WHY DO SOME PEOPLE TEND TO WANT TO HOLD ON TO INTERNAL PAIN

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“Why hold on when you don’t need to do so?”


Holding on to internalized pain is something that so many people do on a daily basis. And I am not referring to the people who seek out therapy as means of getting out of a dark place. I am referring to the people who can change their lives. The people who can move from a place of pain and live a good life on the other side. They refuse to do so because in some weird way it makes them unique to say that they have this problem. It’s a way to get attention from those around them. And if they cure themselves of whatever it is they’re going through, then what are they to do now. So they hold on to their problems because they never want to feel like they’re not special.

Only problem with these types of people is that they actually start to annoy the ones close to them. At first, everyone was trying to help them. And loving the attention makes this person stay in that mind-frame. But after a while, those that cared about you will eventually give you an automaton. That’s when you realized that you have gone from being someone they wanted to help to a burden on the family. This could ultimately be the wake up call that some people need in life. But there are still others that are the “me” people who you just have to separate yourself from; for good. They will only further cause you to become more enraged by their lack of taking responsibility for their actions. Now my question is, “Where does it come from within that makes a person want to hold on to pain besides a fear of not being special anymore?”

Another reason people who can change choose to still hold on is because once you release you’re expected to do better in life. Putting yourself in the know means leaving behind how you once thought to move into this new space of peace. So many want to not only stay in their place of turmoil, but want you to join them. Now why would anyone want someone else or many people to join them in turmoil? The reason being that no one wants to live alone wallowing in in their own garbage. They love to see not only other people with them, but other people who are successful.And success is important because if the once successful person is now wallowing in garbage, now that is confirmation in the hurt person’s head that thank God they didn’t attempt at life to change. Because in the end, who truly want to look in the mirror and say I have a problem and it starts with me. Yet, the more you are able to, the more you move into a space of internal peace.


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LIFE DEALT ME A BAD HAND OR DIDN’T IT: HOW PEOPLE USE EXCUSES AS TO WHY THEY’RE NOT SUCCESSFUL IN LIFE

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“I had this to do and that to do.”


All throughout life you hear people make statements regarding them getting the short end of the stick when trying to succeed in life. They’ll tell you all the reasons why things in life didn’t go their way. They had a rough childhood and didn’t have the support. Or even they might tell you how they had children at a young age and couldn’t pursue. They’ll tell you how much of your life was so much easier than their own. But they are telling you this in the moment. I have always wondered in the past tense, while living in real space and time, do people really have it hard as they say they do. Meaning, do people have the short end of the stick. Or do people make decisions in the moments, that define their entire existence on this Earth. Because there is a lot of that as well.

For example, someone will tell you at the age of 35 years old, that they can’t pursue because  they have a family to look after. They have 3 or 4 kids, and they have to be a parent. Then they’ll slip up and tell you the age of these kids. “Well, my oldest is 5 years old.” Then it hits you that they had an entire decade of life that they didn’t have children as a responsibility. Now, the person must come up with yet another excuse as to why. “Well, before I had kids I had to take care for my parent/s.” But when you start to press them on this, they begin to fall apart once again. And that’s when you realize you must end the conversation because this conversation is heading down the road of typical. The typical talking piece on not wanting to be held accountable for your actions. They want to hop and skip over every aspect of life that they have lived.

People make excuses because they have a hard time coming to terms with the idea that they have wasted so much time on doing nothing. They have laid back and enjoyed and indulged in the moment even to a point sometimes of overindulging. But instead of just saying I overindulged, they say all the things that never happened. So what it does is that the conversation becomes a waste of time itself. This person has a character flaw, and they’re trying to figure out ways around the truth which is accountability. I am able to be accountable because that’s how my mother raised my sisters and myself. And you want to tell people so bad to take responsibility for the fact that you are in this space and situation because of you. Yes, everyone has a story, but you can’t just use the story when you were also engaging in so many activities that contradicts your struggle at hand.

In the end, you will always have people who find it hard to admit they are where they are to an extent because of themselves. Yes, there are the case of people that have been given a bad hand. But there is always someone in your spot that made it out. Your story is not a unique situation to be in, in life. But putting in the time to get a better space mentally, physically, spiritually, and financially is what people don’t want to do. They don’t want to put in that time because they don’t want to deal with the idea of putting in their all and failing. Yet they’re putting their all into to nothing so far in life and it has gotten them nowhere. Why not try to put something in to see if formulates into something great?


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MAKING YOUR OWN LUCK: HOW YOU CAN TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE

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“You might have been dealt a bad hand; use in to your advantage.”


Some great advice for life, is that no matter what your economic, social, academic, ethnic, gender background, you can overcome a bad situation, At times we feel like all hope is lost for the future. But little do we know that we may be in a better position than we realize. Like me for example, I grew up below the poverty level in the United States. But does that mean I have to always be in that position in my life. You can tailor make life to move yourself out of your current situation. Problem is that most people have a hard time moving themselves out of their bad positions.

See, in earlier posts I talked about putting yourself in the know. And most people say, “What is the know?” “The know of what?” I say, “Whatever it is you’re attaining to have in this world.” So many people want something out of life, such as a paycheck. Yet they don’t quite understand what it is they have to do to get there. They’ll say,” I need a good paying job that makes good money.” That sentence has no clear meaning to it. You have to know what career interest, what title, what pay range, and what time it could potentially take to get there. And this requires having a certain level of self-awareness. Lacking an understanding of self will make it hard to navigate the know. Because you don’t know what you’re good at, if anything at all.

So what do you have to do, you have to test out different things in life. For me, I tried multiple things before I realized I wanted to be a writer. I said to myself, “Faheem, you’re going to be a doctor.” Then I realized I don’t have the patience to deal with patients. So next I said, “You’re going to be an attorney.” And envisioned myself in a court room standing before the judge and jury. Then I realized I could never get a guilty person off or send an innocent person to jail. My big break came when I said that I would go into the business field, which is broad. And it wasn’t until I went for my MBA I realized I wanted to be a writer. Initially it was not knowing what I was doing, if ever I would be successful, but I knew I loved it.

The more I wrote, the more I became comfortable with talking about myself. And I don’t mean being into myself. I mean debriefing information, and being more transparent than before in life. So what did I do, I realized I had something, and could make it into a career. So since the year 2013, I have been writing screenplays, blogging, and my books. So what does all this have to do with making my own luck? I am putting myself in the know by researching, and continuing to learn to write. Making those moves to understand the career for you and knowing what you’re good at it. And also knowing when to make appropriate adjustments to the things you write. Because you’re not going to know everything, especially in the initial stage, yet you have to develop a feel for when things are going right or wrong.

See, in the end, you can make your own luck. You just have to be willing to put yourself in a certain mind frame. And with that mind frame, you start to understand and develop a sense of self. Once you know yourself, you can pursue your career endeavor. This way, you’re being not vague about what it is you want. Sadly enough, a lot of people will never find what they’re good at in life.


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EMPLOYMENT WOES: WHAT TO DO IF YOU HATE YOUR JOB

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“Find something else and fast.”


Ever get the feeling like the job you’re working is a road leading to nowhere? That feeling you get when you’ve been somewhere for far too long. That feeling when you need a change of scenery. That feeling where everyone’s face is starting to become too familiar and you need something new. Where the pay is just not good enough. A place where the supervisors are just far too difficult to work for everyday. These are all the feelings of someone who is in dire need of a new job. So what must you do to combat your situation? Well, for starters, you have to put yourself in the right mind frame.

And what does that mean to put yourself in the right mind frame? That means to try not to get too down on yourself. This will create anxiety and depression within, and cause you to not even attempt to do better with your life. You’ll come home everyday, with the thought of hating your job, just to go to sleep and come back to work the next day. Which leads me into the next steps you must take. Putting yourself in the know of whatever it is you want to attain in this world. So many people might hear me say the know. And they’ll say in return, “What the hell is the know?” And the know is whatever it is your’re seeking to have that you already don’t have in life. Sounds difficult, it is if you are not in the right mind frame or lack self-awareness to put yourself in the know.

For example, if you are an Administrative Assistant and want to become an Executive Assistant, what steps do you take. Well, in society today, we have so much access to so much information, that libraries have become obsolete. Now, you can Google anything you want to learn and actually learn it. Some may say, I don’t have access to a computer. And you would be wrong, it’s called a cell phone. For me, I want a career as a writer, so I started this WordPpress Blog. And there are days I could not get to a computer, and typed out my blog posts from my cell phone. When you want something you’ll find a way.

I heard a motivational speaker tell a girl on a talk show that your dreams are not important to you. Because if I told you to meet me at a certain location and time to be there; where $10,000 was awaiting you’ll be there. He said that’s why procrastination is not real. It’s just your dreams are not important to you. Which brings me to the next step that people need to take, and that is chase your dreams not someone else’s dreams. I heard radio host of The Breakfast Club, Charlamagne tha God say “F” your dreams if it’s not your dream. At first it sound aggressive and rude, but looking closer it made sense through his explanation. Because usually our dreams are from what someone else’s success has become. And it’s usually not our dream.

And that’s what it is all about in the end. Being in the right mind frame, putting yourself in the know of what you want, then executing your dream not another person’s dream. But even with my explanation, there are people who will still look over the information. They will remain sleep, and ignore all of what you have said to them. And those are the people who never find there way, and become stuck in life, never accomplishing anything.


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SO SO CONCERNED: WHY ARE PEOPLE SO VESTED IN OTHER PEOPLE’S LIVES

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“Worrying about you is your only full-time job.”


In today’s society, the use of social media has put everyone in everyone else’s business. But why, why have we become so interested in what other people are doing. Why have we become so enamored with how others are living their lives? Part of it has to do with the nothing going on in our own lives and other aspects of it has to do with loving to get others in trouble. And that’s an interesting account of us; the getting each other in trouble. Because no matter if it’s a public figure or the average Joe. We love to catch people doing something they shouldn’t be doing. Where is all this coming from?

Well, when looking at it from the context of nothing going on in your life, that’s key. When you have goals and aspirations of your own, it’s virtually impossible to concern yourself with others. But when nothing much is going on in your own life, you have nothing but time. Because in today’s society working a 40 hour work week has become 30 – 35 hours per week. So now we have more free time than prior years. So what are you doing with that time? Are you utilizing that time to pursue anything? If not, what is your purpose in life? Just waking up to exist to the next day and then the next day is not a way to live. But for the people who have nothing but time, this is how they live their lives.

Which leads into my next reason as to why people are so concerned. They see that someone else’s life is much more interesting than their own. Because if you’re constantly working on something, your life is appealing to those that aren’t doing much of anything. For example, I am working toward a career as a filmmaker, author, and blogger. People look at that and feel your life is quite interesting. To you, it is a struggle, but to them it’s something to talk about. No matter how positive or even negative, it’s something to discuss. But a lot of times today, it’s not positive feedback, but the negative. So much negativity is leant out to those who are in what people who perceive as a better position.

An example would be the Kardashian-Jenner sisters. So many people have so much to say about them. Yet their lives are progressing forward and the people who hate their lives don’t change at all. You’re concerning yourself with sisters whose lives are in a position far beyond yourself. You should be working at trying to remove yourself from your bad situation. But they for some reason cannot see past what someone else has in life. What’s interesting is that the same energy placed on worrying about others should be put into your own life. Because that same energy is what that person you’re worried about is putting into their work. But you can’t make the people who hate see that for themselves.

In the end, we have become a society of voyeurs. This voyeuristic behavior has cost people jobs and relationships. Now, I don’t see it slowing down, especially with the increase in social media usage. But eventually, so many people will be snooping that finding out something about another person will be irrelevant. Worrying about other people will always render the same outcome. And that outcome will be people wasting their lives concerned with others. But if your life is heading in the right direction, you have no time to concern yourself with what others are doing.


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GOING SOMEWHERE FEELING NOWHERE FAST: DO YOU EVER FEEL IN THE MOMENT YOU’RE NOT ACCOMPLISHING MUCH

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“It’s where you end not how you start.”


Ever get the feeling in life that you are pushing so hard, it feels like you are progressing. You wake up putting the work in, but you are not seeing the progress. Is it because you are not working hard enough or is it because the road to where you want to go is very long and hard? The life that we all want is right there in front of us, but we cannot see it because it is not in the now. And that is something that hurts us in life is the now. In the moment, we have such a hard time seeing the future. Especially if we are in a tough spot in life.

Putting in the work is very important, but if that’s what you are doing why is it so hard to see? It’s because of the society we live in today. We live in a very right now society. Meaning anything we want we can access it right now. And when you want a successful career, it is a long road, that you can not have in the now. The path is long and hard and sometimes you can’t see where you’re going because of all the work you are putting in now. For example, I am on my path to filmmaking and becoming a novelist. I see places I want to be, but there is a process and that process is long and hard. Meaning I have already started with my first short film. I saw any mistakes and have already looked to correct them for my next one. Yet, it still feels at times there is no movement.

Why does it feel that way? I work everyday with a lot of young people who are in the process of building their futures. Then again, you see they go out on the weekends, date, and travel, while I am working on writing and filmmaking. Which leads to another reason that road is difficult to navigate. When looking at your peers, you perceive them to be doing something that you are not doing. I have often worked in he computer lab and thought to myself, could I be doing what they’re doing. Then I come to my senses and realize their path is their path. Even as optimistic as myself, I have allowed such thoughts to intrude. But notice I said come to my senses. Which is something a lot of people don’t do. They allow themselves to be determined by others progress.

And this is evident because you’ll hear them say, “Not everybody can be you.” But that’s not the point is to be the other person. The only reason people look at others is because society holds up this image of what success looks like in the world. But the person who embodies that have chased it on their own, while you chase their embodiment saying, “I can’t be them.” Stop trying to be the society image and be what is out here for you. See, in the end, it is so difficult for people to step outside of what is expected of them. So when pursuing, you can’t see where you want to be because it may be not the norm of what everyone else wants you to do. We find it so hard to see ourselves in a certain position because we never want to put our all into something and it goes nowhere. But you will never know until you pursue.


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NO POINT TO PROVE: HOW HAVING SOMETHING TO LOSE IS BASED ON SOMETHING TO LOSE

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“Don’t feel you have to prove yourself to nobody’s.”


Having something to lose is really important in our society. Not just in our society today, in the past and in the future. So why do so many people operate with this mindset of I have noting to lose? They operate this way because they don’t see themselves going anywhere in life. And when they don’t see nothing for themselves, they could care less about you. I was just watching an interview that Jay Z conducted where he was talking about coming into the music industry for the first time. He thought then superstar Notorious B.I.G. was scared not to walk into a nightclub. But it wasn’t fear, Biggie had something to lose at that time.

And that is hard for people at the bottom or just getting into a position of power don’t realize. Having something to lose, meaning not just money, but a bigger picture. B.I.G. had a bigger vision than Jay Z was able to see at the time. Now that Jay is where he is now he understands the bigger picture. And income along with socioeconomic have a lot do with having something to lose. Like I recently said, not just money alone, but money is a motivator. Yes, there are things that are bigger than money, yet monetary decisions are closely related to having something to lose. But who with money is effected by this losing or winning in society. In my opinion, athletes and entertainers are two groups of people that largely fall into this category. And a lot of times it’s public figures from poor backgrounds.

For example, the NFL draft just took place this past weekend and there were a lot of athletes from underprivileged backgrounds. They don’t understand how their lives are about to change soon as they sign that contract. And I am not saying just going places without being noticed. I mean the people you associate with in life. Everything you do is under a microscope. So if people are around you, they have to shift how they behave to be in your environment now. And the question is are they willing to do so? Are they willing to change themselves to help you persevere? Because with them around, now you become a babysitter. Whatever they do, you take the punishment for. For instance, NFL player Adam “Pacman” Jones friend shoots someone at a nightclub. Adam is nowhere around, but the fact the guy is with you is enough for you to get punished.

If you told some of these guys that they now are responsible for whatever the people around them do, they would have second thoughts about being athletes. And the reason for this change is because you are not just some guy running a football. You’re not some musician making beats and singing, or acting in a movie. You become a brand, a figure for young people to look up to, and an investment for people who sign you to a contract. Some people say, I’m still me, but you’re not you anymore. You have this light on you, where you can’t be you. You are expected to be more than just you. Your morals and ethics go out the door, and it is more about the organization you represent; their morals.

In the end, your life will shift with every level of increase in life. You have no other choice, because with the good comes the downside. There is no all good in life. And change is can be hard, but not all change is bad. Sometimes growth is needed and must take place to make you a better you.


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