CULTURTAL CLASHES: WHEN BOTH SIDES DON’T WORK

Printer Paper Cut With Orange Scissor

“It’s just not working.”


when two sides come together

People always say love you want to  be with. But not all things are based around love. Because sometimes the differences are far too great to be overlooked. And that is the case for when most people of different cultures decide to get married. And this is hard considering we live in a country where there are so many groups who live in such close proximity of each other. So the idea that people from different groups marry should not be seen as that big of a deal. But it sill means a lot to a lot of different people. But what do you do when both sides are having these issues with trying to bring two people together?

should family have a say

Most people want their families to approve of the person they are dating. And if the family does not approve that could mean disaster for the relationship. But when you have someone who comes from a totally different culture, then that creates a whole new set of challenges. This means the family intervening saying how the kid should be raised. And this is usually not going to be based around your happiness. But more so because it aligns itself with what make them feel good. Only problem is that when you are in the house everyday, make sure this works for you because you have to live this life.

society could really test you

A lot of people don’t care about what society thinks, but when you have to deal with the grunt of their behavior, then it makes a difference. When you have to deal with the ignorant things that people say and do, then you think differently. And if you genuinely don’t want this for yourself, you are going to find yourself in a serious situation. So does that mean to give up on a good relationship, no. What it does mean is that you are going to have to develop some tough skin.


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WHEN THEY’RE BROUGHT INTO THE WORLD: CHILDREN OF INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS AND THEIR STRUGGLES

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“Yanked in both directions.”


the struggle is real

When growing up in the United States as a biracial child, you are sometimes stuck between the two worlds of the racial game. You are too White for the Black kids and two Black for the White kids. So you have to sway over time between the two groups until you become an adult and learn to have an identity for yourself. But until that point there is constant struggle after struggle. From the Black kids saying you think you’re better because you’re lighter to the White kids who know you’re of melanin because of the parent in your household.

when a nation is divided

Anytime there is strife within the country, these kids are the ones typically stuck in the middle of the argument. Because you’re growing up in the house with both parents that usually in America are reflected of the bickering in society. And I am not referring to a divide with any other group outside of Black and White in America because their history in this country does not run as deep. You almost feel like an alien in the conversation because anything you say is going to come off as taking a side. So at times, the biracial kid remains quiet and hopes no one ask for their input.

it’s more than love

When choosing a mate, you have to think about the fact that you’re bringing a child into this world that will be faced with these social hardships. You have to know be comfortable with knowing the world in which you live and the child that will come into the world. Because the world is not what you want it to be, it’s what it is. And you have to prepare your child fort the world they will be entering. And for those that think otherwise, they are truly being naive. This is the reason people don’t want to have an interracial relationship because of the crazy world their child/children are entering.


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INTERRACIAL DECISION MAKING: WHY I HAVE NEVER DATED OUTSIDE MY ETHNICITY

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“Such a difficult decision.”


interracial 

Within my life, I have ever dated outside my ethnicity. Not that I don’t find anyone attractive, it’s more than just that. It’s a social aspect of living in America. Living i this country long enough, you realize there is a stigma with being in a relationship with a Black male. So I never even held a real conversation with a woman of another group in years. So I guess you can say I live by the ways of society. But it’s just too much of a job to date. I just want to meet someone and date. Why is everything a subject of debate?

lonely evenings

If you are going to only date your own ethnicity, then be prepared for a lot of lonely nights. Because you may be single for a very long time. Depending on what you want that cut of meat most likely is not available. Or, if you do meet someone in you group, it’s not in the right space and time for you to be in a relationship. But the life I am living is more conducive to women than men. Yet I am not holding out for a specific ethnicity. More so I am not able to deal with the hardships of interracial.

off limits

Remember I said earlier about Black men and stigma. Well, this notion that we are not to be spoken is a real sentiment. So, even in a space where the woman may come from an excepting household, it still is a bigger issue. That probably is a reason why I have been so single for so long. When you are only dating one type of person, that can be a very limiting selection situation. But still, females are told from other groups not to date us, so it’s hard to ignore.

playing life safe

When you play life safe, you will never know what else is out there. But for me, I still have that fear of coming in contact with what so many have to deal with, It’s depressing because you see people you like, who may like you, but the fear lingers. I don’t want to be the reason someone choose me, and it doesn’t work out. Then they lost everything around them for nothing.


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FED UP: WHY BLACK WOMEN HAVE CHOSEN TO BE WITH NON BLACK MEN

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“Slim options, forced to keep an open mind.”


Over the recent years, interracial dating and marriage have climbed in the African American community. And for the longest it was the men who were opting to date outside our ethnicity, but now it’s more women. So what has taken hold, is this just some coincidence, or is there another reason as to why? The answer is yes, from what I have noticed for the most part, there is a reason for this jump cross racial lines lately. And don’t get me wrong, interracial dating and marriage is nothing new in America, but I have seen the rise over time. And there are some clear indicators as to why these numbers have risen. Reasons for dating outside are due to environment in which you were raised or currently reside, options when choosing to date or marry, and off balanced numbers of Black women to men.

The first reason why Black women have chosen to date outside their ethnicity points to the environment where they grew up and/or live now. Black people who are generally raised in predominantly White communities tend to date within that given community. Not the least bit odd because you tend to marry in life what is within your immediate community. So if there are Black women who grew up in these White populated neighborhoods, they are more likely to marry White men. Or, if they are living in a community where these are the men around, this is who they most likely will gravitate toward. Which leads me into the other reason why Black women are now dating more outside their ethnicity; options.

And I don’t mean options as them expressing their options to date and marry. I’m referring to the availability of Black men for Black women to date. The most educated block of women in America are now Black women, while Black men sit at the bottom of society. So that in itself is enough to make so many Black women choose to be with men outside the community. Also within the options is the place at which Black women may be financially and socially versus where he might be at the moment. We have more and more Black professional women in the workforce, surrounded by predominantly White males in power positions. So if you’re a woman, you think to yourself, I would prefer someone in the same position as myself. But who do you date when everyone else is choosing within their ethnicity and you’re stuck single; you choose whoever comes along.

But when looking at why Black women are choosing to date outside their ethnicity, you look at the numbers alone and there are way more Black women than men. As matter of fact, millions more. And then when you factor into the equation that so many Black men are incarcerated, not in college, not going to college, not in the employment pool, in the employment pool, but barely surviving, then you can’t blame Black women for their choices. The numbers are so titled, that it’s almost as if you have to encourage interracial dating for Black women to have a chance. But in the end, could this just be in Black women’s heads because White women themselves are waiting, generally for a White male. Also is it always a conscious decision for Black women to date outside her ethnicity, or dating who approaches you. Whatever the case may be the numbers are still climbing, and Black women are becoming more and more open.


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COLORBLIND OPTIONS: WHY IT’S HARD FOR ME TO DATE INTERRACIALLY

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“I commend those who can do so.”


Living in New York City, you become accustomed to seeing interracial relationships. But me myself, I have never been in one. Not because I am not attracted to a woman of another group, but because of the social strain. To those that are able to do so, more power to them. Yet I have not been able to muster up the courage and date someone non-Black. And that choice is because it is easier dating someone within your ethnic group than outside. It’s not how I was raised growing up, but my mother also let me know the reality of doing so. Date who you want, but this is what comes with it. Didn’t make sense to me until I stepped into society and saw it with my own eyes.

When you see how people behave, it is very uncomfortable. And when I say react, I don’t mean stop and stare. I mean the actions of an individual that places me in a weird situation. As much as we say it’s none of people’s business, that doesn’t sink in that your life could be at risk. Dumb as it may sound, there are men compelled to react just by me being on a date with a woman from their group. And what is the woman to do; nothing. She can call for help, but physically she is at a disadvantage. Now, all of this sounds crazy, and to be honest it is. But when in that situation, it must be very hurtful. As for me, I have never been in that position, and to be honest I wouldn’t want to be. But what can you really do; nothing.

That is one aspect of dating interracial I couldn’t handle. But another is the parental/family aspect. There was a fashion model who not long ago opened up about her relationship to a Black man and what her family thought about it. They refused to communicate with him. Almost as if he weren’t standing in the room. But eventually they accepted him into the family. I couldn’t deal in an environment like that. If you can’t accept me for other more serious reasons, then yes, but not racial. And by me playing into you I am feeding the fire. But to him it must have been worth it, because him and this model are married now.

So in the end, to some it’s worth it, but not so much for others. To have to go through the strain of having to defend yourself constantly can work against you. And if you are with someone that could cost you a friendship, family, and even jobs, is tough to accept. We can’t hide the fact that it exist, and I don’t see the problem going away anytime soon. But until it does, this is just a reality.


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POLITICAL ETHNIC CHOICES: DOES ETHNIC CHOICE MATTER IN MARRIAGE CHOICES

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“Is love really color blind?”


Recently on the morning radio talk show The Breakfast Club, social activist and psychologist Umar Johnson was on talking to the hosts. He made a statement regarding interracial marriage that I thought was quite interesting. He stated that marriage is a political decision. And who you marry says a lot about your priorities when pertaining to ethnicity. Which is why he said that if you are an African American marrying a White man or woman you are not only taking them on as a partner, but also this group’s culture. And you are accepting the group’s community as well. Umar was making a distinct connection between what outside ethnic group you marry and your loyalty to your own ethnic group.

And what I thought about right off the back was, is this so? Does marrying outside your ethnicity as an African American renders you devout of self-love and respect because of your choice? And is this really a choice that is stemmed deeply in politics? Because I see Jews, Asians, Indians, and Hispanics stress marrying another member of their group. This is not just Umar who feels this way. Are those other groups wrong for preserving their culture? Because this is what the fight is about, preserving culture. When you marry a group that is different than your own, the cultures can be vastly different. What do you say regarding this, such as Jew marrying a Muslim?

See, in my household, my mother stressed marrying someone you love. And I felt this way, but when I became an adult, and took on my own experiences I started to look at things differently. I don’t think you are less than for marrying outside your ethnicity, but I also am not against people who are against interracial relationships either. Now some may say, how can you feel that way? I myself, as an African American man, couldn’t marry a woman of any other ethnic group if not accepted by her side. Meaning, if I meet a Chinese woman, and her parents/family didn’t approve, I wouldn’t see myself staying. As against them as I might be, I don’t think you should be forced to allow people into your family if you don’t want me there.

Now, that leaves the woman hurt, but that’s a problem she must come to terms with, with her family. You know your family, and you know what they accept and reject. I don’t want to be a member, nor do I want them forced to accept me. My best bet, is to remove myself from the equation. It’s not in my best interest to stay. Because if I were abusive, that’s a reason to not like me. I can’t stay in a situation where you dislike an aspect about me I can’t change, nor would I want to change. So as much as it would hurt the woman, I have to make a decision to remove myself.

Now others might disagree with my decision. They would say, if you love that person, who cares what others think. But to me, as awful as you might think they are, losing family is easier said than done. Are you willing to lose everything that have ever existed in your life for this one person? And if you and this person don’t last in the relationship, you’re completely alone in the world. Sadly enough, people are put into those decisions. And I don’t want to be the catalyst for that decision.

In the end, there are people who think love is color blind. And to me you like what you like. Human attraction is not always a socio-political decision because we are not that type of species. People are mammals that gain attractions to other mammals like us. Ethnic conflict is a social construct placed by man for means of control. There are men who are members of the KKK that are attracted to Black women and Nation of Islam men who have liked White women. It’s not ok socially, no one would admit that, but as humans you like who you like. Yet the social aspect of our society is far more greater than the emotional attachments.


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