HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE: INTO THE MIND OF THE BROKEN

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“Thee broken hearted.”


WHO ARE THEY

Those who are the broken hearted people in our society come from a wide range of backgrounds. Some of them grew up with hurt and pain in their lives while others came across it later on. They have dealt with so much hurt that now they have put the shoe on the other foot. Yet when they decide to hurt people, they hurt those who are innocent. I guess to them they feel if it can happen to me, and nothing is done, why not anyone else.

INTO THE LINE OF FIRE

You see someone you’re interested in getting to know, yet little do you know, they are broken. You want to either be their friend or partner in a relationship, but they have been upset by others over and over again. Now you are about to be their first victim. You’re a good person, but damn, how did you all of a sudden become their target. Everyone else ran away, but you literally walked straight into their cross hairs. Now, you’re about to feel the full grunt of years of abuse. Strap in and prepare for lift-off.

GOING DEEPER

I remember watching a movie by filmmaker M. Night Shyamalan entitled, “Split.” The movie is about a man with split personalities who kidnaps three young females. Everyday, the girls come in contact with a different personality, until he kills three and leaves one alive. He was about to kill the third, but once he saw her deep cuts on the wrist, he stated, “The broken ones are always the purest.” The girl had sliced her wrist, a sign of some internalized pain. Turns out she had been molested by her uncle for years, who now has custody over her. The broken people’s hurt runs so deep, it can go back until childhood and last forever.

IN THEIR WAKE LIES CARNAGE

Problem with those who have been hurt is that they generally hurt others. Those people at times are so hurt that they hurt others, and the chain reaction leads to a society of damaged people. We never get into the minds of the hurt, the broken, the damaged. Because if you could see deep within them, they hurt, they cut their wrist, all because they want to turn people away from them. Hurt others and themselves so they don’t appear attractive so they can have an excuse to remain aloof. Yet what they really want is someone who truly loves, truly cares, sometimes, someone who is just as broke as them who understands why they hurt.


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ALL EYES ON YOU: WHY YOU THINK SOMEONE IS ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT YOU

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“Why we think they’re all laughing.”


Why at times in our minds when we walk into a room, do we think that everyone is watching us or talking about us? This inner feeling that the people around us have this feeling that they don’t want to express how they feel, but it’s present. This mentality that someone or everyone is watching you may not be as serious as you may think. It can be a real mental problem that you as that person have that you have to work out internally. Well, why might we feel this way even from some of the most confident people?

A reason we feel this way is because there is something wrong with us that we know exist. And if someone is intently looking at us, then they have figured out the thing that is wrong. And if they figured out the thing that is wrong without our input, then what else do they know that I haven’t told them. When you are uncomfortable about something that you hope no one knows about, it can be a very debilitating feeling. This feeling can keep us from making friends, dating, or even coexisting in our daily lives. So how do we combat this problem that we have built internally?

Well, you have to learn to be confident in who you are because people can feel it. When you lack confidence, it’s almost as if there is a light bulb over your head that says I am unsure. So this light follows you everywhere because it is in your body language. From the way your head drops when you walk into a room or even how you talk without letting people fully hear what is coming out of your mouth. Your entire aura speaks I am not sure of myself. And what person is uninteresting enough to want to be around if they feel this way.So if you want to stop feeling this sense of internal insecurity, you have to address the real issue. The real issue may be something you’re hiding that you don’t want others to see or know.


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WHY DO SOME PEOPLE TEND TO WANT TO HOLD ON TO INTERNAL PAIN

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“Why hold on when you don’t need to do so?”


Holding on to internalized pain is something that so many people do on a daily basis. And I am not referring to the people who seek out therapy as means of getting out of a dark place. I am referring to the people who can change their lives. The people who can move from a place of pain and live a good life on the other side. They refuse to do so because in some weird way it makes them unique to say that they have this problem. It’s a way to get attention from those around them. And if they cure themselves of whatever it is they’re going through, then what are they to do now. So they hold on to their problems because they never want to feel like they’re not special.

Only problem with these types of people is that they actually start to annoy the ones close to them. At first, everyone was trying to help them. And loving the attention makes this person stay in that mind-frame. But after a while, those that cared about you will eventually give you an automaton. That’s when you realized that you have gone from being someone they wanted to help to a burden on the family. This could ultimately be the wake up call that some people need in life. But there are still others that are the “me” people who you just have to separate yourself from; for good. They will only further cause you to become more enraged by their lack of taking responsibility for their actions. Now my question is, “Where does it come from within that makes a person want to hold on to pain besides a fear of not being special anymore?”

Another reason people who can change choose to still hold on is because once you release you’re expected to do better in life. Putting yourself in the know means leaving behind how you once thought to move into this new space of peace. So many want to not only stay in their place of turmoil, but want you to join them. Now why would anyone want someone else or many people to join them in turmoil? The reason being that no one wants to live alone wallowing in in their own garbage. They love to see not only other people with them, but other people who are successful.And success is important because if the once successful person is now wallowing in garbage, now that is confirmation in the hurt person’s head that thank God they didn’t attempt at life to change. Because in the end, who truly want to look in the mirror and say I have a problem and it starts with me. Yet, the more you are able to, the more you move into a space of internal peace.


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TEARFUL MOMENTS: EVER FIND YOURELF CRYING OUT OF NOWHERE

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“The hurt and the pain, yet where is it coming from.”


Do you have mood swings that cause you to cry at times out of nowhere? You’ll be performing some task, or even casually walking up the street. I had one of those moments today while at work. And to keep people from asking what’s wrong, I turned my back to them. But now that my shift is over at work, I had forgetton about the instance until now. So what was it that made me go through this moment of emotional low? Is there some sort of imbalance in life? Or, is it a sign of something deeper? It can be uncomfortable to tear up out of nowhere. Because when someone asks what’s wrong, you can only say nothing. Making up a lie will only mean creating a new lie at every pass. So you have to ignore people until you get over this emotional low.

What’s even creepier at times is that you conjure up an image at times that never took place. And then you might cry just thinking about what if it were true. For example, you play out a scenario of yourself getting sick and breaking the news to your family. Then you cry just thinking about all the people that would get hurt by your sickness. What’s creepy is that you’re not sick. You just made it all up in your head for the sake of feeling hurt about something. Sounds like some sort of mentally ill sickness. And you would be right, but this is uncomfortable for so many to talk about because there is a psychological aspect to it. No one wants to think of themselves as crazy, but what could it be? Why would anyone want to cry for the sake of crying even when life is going well? I have a few suggestions as to why.

One of the reasons we lean on emotion is because we may lack emotions at times. This forcing yourself to be emotional even at irrational times makes us feel alive. I know I am not someone who shows a lot of emotion. So I’ll think of a strong memory, and from that comes tears. But it does not always have to be about feeling hurt. Some times you might find yourself crying about something good that is or going to happen. You get this weird euphoric feeling and then comes the tears. I have also had this before in my life as well. And all these different emotions like I said prior have some type of psychological implication connected to them.

In the end, emotions are real and they are what make us feel alive. No matter if the emotion is brought on by hurt or pain; or if you get the feeling to rejoice. And rejoice is interesting considering we always associate crying with feeling sad. But don’t be alarmed regarding your mental stability. Involuntary crying is more natural then you think.


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IN THE FACE OF ADVERSITY: HOW DO YOU OVERCOME THE LOWS OF LIFE

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“The struggle is real, but you will get through it.”


For me, I grew up in a poor household with my two sisters where I was raised by my mother. And that was my adversity, but someone else’s adversity could be something different. No matter the adversity, we all have the ability to overcome any low point in our lives. For me, writing has been that thing that has pulled me through mentality. I have tried therapy, which came at a monetary expense that I can not deal with any longer. Then I went back to my writing, and the days where I was at my lowest mentally, I would push whatever I was feeling out onto my Microsoft Word Doc. And sometimes, when I was finished writing, I could see that at that moment I was in a very dark place. A place that from time to time creeps up on me, but now I have something to combat the situation.

Now, let me ask you, how do you overcome adversity? Or better yet, what are some ways that you can overcome your current situation. You might say to yourself, this is not a current situation, more so a past situation that I never got over. But as long as you’re going through it still, it’s current. As long is there has not been a successful step in dealing with your issues, then you are currently dealing. And all of what I have said in this paragraph has to do with the mental issues of life. Some days you’re off balance, other days you’re right where you need to be. Your mental state can sway from moment to moment. And if you have found a way like I have to deal, then fine, otherwise this topic is for you. The anxiety, the depression, the anguish, the guilt; everything that is the mind that is working against you.

Yet, everything is not tied into the mind. Sometimes your mind is healthy, but somewhere else in your life is low, and need to be brought up. Like I said earlier, I grew up poor, which is a socioeconomic situation so many deal with in America. But how have you overcome this economic issue? And if not as of yet, what are you currently doing to move yourself into another space? I know for me, I came from poverty, (didn’t seem like it, but we were) and could get a job just as my sisters today. But as much as I don’t want poverty for myself, I want a career I love which is what I am giving you in this moment: my writing. So what is your career pursuit that will aid you in your adversity removal? Do you know where to start? Have you started and having a hard time finding your way? If you have found your way, how did you get there?

See, in the end, we all have some pitfall in life. Something we are currently dealing with or something in the past that has caused our lives to hit a stand still. As with the photo of the man at the top of the screen pushing the boulder. We have some form of internal struggle that feels as if we are pushing a boulder uphill. When really, the boulder is well within our control. And a lot of times it requires us to get out of our own way, not removing the boulder. Because it is the us inside of us that need to be dealt with, not he illusion of a fixed object in our path.


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SEEKING VALIDATION: THE IMPORTANCE OF SELF-RESPECT

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“You don’t need, you just want to fit in so bad.”


Throughout my life, I never understood the need people have to fit in. And I don’t mean fitting into a society as a human. I mean fitting into these peer groups so that we don’t feel like we’re being left out. We would rather belong to a group that dictates how we live than to be free and be alone. Because who wants to live this life alone. But there is a far cry between being alone and lonely. Celebrities have people all around them and at times they are lonelier than those with no one around. So why do people feel like they need to fit it rather than treating it as a want.

It starts when we are young in school. The children ostracize you from the group if you are awkward. And what is defined as awkward is the kid that does not do what all the other kids are doing. So if you are a kid that walks to the beat of your own drum, you’re a loser. You’re a lame for not wanting to fit into the construct. The kids talk about you and laugh like you’re one of the weird kids. But this does not stop at childhood. It continues on into your teenage years and into adulthood. So we as adults say school bullying is wrong and then bullying takes on a new form once you become adults. People start to play with your head on a more business level. But we still have not gotten to the depths of why it matters to be validated so much.

And the reason being is that we as humans yearn for some form of companionship. And at times we are willing to subjugate ourselves to torment for that companionship. Because we all have these self-conscious feelings internally that we don’t want exposed to the world. This feeling that if we are exposed then no one will want to ever be around us. Yet if we all have it, no one can talk about anyone else. Then again, internal shame keeps us in check and adhering to each other. Maybe at a young age I was a different type of kid. Then again I am a different type of adult. And as an adult people respect you for who you are, not what you’re trying to be.

See, in the end, validation is proof that you are who you think you are; but only by way of how others see you. So you’re the greatest when people love you, and not so great when they reject you. Your identity should be your identity, not someone’s else’s vision. And what’s even more interesting, people, who are heads of these peer groups do as they wish. The more popular person sets the tone for everyone else. Which is a reality that we see throughout life. The head says something, and even if we disagree, we agree for the sake of fitting into the group.


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INTERNALIZED SHAME: WHY IT HURTS TO LIVE YOU IN SOCIETY

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“We all have it, but can’t admit it.”


In our society there is so many taboos that we live with in and around us. But there is one thing we hate to admit. And that is the things we like that make us who we are, yet there is shame connected. Connected because if people found out about the real us, it would make us uncomfortable. What’s interesting is that we all have something, yet we can’t openly talk about it. People who can, we admire them facing the society we live in head-on. We say these people are the ones that are living their truth. But why is it so hard for us to live our own truths?

It goes back to the taboos in our world. But what are some of these taboos that make us have this internal shame. An obvious one is the sexual things we like in our private lives. These things such as being attracted to the same sex. Or not just attracted to the same sex, but engaging in certain activities with the opposite that still may be defined as taboo. It makes us uncomfortable to talk about it. And anyone who brings up certain conversation around our thing we like, we veer away from them. But it still doesn’t change what you are and who you are. When the lights go out and you’re behind closed doors, you do what you do. Still, sex is one, but not the only action where shame is involved.

In society, we also converse a certain way because we don’t want to be shamed. So you adjust the way you talk just to fit into the dominant society. Then, when you are away from the people who you are forced to fake around, you show the real you. And if the people you fake around ever saw you in your element, then it might make you uncomfortable. You’re only being what they want you to be to fit in with them. When in reality, you earn respect from people by being what you are, not what you portray yourself to be. Fitting into a stratus that you don’t belong in, will only last so long before it consumes you.

Well, why do we do it. If so many of us have something, why are we quick to attack others for theirs. One idea I came up with is that we like to hear other people’s dirt and make them try to feel shame because it makes us feel better about ourselves. Someone else’s misery can be of a good thing to you if you’re in a dark place as well. But that also ties into people wanting to know you have dirt so they can feel connected to you as a person. They need something about you to feed off of so they can say, “Wow, they’re just as imbalanced as I am at times.” But a big reason is the hypocrisy of we don’t think people are watching us. We live in our own dirt and get so deep into it, we lose sight of how wrong it is and start to believe in our own bull.

In the end, the feeling of shame will always be there in an accepting society. Our country is more open than previous decades, yet the shame is still present. It will never go away, just because shame so ambiguous. You can feel shame about not only sex and behavior in society, but also other habits that are deemed less offensive, bu they carry some form of negative connotation. And with that, there will always be a demographic of people set aside waiting to judge.


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