ENTERTAINMENT BABYSITTERS: WHY DO WE EXPECT OUR ENTERTAINMENT TO CARE FOR OUR CHILDREN

Crescent Moon and Cloud Wind Chimes

“They have a job, but not raising our children.”


not their parents

Whenever I see parents get angry at the celebrities for letting their children down, it always struck me as odd. How did they let your child down? That i your job to let them down in life. If your child’s life crumbles because of the indiscretions of athletes or entertainers, then you as a parent failed somewhere. There is no reason why athletes and entertainers should be the driving force in your child’s life.

transfer responsibilities

A lot of parents unlike the past have to work nine to five jobs. Where as in the past the father worked and mom stayed home. Now there is little time to focus on the child because parents have to work. So now, more then ever, we are seeing the kid gain so much of their insights from the internet and entertainment.

Now is that the fault of the entertainer, no because their job is to entertain not teach. and parents have become upset that they are not able to have a career and have their children. So now, every single public figure now becomes the parent to the kid when the biological parent isn’t around.

maybe it’s you

Parents hate to admit that their child/children are the way they are because of bad parenting. But a lot of the problems that persist from parents is just that; parenting. Saying I have to work is not good enough because they are your responsibility. So no matter what, people will look to you as the parent. Because if you’re not going to shift blame for their success, don’t be so quick to shift blame for failures.


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GIVE EM THE FACTS: WHY MORE PARENTS SHOULD BE TRANSPARENT

adult, adventure, baby

“Tell them so they don’t figure out the hard way.”


Ever since I was a child, my mother made it her business to prepare my and sisters and I for the world ahead. And it was quite helpful, as I can tell you so far everything I was taught I have experienced. From dealing with people who try to get over, to dealing with jobs and the stress that comes with that as well. But my question which ties into the topic today is, why don’t more parents prepare their children for the real world? And I don’t mean raising them to be responsible and hard working. I’m talking about, with what you experience. Tell them in detail how society has impacted your life, and the real relationships you’ll encounter in adulthood. Most parents either tell children, “You’ll see,” or “work hard.” But these are very vague responses. They don’t provide much insight.

And what do I mean by providing a little more insight. Tell children how, especially when you get out of school, that your degree alone won’t help them get a job. Tell them how when you get out, chances are, you’re going to be working a job you hate initially. Landing a dream job takes more skills and more work. Explain to them how your supervisor may ask you to do something, and when you do that order in which you were given, the order fails. Then instead of the boss taking respectability for being wrong, they transfer blame onto you. Because their incompetence will cost them their job, they have to make you look stupid. And you can’t flip out on them because you will lose your job, and you need your job. So you learn to suck it up even when you’re right, and you grow to resent your job. Tell them the whole game.

Explain to them when they get in relationships that there is a control aspect to being in the relationship. Someone may want to have the upper hand in your life just because they are with you. And this may require detaching from them, and starting fresh with someone else. Tell your child how emotional people get once they start having sex, and how someone might try to use this as a means of controlling you as well. Know when to get out of a toxic situation and how. But while you’re teaching them this, make sure to tell them that you should never give anyone any bit of your time not willing to reciprocate. You don’t want to be your child’s friend, but make them realize they should come to you before their friend because you and only you are in their best interest. Also tell them how to manage their finances.

Teach your child that when you get a check, you don’t run to the store and spend, spend, spend. Living for today and not tomorrow is not smart. We might not wake up tomorrow is a reality, but plan for tomorrow, hell even next week even if it doesn’t happen. Money can be considered the root of all evil, but you need it to survive. So explain how you may or may not need wealth, but you don’t want poverty. And tell them how they can be somewhere in the middle. Teach them to know what they’re getting into before they get involved. Meaning, if you are comfortable with all the risk of making a decision, make it, but also live with it. And in the end, everything I have said was explained to me by my mother growing up. She spoke to her children like adults, not like her kids. We knew because she told us; so now I ask you, “Do you tell yours the truth?”


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IN THE FACE OF ADVERSITY: HOW DO YOU OVERCOME THE LOWS OF LIFE

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“The struggle is real, but you will get through it.”


For me, I grew up in a poor household with my two sisters where I was raised by my mother. And that was my adversity, but someone else’s adversity could be something different. No matter the adversity, we all have the ability to overcome any low point in our lives. For me, writing has been that thing that has pulled me through mentality. I have tried therapy, which came at a monetary expense that I can not deal with any longer. Then I went back to my writing, and the days where I was at my lowest mentally, I would push whatever I was feeling out onto my Microsoft Word Doc. And sometimes, when I was finished writing, I could see that at that moment I was in a very dark place. A place that from time to time creeps up on me, but now I have something to combat the situation.

Now, let me ask you, how do you overcome adversity? Or better yet, what are some ways that you can overcome your current situation. You might say to yourself, this is not a current situation, more so a past situation that I never got over. But as long as you’re going through it still, it’s current. As long is there has not been a successful step in dealing with your issues, then you are currently dealing. And all of what I have said in this paragraph has to do with the mental issues of life. Some days you’re off balance, other days you’re right where you need to be. Your mental state can sway from moment to moment. And if you have found a way like I have to deal, then fine, otherwise this topic is for you. The anxiety, the depression, the anguish, the guilt; everything that is the mind that is working against you.

Yet, everything is not tied into the mind. Sometimes your mind is healthy, but somewhere else in your life is low, and need to be brought up. Like I said earlier, I grew up poor, which is a socioeconomic situation so many deal with in America. But how have you overcome this economic issue? And if not as of yet, what are you currently doing to move yourself into another space? I know for me, I came from poverty, (didn’t seem like it, but we were) and could get a job just as my sisters today. But as much as I don’t want poverty for myself, I want a career I love which is what I am giving you in this moment: my writing. So what is your career pursuit that will aid you in your adversity removal? Do you know where to start? Have you started and having a hard time finding your way? If you have found your way, how did you get there?

See, in the end, we all have some pitfall in life. Something we are currently dealing with or something in the past that has caused our lives to hit a stand still. As with the photo of the man at the top of the screen pushing the boulder. We have some form of internal struggle that feels as if we are pushing a boulder uphill. When really, the boulder is well within our control. And a lot of times it requires us to get out of our own way, not removing the boulder. Because it is the us inside of us that need to be dealt with, not he illusion of a fixed object in our path.


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PURE DESPERATION: HOW MAKING DECISIONS IN THE MOMENT CAN LAST FOREVER

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“Don’t do now, what you might regret later on.”


Ever get the feeling that you need help right now. No better yet, you need help today, yesterday. So you decide to make a decision that is out of desperation. But understand something about desperation, and that is what you might do now could effect you tomorrow. I heard Hip Hop artist Master P make a statement regarding being signed as an artist. He was offered $1 million for a rap career, yet he turned it down. And he needed the money at the time because he only had $500 to his name. Turning the money away was smart for him at the time because now he’s worth close to $400 million. This may have never happened had he had taken the deal from none other than Dr. Dre at the time. A move which would make Dre even bigger now.

Then again, not everyone make desperate decisions that align themselves on the law side. Some people make desperate decisions that land them in a world of trouble. Now you’ve just made an in the moment decision that hopefully you bounce back from, otherwise you could go to jail for a very long time. And that my friends is what is called a shortcut leading to a dead end. Now, is the law being broken the only desperate situation you might find yourself in, in life. No, there are people who make decisions that might leave their moral judgment in question. You might be asked to perform a certain act that you desperately need, but could cost you your job later. For example, working on Wall Street, being asked to destroy some documentation that could lead to lawful repercussions. You destroy it up to keep your job, but find out you may not go to prison, but can never work in finance ever again.

Now, are you ready to lose your entire career over this moment. This happens all the time with doctors and lawyers. And everyday, someone loses their practice or license for aiding and abetting for some type of financial windfall. You see, in the end, are you ready to deal with the drawbacks of making these desperate decisions. Everyone want something in the now, but are not ready to deal with what comes with it. From bad business decisions to breaking the law; are you prepared for the consequences. And hopefully, the drawback is not too serious so you can recover, otherwise you have to take an “L” in whatever form it may happen to occur.


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A LESSON BEFORE DYING POSTS: WHY THE COMPANY YOU KEEP MATTERS

Image result for a lesson before dying

“The choices we tend to make in life.”


The above photo is of the historical fiction novel, A Lesson Before Dying. This book would later go on to be made into a motion picture played by Don Cheadle, Cicely Tyson, and Mekhi Phifer. A story about a young man sentenced to death for the killing of a store clerk and two of his associates. The film gave a really great depiction of the racial relationships of the South, as well as the harsh realities of growing up Black in the region. Now my topic today is how does ones’ choices influence their lives moving forward. Because in A Lesson Before Dying, all the main character had to do was pass on a ride with his friends.

We may all see it as nothing more than just a ride with some friends. Yet, in the film, there was something that made Mekhi Phifer, the young man sentenced to die, hesitate before getting in the car. Something in him knew he shouldn’t have been riding with those guys. It’s a feeling at times that we all have when being in the presence of someone we know we shouldn’t. It does not necessarily have to be a group of friends. You could be in the presence of family and a monogamous relationship. But the reasoning for Mekhi’s character getting into trouble is a story anyone can relate to; outside the racial premise of the film.

So many young men have been offered rides by their friends. Then get into the car and find out in the course of the ride, their friends have just committed a crime. How do you explain to the judge that you had no hand in the matter? The answer is, you don’t; and unless they state you had nothing to do with the matter, you’ll go to jail as well. Better yet, what happens when you ride somewhere and the people you are with commit the crime while you’re there with them? There is no way to plead your way out of that situation. In the case of A lesson Before Dying, the culprits died themselves, and Phifer was charged and executed for the crimes. In today’s society, you might be able to argue your way out, but not Jim Crow South.

Which brings me to my last reason point regarding the company you keep. You need to understand where you live and the laws as well. Southern laws are of the strictest laws in America. And what may be a slap on the wrist in one state is prison time in another. So in the end, you need to understand a few key words of advice. Watch the company you keep, be comfortable with decisions you make, and understand the place in which you reside.


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LIVE AND LET GO

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“Hard to forgive, but easier to go through life.”

You ever have someone in your life do or say something that you feel you can not let go of. But why, why hold on to something for so long, especially if your life is going so well. Is it worth holding a grudge? There’s only a few things in life that may be seen as unapologetic. If someone takes the life of someone close to you, I understand the anger. But what about other things: your parent walk out of your life at a young, your significant other cheats on you, or someone close to you steals from you. Is any of these prior options worth not speaking to them for a lengthy period of time.

Let’s observe one of the prior options. What about if a parent walks out of your life at a young age? Depends on the situation. How about a boy? Is it harder for males to accept not having one of their parents not in their lives? Usually it’s the father not present in the child’s life. Could you as a male forgive not having your father? Let’s see what you miss out on: not being shown how to defend yourself, walk into society with confidence, change a tire, shave, or deal with rejection. These are typical things boys learn from their fathers. Can you say I forgive you?

How about a girl? Can you as a woman forgive your father for not being there? Fathers are suppose to protect their girls and show them an example of what men to choose to date in life. Or what about her loosing her mother? There is so much a girl need from her mother to learn about womanhood and femininity. How can her father show her how to be a woman, when he’s not one himself? He can aid in her being responsible, but not being a woman.

Well should a male and female forgive their parent? There is a lot of things you  miss out on not having them around. But some people have went on to become more successful by not having that parent. Or, you might later on meet that parent and realize, they shouldn’t have been in your life after all. You should be thanking them for not being there. As a boy, you might be forced to witness your father abuse your mother. Or as a girl, witness your father cheating on your mother. Maybe sometimes it’s the best.

Well, what about if someone cheats in a relationship? For men, can you take back a woman that cheated on you in a relationship? Women are always taking men back when dating. Why is it so hard for men to do the same? We say women are the ones who are emotional, but our reactions make us more emotional. How about women? Can you take him back if he cheats? A lot of women are able to take him back. But there are still those women who say absolutely not. Now, can either one of you forgive for the cheating. Even if the relationship ends, can you forgive? It’s hard to forgive because it requires checking your ego.

Now, what about forgiveness when someone steals from you? Taking possessions of yours can be just as bad, if worst than getting cheated on. Because generally when people are stealing from you, it’s someone close. If a stranger steals from you fine, but family and friends can create a bind in your relationship. So how do you go about saying I forgive you. Well, I guess it depends on what they took from you. If it was something small, it can be forgiven, but what about major things? What about money that could jeopardize your living day to day? This may be harder because your life is now at stake. Some people can say forgive and forget, and some say never forget or forgive.

In the end, a clear conscious is crucial in your own sustainability. Because when you hold on to things that someone has done, it festers. The longer it sits there, the more it eats away at you. Because all you can think about is how they hurt you. It’s easier said than done. But in time, hopefully you find it in your heart to say sorry. Because you never want to stay mad at someone over something meaningless and that person dies. And you never get the chance to squash any beefs.

Bullying: Sorry Kids It Doesn’t Stop At Childhood

The topic of school bullying has been a subject of debate over the recent years. But it’s not your conventional that has taken hold in society. Cyber bullying is now added to the list of bullying categories. That’s right, now children are resorting to attacks via social media as a way to further ostracize and embarrass their fellow schoolmates. For the longest bullying has been a bigger stronger kid takes your lunch money and/or chases you home from school. Now kids are creating Facebook groups and posting Instagram photos of their schoolmate in compromising positions. Because it’s not enough for kids at school to see, now the world has to know.

You would think I would write about the negative impact this has on a child’s life. But I have chosen to write about the fact that it doesn’t stop after you leave school. The bullying doesn’t stop there, it continues into adulthood. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not bullying like loosing your lunch money or getting beat up, but people screw with you on more of a business level. Let’s take a look at celebrities for a moment.

A woman like Hollywood actress Leslie Jones faced such harsh criticism for her role in the new Ghostbusters film. What’s crazy is that people ganged up on her, but they would never attack a major boss at a studio. People attack those they feel they can touch.  We go after the athlete of entertainer because it’s an easy attack. We know we’re powerless to effect change at a much higher level. So in this regard it becomes easy to attack the face, rather than the boss. It’s easy to tell the public figure apologize, but not the guy higher up. That’s because it’s a bully mentality; only bullies go after people they feel they can touch, never anyone bigger.

Then that means bullying exist in other realms of society, like the workplace. The workplace has a high school sort of feel where everyone has their nuclear group. These individuals clique together, and disassociate from those not in their inner circle. They’ll at times get together in their group and gossip about those not in the group. Yet they utter words they’ll never say to the person’s face. But for some reason people feel since it’s impersonal and indirect it’s ok. But since we’re on the topic of work, why not upper levels of the workplace. That’s right, in the workplace, sometimes it’s not your coworkers, but rather the boss who screws with you on a more business level. For example, I was once asked on a job what process was I comfortable using. I wasn’t choosing a comfortable process, but one that was told to me. But confronting the matter could have gotten me written up. So you have to deal with the fact that your employer tries to make you feel incompetent.

Well let’s go a little bit deeper, how about relationships. Is their bullying in a relationship; of course there is? In relationships, your job is not to tell someone what they better do or don’t do, rather what you don’t go for in the situation. But for some reason men and women are dealing with someone controlling them; what they wear, what they eat, and when they leave the house. Yet since it comes from a loved one, we don’t perceive it to be controlling. When in actuality, they would never go attack someone seen as stronger.

So as you can see, bullying is not only in school, but other facets of life as well. We try to dismiss these occurrences, but they effect you more than school because it lasts longer. School is a small part of your life, but work, relationships; these are much greater in life. So I am not saying allow school bullying, all I’m saying is teach kids that these people will come bac full circle. And once you become an adult your life will encompass dealing with them. Maybe not fighting and having valuables taken from you, but more personal and business matters.