter their sexual orientation. And the reasons below are why.

HUMANITY DEVELOPMENT

The above video is of a TedTalk on the most influential aspects to a child’s development. And when you watch the video, you will hear how certain aspects of our upbringing contribute to the way we grow: our country, religious beliefs, how you are nurtured, your community, your education, and your advancement of your civilization. All are important to the development of a child. Because in this initial stage, you will start to maintain a lot of your ideologies you hold on to for the rest of your life. Now what does this have to do with sexuality, a lot. Because you develop aspects of who you are that makes you, you. Only reason why sexuality doesn’t show itself at certain points is because your external factors (religion, community, family, friends, societal constructs/norms) in addition to internal.

WHO DECIDES WHAT IS NATURAL

Now given we know a little bit about the development of humans, the controversy besides being born with a sexual preference that makes the conversation difficult, is what is natural. There actually can be a deference in what is natural and what is natural. I know the repetition sounds odd, but what is natural to us in nature and what is natural based on society constructs is different. So when looking at sexuality, having sex with any human is natural. But who you have sex with being deemed unnatural is the construct. It’s how we design societies to be.So heterosexuality is the considered by nature to be more pure in form because you need a male’s sperm in combination with the female egg to make a human. Two women and two men can’t procreate to make a human. So we use that to say what is natural. But natural is defined as existing without mankind intervention. So in regards to nature both heterosexuality and homosexuality can be seen as natural. Even though skeptics may say man through force influences one over the other creates certain outcomes, the majority of people who are either hetero- or homo- weren’t influenced by force to be.

SO WHAT IS IT REALLY

Overall, the human is an evolving, developing, adapting creature. Born to know your sexual orientation is a stretch, yet we all have the internal makeup for what love, emotions, and sexuality feels like. We all have attractions we develop, and no one knows for certain why we develop attractions as humans. Scientist will of course say evolving to have attractions keep us going as a species. But being born with a sexual preference would almost aim at stating that we are conscious at a time when we don’t even know we have a consciousness. In my opinion, we try to make sense of our emotions by saying born because we either want to make our case stronger, or you’re fighting against the social construct that places emphasis on how you live to be unnatural.

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SEXUALLY TABOO: WHY IS THE ADULT ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY SO FROWNED UPON

Related image

“One of the biggest industries, no one admits to watching.”

Pornography is one of the biggest and yet most taboo industries in America. But for some reason, when it comes to the top known entertainers in the business, we all know their names. We’ve all heard of Ron Jeremy, Jenna Jameson, Lexington Steele, and Bella Donna. Yet if you don’t watch porn, how do you manage to know these people for what they do? And they will all tell you of stories of meeting people, very well-respected people who have seen their work and compliment them. Then, when asked a question of do we watch, we always give the same dry reply of no, that’s not my thing types of answers. So why is it so taboo in society.

For starters, we are protective of our children and content that they consume. If we start to normalize the porn industry, then people are afraid that children will start to either gravitate toward it faster, or they’ll become desensitized. Only problem with that frame of thought is that in today’s society, we have more outlets that are out of the reach and control of parents. You as that adult might try to put passwords on the computer. But somehow, your children can still gain access eventually. Especially considering we’re living in such a digital age. Anything you want is literally a click away. You can type almost anything in a search engine and find a result for whatever aisles you.

Another reason for the taboo is that we feel that watching too much leads to an addiction. And becoming addicted to sex in the form of watching porn, can actually remove you from dealing altogether with the human element. You can also start to develop physical ailments if you are watching too much because watching most often leads to personal stimulation. So the ailment comes from too much personal stimulation. And that addiction can lead into more severe mental problems that can occupy your personal space. Your quality of life can ultimately diminish, and you start to effect the people around you.

Now, in the end, the reason I don’t think we should be too worried is because the industry is so widespread that it’s almost like we don’t even think twice about the idea that it exist anymore. And that has to do with the idea that so many amateurs are now making an income from home. Parents in the past used to be worried about their child reading a Playboy, Penthouse, or Hustler, now they’re worried about their kid making a sex tape. Crazy thing is that the more digital takes hold, the less voice the parents have in their child’s life. So at this point all you can do is raise them the best you can, and hope for the best.

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SEXUALLY INADEQUATE: WHAT IF YOUR PARTNER COULDN’T SATISFY YOU

Close-up of Woman Holding Condom

“Not so pleasurable.”

Scenario: You meet this person and agree to a date. You go on the date, date goes well. Then after some time the relationship starts to get serious. You love their energy, conversation, and how well they treat you. Then you eventually you find yourself in an intimate setting under intimate circumstances. And here you are about to have sex with the person you’re in relationship with, and, yuck, just like that, disappointment. What would you do and how do you deal with the situation? Are you able to be in a relationship, or better yet a marriage with someone who does not please you sexually? Are you willing to give up a relationship to go out searching for someone else who can please you? There are people who say it’s not worth losing someone, but just as you have those people, you have the other side that feel like it’s worth losing.

Well, let’s look at both sides of the coin. First and foremost, let’s start with the why you should stay. This passage on why you should stay is important because in a society where relationships, especially good ones are hard to come by, is it worth losing and starting over for sex. How about looking at some statistics for sex. Researchers have compiled stats and found out that average sex last somewhere in a range of 7 to 13 minutes. Anything under the 7 minute mark is considered too inadequate, and sex lasting significantly longer than 13 minutes is too long. So why am I giving the stats for sex time? Well, it’s because if you’re going to give up a good relationship for sex, know that the average couple has sex twice per week on average less than 10 minutes. Is 10 – 20 minutes in a week worth an entire relationship?

But now, how about the flip-side of the situation. And that is that sex is more than just the act itself. Being physically into someone translate into a whole host of other areas. It can effect how you communicate on a daily basis, and it has potential of effecting your mood throughout the day. Well, how so? People who reported having more pleasurable partners during sex, show a higher satisfaction in the relationship which leads to less fighting and more fulfillment out of life. But also sex is important because if you’re going to be dating this person, or better yet married, shouldn’t you be sexually into the person. How do you spend the rest of your life with a person in marriage that you have no physical attraction to; that can cause a strain in the relationship. So in essence, it does make sense to a degree to want to end a relationship.

In the end, rather you should end it or not is ultimately up to you. There is no right or wrong answer as to what you should do because everyone approaches the situation differently. But whatever you shall choose, know that you made a decision and live with that decision. Because people tend to stay or leave then get mad at the other person for staying, or angry at others for leaving. Know that is your decision, and as long as you can live with that decision, then make whatever choice you have to make.

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SEXUAL INSECURITY: HOW MEN STRAY FROM SEX DUE TO FEARS

Close-up of Woman Holding Condom

“Failure to launch because of failure to launch.”

As a young male, many of us have engrained fears as it pertains to sex. They can be anything from fear of getting a woman pregnant to catching an STD. But this topic is about how men have fears of sexual malfunction. The refusal to engage in sex due to not being able to perform. And that performance anxiety keeps some from being able to experience pleasure. And for that reason, those men typically self stimulate because there is no risk of not performing. You know what you want, and there is no risk of failure. So there are guys who actually bypass sex altogether to keep from experiencing a letdown.

Now, self stimulation is fine, but what happens when it is something done for a prolonged period of time? You become dependent upon it and can’t perform when you do have sex. But you also become detached from the person altogether. And that can also stem from not wanting to deal with the letdown. See for women it’s different. Performance is not something that can effect women in the same fashion. Why, well because it won’t stop a man from having sex with you. So your lack of performance won’t keep you from having a sex life. Men are the more dominant creatures, so we are expected to perform. But keeping yourself from performing out of fear hurts you more.

Why does it hurt you more? Well the guy who fears and does, is in the race more than yourself who don’t try at all. He is actually putting himself in a position to be better than you are by not attempting. Now, all of this might sound crazy, but this is a real life issue. Especially when guys are young between ages 17 – 25 years of age. You’re expected to be more at something that you are still becoming new to in life. So you really are unfamiliar until time goes on. But not attempting at all, like I said before, still puts you at a lose. Because most say wait until you get married. I disagree, just because it sounds good biblically, but it’s not a rational human reason.

Rational human reason meaning it’s a natural act to take part in. And the woman and the man could be just as miserable in the situation. So, now that you are married, you have to just deal for life. But if you are unsatisfied, there could be problems. For you as the guy, you might want to engage, but she is not the least bit interested. So, as a woman, what do you do? That’s why it’s never good to wait until this point. But at the same time, that means potentially losing a good situation. In the end, you will always have guys fear not performing. But it should not keep you from doing so. Because if you don’t at all, it’s the same as the guy whose bad at it.

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