GAY IN THE COMMUNITY: HARDSHIPS OF BEING GAY IN A TRADITIONAL BLACK COMMUNITY

Two Men About to Kiss

“Out ain’t easy.”


gay under conservatism 

In the Black community, we have long been so governed under the Christian faith that anything that goes against the grain has been ostracized.  And the issue that falls under this topic would have to be gay relationships. It exist in a community, but not widely talked about in a community. You are refrained from really discussing it, but it’s so in your face in today’s society. But how does it feel to be a member of the LGBT community in such a conservative environment? Me being a heterosexual male, I can’t relate to this, but have heard stories told.

biblical fears

The bible has its many uses, but in certain communities the bible was used to do two things. It was used to enslave and it was used to uplift; crazy right. The enslavement of Black people through Christianity in America was a justified, but the religion has also been used to uplift a community. So the the fundamentalist fears that stand keeps a people from delving too deep into LGBT rights. Since the bible states that it is against it, then most likely there will be a push against it.  Which means there is a clear separation between how one feels as a person and how one views the relations via the bible.

generational shifts

There is something to be said about the change in times. Because this is more of an issue to an older generation. Because if you are under a certain age, then this conversation is more of a non-discussion. Because to a younger generation you’re used to seeing Gay couples. Rather it be on television, film, or in our daily lives. So to hear our parents, or even grandparents not accepting is a shock to us. We love our grandparents, and pride ourselves on being open. We even push back against those who speak out against the LGBT community, but we are not ready to deal with our elders who fight against the movement.


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PERSONAL PERCEPTION: HOW YOUR PEERS SEE YOU VERSUS HOW YOU SEE YOURSELF

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“You’re never who they think you are.”


We all have this idea of how someone sees us in life. But how can you be for certain if people actually like you or if they are just putting on airs to get in good with you. Because you are never the person you are to you as you are with others. No matter how much you try to convey that you are someone else, they see you as something else. So which one is right; their perception of you or your perception of you? Well, this depends on the image you project outward to people. Sometimes how people see you is on the basis on what you show them. If you show them this person that you’re not, then they’ll believe in what you show them. And what’s crazy is that no matter how much you tell them you are different, they’re still going to believe the person that they have come to know the longest. But then there is the other side of things.

You have people who view you in a light that has nothing to do with what you show them, but who they think you should be in life. And if you want to see how someone really views you, then ask them to introduce you to someone on a date. You will get a full idea of what they think of you. From the physical aspects of who they introduce you to, to the mental conversation the person has on a date. After the date, you should make it your business to meet the person you want to date. Then once you do meet the person, bring them around the people who had a hand in hooking you up on a date. They had the person they wanted you to be with, and they might grow to resent you because you have more than what they felt you deserved. This is how you find out who your true friends are and how they really feel about you.

Like I said earlier, you’re never to others who you are to yourself. What is it that would make a person feel like you don’t deserve the person you want to date? Because people feel that based off their own inner workings, they observe you. And to them, you fall into an equation somewhere below where they stand. So if you exceed the expectations of what they feel you deserve they have to evaluate two ideas in their mind. Number one, they are not as smart as they thought they were at pin-pointing a friend, and you as the successful friend makes them feel mediocre. But instead of figuring out a way to move away from the mediocrity, they want to stifle your growth. So in the end, be prepared in life to lose people that are not meant to be in your life. Not everyone is, and that could even extend into family.


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PERSPECTIVE: WHY LACKING IT WILL ULTIMATELY EFFECT YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS

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“Looking at life from one angle means you’re lacking substance.”


The photo above is of a staircase that is drawn from multiple perspectives. And depending on who is observing the stairs, they may interpret whose walking down the stairs as the real stairs. But when you start turn the drawing around, you start to see that everyone is walking in the right direction up or down the stairs. Yet so many people tend to not turn the photo and just look at the photo from one perspective. That is how so many people in society look at the world in which we dwell. They have their thoughts and opinions that stem from what they believe to be true and that belief never changes. And the problem with this group of people is that once a new perspective is introduced that challenges their current way, they have a hard time shifting their lives to accommodate this better way. The better way gets rejected and is seen as an attempt to undermine them and what they represent.

This refusal to bend in the face of logic and reasoning is what hurts so many people when they try to debate in an argument. They become so vested in their beliefs that they would rather be wrong and hold on to what they believe than to follow the right way and change. Scary part about these people, they want you to follow the way they are living. That’s when you have to remove yourself from their presence. See, it’s fine if they want to live their lie, but trying to get you to follow is another. Yet, how do you know if your perspective is the right as well? I mean, don’t you think it is quite arrogant to assume that you have all the answers? So what happens when the person without multiple perspective follows the multiple views and they find themselves worse off than keeping their current viewpoints.

Here is why having multiple perspective works over not having multiple. When you go back as far back as humanity traces our existence, having that perspective is what has kept is going for so long. When humans had to build shelter, I’m sure they tried using grass and twigs, but soon found out that it’s not sturdy enough. From there, we realized that a house needed a strong foundation, then you build up. And over time we tested multiple ways in which we could build a home and we have figured out so many ways to build shelter. That comes from having multiple perspective in life. The area of life where people find it harder to have perspective is politics. They fight for their side so much, that they ultimately put themselves in an extenuating circumstance once someone on their side conducts themselves in a manner that goes against the political views.

Meaning if one party tries to fight Gay marriage, then you find out that the party leader has sex with men. For me, that’s not hard to figure out, because this guy being against Gays is the political agenda, him liking men is the biological piece. But the people who are his allies have to go against the stories told about him. Why, well not because of just their party’s beliefs, but because they would have to admit they aren’t as good at pen-pointing people as they thought they were in life. And in the end, that is why multiple perspective is important. Because once you fight for your views too hard, it’s easy to fight opposition, but you find yourself in a bind once what you fight for has been proven false or finds itself in the wrong doing position.


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TOMI, OH TOMI: HOW AGENDAS ARE MORE FAKE THAN WE KNOW

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“Which side are you on?”


Conservative talk host of The Blaze’s Tomi Lahren was suspended this past week amidst comments she had made while on air. They weren’t her usual conservative views, but views that swayed a little in the opposite direction. These views got her suspended from The Blaze. Now, people on the left would see this as a good thing. I myself lean a little more left than right, yet I had to take a closer look at this one. Tomi Lahren has been outspoken for quite some time regarding her political viewpoints. But now she’s suspended for statements regarding pro-choice on abortion. Hmm, I find it odd, well why odd.

We live in a country where you have to pick a side on a particular issue. If you pick that side then fine. But if you question something from that side which goes against the side you will lose big. It’s because agendas in America are about not crossing the viewpoint line. As long as you’re down for what I’m pushing, I’m fine with you. But the moment I disagree, I become the biggest piece of garbage around. It’s because we have factions, and a disagreement means a divide in the faction. This is a main reason why I can’t watch the news. They’re places where people fight for ratings, not necessarily seeking the truth in what they report.

What do I mean by the news, I mean both liberal (CNN) and conservative (FOX). And anytime I talk to people, they tend to have one station they patronize. But, since when is it rational to have one viewpoint in the world. How do you not challenge a belief system instead of blindly following. Yet if you challenge the belief you can lose a job. So what should you do in this world? Should you speak up and speak out, or shut up and fall in line? Are you going to take the righteous road or the say what’s expected of you road? Tomi Lahren honestly thought she could speak from her own morale. When in reality, you speak by way of who makes your career.

She received what amounted to a career assault on her person. Someone walked by groped her, and when she turned around to swat them away, the person had long gone. Now who do you complain to regarding this assault? But is it all the conservatives? My answer to that is absolutely not; it just happened to Tomi. There are plenty of liberals that are phony in their agenda. Men and women in the fashion industry ostracized Tiffany Trump at a runway show for the comments her father made. But let’s be clear, he is supposedly disrespectful toward women, yet they have spent years degrading women on their physical appearance. Trump is supposed to be bigoted, yet fashion designers use hundreds of models at fashion weeks, but when it comes to Black women their comment is same, “It’s not my astatic.”

Not my astatic has been used so much when describing working with Black people, that it has become subject for much debate. Hollywood actors stand and criticize, yet would never throw a Hollywood executive’s name under the bus for excluding minorities from acting roles or women from directing jobs. So the left is just as bad as the right. In the end, there is no real side to take. Now the book 48 laws of power speaks against standing alone. Yet standing with a group is just as dangerous in society. I guess agendas will always be apart of our world. In that case, there will always be a constant rotation of Tomi’s being ripped for showing that divide in the faction as well.

BIRDS OF A FEATHER: WATCH THE COMPANY YOU KEEP

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“Is it true that you are what you associate yourself with.”

“Watch the company and the crowd you bring.” If you’ve never heard this before, I’m sure you’ve heard of this one. “Birds of a feather flock together.” These are a couple of the statements of advice people are given about the people they choose to hang around. But, are these statements of advice always bad to live by in life? Is there ever a reason to flock with the same group of people? Well, in my opinion it’s all about the context of the reasoning behind flocking. What are some of the goods and bad of flocking with a group?

When looking at flocking in the same group of people, what about your career circle. If you are a professional in your field, you are far more likely going to hang around those in that field. Or you might even find yourself associating with people in a related field of interest. For example, a Nurse Practitioner and a doctor could be found hanging out in a group with other physicians. Maybe even top level physicians might associate with executive heads of the hospital. The executive may not be a doctor, but a top doctor is in the same realm.

What about flocking in the same group of people into the same or similar interest. If you are into traveling, you are more than likely going to find yourself associating with people who enjoy hiking, biking, and other leisure activities. Or let’s say you’re in a group of people who enjoy the single life of dating in a big city. You’re going to most likely hang with people who love the nightlife of clubbing and going to bars. But what about the opposite. What about the negative connotation that comes with flocking in the same group?

This is some good advice for a young teen or early adulthood male or female. When you’re young you think the people you’re hanging with can do no wrong. That’s until they start to engage in behavior that is harmful to them and those around them. As a young child you make friends and each of you take on these different personas as you age. So the person you know at 7 years of age won’t be that person 14 years, as they will at 21 years, or even at 30 years. So flocking in the same group might not last from childhood through adulthood. People who maintain these long term relationships are few and far between.

Why is that? Why do we move on from people we were once close with at one age, but not now? Because flocking with the same group might have to change. You might even flock in a group that you didn’t get along with during childhood that you do as an adult. Meaning the group you didn’t associate with as a teenager, you might learn to like as adults. A lot of changing your flock has to do with maturing and taking on different interest and viewpoints.

And that’s what it all boils down to, viewpoints and lifestyles. Flocking in the same group can be good if you are all headed down the right paths. But if you’re in a group that is not going anywhere in life they might be a burden. And hanging with them will further hinder you from growing.

I CAN’T FIND A MATE! NO, YOU CAN’T FIND WHAT YOU WANT!

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“Are we worth what we ask for?”

I can’t find anyone! I’m tired of being with these losers! Is there anyone out there for me! These are some of the complaints men and women have when looking for someone to be in a relationship. Well, why is it so hard? Is it because there are so many people out there not worth your time? Or is it that people are overreacting and that it’s not as bad as we think? There are a few theories that I have for this issue. Maybe it has to do with the person you want not wanting you.

We all have someone in our minds that we want. But if you are not what the other person wants then you’re at a lose. Then we get defensive, what’s wrong with me. Well what’s wrong with the other person. Meaning I know I am everything somebody wants, but you are not what’s on my list. Whose to say you got it all together. Just because you think you got things right don’t mean you do. For instance you are a woman with a nine to five, with your own car, home, and responsibilities. But if I am a guy who wants more from you, you may see it as unrealistic, but you are unrealistic as well.

Which brings me to my second theory. We all think our expectations are realistic. But we dismiss those who we see as not on our level. And a lot of times it is connected to finances. She makes $75,000 he makes $30,000; not on her level. He makes $200,000 she makes $75,000; a good fit. But wait, you’re not on his level. Our levels come down to finances because living in society can be expensive. So we want this relationship to work from living in such an environment. Meaning, expectations living in NYC could be different than living in Cleveland; expectations for Miami are different than Des Moines. Then there are the social aspects of expectations.

This is now my third theory for why we can’t find someone to be with; societal viewpoints. People in society have a major impact on how we choose the men and women we date. Because God forbid we walk the streets with someone that America won’t like (as if they care about our existence). So if we come outside and society can’t look in adulation, then it must not be capable of working. But have we taken a look in the mirror ourselves. Which leads into the next theory.

Physical attraction is another reason why we can’t find anyone. You close your eyes and picture a person. Then that is what you want, but what about you. Do you look at yourself as desirable? Too often we look at someone and go you are not my type, but get defensive when our looks are on trial. Why is it so easy to critique others yet no one can do it with us? My guess is that we seek out attractive people because we know how we look. Yet we want to take the faces from our flaws onto the person we are with who looks good.

In the end, the reason we have it hard is because we want what we want. You see there is somebody for us all, but it’s not who you want. We want to dismiss so many, but we don’t want to deal with rejection ourselves. I don’t think it’s all bad at times. As humans we all want to shoot for what we feel is the highest height. But we should also strive to be what we want. You want a woman or man in physical body shape, do the same yourself. You want a certain income, be able to rise to the occasion as well. And that’s what it boils down to, be what you want.