FATHERLESS: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN BOYS DON’T GROW WITH THEIR FATHERS

adorable, baby, born

“You are his first guidance counselor.”


As a young boy who grew up in a single parent home without my father, I can tell you first hand what boys miss when they don;t have a man around. Luckily for me, I was able to not only look to my mother, but there were enough men around I could look to, to gauge what it means to be a man. Now that I am 30 years of age, my father and I speak now. This is tough for many considering they have so many grudges they hold for the other parent. As for me, I have learned not mainly the art of forgiveness, but an aspect of life has set in; which is no one cares. The world at large could care less about you not having your father in your life. Because when its all said and done, the world will judge you based on you, not your parent.

Sounds like a hard pill to swallow because you lose so much with that other half not in your life. And what are some of the key aspects of life you miss out on.

RESPONSIBILITY

Image result for RESPONSIBLE

You might be thinking to yourself, your mother can raise you to be responsible. But living in society there are different expectations for men and for women. Even as we start to take on relationships, the expectations of men become different. Funny that your mother never sit down and talk to you about the real standards that women have in life. But instead, mothers don’t want to throw too much at you, almost like she wants to protect you more than see you afraid to step out into the world. But a man afraid to step out into the world, is a man headed down an unsuccessful path. You can’t become successful if all you’re doing is second guessing the entire time. And women themselves will learn to not be able to trust you and depend upon you as well. Nothing you say will be taken seriously because there is not that strong male foundation. Mothers are more apt to give their sons a little more leeway than the father. The father is more authoritative when dealing with their sons, while mom tends to be more emotional. And the problem with mom emotions directed toward her son. He grows and starts to take on these attributes. Which is seen as normal for women, but we appear to be weak and unwilling to take action when action is needed. We’re more likely to be sons and friends to women in our lives than boyfriends and husbands.

DISCIPLINE

Image result for military discipline

Here is the part of life where fathers teach their sons about how to be patient. Here is where young boys get that first hand lesson in good things coming to those who wait, when the one is waiting is focused and poised. Usually boys are quite jittery, but fathers are the ones who whip them into shape. “Boy sit down,” or “Didn’t I tell you to be still?” You’re given these hard directions, that at times come from mom, but they scream louder from dad. And why do we listen to dad’s discipline more than mom’s discipline. It has nothing to do with our love for him more. It has everything to do with the idea that we know and understand, even at a young age the strong staff that dad carries. And that internal feel of dad means business leads into the next thing boys miss out on.

SELF-IDENTIFICATION

Image result for self mirror

The previous paragraph that explains the understanding we have as men when we are in each other’s presence. That feeling that women don’t have when we as men come cross paths with each other. And you look into the eyes of another man and realize in that moment when he is serious, when he is not who he says he is, and when he is burying something internally. And part of knowing who we are is by way of knowing yourself as well. A lot of boys growing up coming into manhood have a hard time communicating with other men without getting emotional because they lack self-identification. Then they finds themselves in trouble because they are not consciously aware. Not having any man who is truly unaware because he was not taught awareness, is not only a problem and detriment to himself but society. And if you look at the statistics, boys who are more prone to commit crimes and wind up in prison usually didn’t have their fathers to teach them men don’t do this or do that in life. So the boy grows full blown from whatever imaginations is there that is not cultivated by the man in his life.

In the end, boys tend to miss out on a lot by not having their fathers or some man around that they can look to in how to be a man. Like I said earlier, in my life, I could look to someone that was an image of manhood. Some boys in the community turned to gangs as a way to link up with men who served as guidance in their lives. And even though mom plays an intricate role in your life, their is so much you lose that have to learn on the fly by not having a father.


https://faheemjackson.squarespace.com/ (PERSONAL WEBSITE)

https://www.facebook.com/fjacks063 (FAN PAGE)

Medium.com/@faheemjackson

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_nr_n_0?fst=as%3Aoff&rh=n%3A283155%2Ck%3Afaheem+jackson&keywords=faheem+jackson&ie=UTF8&qid=1492966094&rnid=2941120011   

@theefaheemjackson Instagram

@2320howe Twitter

Advertisements

A LESSON BEFORE DYING POSTS: WHY THE COMPANY YOU KEEP MATTERS

Image result for a lesson before dying

“The choices we tend to make in life.”


The above photo is of the historical fiction novel, A Lesson Before Dying. This book would later go on to be made into a motion picture played by Don Cheadle, Cicely Tyson, and Mekhi Phifer. A story about a young man sentenced to death for the killing of a store clerk and two of his associates. The film gave a really great depiction of the racial relationships of the South, as well as the harsh realities of growing up Black in the region. Now my topic today is how does ones’ choices influence their lives moving forward. Because in A Lesson Before Dying, all the main character had to do was pass on a ride with his friends.

We may all see it as nothing more than just a ride with some friends. Yet, in the film, there was something that made Mekhi Phifer, the young man sentenced to die, hesitate before getting in the car. Something in him knew he shouldn’t have been riding with those guys. It’s a feeling at times that we all have when being in the presence of someone we know we shouldn’t. It does not necessarily have to be a group of friends. You could be in the presence of family and a monogamous relationship. But the reasoning for Mekhi’s character getting into trouble is a story anyone can relate to; outside the racial premise of the film.

So many young men have been offered rides by their friends. Then get into the car and find out in the course of the ride, their friends have just committed a crime. How do you explain to the judge that you had no hand in the matter? The answer is, you don’t; and unless they state you had nothing to do with the matter, you’ll go to jail as well. Better yet, what happens when you ride somewhere and the people you are with commit the crime while you’re there with them? There is no way to plead your way out of that situation. In the case of A lesson Before Dying, the culprits died themselves, and Phifer was charged and executed for the crimes. In today’s society, you might be able to argue your way out, but not Jim Crow South.

Which brings me to my last reason point regarding the company you keep. You need to understand where you live and the laws as well. Southern laws are of the strictest laws in America. And what may be a slap on the wrist in one state is prison time in another. So in the end, you need to understand a few key words of advice. Watch the company you keep, be comfortable with decisions you make, and understand the place in which you reside.


https://www.facebook.com/groups/1777548702458281/

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/freedomless-speech/x/11885908#/

https://faheemjackson.squarespace.com/ (PERSONAL WEBSITE)

https://www.facebook.com/fjacks063 (FAN PAGE)

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_nr_n_0?fst=as%3Aoff&rh=n%3A283155%2Ck%3Afaheem+jackson&keywords=faheem+jackson&ie=UTF8&qid=1492966094&rnid=2941120011   

@fjackson12345 Instagram

@2320howe Twitter

MONOGAMOUSLY LONELY: WHAT’S KEEPING YOU OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP

Midsection of Couple Holding Hands at Beach Against Sky

“We all have relationship fears.”


How many of you reading this post are single? Now how many of you are reading this post who are single and afraid of commitment? And that question is the question that so many people have to ask themselves. Not only so many people, me as well. I think that we are afraid of commitment because we don’t want to be cheated on, let others down, and our fears that someone is depending on us. Having to look outside of yourself to care for another human being is tough. And I don’t mean just being parent. Because you have some great parents who are bad boyfriend/girlfriends and spouses. So why is it so tough to commit?

Like I said above, one reason has to do with not wanting to have to deal with infidelity. No one wants to be cheated on because it’s such a deflating feeling. The feeling of not amounting up to the other person’s potential. Or the feeling that you are not as great as you thought you were. It’s those insecure feelings that make people possessive in relationships. And that Image result for infidelitypossessive nature might actually push a person away just as fast as the neglect. When in relationships, you have those self-conscious feelings and doubts about the other person. You’re so insecure at times, that you’ll create cheating scenarios in your head. Scenarios of what the other person might be doing, which prompts you to go snooping for answers. And trust and believe, you’ll find something, no matter how small.

Another reason people have a hard time committing is that you don’t want to be in a position to let others down. We have to meet certain expectations that when single you don’t have to meet. When single, you can be a little more lazy; kick up your feet and relax. When in relationships, you always have to have your A game on. So in the relationship, you have to work, Image result for commitmentalmost like being the popular kid in school. Work to get in, and work to stay in. And it’s a gig that does not monetarily pay. Can you image how successful relationships might be, if there was some type of monetary gain for remaining together? But then again, if you need money as a motivator, you probably don’t like the other person anyways.

But what about the last fear on my list; having someone depend on you to get something accomplished. When you’re single, you depend on you, now you have another person to work your schedule around. You now have to make sacrifices to your life, that you otherwise don’t have to make. It’s a Image result for dependenttough adjustment, especially for a guy like me whose used to being single. Now, let’s add another addition in the mix; a child. What happens if a child is produced in the relationship? Now the responsibility of another life is fully dependent upon you. There is no out once a kid comes into the household. So you are now forced to deal, not just for a few years, or even 18 years, but for life.

In the end, operating in a relationship is tough because it requires you to give up, take on, and accept so many things out of your control. You’re no longer belonging to you, but obligated to someone else. You have to now ask before you make a decision rather just making it. And if the other person is not comfortable, you may have to forgo the decision. That’s right, you compromise. One of the hardest decisions to make is to compromise. Giving up what you want, for the “potential” of success in this new situation.


https://www.facebook.com/groups/1777548702458281/

https://www.indiegogo.com/command_center/freedomless-speech#/insights

https://faheemjackson.squarespace.com/ (PERSONAL WEBSITE)

https://www.facebook.com/fjacks063 (FAN PAGE)

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_nr_n_0?fst=as%3Aoff&rh=n%3A283155%2Ck%3Afaheem+jackson&keywords=faheem+jackson&ie=UTF8&qid=1492966094&rnid=2941120011   

@fjackson12345 Instagram

@2320howe Twitter

ACCEPTANCE VERSUS TOLERANCE: HOW DO YOU WANT TO BE RESPECTED

Related image

“I want love by choice not force.”


In America today, more than ever we are stressing the tolerance of other groups of people. People who you may not agree with, yet you leave them to their own devices to be them. Me on the other hand, I have a different view of the topic at hand. Me myself, I would rather be accepted than to be tolerated in America. What is the difference between being accepted and tolerated? To accept someone is to celebrate them in all they have to give. To tolerate someone is to only accept them by means of force. We push people to have tolerance while acceptance is more pure. Why is this so important today?

Because with the introduction of our new Commander and Chief Donald J. Trump, people feel like he’s very insensitive to certain ethnic groups. Mainly people in the Middle Eastern communities and Hispanics. But when I hear people say that they tolerate a group of people it’s still similar to saying you’re not fond of a group of people. Now, let’s not get that confused with hate. Notice I said it is similar, but not the same. And I say similar Woman in Blue Hijabbecause the similar reasons he disagrees with a group is the similar reasons why people tolerate a group. For example, he says we need to vet countries where radical Islamic extremists are coming from entering the United States. Then people say I disagree with how Islam treats it’s women, yet I tolerate their culture.

You’re similar in that your feelings toward them are strong, maybe not on his level, but it’s there. It’s harder to say you accept Islam because you do disagree with some of its principles. Yet no one wants to think they agree with him on any level. But let’s be clear, is it people who accept and or tolerate communities that they gentrify. No, the goal is to remove those living their and make way for their families. This is on par with the same racial sentiment you’re accusing the president of conducting himself in, in our country. See, I have a different perspective on the whole acceptance versus tolerance belief. Like I said before, I would much rather be celebrated because it’s pure.

Now here is something interesting I can share with you regarding the acceptance. People treat you in the manner in which not only you carry yourself, but how you think someone else sees you. So you are hurt when not accepted because you’ve based your identity off of someone who ultimately does not respect you. And if you’re seeking validation from someone that does not respect you, they’ll see it and use it against you. Still, people fight for the tolerance. Then again, is all tolerance bad? Am I looking at this tolerance word with too much conviction? Let’s analyze the other side.

Tolerance is me not accepting something you say or do, a practice you are conducting yourself in, but I can still respect you enough to not hate you. Meaning, I believe you can be tolerant to gay marriage, yet not hate gays. I don’t believe you should have the choice in them getting married and I Image result for rainbow flagdon’t condone violence against someone living how they choose to live. But I don’t think we should live in a society where are forced to agree. And as long as we can disagree and continue, there is nothing wrong with opposing. Now, with that viewpoint you won’t reach everyone, but as long as people know where you stand, that is key.

In the end, knowing where people stand is the tough part. We live in a country where everyone says the right thing. And a lot of that comes from fear of losing something. So we are becoming a nation where we teach each other how to lie to one another. I don’t want you to lie about how you feel toward me. And if you don’t like something, express your right to not be involved in what the person is doing. Because using means of force will only result in more conflict and further alienation.


https://www.facebook.com/groups/1777548702458281/

https://faheemjackson.squarespace.com/

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_nr_n_0?fst=as%3Aoff&rh=n%3A283155%2Ck%3Afaheem+jackson&keywords=faheem+jackson&ie=UTF8&qid=1492966094&rnid=2941120011 

@fjackson12345 Instagram

@2320howe Twitter

FEAR OR RESPECT: WHICH CARRIES THE MOST WEIGHT

 

“Which would you rather have?”


In life, there are people who want to be respected and others who want to be feared. Why would someone want the need to be respected? But also, who would want people to fear them? Shouldn’t we want people to love us? There are many different reasons as to why people need to be viewed as such. Fear is a feeling that last longer, so you have those that want this feeling because it last longer. On the other hand respect from people is love and it’s real. And when people love you, you can do no wrong. So, is there an upside to being one over the other?

What about fear, is there good in being feared? This typically works for conflicting nations. If you are a leader of a country you might want a little fear. It will make people think twice before they attack your country. Being respected is fine, but you’re not going to always be dealing with countries that respect you. So there are times you must be tougher. What you don’t want to be considered is a pushover because you don’t want to cause a conflict. Not everyone want to be reasoned with, so being tougher is necessary to deal with them.

Now, on the other hand, what about respect. What about leading life by being respected. People who respect you also carries weight as well. When you are respected,there comes a sense of trust and love you can’t get through fear. People who respect you will trust you with their children. A person you fear can be nowhere near you. You only deal with them for certain reasons. Reality about fear is that when feared people no longer serve a purpose in being feared we cut them quick. So, we actually react in a very adverse way to fear.

In the end, both fear and respect has its effects. Both are necessary depending on the situation. Fear is good when you are dealing with people seeking to harm others in society. And respect is necessary when trying to gain the trust of people. To me, fear last longer on Earth. Yet after we die, we are judged on this feeling from people. History will judge us on this feeling from people. Trust and believe it will judge us and it won’t be kind.

BY 30: WHAT IS EXPECTED OF YOU BY THIS AGE?

Image result for 30

“Are the expectations for us realistic or not?”

It’s funny the expectations people have for you once you reach a certain age. The age 18 years old, 21 years, and now 30. By the time you reach 30 years of age parents, friends, significant others, and society expects more from you. This is the age where you’re suppose to have your life together. I guess this is why I started in my 20’s pushing toward what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Most guys go out on Fridays, I’m in a computer lab trying to focus on writing/filmmaking. But why the strain, 30 is really not that old. As a matter of fact, it’s really young.

This is why 30 is such an important part of your life. You’re 12 years out of high school, hopefully far removed from your parent’s house, and bills start to role in. You’ve been out of college for the greater portion of the past decade. And if you are in a relationship, no more late night caps of sex. Especially if you’re a guy with a woman, she’s thinking marriage. It’s when you really start wanting children if you don’t already have any. It’s also a time to reflect over your life so far. Every milestone of my own life I have been happy up to this point. 18 years old, graduating high school; 22/23 years old graduating college, now I am 29 years old looking to 30.

I am in the process of working to be self employed and I may say, it is an uphill battle. What if I fail? What if I am not as good as I thought I was? Was the past decade for me a waste? Maybe I should have just partied it up like every other guy my age and figured out life later. Who knows what will happen for me because 30 years of age is not even 12 months away. But on the other hand, I’m not the only one who feels the pressure of 30. Yet, there is something about me that sits me apart from so many my age. I don’t feel pressured to do certain things a lot of millennials my age are thinking about: children, marriage, buying a house, and making car payments.

Now, what makes 30 so difficult for my age group that is different than my older sister is that my age group will need multiple crafts/skills. It’s not good enough to work one job anymore. I talk to people I grew up with who are working professionals and struggle to survive. Let me reiterate that, “working professionals” struggling to survive! In school growing up, you’re always taught that in a professional position you should be good. But actually, they struggle just as much as non-professionals.

Why the change with this new generation. It just seems like technology is shrinking everything. But in reality technology has created more opportunities to make money. You just have to dig it up out of the ground like gold because the days of working a 9-5 for 40 hours per week and benefits are over. So, is 30 still looked at like 30 a decade or so ago. The answer is yes! 30 is still 30, and you are expected to be at a certain place mentally and financially.

So I go back to myself. Maybe the book I am about to finish writing helps build me some type of audience, maybe it does very well, or maybe it falls flat. Maybe my next short film will help me land more work in my respective field or maybe I will be forced to keep grinding. Whatever the case may be, I am in preparation for what I want. Shouldn’t that mean something. We’ll see in a year because change is important. If you are in the same mind-frame and same financial position, you probably have not done much to change your situation. These are the adjustments all adults have to make. In the end, I don’t know what next year, next month, next week, or even the next day will bring. But as long as things are better each day than the day before I am making progress. And that at this point in life is good enough for me. Because life is about the journey, not necessarily where you’re at this moment.