SCIENCE OF PARENTING: WHAT MAKES WOMEN CLOSER THAN MEN

blanket, boots, care

“We are not like them.”


the job aint easy

You ever hear people say that the job of raising children is not an easy? Well, it is; I don’t have any, but observing my mother raising children, I can tell it was a struggle. The feat of not only getting up making sure they are fed, but placing them into the world. You have to let go and realize they are in the world and trust they make the right decisions. Because the kid part are the cute years, it’s when we get older where the job becomes difficult. Once those adolescent years hit and friends become more of an influencer than parents, that’s when the job gets tough. But this topic is more than that, it’s about the relationship that each parent has with the child/children.

gender differences

The science behind why a woman is connected to the child more is simple. She is the one who carried the kid, so there is a deeper bond than the man has with the child. Men can easily role around and play with the kid then head off to work. We have that ability to connect then disconnect in an instant. But all throughout the day, especially when the child is a baby, women can’t do the same. It is impossible for a woman to tune out when the kid is young. She is able to do so as the kid gets older, and ready to take on their own identities. But is there more behind the idea that women connect better than men? Meaning, what is the even deeper science behind mom and dad bonds.

evolution

Humans have attachments to each other which aids in our ability to coexist as a planet. But when we have children men bond differently then women. And there is a science to this bond. My best guess is that men were never meant to be in the life of the child. Father’s being around is a social construct more than it is biological. Don’t get me wrong, men still will fight and die for their young, but were we supposed to be a community like we are today. There are social means as to why we as men stick around: give the kid guidance, be an example for what the kid shall be in life, a protector in the household, an additional contributor to the family, and a partner for the woman. These are social constructs, but biologically, we don’t have those attachments because maybe we were never meant to have them. That doesn’t excuse deadbeat fathers, it just aims at understanding why we can be great fathers, yet disconnect to get work done, or even become better disciplinarians.


My Personal Website: www.faheemjackson.squarespace.com

Instagram Me: @theefaheemjackson

Twitter Me: @2320howe

Tumblr Me: @fjackson44

Facebook Fan Page: www.facebook.com

PARENTAL DISDAIN: WHY SOME PARENTS DON’T LOVE THEIR CHILDREN

black-and-white, boy, child

“No love for someone that is apart of you: cold-blooded.”


To believe that there are parents who don’t love their children is a shocking reality. How could you not love something that you aided in bringing into this world? But believe it or not these type of parents do actually exist. And they don’t love that child for a number reasons. The reasons could be more directed at who the kid was procreated with or even the person’s refusal to love anything outside of themselves. Whatever the case may be, we have way too many children born to parents that don’t love them. But let’s go back to the procreation with the person. What is it about this person that makes you despise your kid.

A child is the combination of two parents, the mother and the father. That combination can make the parents love this child that much more or create a relationship that is built on dysfunction. There are men who walk out on their children because every time they look in the child’s face they see the mother. And there are mothers that see the father in the face of the kid and become immediately turned off. This usually happens when the child is the opposite sex of the parent. So for fathers, he see the mother in the daughter and the mother sees the father in the boy. But no matter how you feel about the parent, is your disdain that strong, where you are turned off by the sight of the kid? Sadly it’s true, the kid represents to the parent the constant reminder of their life’s mistakes.

But why should a kid suffer because of the poor decisions of two individuals? But this is not the only way children lose out. What about the parents who are more concerned with advancing their own lives? There are career oriented parents who would much rather focus on their personal accomplishments than to actually build a lasting relationship with their children. And when you love your personal accomplishments more than you do the sound of your own child’s voice it is seen as a form of neglect. So what should happen for those that are growing up in households where the parent’s have their own lives or inner disdains?

Sadly enough, there is no law that can remove a kid from a situation. If the kid has a home, food, clothes, and not physically being abused, there is nothing legally that can be done. Hopefully that kid grows and become a productive member of society. But too often there are children who are victims of this form of neglect that step into society and harm others. Whether they turn to a life of crime or repeat the cycle and become what their parents were to them. In the end, it’s always hurtful to see the neglected children of the world. They didn’t ask to come into this world. So when they are neglected they have to navigate this world alone. And at times they navigate and are unprepared for what is to come ahead. Hopefully they don’t fall, and if so not too hard as to not recover. Because no one should have to be dealt the hand some children are dealt in society.


https://www.facebook.com/groups/1777548702458281/

https://faheemjackson.squarespace.com/

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_nr_n_0?fst=as%3Aoff&rh=n%3A283155%2Ck%3Afaheem+jackson&keywords=faheem+jackson&ie=UTF8&qid=1492966094&rnid=2941120011 

@fjackson12345 Instagram

@2320howe Twitter

MOTHER’S DAY: WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO YOU?

Lady Wearing Lbue Long Sleeve Dress and Holding Boy Piece Box

“Having a mommy is such a gift.”


Today as everyone knows is Mother’s Day. Everyone across the country is in on this celebration to gift thanks to their mothers for all that she has done for them. My topic today ask the question regarding what does this day mean to you? What is it about this day that sets it aside from so many other days in society? We have special holidays like Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, yet this one is the celebration of you having life breathed into you. So once again, what does this day mean to you?

See to me, this day is about not just celebrating my mother, but the women who helped to raise me as well. A few of these women have passed along now. They were my both my grandmother and great grandmother who babysat for my mother when I was a child. They used to watch over me until my mother came home from work. Then as I got older, I would go and sit at their houses with them. So, today I think about those women that help to raise me. But this day has other meanings to other people as well.

To someone who has lost a mother it is the day to remember all the things you and your mother shared with each other while alive. I have not lost a parent, but my mother lost my grandmother six years ago. And it still is unreal to not have her around. But that is why it’s important to give so much to people while here on Earth. No matter if it’s just a simple phone call because you miss that person’s voice when they are not around anymore. Yet death is not the only reason this day is important. What about the life’s lessons from mom.

When you are young you learn so many things from mom. The patients she has with you in guiding you in the right direction in life. All of these wonderful experiences are valuable to your future growth in life. It is the reason why you can face the world because of so much you learn from her. See, in the end, having your mother in your life is such a gift. There are still so many who don’t and for them it’s a tough life to have. I couldn’t imagine life not ever having my mother who taught me so much. But for those that do, hold on because today could be the last you have with each other; make it count for something.


https://www.facebook.com/groups/1777548702458281/

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_nr_n_0?fst=as%3Aoff&rh=n%3A283155%2Ck%3Afaheem+jackson&keywords=faheem+jackson&ie=UTF8&qid=1492966094&rnid=2941120011 

@fjackson12345 Instagram

@2320howe Twitter

PARENTAL CONFIDENCE: MAKING YOUR KIDS THE BEST THEM THEY CAN BE

Image result for GOOD PARENTING

“Be great to them and they’ll be good to themselves.”


In my youth, my mother always wanted to instill in her children that we were capable of accomplishing anything in life. It allowed us to enter the world ready to pursue whatever endeavor we chose. Well, what was her technique; is there even one. Did she do anything with her children that any other parent wasn’t doing? Or was she doing something that every parent just does? Maybe it could have come from how she was raised. Or maybe it was a combination of how she was raised and her own spin to parenting. These are a few of the questions asked from people as it pertains to parents who seek to boost their children’s confidence.

One way parents boost confidence in their children is to go to work and come every day. That consistency makes children know they can not only depend on you, but also gives them a blue print in their own lives. Consistency is important because anything you perform long enough and work each time at, you’ll become great at it. Along with the consistency is informing your children they can be anything they set their minds to in life. But not just saying, showing it by not letting them give up. Letting them know failure happens in life, but to keep persevering.

Another way to boost that confidence in children is to place them in schools around good kids. Kids who are being taught to head in the same direction in life as your child. My entire life my mother placed my sisters and I in good schools. We were always around kids that thought about their futures. It gave you something to think about. The schools also were places where kids could thrive in their learning environments. So many other students in other schools were focused on peer pressure and impressing people around them. My mother put her kids in schools to challenge the ways of the crowd. But what other ways can parents build confidence.

A major way to build confidence is through the idea that confident parents confidently teach. Parents who are not afraid to step into the world themselves are in a position to raise confident kids. When children see you walk outside every morning with your head high they feel they can do the same. Doesn’t matter if you’re having a bad day. The idea is to let them see strength. Because once they see that you are unsure about something they will start to second guess themselves. See, in the end, there is a lot of psychology in parenting. The idea is to get them to believe they can do anything in life without even thinking about it. Rear them at a young age knowing that failure is not an option.


https://www.facebook.com/groups/1777548702458281/

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_nr_n_0?fst=as%3Aoff&rh=n%3A283155%2Ck%3Afaheem+jackson&keywords=faheem+jackson&ie=UTF8&qid=1492966094&rnid=2941120011 

@fjackson12345 Instagram

@2320howe Twitter

KID GAMES: DON’T LET ‘EM DIVIDE YOU

Image result for chess games

“Are you more strategic than your offspring?”

“Mommy, can I have some ice cream?” “No sweetie, you have to wait until you eat dinner first.” “Daddy, can I have some ice cream?” “Sure son, go ahead, but don’t eat too much.” “We still have to eat dinner.” And just like that, a parent has made a vital mistake in raising their child. There must be one voice in the household when raising a child. If that kid knows that they can run to one parent and always get an ok over an objection, that smells problems for your relationship. This also means that knowing they can get away with some things around one parent and not the other. The structure need to be clear and spoken from one voice.

What I mean by one voice is that if your kid comes to you asking for something they must know that when you say yes or no it means that on both sides. If a kid know they can play both sides, that speaks to the lack of communication from the parents. We are currently seeing the divorce between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie; where he seems to be more strict and she is more lax. This can be a recipe for disaster if both people are polar opposites. It’s fine to be a little bit different in the parenting styles, but too much difference results in long term problems; as seen with the Pitt-Jolie situation.

But since I am on the topic of divorce; what about communication here. It works so long as the parents are on the right page. But it’s hard to be on the right page with a child if parents are still bitter about their personal situation. Under these circumstances children really are in control. Because one parent might allow the kid to get away with more as a way to spite the other parent. For instance, daughter wants to have a boyfriend, but dad says no. Mom has sole custody, and is fine with daughter having a boyfriend. Daughter wants to date, so she is able to play her parents against each other because she knows they don’t get along.

This is an issue especially if the daughter finds herself in a serious situation and can’t find a way out. She will go to the parent that allowed her to break the rules to bail her out. Now mom has to bail her out because she went over dad’s head in the first place to prove a point. And if he finds out, it could make her look irresponsible. Or, on the other hand, mom might call dad and say guess what your daughter did, just to get a rise out of him. Daughter was using this divide in faction to her advantage. Now that she is in trouble, with the two of them bickering, she is unable to fix her situation. So the scheme that helped her is now backfiring.

In the end, children need to know they can’t play parents for fools. If they fell that one allows them to get away with more, they’ll run to that parent. Only problem is that when trouble arises, with both parents fighting the child suffers. So a child, even in the case of divorce, need to understand that both parents are on the same page. Even if both parents don’t get along, the child should not see that take place. Remember, you’re the adult; you’ve been on this planet longer than they have been. Don’t let them think they know life more than you. You should be the ultimate gamer.