PARENTAL DISDAIN: WHY SOME PARENTS DON’T LOVE THEIR CHILDREN

black-and-white, boy, child

“No love for someone that is apart of you: cold-blooded.”


To believe that there are parents who don’t love their children is a shocking reality. How could you not love something that you aided in bringing into this world? But believe it or not these type of parents do actually exist. And they don’t love that child for a number reasons. The reasons could be more directed at who the kid was procreated with or even the person’s refusal to love anything outside of themselves. Whatever the case may be, we have way too many children born to parents that don’t love them. But let’s go back to the procreation with the person. What is it about this person that makes you despise your kid.

A child is the combination of two parents, the mother and the father. That combination can make the parents love this child that much more or create a relationship that is built on dysfunction. There are men who walk out on their children because every time they look in the child’s face they see the mother. And there are mothers that see the father in the face of the kid and become immediately turned off. This usually happens when the child is the opposite sex of the parent. So for fathers, he see the mother in the daughter and the mother sees the father in the boy. But no matter how you feel about the parent, is your disdain that strong, where you are turned off by the sight of the kid? Sadly it’s true, the kid represents to the parent the constant reminder of their life’s mistakes.

But why should a kid suffer because of the poor decisions of two individuals? But this is not the only way children lose out. What about the parents who are more concerned with advancing their own lives? There are career oriented parents who would much rather focus on their personal accomplishments than to actually build a lasting relationship with their children. And when you love your personal accomplishments more than you do the sound of your own child’s voice it is seen as a form of neglect. So what should happen for those that are growing up in households where the parent’s have their own lives or inner disdains?

Sadly enough, there is no law that can remove a kid from a situation. If the kid has a home, food, clothes, and not physically being abused, there is nothing legally that can be done. Hopefully that kid grows and become a productive member of society. But too often there are children who are victims of this form of neglect that step into society and harm others. Whether they turn to a life of crime or repeat the cycle and become what their parents were to them. In the end, it’s always hurtful to see the neglected children of the world. They didn’t ask to come into this world. So when they are neglected they have to navigate this world alone. And at times they navigate and are unprepared for what is to come ahead. Hopefully they don’t fall, and if so not too hard as to not recover. Because no one should have to be dealt the hand some children are dealt in society.


https://www.facebook.com/groups/1777548702458281/

https://faheemjackson.squarespace.com/

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_nr_n_0?fst=as%3Aoff&rh=n%3A283155%2Ck%3Afaheem+jackson&keywords=faheem+jackson&ie=UTF8&qid=1492966094&rnid=2941120011 

@fjackson12345 Instagram

@2320howe Twitter

PARENTAL DETACHMENT: WHY EVERYONE SHOULDN’T HAVE CHILDREN

bare feet, boy, child

“It’s a full time job that doesn’t pay; know what you’re doing.”


Growing up, I was always taught that everyone should not bring children into the world. There are young people having children when they are barely adults themselves. And there are parents of what is considered acceptable age neglecting their children because they are more concerned with their own personal lives. So where does this leave the children. It leaves them to fend for themselves in the world. But how do you fend for yourself when you have no clue how the world operates. This is the makings of a bad turnout a lot of times in life because of poor parenting. So what are the consequences?

A lot of the kids who had absentee parents find themselves locked away in prison or having troubled lives on the outside. But what is it? What is it that would make a parent walk away from their child? Just saying everyone is not meant to be a parent is not good enough. There has to be more of an explanation as to why parents are not interested in being parents. One of the reasons I came up with is the idea that a lot of these parents became parents at a young age. When their friends were still out enjoying their youth, they had to sit home with a child. So when the child gets old enough to have the slightest bit of their own lives, the parents run out and get one themselves. But the child is still in need of guidance and needs help.

But then there are the parents who are more concerned with building themselves a career. I live here in New York City, and you see so many kids with their nannies. But the parents give them a kiss on the cheek and send them on their way. They grow to have that respect for the nanny, but not the same for the parents. The parents are cultivating relationships for their career and trying to impress the boss. But they are unaware of what their kid is doing. And most of the time, the kid is off doing their own thing. These children with the nannies at times are very distant from their parents and grow to disregard things that are said to them. It’s hard being a disciplinarian when you’re not around.

But there is another group of parents, and they are the too strict and too overbearing. Their children don’t respect them, they more so fear them. And when the children grow to a certain age, they are known as, “the wild child.” You would think it’s all the kids born and raised in broken homes that are the worse. But the ones growing up in extremely strict environments can’t wait to step into society. They lose it and go crazy once they finally get a taste of freedom. That heavy reign of control over their lives left them not knowing the realities of the world.

In the end, parenting is not something you can read about in a book. They have all the titles, “Dr. Spock,” and  “What To Expect When You’re Expecting.” But you will never know until that child comes home with you. You can read and follow every guide you shall choose to; but life with a child is full of curve balls. And it’s for those reasons a lot of people should not be parents.


https://www.facebook.com/groups/1777548702458281/

https://faheemjackson.squarespace.com/

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_nr_n_0?fst=as%3Aoff&rh=n%3A283155%2Ck%3Afaheem+jackson&keywords=faheem+jackson&ie=UTF8&qid=1492966094&rnid=2941120011 

@fjackson12345 Instagram

@2320howe Twitter

LOUSY PARENTING: PARENTS WHO FAIL TO PARENT, FAIL AT PARENTING

Image result for bad parenting

“Bad parenting can be just as bad as absentee parenting.”


When a child is growing up, they need some form of structure in their lives. The reason being is that they don’t understand the world they’re up against. They think they know what’s out here, but in reality, children have no clue. So when you see parents who are dropping the ball when they know the odds their children are up against, it can be quite irritating. I was watching a video someone posted on Facebook regarding a mother not happy with her child’s boss at a fast food restaurant. The mom came to the job and told the supervisor that he was to no longer converse with her daughter. There is a serious underlying problem with this way of thinking.

For starters, your daughter will get a chance to see that when you don’t want to deal with someone on a job you can just disconnect. And the problem is that you are not going to like everyone you work with. You’re not going to get along with everyone you work with. The reality is that too bad, suck it up. I’m sure we would love to come to work and tell the supervisor, “Sorry, not interested in talking.” How amazing, I work for you, yet I’m going to tell you when I want to converse. You’re not going to get cooperation, you’re getting a foot in the ass, and out the front door you go.

But there is another problem with this method of parenting. It also allows the kid to see that no matter what, mom and/or dad is going to bail them out of trouble. They don’t have to own up to anything in life. It’s always someone else who is in the wrong. Then, once you become an adult, and mommy and daddy can no longer fight your battles you fail in life. If you can’t handle a fast food manager that you don’t like, wait until you step into the dominant society. The society we live in is not going to deal you going to grab your parent when something is wrong. You have to learn how to deal with problems on your own.

And that’s my problem with parents who teach this to their children. They work in the real world, yet they teach these unrealistic ways of thinking and behaving to their children. And unless you’re prepared to hire them and give them a job, you have to teach them to survive in this world. In the end, that’s the problem with parents teaching all the above to their children. Why, well because the world we live in don’t care. Society could care less about who mommy and daddy are; show up to work to work or go home. This whole take me as I am does not fly in society. No one has to outright accept you. You earn the respect of people it’s not a given. Learn what life is about, now, so you don’t have to learn the hard way later.


https://www.facebook.com/groups/1777548702458281/

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_nr_n_0?fst=as%3Aoff&rh=n%3A283155%2Ck%3Afaheem+jackson&keywords=faheem+jackson&ie=UTF8&qid=1492966094&rnid=2941120011 

@fjackson12345 Instagram

@2320howe Twitter

WHAT ARE THEY THINKING?

baby

“You ever wonder what’s behind their eyes?”

As a young man who has never had children, I often contemplate what it would be like to be a parent. But the topic today is what are they thinking. What are behind the eyes when they look at you? The world to us as adults, is the norm. We don’t see our surroundings the same way an infant does. They crawl, they pick things up, and even try the old taste test by placing random items into their mouths. But of course, there is always the parent near to yank out of their hands the contents that they are about to place in their mouths. Or parents panic as they scramble to remove whatever is already in their baby’s mouth.

But to the baby, they may typically start crying because they don’t understand. They can’t comprehend why you would remove something from their grasp that they are currently consuming. Then again, ever wonder why babies try to eat everything they pick up. What is the reason behind this? Is this some sort of evolutionary response that we can’t grasp as adults. Because by the time you become an adult, there is no thought that goes into eating; you just eat. It’s so involuntary, your days are consisting of shoving random food into your mouth.

But why is the mouth the first choice of the child. What is behind the decision to place a piece of string, a toy, or even ink pens in their mouths. Maybe they realize that hunger exist, but don’t understand hunger. That would mean we as humans are born knowing we’re hungry, placing things in our mouths, yet learned behavior as to what is good or bad for you. The look on the infants face gives off how something taste to them. They either continue to consume if it’s good, or regurgitate if it’s bad. Their taste buds are starting to recognize what they like and don’t like.

Now that we’ve cleared up food, how about the eyes. What are behind the eyes when they look at you? They stare at you, and you smile, then they smile. We are elated by them mimicking us, but why do they smile back? Could it be that they are trying to figure out what our expressions mean? Or could it be that as infants we have that expression, but not only not know what it means, but we don’t understand how it happens. What about when they cry, what is the hurt behind their eyes? It is so hard to see parents not understanding what is wrong with their child, but the child not able to communicate with the parent.

But see that’s the eyes, what about the touch. Children are always picking things up off the ground. And once again parents rushing to their aid to grab what is in their grasp. But why do they pick up everything? Could it be they are trying to understand this world around them, or is it that they are not aware of the hands. The hands could be something that throws them off and picking up random items is interesting to understand how to use their hands.

In the end, the reason they want to taste and touch everything, their eyes as they look about their space, is because it’s new. This new surrounding makes them ultra sensitive to everything. And their senses are too heightened with so much going on at one time. But once they come out of this stage into their childhood they are able to know more and understand more, parents are a little more at ease. Parents feel more secure and the child is more secure.

FOR THE LOVE OF YOUR CHILD: WHAT CAN THEY DO WRONG THAT COULD END IT ALL?

Image result for PARENTING

“How deep is your love as a parent?”

So parents, is there anything your kid can do that will upset you enough to never speak to them again? What are the lengths you are willing to go to protect your child? For instance, the mother of serial killer Jeffery Dahmer stated that as heinous as his crimes were, she still loved her baby boy. How is this possible? Is it possible that a parent is obligated to love their child no matter what? And if so, are there differences between a father’s love and a mother’s love?

You see, when a child is young, there is very little a kid can do that a parent says you are no longer my child. Kids have been known to get kicked out of school, break curfew, and steal valuables. These are things that cause them to be put on punishment, but parents still love their child. It would seen as cold and heartless for a parent to turn their back on a child for getting kicked out of school or something else so mild. Then what would it take if these are things that won’t force you to turn on your child?

Let’s look at more serious charges against your child. Let’s assume your child physcially assaulted someone. I think that depending on the circumstance, a parent will take the side of their child. If the child was defending themselves parents will uphold 9/10. But if the assault was predicated by your child, what do you do; especially if the person died? I think the mother, giving she carried the child, is more likely to forgive than the father. Well why is that? Men have a more stern outlook on life than the more heartfelt woman. We don’t carry life, so it’s much easier for us to make the decision, even if it’s our offspring.

Well, how about  something worst than a physical assault? What if the offense was murder? What if it’s a first degree murder that was intentional? Is this enough for a parent to turn their backs on their child? Some to most are willing to under these conditions. As much as you love your child, intentionally harming another person’s child is strong enough to cut ties. Why because your child took another person’s child. The first thought that goes through a parent’s mind is what if that was my child. So the feeling of lose internally takes place.

There is one particular area where a parent will turn, and that is in the case of sexual assault. Especially if your child is an adult and the person is a minor. Pedophilia is the ultimate breach where parents will say they can no longer have human connection to a child of theirs. Parents will stand for a lot, but the lose of another child’s innocence is the line.

So, as you see, there are certain boundaries crossed where parents may accept or reject something their child may do. The boundary usually becomes grey once a crime has been committed. Very rarely will a parent turn for anything less. In the end, parents have a duty to protect their child, even sometimes in a criminal situation. It is a natural reaction to protect your offspring, but trust and believe there are limitations.

KID GAMES: DON’T LET ‘EM DIVIDE YOU

Image result for chess games

“Are you more strategic than your offspring?”

“Mommy, can I have some ice cream?” “No sweetie, you have to wait until you eat dinner first.” “Daddy, can I have some ice cream?” “Sure son, go ahead, but don’t eat too much.” “We still have to eat dinner.” And just like that, a parent has made a vital mistake in raising their child. There must be one voice in the household when raising a child. If that kid knows that they can run to one parent and always get an ok over an objection, that smells problems for your relationship. This also means that knowing they can get away with some things around one parent and not the other. The structure need to be clear and spoken from one voice.

What I mean by one voice is that if your kid comes to you asking for something they must know that when you say yes or no it means that on both sides. If a kid know they can play both sides, that speaks to the lack of communication from the parents. We are currently seeing the divorce between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie; where he seems to be more strict and she is more lax. This can be a recipe for disaster if both people are polar opposites. It’s fine to be a little bit different in the parenting styles, but too much difference results in long term problems; as seen with the Pitt-Jolie situation.

But since I am on the topic of divorce; what about communication here. It works so long as the parents are on the right page. But it’s hard to be on the right page with a child if parents are still bitter about their personal situation. Under these circumstances children really are in control. Because one parent might allow the kid to get away with more as a way to spite the other parent. For instance, daughter wants to have a boyfriend, but dad says no. Mom has sole custody, and is fine with daughter having a boyfriend. Daughter wants to date, so she is able to play her parents against each other because she knows they don’t get along.

This is an issue especially if the daughter finds herself in a serious situation and can’t find a way out. She will go to the parent that allowed her to break the rules to bail her out. Now mom has to bail her out because she went over dad’s head in the first place to prove a point. And if he finds out, it could make her look irresponsible. Or, on the other hand, mom might call dad and say guess what your daughter did, just to get a rise out of him. Daughter was using this divide in faction to her advantage. Now that she is in trouble, with the two of them bickering, she is unable to fix her situation. So the scheme that helped her is now backfiring.

In the end, children need to know they can’t play parents for fools. If they fell that one allows them to get away with more, they’ll run to that parent. Only problem is that when trouble arises, with both parents fighting the child suffers. So a child, even in the case of divorce, need to understand that both parents are on the same page. Even if both parents don’t get along, the child should not see that take place. Remember, you’re the adult; you’ve been on this planet longer than they have been. Don’t let them think they know life more than you. You should be the ultimate gamer.