LOVE COMES FROM SOMEWHERE: WHY DO HUMANS LOVE

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“We got it; who put it there?”


WHAT IS IT?

What is love? Love is defined as a deep feeling of intense affection for someone, something, or some place. It can also go deeper a be a sexual attachment to someone. But don’t let the sexual part mislead you, or even the words intense affection. Because you can also love your friends and family as well. It is a feeling most learn at a very young age. We all know what it is, but in time we all learn to understand what its true meaning is really about in life. So, now my question is, where does it come from?

HOW DID IT GET THERE

The area of the brain that is associated with love is the striatum. This is also the area of the brain that becomes affected once someone abuses drugs. Which is why it’s so hard for addicts to kick their addiction. But I am not talking about where it comes from in the mind. My asking where does love come from is more of an evolutionary question? Because when we are born, we don’t know what love is, we’re taught love. Doesn’t matter if it’s our families or society. But if anything negative is implanted at an early age, or something traumatic enough happens to us, we can have that love disrupted. So is love evolutionary that we developed over time? Did someone place it there? Or is one of those, it is what is; something unexplained why we have it?

ANGLES 

On one end of the spectrum we have religion and on the other end we have science. Religion states that man was created in the likeness of God, and that everything about you that makes you who you are was placed there by he who created you. Then science states that over millions of years through human evolution, you came to be who you are through a series of events that took the right mixture of everything in the environment to happen.

Religion

In the beginning of time there was the heaven and Earth. Yes, this is the religious view of what love is, God created it. Religion would say that God gave you the ability to love. Placed it within you, and the fact that you found it brings you one step closer to him. And you are to use that love for God to spread it around to others who have not yet found him. So love from this angle places a spiritual belief on the affection.

Science

The Big Bang, which laid the initial foundation for what would be life on Earth. And yes, this is now the scientific reasoning for what would lead to life then love. Science would say we had love in us already, and the ability to connect to each other as a species showed how we unlocked that love. Now, to go further, the establishing of communities, raising offspring, and building meaningful intimate relationships along with connecting as a species is what helped us thrive thus far on this planet. Scientist would state that love is evolutionary, taking on meanings and changing as time went on.

MANY CHANGES

As with religion and science, both have something in common, and that is how love evolves. Love will evolve and continue to evolve. Years ago, people were saying meeting someone online for a date was scary. But now, people are getting married from online relationships. We are deep into our mobile devices, but that will change how we love as well. More people are scoping our social media as a means to get to know you rather than speaking initially to you. So as love changes, so will our world.


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LIFE ON HOLD: HAVE YOU HAD TO HOLD OFF ON YOUR DREAMS TO CARE FOR OTHERS

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“They had to come first.”


As a child to a single mother, I would always hear how she wanted to do so much in her life. But having children at such a young age, mixed with not having the support system she needed, she was unable to do so. Now in her 50’s, and no children to care for, she is embarking on more things she was never able to do when she was young. And that’s what brings me to the topic today. Have you ever had to put your dreams on hold for something or someone else. For my mother it was her three children, but for someone else it could be something different. We as people sacrifice so much of ourselves in the name of helping other people. A move which I do not plan on doing in my life because it derailed so much of what my own mother wanted to accomplish in life.

But it is really that easy to say? What if I became a parent, and now so much of what I wanted to do I couldn’t? Does that mean I have to completely give up everything? Well, yes and no at the same time. Because yes, you do have to give up a lot when you start having children. But I also think that is your obligation to make sure your children have someone that they can look up to as well. Meaning, your outlook on life will ultimately effect the way your children see the world. I have always been curious about the world that we live in because my mother has had such an open worldly viewpoint. We didn’t just watch a bunch of nonsense as children growing up in her household. We would go to the library, watch the History channel, Discovery Channel, and National Geographic. She would open us up to new things and people different than ourselves.

So for me, every time I start a new project I think about my mother. She was not able to do so much, I do things for that reason. Not that reason alone, but it always sits in the back of my mind. See, it’s easy for me to look at life in the scope of not having to care for anybody but me. I am single with no children, so the sky is the limit. But at one point in time, those people with others they have to look out for, such as their children, were in my current position. But, is it always about children? You have adults taking care of other adults as well. Which is something I am not doing as well. I receive aid from home because I am making strides in my life. But caring for an able-bodied adult who does not want anything out of life, not my problem.

See, in the end, at times we give up our lives to aid people who might be sick, to a child, or because we think it makes us admirable to do so. I understand the children aspect because they didn’t ask to be brought into the world. But you going to work caring for adults who are just as capable of working is not your problem. They have to go out into the world and earn as well. To many people are putting lives of others over themselves when they shouldn’t. You have your immediate obligations which are your children, and parents; everyone else is not an immediate obligation. And it is on them to figure their own life out.


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MONOGAMOUSLY LONELY: WHAT’S KEEPING YOU OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP

Midsection of Couple Holding Hands at Beach Against Sky

“We all have relationship fears.”


How many of you reading this post are single? Now how many of you are reading this post who are single and afraid of commitment? And that question is the question that so many people have to ask themselves. Not only so many people, me as well. I think that we are afraid of commitment because we don’t want to be cheated on, let others down, and our fears that someone is depending on us. Having to look outside of yourself to care for another human being is tough. And I don’t mean just being parent. Because you have some great parents who are bad boyfriend/girlfriends and spouses. So why is it so tough to commit?

Like I said above, one reason has to do with not wanting to have to deal with infidelity. No one wants to be cheated on because it’s such a deflating feeling. The feeling of not amounting up to the other person’s potential. Or the feeling that you are not as great as you thought you were. It’s those insecure feelings that make people possessive in relationships. And that Image result for infidelitypossessive nature might actually push a person away just as fast as the neglect. When in relationships, you have those self-conscious feelings and doubts about the other person. You’re so insecure at times, that you’ll create cheating scenarios in your head. Scenarios of what the other person might be doing, which prompts you to go snooping for answers. And trust and believe, you’ll find something, no matter how small.

Another reason people have a hard time committing is that you don’t want to be in a position to let others down. We have to meet certain expectations that when single you don’t have to meet. When single, you can be a little more lazy; kick up your feet and relax. When in relationships, you always have to have your A game on. So in the relationship, you have to work, Image result for commitmentalmost like being the popular kid in school. Work to get in, and work to stay in. And it’s a gig that does not monetarily pay. Can you image how successful relationships might be, if there was some type of monetary gain for remaining together? But then again, if you need money as a motivator, you probably don’t like the other person anyways.

But what about the last fear on my list; having someone depend on you to get something accomplished. When you’re single, you depend on you, now you have another person to work your schedule around. You now have to make sacrifices to your life, that you otherwise don’t have to make. It’s a Image result for dependenttough adjustment, especially for a guy like me whose used to being single. Now, let’s add another addition in the mix; a child. What happens if a child is produced in the relationship? Now the responsibility of another life is fully dependent upon you. There is no out once a kid comes into the household. So you are now forced to deal, not just for a few years, or even 18 years, but for life.

In the end, operating in a relationship is tough because it requires you to give up, take on, and accept so many things out of your control. You’re no longer belonging to you, but obligated to someone else. You have to now ask before you make a decision rather just making it. And if the other person is not comfortable, you may have to forgo the decision. That’s right, you compromise. One of the hardest decisions to make is to compromise. Giving up what you want, for the “potential” of success in this new situation.


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MOTHER’S DAY: WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO YOU?

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“Having a mommy is such a gift.”


Today as everyone knows is Mother’s Day. Everyone across the country is in on this celebration to gift thanks to their mothers for all that she has done for them. My topic today ask the question regarding what does this day mean to you? What is it about this day that sets it aside from so many other days in society? We have special holidays like Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, yet this one is the celebration of you having life breathed into you. So once again, what does this day mean to you?

See to me, this day is about not just celebrating my mother, but the women who helped to raise me as well. A few of these women have passed along now. They were my both my grandmother and great grandmother who babysat for my mother when I was a child. They used to watch over me until my mother came home from work. Then as I got older, I would go and sit at their houses with them. So, today I think about those women that help to raise me. But this day has other meanings to other people as well.

To someone who has lost a mother it is the day to remember all the things you and your mother shared with each other while alive. I have not lost a parent, but my mother lost my grandmother six years ago. And it still is unreal to not have her around. But that is why it’s important to give so much to people while here on Earth. No matter if it’s just a simple phone call because you miss that person’s voice when they are not around anymore. Yet death is not the only reason this day is important. What about the life’s lessons from mom.

When you are young you learn so many things from mom. The patients she has with you in guiding you in the right direction in life. All of these wonderful experiences are valuable to your future growth in life. It is the reason why you can face the world because of so much you learn from her. See, in the end, having your mother in your life is such a gift. There are still so many who don’t and for them it’s a tough life to have. I couldn’t imagine life not ever having my mother who taught me so much. But for those that do, hold on because today could be the last you have with each other; make it count for something.


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YOU CAN’T CHOOSE ‘EM; FAMILY!

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“We are not what we used to be.”


We can’t pick them, we can’t get rid of them; and that is our family. The problems we face in life are challenging enough, but what about trying to appease the people who are closest to you. How about trying to live your life while they stand on the sidelines and judge. Sad to say, but sometimes these are people who can become more of a burden on your life than complete strangers. But why, why are families so much more tougher than others in society? Why is that these are the main people who you should be able to depend on the most that are the ones you have to sometimes protect yourself from the most?

Well, for starters because people feel that since you and them carry the same bloodline that constitutes they have a say in your life. Yes we are connected biologically, but we mentally we are different people. Just because we are spawn from the same lineage does not mean you know everything there is to know about me. As a matter of fact one of the reasons why relationships last so long is not just because you admit when you’re wrong and love your significant other. It has a lot to do with the idea that when you two have problems in the household you don’t pick up that telephone to call your family. Because family members are going to give you advice based on their own personal situations not what is good for you in life.

Where does this entitlement that since we are related you’re owed to something come from? Because every family has that mind-frame, why? In my opinion, I think people have that mind-frame because the meaning of what family is, is a very ambiguous meaning. It all depends on the person who is interpreting what is family. To one person, family does whatever it takes to help each other, some believe tough love is the best method. I look at family as everyone pulls their weight. Meaning if I have milk, you have cereal, this person has bowls, and this person has utensils, then “WE” can eat breakfast. Family is not for a single person or few carrying the load of all. Because usually what happens is if that person is longer around, the family dynamics collapse.

See, in the end, your family are not something you choose, but it’s what you’re born into. But that doesn’t mean  just because we have the same bloodline we know everything about each other. In addition, you shouldn’t tell family everything as well. Some things are mean’t for them not to know and some things are mean’t for them to know.


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HE-SECRETS AND SHE-CRETS: IS THERE ANYTHING YOU CAN’T TELL YOUR SPOUSE

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“Have anything you can’t tell your significant others?”


Cell phones face down, no access to each other’s passwords on computers, as well as personal experiences the other does not know about you. Is there anything that is too personal to tell your spouse. In my opinion there is nothing you can’t tell them. But people say all the time that your spouse shouldn’t know everything. But I have always wanted to know, what are those things they shouldn’t know? It just seems odd that there is something you can’t talk about that you can’t tell someone you plan on being with forever. So let’s observe those things we possibly couldn’t talk about.

What about looking through your phone, is your phone off limits? This makes sense considering you don’t want your phone in the hands of just anybody. But your spouse is not just anybody. But there are things in your phone that may be open to interpretation that are not quite what they seem. Meaning, you might look into your spouse’s phone and see a text or email and interpret in a manner that is not what you think it is. You don’t want an argument to start over something so innocent. So keeping a secret about having a friendship with someone of the opposite sex is tough to tell your spouse. Yet, are there any other reasons as to why you would keep something from a significant other?

Another secret that you might see as keeping from your spouse is certain health situations. This may sound odd to keep your medical information from a spouse. But if it’s not anything serious, maybe you don’t think your husband/wife need to know. This may ring true because you may tell them something that they become worried about. It is not worth worrying your spouse over something that is not that serious. But, are there any other reasons you may keep secrets from your spouse that you feel they should not know? Well, what about you taking money from the household?

Taking money from the household, really! Why are you taking money  from the household? Well, it depends upon why you’re taking money from the house. Not everything needs to be reported if it is in the best interest of the household. Interestingly enough, there are people that feel that house decisions need to be made with both you and the other person. Now, on the other hand, isn’t marriage about having to keep secrets. Shouldn’t everything be on the table? Why are we planning on being with each other for the rest of our lives, yet have all these secrets? So in my opinion, I have a different view on the most recent topics in this passage.

Let’s observe the phone being off limits. There are people whose phone will ring and yell at their spouse for answering the call. To me that’s odd that an argument would transpire over something so ridiculous. As far as the health situation, you should not keep health issues from your spouse. The reason to have disclosure for health is because your spouse takes over in the event something happens to you. So they should always be in the loop regarding your health issues. Now taking money from the household can be an issue because inside the house issues take place first. If you’re taking money from the house, then you should always inform your spouse. In house concerns are not taken care of, then money should  not be leaving the house.

In the end, there shouldn’t be anything you can’t discuss with your significant other. But people feel there are boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed, and the ones I outlined are a few. See it’s all about your communication with the person. You have to know the person you’re dealing with, so as long as you do, you should be ok.

Cherish Today: Moments You Can Never Get Back

Have you ever been sitting around thinking about the person close to you who is deceased? Have you ever asked yourself, “If only I had one more year, one more month, one more week, one more day, one hour, even a minute.” “If only I had said what I wanted to say before they left.” “If only we would have reconciled.” The regrets continue to pile up because people realize that we are not here forever, yet we never take the opportunity to fully be apart of each others’ lives. We say, “I want to call this person, but I’ll contact them later.” Then, once the person passes and tomorrow never comes, we regret. “How come I didn’t pick up the phone and call that person.” We never pick up the phone just to say hello, how are you doing.

In my life, I have lost a few people that were major in my family: my father’s mother, my mother’s mother and grandmother. When someone is alive, visiting them is not of immediate concern because what the hell, I’ll see them this weekend. I remember when my mother’s mother passed we were planning for Thanksgiving. Bringing together ideas for food and where it would take place. The night of Halloween, she passes away and the next month is the first holiday without her. I often think about her as well as her mother who passed less than a year later; and my father’s mother a few years after. So when people pass, what you have from them are photos, memories, and hopefully a remembrance of their voice. But it’s never the same as when they were here.

This post does not only extend to parents and grandparents, but other family as well. Married couples who have been with each other for years rarely cherish those days themselves. They figure, “Hey, that person is in my life.” “We’ll see each other tomorrow.” You lose your spouse and now there is no tomorrow because you just thought they were going to be waking up next to you everyday. Not once did it go through your mind that it’ll come to an end. You knew it would eventually, but not so soon.

But why are we so regretful toward the end. A lot of it has to do with not spending enough time with them while they are here. It can’t all be about them dying. Because think to yourself, when is the best time to die? What, 40, 50, 100 years of age. You’ll be unhappy at anytime. My great grandmother passed and she was almost 100 years old, yet no one was ready for her to pass. My advice in the end, do what you can while the person is alive. These grandparents were individuals who played a vital role in raising me growing up. I miss them, but I have so many memories because they played part in my upbringing. From the minor things they did to the major, I remember everything. I have memories that will last a lifetime. I miss them, but I have no regrets. Just about everything I wanted to ask them in life I got a chance. So, make the most of today because it could be your last. Tell the ones’ how much you love them now, so it won’t follow you later.