EXCEEDING EXPECTATIONS: HOW YOU CAN BE HATED FOR BEING MORE THAN YOU “SHOULD BE”

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“Who are you to be where you are!”


Filmmaker and actor Tyler Perry gave a speech before a group of college graduates where he stated exceeding past the expectations of where people feel you should be is when you create enemies. Because now you start to get individuals saying how dare you think you’re more than what I think of you. It’s from this internal emotion built in where we just know how your life will turn out. We just know that you can’t be more than what we see you as in society. And when you do succeed, the people who never thought you would be where you’re at have to do some serious self-reflecting. They’re Image result for self reflectforced to come to terms with two things in life. One they aren’t good characters of judgement. And number two, they are now forced to sit back and look over their lives thus far. They must now look at themselves in the mirror and say, “If only you had taken your life more serious, where would you be by now.”

So now, you as the successful person becomes the scorn of another person. Because they look at you and say, “You made me see myself.” Why, well no one really likes to look into a mirror and reflect. We often turn away, and look somewhere else. But this person you thought wouldn’t succeed makes you reflect; so much so, it stays on your mind. Especially if the success story had a troubled past. When the past of a person is ground level, and they work their way from that point, there is also an inner hate and disdain carried toward that person. You see, a successful person with a troubled Image result for accountabilitypast can be dismissed if we don’t know or having ever met the person. But when that person was someone we saw throughout life, sour grapes fills our mouths. What’s sad is that so many people can still rebound in life, yet they’re so angry at you, they miss their own blessings.

Is there more, well yes there is more to discuss. What happens when the success is doing something that the person angry don’t like, and can’t figure out why you’re successful. Well, the success has people that love what they do. And if it’s not something you like, find something that you like and stick to it. But people hate to not like something and what they don’t like go on deaf ears. No matter how ridiculous the claim, the claim still exist. That’s why social media tends to be so dangerous because there is this mob mentality; a community of people who wouldn’t otherwise have a Image result for mob mentalityvoice, able to negatively effect lives of others. In the end, when you take off, and become successful, you will have people not like you. But when you reach an altitude that many feel you shouldn’t have reached, then you get hate. But it comes with the territory; you can’t be a loser out of fear of people not liking you.


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SELFISH ME: WHY YOU SHOULD BE A DICTATOR WITH YOUR LOVE

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“Only to those who deserve it.”


In life, when dealing with people no matter what the relationship capacity, you must be a dictator with your love. And what do I mean by being a dictator with your love? I mean you must be very authoritative, and translate to people what it is you want and expect. And if they are not willing to meet you there, then you must move on from them. Because you only have one life to live, and you don’t want to waste it on people not worthy of your time and occupying your space. Some call it acting funny; well, good. Humans have been around for ions of time. And the fact that you only have on average 78 years on this planet means you should spend your time well. Make whatever time you have on Earth count. So when people mean you no good, get rid of them.

Like I said before, you will lose people. But that is an aspect of life the comes with maturing; it’s called widening the gap. You start at a certain point with each other and along the journey you elevate. And the way for you to come to where the people you left behind are, is to come down. Now you’re compromising your time, space, energy, love, and overall existence. And you shouldn’t be compromising because you’re living the best you and running your race in life. They are the ones who should be rising to the occasion. Why are you the one sacrificing for them, when you have a mission on this planet. Now you can slow down while you’re running your race, but if you are passed by, then don’t complain. Because you were in the race, but you chose to slow down. Everyone has to grow up and become an adult. It’s not your job to raise people.

This is all why you must be such a dictator with your love. Everyone is not meant to be in your life. With that said, you must also learn the art of not giving a “F**k.” Love no one more than you love yourself, and be righteous when you say it as well. Those who understand that you are heading in a positive way and use that as a platform to propel themselves will understand. Because people who are of this mind will flock in and around each other. But those who are just in it for hanging around and occupying time won’t. They want to be in your life as part of the finished product that is you; the more polished you. But they are the ones who are not willing to get their hands dirty in the architectural building of you.

So in the end, you must be very selfish with who you give yourself to. You might have thought this topic was going to be about dating. But it’s more than just dating. It’s for dating, friendships, family, and strangers you come in contact with in life. When you let people occupy your space that aren’t worth your time, you do yourself an injustice. They mean you no good, and can only hurt your growth in the long run. So dump them and dump them fast, or watch yourself unravel along with them.


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I’M NOT QUIET OR LONELY, JUST IN THOUGHT: WHY DO WE ASSUME INTROVERTED IS UNHAPPY

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“Being to yourself gives you time to reflect.”


A lot of people throughout my life have told me that I am an introverted person. They have asked me why am I so stand off-ish or why do I like being so lonely. But there is a reason why I have become the person that I am today. For starters, I am an introverted person, but I am not stand off-ish nor am I lonely. Because stand off-ish people are unaware of self so they have a hard time in conversations with substance. And there is also a vast difference between someone who is alone and lonely. I am a person who spends time alone, but I am far from lonely. But how does a person be alone and not lonely? Aren’t they one of the same? Yes, they are, but to an extent. So why do we perceive people to be lonely and stand off-ish, or even disconnected when they don’t converse as much?

Well the reason we give people these types of labels has a lot to do with being human. When you are a human, we all want and yearn for some level of companionship in our lives. It can come in many different forms: doesn’t matter if it is a pet or a friend, or even a monogamous relationship. We all want to be close to someone or something that makes us feel like we exist on Earth. But you can also have people around you and still feel alone and shut out. Well, how is that the case? It’s because not everyone is meant to be in your life. And you should really assess who you allow into your space before you make the leap to bring them close to you. These people not meant to be in your life are the leaches who will suck you for everything you got, and then they’re gone once they have what they have come for.

Another reason why we look at people who are to themselves as lonely is because it’s what is associated with depression and anxiety. People who suffer from these illness typically exemplify the characteristics of a person who is lonely. They feel uncomfortable when put in social settings because of their own insecurities. So they typically shy away from people and keep to themselves. And there is a great deal of truth to this claim. Because I am a person who has been kept back because I have dealt with these internal issues in my life. Throughout life, I have been self conscious, depressed, lacked confidence, and anxious. So a lot of times I strayed from so many social situations because I felt this way. But it wasn’t until I became an adult I realized who I really was: which goes back to what I said earlier about self awareness. And that is the key to understanding yourself and others to understands themselves as well.

In the end, I have learned a few things by being alone. I have learned to have a great deal of patience because the solitude forces you to be still. You’re in a space alone with your own thoughts. So you have to do a lot of reflecting on your life. You have to look up until this point in life and be happy with where you are and where you are going. This is the moment you become self-aware. I also learned to have an objective opinion because I am not dealing with only the intricacies of my own peer group. So being around different people than myself in society allows me to be more practical. I am not a loner, I am reflecting; I am not lonely, I have plenty of people who love and care about me; I am introverted, but only because I have looked deep within self to find my purpose driven life; and I am not stand off-ish, I just usually stray away from conversations when I have nothing of substance to add. But what I have learned, is that the more time progress, the more people learn about me, the more they understand and respect who I am.


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SEEKING VALIDATION: THE IMPORTANCE OF SELF-RESPECT

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“You don’t need, you just want to fit in so bad.”


Throughout my life, I never understood the need people have to fit in. And I don’t mean fitting into a society as a human. I mean fitting into these peer groups so that we don’t feel like we’re being left out. We would rather belong to a group that dictates how we live than to be free and be alone. Because who wants to live this life alone. But there is a far cry between being alone and lonely. Celebrities have people all around them and at times they are lonelier than those with no one around. So why do people feel like they need to fit it rather than treating it as a want.

It starts when we are young in school. The children ostracize you from the group if you are awkward. And what is defined as awkward is the kid that does not do what all the other kids are doing. So if you are a kid that walks to the beat of your own drum, you’re a loser. You’re a lame for not wanting to fit into the construct. The kids talk about you and laugh like you’re one of the weird kids. But this does not stop at childhood. It continues on into your teenage years and into adulthood. So we as adults say school bullying is wrong and then bullying takes on a new form once you become adults. People start to play with your head on a more business level. But we still have not gotten to the depths of why it matters to be validated so much.

And the reason being is that we as humans yearn for some form of companionship. And at times we are willing to subjugate ourselves to torment for that companionship. Because we all have these self-conscious feelings internally that we don’t want exposed to the world. This feeling that if we are exposed then no one will want to ever be around us. Yet if we all have it, no one can talk about anyone else. Then again, internal shame keeps us in check and adhering to each other. Maybe at a young age I was a different type of kid. Then again I am a different type of adult. And as an adult people respect you for who you are, not what you’re trying to be.

See, in the end, validation is proof that you are who you think you are; but only by way of how others see you. So you’re the greatest when people love you, and not so great when they reject you. Your identity should be your identity, not someone’s else’s vision. And what’s even more interesting, people, who are heads of these peer groups do as they wish. The more popular person sets the tone for everyone else. Which is a reality that we see throughout life. The head says something, and even if we disagree, we agree for the sake of fitting into the group.


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AGE OF DEPRESSION: HOW THE MORE WE UNDERSTAND SELF THE MORE UNHAPPY WE BECOME

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“In an era of technology, we are more connected, yet very much detached.”


In a world where we are more connected than anytime before, you would think it would make us happier. Yet it has not only made us happier, but the more we learn and understand ourselves the more depressed we become. And I don’t mean know ourselves like knowing me as an adult. I mean knowing us is it pertains to our existence on Earth. You would think with the advent of technological innovation and scientific breakthroughs, we would have a much higher level of enlightenment that would make us happy. But what that heightened awareness has done is give us the complete opposite effect. But should we digress because of this unintended effect?

View of Tourist Resort Well, let’s first look at what makes us depressed in today’s society. There are many different reasons why people tend to be unhappy. For starters, you are able to see up close your reality. And what I mean by your reality, you can see where you stand financially, socially, academically in the world. For example, you can Google image luxury, and see a world that is beyond your world just by typing it into a search engine. When my mother was young, an opulent life existed, yet you didn’t quite know about it. Clear Wine Glasses in a RowPeople were either born into wealth, or it was something you stumbled upon. Not today, today, you can actually see how little you have relative to someone else. And what’s crazy, you might have a socioeconomic position that is supporting you and your family. Yet you can’t enjoy because you are comparing yourself to someone way above you.

Why do we do it? Why do we look to someone that is far beyond us? Well, at times, that person is our age. No matter your age today, there is someone that age doing something on a more monumental scale than yourself. When I was in college, I was broke coming out, yet guys my age were signing multi-million dollar contracts to play sports. Comparing yourself to them and not appreciating what you have, even when what you have is adequate to live, robs you of gratification Image result for comparison peopleand the ability to live a fulfilling life. Meaning, you might want to make $50,000 in a year, but someone tells you, you should want better. Now you can’t enjoy what life you could have had with what you wanted because you’re chasing something you may not even want just to satisfy other people’s perspective. And with our lives being inundated with so much imagery, we still have another aspect of our lives that make us unhappy: our own existence.

Coping with our existence is tough for so many. And I don’t mean existence in the context of waking and going to work everyday, coming home, and sleeping. I mean the fact that we are here, on Earth, living and breathing. The fact that I was not born a lion, tiger, bird, or a house cat, but a human is hard for many to cope with in life. The simple existence that is me, a carbon based life form that has Related imagetaken forever to evolve into what I am, is hard to accept. And a lot of it comes from increased scientific understanding of ourselves. Here is where religion may have aided us in living on this planet. With the idea that there is something greater once we die, it gives us hope. As time progress in society, more and more people are becoming awoken to our existence. So awake, we are unmotivated to do anything. So now we become depressed with the idea that this is all that is here for us.

You would think that feeling this way would give people a sense of urgency, yet it’s having the inverse effects. The closer we come to figuring out why we are on Earth, the more we become detached from living. Maybe not knowing, is what’s best at times. Because in the end, unlike any other species where nature dictates how they behave, we are given conscious. We are given the ability to say yes or say no. We are endowed with the ability to make sound decisions. And that very conscious that gives us that ability also makes us aware of our situations in life. Some people make the best out of it, and others can never cope. And for those that can’t cope, it leads to further depression; leading to substance abuse or even suicide.

“He who increases knowledge, increases sorrow on the land.”

                          -Ecclesiastes 1:18


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MONOGAMOUSLY LONELY: WHAT’S KEEPING YOU OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP

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“We all have relationship fears.”


How many of you reading this post are single? Now how many of you are reading this post who are single and afraid of commitment? And that question is the question that so many people have to ask themselves. Not only so many people, me as well. I think that we are afraid of commitment because we don’t want to be cheated on, let others down, and our fears that someone is depending on us. Having to look outside of yourself to care for another human being is tough. And I don’t mean just being parent. Because you have some great parents who are bad boyfriend/girlfriends and spouses. So why is it so tough to commit?

Like I said above, one reason has to do with not wanting to have to deal with infidelity. No one wants to be cheated on because it’s such a deflating feeling. The feeling of not amounting up to the other person’s potential. Or the feeling that you are not as great as you thought you were. It’s those insecure feelings that make people possessive in relationships. And that Image result for infidelitypossessive nature might actually push a person away just as fast as the neglect. When in relationships, you have those self-conscious feelings and doubts about the other person. You’re so insecure at times, that you’ll create cheating scenarios in your head. Scenarios of what the other person might be doing, which prompts you to go snooping for answers. And trust and believe, you’ll find something, no matter how small.

Another reason people have a hard time committing is that you don’t want to be in a position to let others down. We have to meet certain expectations that when single you don’t have to meet. When single, you can be a little more lazy; kick up your feet and relax. When in relationships, you always have to have your A game on. So in the relationship, you have to work, Image result for commitmentalmost like being the popular kid in school. Work to get in, and work to stay in. And it’s a gig that does not monetarily pay. Can you image how successful relationships might be, if there was some type of monetary gain for remaining together? But then again, if you need money as a motivator, you probably don’t like the other person anyways.

But what about the last fear on my list; having someone depend on you to get something accomplished. When you’re single, you depend on you, now you have another person to work your schedule around. You now have to make sacrifices to your life, that you otherwise don’t have to make. It’s a Image result for dependenttough adjustment, especially for a guy like me whose used to being single. Now, let’s add another addition in the mix; a child. What happens if a child is produced in the relationship? Now the responsibility of another life is fully dependent upon you. There is no out once a kid comes into the household. So you are now forced to deal, not just for a few years, or even 18 years, but for life.

In the end, operating in a relationship is tough because it requires you to give up, take on, and accept so many things out of your control. You’re no longer belonging to you, but obligated to someone else. You have to now ask before you make a decision rather just making it. And if the other person is not comfortable, you may have to forgo the decision. That’s right, you compromise. One of the hardest decisions to make is to compromise. Giving up what you want, for the “potential” of success in this new situation.


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CELEBRATED NOT TOLERATED: WHY BE SOMEWHERE YOU’RE NOT WANTED

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“I wouldn’t want to belong, unless I belong.”


I was recently reading a story regarding Hollywood actress Gabrielle Sidibe’s visit to the high-end Chanel retail store. While in the store, Sidibe said that she experienced racial discrimination while seeking to purchase a few items. And it wasn’t until the other Black employees in the store saw who she was, that the tone of the store clerk changed. She then began to act in a much nicer manner. But my question is why didn’t she leave the store? Why would you want to shop at a store if you feel they are discriminating against you based on race? Well, I have a few theories on some of those reasons.

One of the views I have on people who patronize places where they are not celebrated, but tolerated is because a self-respect issue. Your self-respect comes into question when you are willing to belong to a place or spend your money in a location where you are not accepted. Purchasing items in this business actually reinforces a feeling of your lack of self. But more so, the individuals treating you in this manner know that you are willing and able to deal with it. A way to show people is to not patronize, not to add to their growing business. Your actions speak louder than what is being said out of your mouth. So you can’t demand respect and go to people where you are disrespected.

But to me, this is a bigger problem than just racial concerns in America. We as a collective love being apart of something that is perceived to be this great thing. And would love to put emphasis on the word, perceived. Perception is a big reason why we seek to be a member of a group that doesn’t accept us. You see it in school where the kid is ostracized from the group. But instead of hanging around kids who want to be your friend, we want to hang with the kids who don’t like us. It’s because the ostracized at times tend to be the people who ostracize others themselves. Now we want the respect that we are not willing to extend to other people. Yet there is still another theory I have on wanting to belong to something that rejects you.

And that reason is lack of self-actualization; not realizing your true wealth. You have very financially wealthy people who command more money than the businesses they frequent. Yet they act like the business is doing them a favor. It comes from not knowing your true value and what your money can do for you. If you really did know what your money does for you, you don’t go back to the business. You think if Bill Gates walked into a store and they mistreated him, he would make a fuss. He most likely wouldn’t return because he knows the true value of his dollar. He has shown this through the various initiatives he has been apart of globally. My money growing a civilization is more important than buying trinkets. So when he does walk into a store, it’s festive because he doesn’t need you. You’re not doing him a favor, he’ knows he’s helping you.

In the end, you will always have people who want to belong to something. And like I said before, it has to do a lot with perception. We perceive something to be great and yet it really is not. But we hold things up in society to be special that are not. Food, water, air, shelter are important, not tote bags and cars. But that is the power of perception in our society.


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