GENDER SWAP: HOW THE EXPECTATIONS OF MEN AND WOMEN CHANGES

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“SHe-IM.”


expectations

As a man in society, I have always known from a young age that there are these expectations from us that are typically different than women. Funny because I was raised in a house with a mother and two sisters. You would think I was inundated with all these feminist viewpoints that I carry with me still today. Yes, there are ways I see the world that may be through the lens of a women via the women that raised me. But at the same time, they gave an honest feel for how the world actually works, not an illusion or from their own internalized disdain.

what is gender

When we observe what is gender, we have the definition which states that gender is the cultural and social differences that make up both males and females rather than the biological. Because the terms male and female are the biological words for the organism which either produces sperm or ovulates in the creation of an organism. Which means a women (gender) who is born female (sex) is so mutually inclusive because of the classification we give to the sex of a person. She is born female therefore she is a woman. And the same applies to a man. So in terms of the class and the biology, we are able to understand. But is everything so technical, or is there just an obvious aspect of all of this I have explained?

“outlined” expectations “old and new”

The following at the bottom are the two genders and the two sexes, as well as their expectations and limits.

MALE

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  • Gender: Open doors for the woman on dates, protect and provide, being the voice for the son to lean on, sexual opposite, spiritual opposite, vocal
  • Sex: provide sperm, physically defined (shoulders, chest, arms, etc.), genitalia (penis), Y-chromosome
  • New Roles: Minimal house work, voice to both son and daughter equally, co-provider, limited protection, not always sexual opposite
  • New Limits: No new real change

FEMALE

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  • Gender: Care for children, stay at home, voice to the daughter, sexual opposite, docile, primp, silent
  • Sex: X-chromosome, eggs, physically defined (breast, hips, rear), genitalia (vagina)
  • New Roles: not always sexual opposite, working woman, voice to both son and daughter equally, co-provider, self-protection, independence
  • New Limits: No new real change, except some physical attributes (strength)

workable or not?

Now, will it work in the end; men and women swapping in society? Can the woman be the man and man be the woman? I think there are certain aspects of who we are that will, and others can’t change. The ones that can’t change are so deeply rooted in who we are that change is impossible. Evolution has made us into who we are that yes, we will try to manipulate the limitations of ourselves, yet it will prove to not work. But there will still be considerable changes in expectations.


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RAPE CULTURE: IS THIS A REAL ISSUE?

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“No still means yes, really?”


against her will

For eons, women have had to bare the grunt of being subjugated to sexual assault. Whether it’s on a job or even in their home lives; women have been targets for many sexual attacks. But what my question would be is if there is a real culture based around the idea that rape is alright to a certain extent. Because as men, we have an idea for what rape would be in our mind, but in a woman’s mind it could mean something different. Because to a woman, even if she thinks rape it can constitute as rape; which is a slippery slope when you’re a guy. But I am not even fully referring to that, I’m talking about a different type of culture in the mind of a woman.

playful assault

To a woman, when you’re being playful, she might be a little uncomfortable. You might be thinking, “Oh this is just fine, she’s just overreacting.” For example, walking up behind a female and giving her a hug when you are not in a relationship or close friends. That could be seen as uncomfortable and that woman could go into a space. She could go to a place in her mind that makes her feel violated. Now, if she is into you, then she may let it slide. That can be a tricky situation that you have to feel out, but can also put you in a position to make her feel uncomfortable as well. That’s why when you’re on a job, you have to be sure that you are not coming off as someone putting a woman in a weird situation. So when in doubt, be professional.

what is rape really?

Men in Hollywood over the past year have been losing their careers because of their sexual assault allegations from their female counterparts. Some cases have been force and others have been methods of coercion. But to a man, rape is holding a woman down against her will, and raping her. It is the way we have been taught rape is in our lives. No, no; rape if not sexual assault is trying to get a woman to sleep with you as a coworker where you’re above her in a position of power. She might sleep with you out of fear of losing her job, which can lead to you being in a situation. Sexual assaults can also be seen as a guy at a bar who won’t stop trying to get your phone number.

signs

So what are the signs if you’re a guy of rape from a woman. It used to be force, or of course underage sexual contact. But now in today’s society, the lines seem to be blurred. And when you look in in the history of society, we have cultivated this environment that have made it difficult for women to exist without having to watch her back. And biologically, women are less physically built than men, so they are already in a vulnerable position. But the only way this can be dealt with is through progress.


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GIVE HER A PUSH: WHY AREN’T WOMEN ENCOURAGED AS MUCH AS MEN

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“They need a push just as much as we do.”


us and them

In the United States, as with worldwide, men are encouraged in a different way than women. We are pushed out into the world sooner than women, and expected to take lead more than women. While women at young ages are told to stand on the sidelines and let men do the leading. The above photo is of COO of Facebook Sheryl Sandberg who wrote a book about this very topic. How women are not as encouraged as men, and why it’s harder for women to get raises on jobs like men. But is there just a social aspect to leading or is there a more biological reason why?

social reasons

When little girls are growing up, they are not encouraged to do as boys do. And I am not referring to going to school. I mean putting yourself in positions that get you hurt emotionally and at times physically. Then need to love ones self is not as strongly pushed so girls compare themselves to other girls in school and in the public eye. But we also never give girls the suck it up speech. When boys are young we’re told, “Shut up and suck it up,” “Deal with it.” You know as a guy early on that failure is apart of life because it’s been pumped into your head at such a young age. So when failure happens we charge it to the game. But girls, we cuddle them too much; treating them like they’re too delicate to handle hurt early on. Then women are tossed into the thralls of the world where people could care less and you get hurt. Now, taking lumps becomes new and a lot more difficult.

nature

On the other hand, we not only have the social reasons as to why women are not pushed like men, but the natural reasons. Nature plays a role because when a women is more likely to want to share a position than hold the top spot. Not just in work places, but also in monogamous relationships. Men not only want the top spot, but we are completely content with the idea that there are people underneath us. Especially in cases of dating where we want to be the one in control. Yet it’s harder for women to respect and love a man where she takes the lead all the time. But for guys, we like the lead.

progression in time

Women have taken on roles more and more over the years. But still, we don’t encourage girls as much as boys. So boys are more than ready to step into the world because we deal with the lumps at an early age. We don’t force girls to take their lumps at an early age. Girls are not forced to take loses, and suck it up and deal. But boys are taught that dealing is apart of manhood, so learn it now to prepare yourself for adulthood.


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FRIENEMIES OF AMERICA: WHEN YOUR ALLIES MIGHT ALSO YOUR ENEMIES

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“Ever get the feeling they hate as well?”


The United States have always been a place of constant conflict. No matter if it were related to ethnicity, religion, or gender. We have had these various social issues going back to when this land was under the control of Great Britain. But in today’s society the issues have been just as social, and directed at our new commander in chief. Since Donald J. Trump was elected president, there have been constant protest against him. The most recent controversy was last week when comedian Kath Griffin was pictured with a headless bloodied-face Trump. She has not only lost her CNN New Years Eve gig, but also a few sponsorships. But, pertaining to the people who dislike him, you ever get the feeling they are dishonest as well.

And when I say dishonest, I mean as it pertains to the same reasons they dislike the president. Trump is disliked for a number of reasons, but a few stick out the most: racial, gender, and religious. So are the people who hate him for these reasons, are themselves against the very groups that they accuse him of not liking. I pride myself on being a little more liberal than conservative, but I get the feeling the liberals are no different. I get the feeling that these liberals dislike Trump because they are afraid of their own disdain for groups poking through. What do I mean by their own held feelings about certain groups.

Well, for starters, the racial aspect of America. And when I say racial, I am obviously not pertaining to the human race, but more so how we use racial socially. You have these liberals that don’t like Trump, yet they are gentrifying Black and Latino areas, moving out groups. They are not built on keeping people and preserving culture. They remove the current culture, and adopt their own in the name of cool or trendy. Like changing the name of parts of Harlem to SOHA or Washington Heights NYC to Upper Manhattan. Yet these are the people with anti-Trump signs. They can’t see that they are the same as him, maybe even worse. They attack him for language, but their actions are far more detrimental.

What about the religious angle people on the left try to take. He is seen as xenophobic as it pertains to Muslims. But when I walk into the airport, even before Trump ran for president, people get uncomfortable with Muslims. And when I say uncomfortable, I mean the attire they sport. Mainly how the women are expected to dress. But the moment he comments on it, people get upset. But when I see the discomfort from people, it throw me off because he is supposed to be the xenophobic one. Not the liberals, they should embrace the diversity of people. Yet, there is something that is triggered when Muslim women and men are around wearing traditional garb. But what about the gender conversation?

In the United States, gender has always been a debate. But when Trump was caught in conversation regarding women, it became that much more controversial. It even prompted women in fashion to not sit next to his daughter Tiffany because of him. But then I started to think, don’t the fashion industry get criticized each year for campaigns that place unrealistic physical expectations on young women. Or the fact that they push against the use of women like Ashley Graham, a plus size model, on ad campaigns. That hypocrisy is something they have to be willing to shift as well. Can’t attack him, and continue to push into young women’s minds that they are not good enough because their bodies don’t look a certain way.

In the end, you are going to always have people who tell you not to do something, that they do themselves. We all use the excuse, “You’re held to a higher standard.” And that is true, but you’re also held maybe not to that equal standard level, but more so to that standard obligation. Meaning you shouldn’t be doing it, but he really shouldn’t be doing it. So on a scale of one to ten, he is a ten, but you’re still like a two or three. Don’t use someone else’s standard as a means to be rude yourself. If you feel he hates Muslims, don’t get uncomfortable around Muslims for that same reason. Attack is meant for things that he does that we don’t deem acceptable. Because a leader represents your country. Yet, if we are just as uncomfortable as Trump, he actually does represent the sentiment of the nation.


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DIVERSITY: ARE YOU REALLY OPEN AS YOU THINK YOU ARE?

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“We are not as open you may might think?”


The topic of diversity today has recently been on the forefront of the fight toward equality in America. Everywhere you turn, you hear we need more diversity, we need more diversity. We need more representatives of people in varying ethnic groups. Then we say, well what about women of all ethnic groups. And you also hear, we need more representation from the LGBT community. And lastly, of course you have the religious side stating how much they need the freedom to worship how they please. But how much diversity does society really want? It sounds good to say we are all tolerant of another group of people. Yet, are we really tolerant, or is it just another buzz word that will eventually go away.

Let’s observe what it means to be diverse in America. That term diversity is ambiguous depending on who is formulating the opinion. If you are speaking with a liberal White female, the topic of gender is the diversity argument. If the person is an African American man or woman, then diversity might fall along the lines of ethnicity. If the person is gay, then there need to be more LGBT geared initiatives. And if you are Muslim, then religion is big on your list. But how far do people really want to stretch their diversity? We all have these open views until it’s time to make a few choices in life: dating, raising children, choices for college, and choosing what neighborhood to live.

For starters, let’s observe the dating scene. People always say diversity, then when choosing to date outside of their ethnicity, the diversity claim starts to come under question. When it comes to employment we jump for joy, but not dating. And I know we have become more relaxed to the idea today than the past, but don’t be fooled, it’s still a problem to a lot of people. If we’re going to talk diversity, why not go all the way. We just had Barack Obama, our former President of the United States, who was a product of a biracial relationship. Yet there are still have people who even voted for him, preaching diversity, would prefer their children marry within their own ethnicity. That hypocrisy is hard to understand. But does it only extend to dating.

No, when it comes to raising children we are complete opposite. We are these liberals, until they are born. Once children are born, then everyone of us becomes raging conservatives. Living here in New York City, there was a story on the news where parents in Brooklyn were worried where their children would be going to school. None of them were screaming, “Yes, our children will be in a diverse school.” They were shook by how their children would be effected going to school with kids from the inner city communities. But why not send your children to the school? Because they’ll get a real diverse experience: lower, middle, and upper class students. A kid from every ethnic background. Yet it’s tougher than that because reality set in, and you know how detrimental it is to send your child to a rough school.

Well, what about education, and I when I say education, I mean college. We really hear liberal views coming from college. But I have heard in the Black community the idea of maintaining the HBCUs (Historically Black Colleges and Universities). But if we are on the diversity wave, there is no use for the HBCU’s. Why, well, HBCU’s were for a time when Black kids could not attend predominantly White institutions. Now, we are able to enroll at schools where we were once rejected from. So, the HBCU’s are now failing because of the lack of enrollment. Meaning, if you are from California and want to go to college, you can attend UCLA, USC, Cal U, or Stanford. Why travel all the way across the country to the south when a state school is right there; and the damn good one at that. So, diversity opens the door, yet it closes others.

But there is still one more area where we preach diversity, and that is living arrangements. We all talk about living in diverse communities, yet cautious to actually move to them. Like I said before, I live in New York City, and there is diversity in The Bronx. But so many people don’t want to move there. As a matter of fact, these same open liberals. Why not, The Bronx and Harlem are very diverse communities. Yet, the energy of the environment has a lot of people nervous. Me, I like the neighborhoods, but I see the caution on so many faces. Faces that have attacked Trump for his comments, don’t want to live around certain groups in certain neighborhoods themselves.

You see, in the end, we all say the words, yet how many actually live that way. Diversity is one of those overused words in America today, but when we actually make a move, then people become irritated. As a matter of fact, some of the same people who push the agenda. I myself am not against diversity, my only opinion is people want you to believe when they don’t. I say be the example, and be the first to jump out there. Don’t just state a feeling, live it.


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TRUTH BE TOLD: DO WOMEN REALLY WANT US ALL THE TIME?

“Do they really want us like we think they do?”


When observing monogamous relationships, we seem to think that it is men and not women who have a hard time being tied down. But, who’s to say that women really want to be with us. Or who’s to say they want us all the time. Women are typically the more emotional ones in the relationship, so we think that women are these sweet and innocent beings that only want us. Me, growing up around a lot of women in my life, you have enough conversations with them and realize that aspects of the previous statements regarding women are not all the way true. Well, you ask, what aspects of women am I referring to.

One of the aspects I am referring to is the notion that men are more sexual than women. Men are supposed to be more apt to cheat, but I think women think just as much as men do about infidelity. The only problem is that social norms in society frown on women being more sexual than men. But social norms and who we are biologically as humans are different. Women are expected to suppress feelings because it is socially immoral. Yet the internal feelings say something different. Women see plenty of men that they are attracted to, and yet never make a move. Now, outside of social norms, men generally are more impulsive while women observe a situation. But that’s the not the autonomous number of women and men.

Another aspect of women not being able to be at times who they truly want to be with us is the choosing method. When choosing a man, women would really prefer to be with someone who they love that loves them. But society tells you to be with a guy of a certain financial and educational means. You may not even want to be with this person, yet they have on paper what you are taught you should want from a man. I have always wondered do women really care, or do they “HAVE” to make excuses. Because women usually say, he doesn’t have this and this, but he has this other quality. Why do women have to point out the greater of what he does not have to uplift what he does have that is considered the lesser to where he could be in life. This has to do with a space of judging as well as biological.

I say biological because there is something very attractive about us as men when we are productive members of society. But it’s even more attractive to women when we start from nothing and build ourselves to something. Then again, society, once again, dictates a lot of how we live our lives. Women are expected to make excuses for what a guy lacks by stating he doesn’t have this, but has this. At times she really want to say, I wish he had this and this, so I wouldn’t have to choose between to the two (Oh, and by the way, it goes both ways). They would love to say, “Why can’t I be with a man who is successful in his career and can please me sexually.” Why must I say, “It aint all about the sex.” In reality she wants the sex and the career.

You see, in the end, women are expected to be the better of the two of us. They’re expected to be the moral compass of the relationship. It further feeds into the ideology of the woman’s way is the right way. Yet, since when is anyone right all the time. Sometimes she want you to be right about something. But when you live in a society that makes you feel like you are the face for what is right and wrong, where do you find time to be human? You need someone to be right in cases where you are wrong. You would really like to be overt sometimes, but you’re always expected to be nonverbal and passive. I will say that times are a lot different than in the past. But we still, even in a modern era, expect women to be the greater morally & ethically and the lesser sexually & emotionally.


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