WHY DO SOME PEOPLE TEND TO WANT TO HOLD ON TO INTERNAL PAIN

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“Why hold on when you don’t need to do so?”


Holding on to internalized pain is something that so many people do on a daily basis. And I am not referring to the people who seek out therapy as means of getting out of a dark place. I am referring to the people who can change their lives. The people who can move from a place of pain and live a good life on the other side. They refuse to do so because in some weird way it makes them unique to say that they have this problem. It’s a way to get attention from those around them. And if they cure themselves of whatever it is they’re going through, then what are they to do now. So they hold on to their problems because they never want to feel like they’re not special.

Only problem with these types of people is that they actually start to annoy the ones close to them. At first, everyone was trying to help them. And loving the attention makes this person stay in that mind-frame. But after a while, those that cared about you will eventually give you an automaton. That’s when you realized that you have gone from being someone they wanted to help to a burden on the family. This could ultimately be the wake up call that some people need in life. But there are still others that are the “me” people who you just have to separate yourself from; for good. They will only further cause you to become more enraged by their lack of taking responsibility for their actions. Now my question is, “Where does it come from within that makes a person want to hold on to pain besides a fear of not being special anymore?”

Another reason people who can change choose to still hold on is because once you release you’re expected to do better in life. Putting yourself in the know means leaving behind how you once thought to move into this new space of peace. So many want to not only stay in their place of turmoil, but want you to join them. Now why would anyone want someone else or many people to join them in turmoil? The reason being that no one wants to live alone wallowing in in their own garbage. They love to see not only other people with them, but other people who are successful.And success is important because if the once successful person is now wallowing in garbage, now that is confirmation in the hurt person’s head that thank God they didn’t attempt at life to change. Because in the end, who truly want to look in the mirror and say I have a problem and it starts with me. Yet, the more you are able to, the more you move into a space of internal peace.


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LIFE DEALT ME A BAD HAND OR DIDN’T IT: HOW PEOPLE USE EXCUSES AS TO WHY THEY’RE NOT SUCCESSFUL IN LIFE

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“I had this to do and that to do.”


All throughout life you hear people make statements regarding them getting the short end of the stick when trying to succeed in life. They’ll tell you all the reasons why things in life didn’t go their way. They had a rough childhood and didn’t have the support. Or even they might tell you how they had children at a young age and couldn’t pursue. They’ll tell you how much of your life was so much easier than their own. But they are telling you this in the moment. I have always wondered in the past tense, while living in real space and time, do people really have it hard as they say they do. Meaning, do people have the short end of the stick. Or do people make decisions in the moments, that define their entire existence on this Earth. Because there is a lot of that as well.

For example, someone will tell you at the age of 35 years old, that they can’t pursue because  they have a family to look after. They have 3 or 4 kids, and they have to be a parent. Then they’ll slip up and tell you the age of these kids. “Well, my oldest is 5 years old.” Then it hits you that they had an entire decade of life that they didn’t have children as a responsibility. Now, the person must come up with yet another excuse as to why. “Well, before I had kids I had to take care for my parent/s.” But when you start to press them on this, they begin to fall apart once again. And that’s when you realize you must end the conversation because this conversation is heading down the road of typical. The typical talking piece on not wanting to be held accountable for your actions. They want to hop and skip over every aspect of life that they have lived.

People make excuses because they have a hard time coming to terms with the idea that they have wasted so much time on doing nothing. They have laid back and enjoyed and indulged in the moment even to a point sometimes of overindulging. But instead of just saying I overindulged, they say all the things that never happened. So what it does is that the conversation becomes a waste of time itself. This person has a character flaw, and they’re trying to figure out ways around the truth which is accountability. I am able to be accountable because that’s how my mother raised my sisters and myself. And you want to tell people so bad to take responsibility for the fact that you are in this space and situation because of you. Yes, everyone has a story, but you can’t just use the story when you were also engaging in so many activities that contradicts your struggle at hand.

In the end, you will always have people who find it hard to admit they are where they are to an extent because of themselves. Yes, there are the case of people that have been given a bad hand. But there is always someone in your spot that made it out. Your story is not a unique situation to be in, in life. But putting in the time to get a better space mentally, physically, spiritually, and financially is what people don’t want to do. They don’t want to put in that time because they don’t want to deal with the idea of putting in their all and failing. Yet they’re putting their all into to nothing so far in life and it has gotten them nowhere. Why not try to put something in to see if formulates into something great?


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I’M NOT YOUR MOMMY AND DADDY: WHY THE WORLD OWES YOU NOTHING

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“Always got your hand out.”


In the household where I come from, I was under the impression that no one in this world owed you anything. As a child, my mother let us know that I am doing for you while you’re in this house. But the moment you become an adult, you’re on your own, unless you’re in school or making an effort to be something in life. Yet there was something my mother never wanted to do. She never wanted to start this whole road of something for nothing mindset. Because like I said, the world owes you nothing. Anything in this world you want, you had better be ready to go out and stake your own claim. But where does this entitlement come from in our society?

It hasn’t always been here like it is today. You had prior generations that went out and worked at a young age. As a matter of fact, you had kids in the early 1900’s working in coal minds side by side with their parents. Now days are spent playing video games on televisions or computers. Letting time pass you by while engaging in wasteful activities on cell phones. Which brings us to the first reason why people feel entitled. The technology in America has sped so much up, people think that there should be something allotted to them quick and instant. They don’t realize that the technology itself that speeds so much up took a lot of time to build. And when I say time, I mean some stuff as long as decades to build.

With the click of a mouse or the touch of the screen, we are instantly taken to our destination. That can make people think something should be given to them pretty fast. But it’s not just the technology that makes people think they are owed something. This same mind frame exist in the employment field as well. This whole my 75% is your 100%, and we all should be given something when we are clearly not putting in the same amount of work. A trend that has started from schools in children and has followed all the way into their adulthood. Now that you’re in the real world, you don’t realize that you’re not special. No one is going to hold you close and tell you everything is going to be alright. And that’s when you learn you’re not this beautiful and talented person, but more so that you are mundane because you have not put real time and energy into being great at what you do.

And you would think with what has been said so far, the owing stops there; no it doesn’t. People feel that you have made money, so it is your job to give them something. In their minds, “You have it, why not give me something.” Then they try to use the excuse of God blesses you to help other people. When in reality, that’s true, but there is something they are leaving out. God blesses people to help those who have made an initiative to put themselves in a better place. Giving people things without making them earn it causes you to be a crutch and it cripples them. It also creates a lack of respect that the person has for something you do give to them.

See, in the end, you want something in life, you have to be willing to go into the world and stake your own claim. Because the only person who has a stake in interest in you doing anything is you. I used to ask questions of the elders about back in their young days. I remember how my late grandmother would say growing up in the South, everybody had some plot of land. Didn’t matter how big or small, it still fed your family. And it was important you tended to your land since it depended on how you and your family ate. Because if your crop didn’t come through, your family didn’t eat. You were not owed anything and no one cared. Life was tough, but it was fair because we all have the capability to get out the bed and work. What’s that saying, we all have 24 hours in a day, what you choose to do with yours is your business.


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MAKING YOUR OWN LUCK: HOW YOU CAN TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE

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“You might have been dealt a bad hand; use in to your advantage.”


Some great advice for life, is that no matter what your economic, social, academic, ethnic, gender background, you can overcome a bad situation, At times we feel like all hope is lost for the future. But little do we know that we may be in a better position than we realize. Like me for example, I grew up below the poverty level in the United States. But does that mean I have to always be in that position in my life. You can tailor make life to move yourself out of your current situation. Problem is that most people have a hard time moving themselves out of their bad positions.

See, in earlier posts I talked about putting yourself in the know. And most people say, “What is the know?” “The know of what?” I say, “Whatever it is you’re attaining to have in this world.” So many people want something out of life, such as a paycheck. Yet they don’t quite understand what it is they have to do to get there. They’ll say,” I need a good paying job that makes good money.” That sentence has no clear meaning to it. You have to know what career interest, what title, what pay range, and what time it could potentially take to get there. And this requires having a certain level of self-awareness. Lacking an understanding of self will make it hard to navigate the know. Because you don’t know what you’re good at, if anything at all.

So what do you have to do, you have to test out different things in life. For me, I tried multiple things before I realized I wanted to be a writer. I said to myself, “Faheem, you’re going to be a doctor.” Then I realized I don’t have the patience to deal with patients. So next I said, “You’re going to be an attorney.” And envisioned myself in a court room standing before the judge and jury. Then I realized I could never get a guilty person off or send an innocent person to jail. My big break came when I said that I would go into the business field, which is broad. And it wasn’t until I went for my MBA I realized I wanted to be a writer. Initially it was not knowing what I was doing, if ever I would be successful, but I knew I loved it.

The more I wrote, the more I became comfortable with talking about myself. And I don’t mean being into myself. I mean debriefing information, and being more transparent than before in life. So what did I do, I realized I had something, and could make it into a career. So since the year 2013, I have been writing screenplays, blogging, and my books. So what does all this have to do with making my own luck? I am putting myself in the know by researching, and continuing to learn to write. Making those moves to understand the career for you and knowing what you’re good at it. And also knowing when to make appropriate adjustments to the things you write. Because you’re not going to know everything, especially in the initial stage, yet you have to develop a feel for when things are going right or wrong.

See, in the end, you can make your own luck. You just have to be willing to put yourself in a certain mind frame. And with that mind frame, you start to understand and develop a sense of self. Once you know yourself, you can pursue your career endeavor. This way, you’re being not vague about what it is you want. Sadly enough, a lot of people will never find what they’re good at in life.


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EMPLOYMENT WOES: WHAT TO DO IF YOU HATE YOUR JOB

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“Find something else and fast.”


Ever get the feeling like the job you’re working is a road leading to nowhere? That feeling you get when you’ve been somewhere for far too long. That feeling when you need a change of scenery. That feeling where everyone’s face is starting to become too familiar and you need something new. Where the pay is just not good enough. A place where the supervisors are just far too difficult to work for everyday. These are all the feelings of someone who is in dire need of a new job. So what must you do to combat your situation? Well, for starters, you have to put yourself in the right mind frame.

And what does that mean to put yourself in the right mind frame? That means to try not to get too down on yourself. This will create anxiety and depression within, and cause you to not even attempt to do better with your life. You’ll come home everyday, with the thought of hating your job, just to go to sleep and come back to work the next day. Which leads me into the next steps you must take. Putting yourself in the know of whatever it is you want to attain in this world. So many people might hear me say the know. And they’ll say in return, “What the hell is the know?” And the know is whatever it is your’re seeking to have that you already don’t have in life. Sounds difficult, it is if you are not in the right mind frame or lack self-awareness to put yourself in the know.

For example, if you are an Administrative Assistant and want to become an Executive Assistant, what steps do you take. Well, in society today, we have so much access to so much information, that libraries have become obsolete. Now, you can Google anything you want to learn and actually learn it. Some may say, I don’t have access to a computer. And you would be wrong, it’s called a cell phone. For me, I want a career as a writer, so I started this WordPpress Blog. And there are days I could not get to a computer, and typed out my blog posts from my cell phone. When you want something you’ll find a way.

I heard a motivational speaker tell a girl on a talk show that your dreams are not important to you. Because if I told you to meet me at a certain location and time to be there; where $10,000 was awaiting you’ll be there. He said that’s why procrastination is not real. It’s just your dreams are not important to you. Which brings me to the next step that people need to take, and that is chase your dreams not someone else’s dreams. I heard radio host of The Breakfast Club, Charlamagne tha God say “F” your dreams if it’s not your dream. At first it sound aggressive and rude, but looking closer it made sense through his explanation. Because usually our dreams are from what someone else’s success has become. And it’s usually not our dream.

And that’s what it is all about in the end. Being in the right mind frame, putting yourself in the know of what you want, then executing your dream not another person’s dream. But even with my explanation, there are people who will still look over the information. They will remain sleep, and ignore all of what you have said to them. And those are the people who never find there way, and become stuck in life, never accomplishing anything.


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TO BELIEVE OR NOT TO BELIEVE: CHALLENGING YOUR BELIEFS

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“How are you of a belief if you’ve never challenged the belief?”


The above photo that I am using to describe beliefs being challenged does not only extend to religion, but other areas of interest as well. Though religion is a big part of beliefs in our society. Our religious beliefs have shaped how we write laws, design policy, rear children, joining together in marriage, and even the consumption of our diets. But how many of us challenge our beliefs? How many of us question why we truly believe something? How many of us can honestly say we believe in the preaching and teachings of ones’ faith base? Easier said than done, especially with a lifeform that has so much free will.

So how is it possible to believe in something without questioning why you believe? Better yet, why is it so hard for people to even ask the question? The main reason in my opinion, is that we are afraid of the burden of proof. That burden of proof can be broken down into a simple word, LOGIC. We hate having open dialogue because we fear someone might say something that goes against our belief. But, not only go against, provides hard proof that forces us to shift our beliefs. No one wants to believe their belief is false. Yet we are finding out new things about our being on this Earth each and every day.

Which brings me to another reason why people find it hard to challenge beliefs, They don’t want to live with the idea that what they believe might force them to change. It’s the whole do as I say, not as I do mentality. Why not we both do as we do. Then the person says, “Well, nobody’s perfect.” It gives them an excuse to keep doing wrong while chastising you. But why do we do it? Why do we chastise others while we are not living our own truths. One reason is that looking from afar, we can feel better about ourselves knowing someone else is just as screwed up as us. We say to ourselves, “Rich folks just as crazy as poor folks.” But have you ever questioned why it truly feels good to like something through someone else’s shortcomings?

Something else besides looking at their shortcomings that makes us feel better is the another internal issue. That issue is that if they don’t have problems, and I do, it makes me look at myself through a magnifying glass at my lack of capabilities. Meaning, some people believe man did not go to the moon. For some reason it’s hard to believe there are people this smart in our society with failing civilizations. It’s almost like we say, “If we had that genius we would cure this or fix that.” But the fact of the matter is that my intellect does not extend to society being fixed. My intellect is my intellect; and if I choose to share it with the world then fine, if not so be it.

In the end, we believe the things we believe because man has a fascination with self. We feel that since we believe something it must be true. When the fact of the matter is, the majority of our beliefs are not true. Reality is that we just don’t know as much as we think we do. People in religion says man is always trying to play God. But man is believed to have been around 1.2 million years through evolution. And yet we are only a Type .79 civilization on a possible Type 6 (THE POWERS OF GOD). The human brain is quite complex, so much so, we at can’t comprehend where some of our beliefs at times do come from. But only challenging why you feel a certain why will change society. Nonetheless, we continue on, in our beliefs, until something actually does happen that forces us to change course.