ALOOF AND MISUNDERSTAND: WHY DISTANT PEOPLE MAKE GREAT FRIENDS

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“Distance is not always resistance.”


In my life, I have always been a very distant person. And because of that, people tend to think that you are either a loner or have an attitude. But for people who tend to be alone it’s because we are constantly in our heads. And with so much going on up there, we have no other outlet sometimes but to write it down. Now, some people would say that all you have to do is open up to people and converse. That’s until you start to really have an open and honest discussion and you start to break things down. Then you are looked at like where did this person come from and why are they so aggressive. It’s not that we are being aggressive, but we are able to give people the truth straight up. But what is a real reason as to why so many of us as inner people tend to be alone?

A big aspect of being a person that is alone is because we tend to be more loyal. And when you’re dealing in this world where so many people are not worth the amount of loyalty you give them, you never know who to trust. What is beautiful about others finding out how you are so loyal, they have a true friend for life. But be aware, don’t double cross because you can also have a problem for life as well. Which is a big reason for not saying much to too many people. Make those worthy of your time a main priority. And for those who aren’t lose them. But hold on just a minute, how do you know who is really worth or not? And here’s where the greatness that is aloof people come into play.

People who tend to be a little more kept back are really good at reading people. And that is because we tend to look at so much of life through a nature lends. Meaning we judge people based on their attitudes in their most natural habitat and moments. Then when these people try to approach us with their bull crap, we shut down immediately. Why, well they have already showed us who they are without them knowing it. Who we are when we don’t think anyone is watching is the real us. And since the average person don’t think that way, we are more keen in understanding humans and the human construct. Now, don’t take what is being said as a sign of arrogance because it’s not. Those of us who are more inclined to speak to people have watched and studied your interactions. And we judge based on how you treat other people, not how your relationship could be when dealing with us.

And in the end, aloof people are always seen as these distant people who don’t want to be bothered. But in reality, we are people you can trust most, but we first have to observe if you are worthy of that trust. And that is the defining moment when you as that other person realize you have a friend for life.


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SOCIALLY AWKWARD SUCCESS: WHY WE VIEW THE INTROVERT AS THE WEIRDO

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“I’m not quiet, I’m just in my head a lot.”


People have always told me that I am an introverted person. As a child I was not, but as time progressed, I became more and more introverted. And it was not due to any traumatic events, it came as a result of being in my head so much. I started to conjure up so many ideas and ways in which I could become successful. Then, then more I got into my head, the more I became detached from so many people. And when I say detached, I don’t mean detached in a way where I have lost my sense of humanity. But I mean detached as it pertains to connecting to so many people in my age demographic. The way in which I started to see the world around me changed as well as my interests. I went from looking at life so much one sided, to now having a more balanced view of the world.

So, then if I am so learned and so well traversed, then why do people think I am so introverted. Well, I am introverted during conversations that are not based in substance. In social situations where people are discussing something that does not pertain to something in depth, it’s tough for me. But when having to explain something that is more in depth, I tend to be comfortable. And it’s unfortunate that you get these labels when you are not as social. But the introvert does play a role in themselves being portrayed a certain way. Because you can’t shy away from people and then ask why do they view you a certain way. Because as we all know, first impressions are very important. And I know me myself, I give off bad first impressions. So if you meet me, you have to be around me for quite a while to develop and understanding of me.

Now what’s interesting is that the introverts are so successful a lot of times. Well, how could that be? The reason being that if you are always in thought, you are generally working out problems in your head. You’re not panicking as much, and you learn to deal with more issues as they come. You also learn to embrace the changes in life because you look at life from such a realistic perspective. So when people see you, and they can’t understand why you are so quiet, little do they know you are probably working out a major issue. And it does not have to be your own personal issue. You could have the key to fixing a problem in our society that no one else has found. Then once you find out, everyone is in shock because they assume you lack knowledge because you’re so quiet. When in reality, your silence keeps you listening, and you’re able to detect problems and fix them quicker.

And in the end, the socially awkward, the misfits, the introverted, the weirdo, the unknown; might ultimately be the true success. You can’t assume that people are not in the moment because they are not talking. They might be more in the moment than you are because their senses are heightened. They hear, taste, see, and touch everything; and can state in grave detail what it is they see.


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I’M NOT QUIET OR LONELY, JUST IN THOUGHT: WHY DO WE ASSUME INTROVERTED IS UNHAPPY

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“Being to yourself gives you time to reflect.”


A lot of people throughout my life have told me that I am an introverted person. They have asked me why am I so stand off-ish or why do I like being so lonely. But there is a reason why I have become the person that I am today. For starters, I am an introverted person, but I am not stand off-ish nor am I lonely. Because stand off-ish people are unaware of self so they have a hard time in conversations with substance. And there is also a vast difference between someone who is alone and lonely. I am a person who spends time alone, but I am far from lonely. But how does a person be alone and not lonely? Aren’t they one of the same? Yes, they are, but to an extent. So why do we perceive people to be lonely and stand off-ish, or even disconnected when they don’t converse as much?

Well the reason we give people these types of labels has a lot to do with being human. When you are a human, we all want and yearn for some level of companionship in our lives. It can come in many different forms: doesn’t matter if it is a pet or a friend, or even a monogamous relationship. We all want to be close to someone or something that makes us feel like we exist on Earth. But you can also have people around you and still feel alone and shut out. Well, how is that the case? It’s because not everyone is meant to be in your life. And you should really assess who you allow into your space before you make the leap to bring them close to you. These people not meant to be in your life are the leaches who will suck you for everything you got, and then they’re gone once they have what they have come for.

Another reason why we look at people who are to themselves as lonely is because it’s what is associated with depression and anxiety. People who suffer from these illness typically exemplify the characteristics of a person who is lonely. They feel uncomfortable when put in social settings because of their own insecurities. So they typically shy away from people and keep to themselves. And there is a great deal of truth to this claim. Because I am a person who has been kept back because I have dealt with these internal issues in my life. Throughout life, I have been self conscious, depressed, lacked confidence, and anxious. So a lot of times I strayed from so many social situations because I felt this way. But it wasn’t until I became an adult I realized who I really was: which goes back to what I said earlier about self awareness. And that is the key to understanding yourself and others to understands themselves as well.

In the end, I have learned a few things by being alone. I have learned to have a great deal of patience because the solitude forces you to be still. You’re in a space alone with your own thoughts. So you have to do a lot of reflecting on your life. You have to look up until this point in life and be happy with where you are and where you are going. This is the moment you become self-aware. I also learned to have an objective opinion because I am not dealing with only the intricacies of my own peer group. So being around different people than myself in society allows me to be more practical. I am not a loner, I am reflecting; I am not lonely, I have plenty of people who love and care about me; I am introverted, but only because I have looked deep within self to find my purpose driven life; and I am not stand off-ish, I just usually stray away from conversations when I have nothing of substance to add. But what I have learned, is that the more time progress, the more people learn about me, the more they understand and respect who I am.


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THE FORGOTTEN ONES: THE LONESOME POPULATION OF ELDERLY IN AMERICA

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“Everybody has to get old; who will care for you?”

As we age in society most of us contemplate what will come of ourselves as we get older. Will we be able enough to care for ourselves or will we need assisted living? Will there be someone there to check in on us like a friend or family or will we be placed in a care facility? For most people, no one wants to be placed in an elderly facility. We call them, “Old Folks Homes,” and they carry so many negative connotations. From the neglect of no one coming to see them or the physical and mental abuse some endure while they are there at the hands of staff members. But what I am writing about is not just living in an assistant living facility, but the loneliness elderly people face.

Walking the streets of New York City, you see elderly men and women who have no friends and no family. And for the ones who do have loved ones, the close relatives don’t even bother coming around to visit them. So the elderly sit around bored and alone. Some who are physically unable to leave confines of their homes, so they just wither away. I read in the newspaper or even watch the news about how elderly men and women in the housing projects never leave their apartments; especially during the winter months. It’s no wonder a lot of them face mental issues or their memories diminish. There is nothing around them to keep their minds sharp. I had a grandmother (my mother’s mother) who passed away, but it was a physical ailment. Outside of that, she was an able bodied woman. As for other people her age, a lot weren’t.

But why, why do we leave the older generations not cared for, even though we ourselves have to get old one day? Do we do it because we don’t care? Or is it because we have to make a living for ourselves in today’s society? A lot of it has to do with having to live in society yourself. If you are the everyday working man or woman, you have to be out earning in society. So trying to care for a parent or other relative is tough. And with a lack of jobs, people are forced to work more now than ever. So the idea of working multiple jobs is a reality. Now you’re going to have even more people aging and left alone. I don’t think people are careless, it’s just you have to work so hard at yourself it’s tough to care for another close to you.

In the end, the aging population of men and women in America is growing because due to modern medicine people are living longer. Does that mean even more lonely and shutout citizens? The upside to all this is that we have more able bodied elderly. As a matter of fact, my mother and her sisters are considered elderly, but by their ability to be mobile they are far from it. You wouldn’t know that these are women who have officially become the elderly. Because 60 years old in the past was old, it’s still young in the world today. So maybe there is some good that could come from the new aging population.

EXTERNALLY STRONG, INTERNALLY WEAK: THE EMOTIONAL UPS AND DOWNS OF BLACK WOMEN

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“Where does it all come from?”

America’s most educated demographic of people: Black women. That’s right, highly educated, very successful; but. And there is a but; what about the romance? Not romance as it pertains to are they affectionate, but what about their love life? In today’s society, Black women are in more professional positions than anytime prior. All the bells and whistles, yet when it comes to their love lives, this is the area that takes a back seat. What is about Black women that there love lives tend to lose out to their professional lives. Better yet, is it just the career alone?

You see, growing up, being raised in a household by Black women, I didn’t notice anything wrong. Me personally, I grew up not aware of any stereotype either of any kind. The women that raised me, were a pretty chilled group of women. It wasn’t until I became an adult, that I started to hear the feelings of what Black women felt. My mother and sisters were almost careful not to put too much out there for me to see, but coming into society I experienced something new. Well, not me personally, but experience in hearing and seeing how many Black women felt hurt and shut out. Where does it come from? Is it real, or is it just in their (black women) heads?

For starters, there are a lot of stereotypes that are in society describing Black women. So there is no wonder, the frustration and anger comes from a group of women. But is that all there is? So many Black women as I said earlier are very successful. But is success always the replacement for happiness? From the outside things look perfectly fine, but what about internally? How do Black women really feel internally?  To me, when I walk up the street, life seems fine from my point of view. But is there really a problem. Now, I don’t want to make Black women appear to be victims, but there is a problem at times.

Then, what is the solution? Black women hold hurt, but don’t want to be seen as victims. They are successful, but don’t feel success should get in the way of relationships. They feel angry sometimes, yet, don’t want to be looked at as mean or angry. And they love independence, but can’t find love. Yet don’t want to be seen as needy. It sounds all over the place and at times it is. When the object of affection in America is always publicized as White women in media, sports, entertainment, publications; then a feeling of being left out sets in. What is the overall solution? I myself have to admit that I don’t know because it is such a personal situation to deal with in life. But whatever or wherever the change comes from, it must change because it can only hurt Black women in the end.