TOXIC MASCULINITY OR FEMININITY: WHAT IS THE AGGRESSION REALLY?

Purple Liquid Poison on Brown Wooden Surface

“Manhood is not what you think.”


the aggression is real

Have you been hearing the phrase “toxic masculinity?” And if you have, do you know where it comes from? A lot of feminist may think that it is coming from growing up in such a male dominated society. But the reality is that the toxicity is worst today than in the past. Now most would say that is because men are losing power and women are gaining. This is in my opinion is not correct. Well, then the bad behavior stems from a history of bad things that males do in the name of boys being boys. In my opinion, I think that the emotions of so many young boys are not male but to a degree feminine. Now, what do I mean by this, well look no further than the boys who grow up without a father.

the ones without fathers

I grew up in a household where my mother raised my sisters and myself as a single parent. And when this happens a lot of times, the parent is not ready for the uphill battle of being a parent. One of those areas is when a mother has to raise a boy. She is more than prepared to teach her daughters the ways of society, but there are clear fundamental aspects about manhood that she cannot teach to her son. See you might think he has a good job, dresses nice, and talks nice, but that is just the basics of being a responsible adult. The animal that is man and the animal that is woman need to align with each other to work especially in a relationship. And because women are not aware of what really makes us who we are, boys make vital mistakes when trying to be boyfriends and husbands that can annoy and irritate a woman. It’s because we are still learning how to be men and the woman in our lives are the crash dummy.

from her through us

As a young child, my mother would cry when she was hurt so I cried. Her aggression was my aggression, and her happiness was mine. But then you step into society and realize, wait a minute, men and women don’t have the same emotions. Sure we cry and show happiness, but context means everything. Boys raised by mom tend to exuberate the qualities of mom which in turn are feminine. We get angry and react the same as women react. But real male anger in its most natural state is not overly aggressive, it’s actually poise until it needs to get to the point of aggression. For example, a woman argues with a man, he typically stands there not saying much, which annoys her in the argument. Rest assured, he is angry, but only after a while does his energy match the woman’s because it has been brought to that point. Boys who go straight to aggression don’t have the male who understands male aggression to calm him appropriately. And a lot of times we boys raised by mom grow full blown from moms imagination. So the energy is not masculinity, it’s feminine energy. It is scary and masculine because our bodies are stronger and voices are deeper, yet it’s feminine emotions. And a boy with emotional reactions he has seen mom exuberate used in society is more dangerous than a girl stepping into society with the same emotion.

the prisoners rationale

Now, for those still unsure as to what I have said prior, look at prison inmates. For the ones who get turned out in prison, or taken advantage of sexually. You would be surprised how many of them carry that aggressive energy. A lot of the time they do. Well, why would a guy who is that aggressive be seen as a prey to another man? Here is why. Because when a man is kept back and observant he is unpredictable. When a guy is rough and aggressive, society sees him as scary, but a guy in jail sees feminine energy. He’s exemplifying female sexual energy that little do he know has caught the attention of another man. And if we know anything about that energy, when you crash and you will crash from that high, the human is capable of being manipulated. This is why women take the man back over and over again in relationships. Prisoners can manipulate that crash and before you know it, you are in a world wind romance being comforted by a significant other. A relationship has been cultivated unbeknownst to yourself because you had not masculine energy, but unchecked feminine energy manipulated by a real man who knows where it came from.


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GENDER ENCOURAGEMENT: WHY AREN’T GIRLS PUSHED LIKE BOYS IN SCHOOL

Photo of Four Girls Wearing School Uniform Doing Hand Signs

“We need them as much as we need us.”


girls! girls! girls!

In schools, we have always encouraged the boys more than we have encouraged the girls. When the hard work must be put in, we have always told the boys, this is what you should be doing. Then leave the less strenuous work for the girls. And that is a major aspect of why boys have become more successful than girls over time in school. And also in life the boys have gone off to do great things because you have to be pushed. You have to deal with a great deal of hardships and go through some suffering and pain.

lean in

Current Chief Operating Officer of Facebook Sheryl Sandberg wrote a book about why we should push young girls, why young girls don’t get the same encouragement as boys, and why girls become women who are not prepared for the world ahead. In an article written in 2013 for ABC news entitled, “Top 10 Facts You Don’t Know About Girls’ Education,” a list of reasons was outlined as to the effects young girls deal with on a daily.

  1. 65 million girls are not in school globally
  2. Of the 123 million young people between ages 15 – 24 that can’t read or write, 61% are female.
  3. Half of children not in school living in conflict-ridden countries are 55% girls
  4. Over 70 million children unable to have basic education in world; and over half are girls

giving motivation

How do we get them to be as great as the boys? We first have to start off by not cuddling them more than the boys. And yes, there is a certain softness that men and women have with their daughters than their sons. But we have to be careful how much because the world is not a soft place. And if we are too sensitive, then it’s going to be a culture shock when these girls step into the world.


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FEMININE PLIGHT: WHY IT’S HARDER FOR WOMEN TO FIND MARRIAGE THAN ME

bride, cake, ceremony

“They need more than we do.”


When seeking out a potential mate in a relationship, I am quite lucky to be a guy in society. As a man with two sisters, I can tell you first hand that the life of a woman is a hell of a lot harder when choosing a mate than men. And the reason why I say that is because it’s almost like men are this lottery ticket that they (women) need to scratch to see if we’re worth something. Men can hold on to a lotto ticket that is less valuable and it not reflect on us in society. So a man can look for a woman outside of her accomplishments, while the woman choose based on his treatment of her and his accomplishments. We are more inclined to be able to sway while it’s harder for women. Why is that, is it that women have to maintain a certain decor that we don’t; is it societal or biological.

Well, there is a biological and a societal aspect of women choosing men to be in relationships. The societal reasons why has to do with how we over time have constructed our civilizations to make women choose. If you are a very successful woman with a less successful guy, then a question of your standards comes in play. A man can be a CEO in a relationship with a school teacher, yet it’s harder on the flip-side. Number one, him lower than her on the financial totem pole is hard for her because women are told in society that he need to be somewhere near her. She is seen as irresponsible and he is seen as lacking as a man. But we are totally aloud to be with a woman with less, and at times nothing at all. So as much as we think we’re in this new equal space its still not so. But where does nature lie in the choosing of a mate.

A lot! Nature plays a major role in how women have to choose as well. A man who is more successful and more productive is naturally seen as more attractive. Why, well from a nature response there is a procreating piece that women start to think about in regards to having a family. His productivity and efficiency is stable enough to start a family with him. There is a physiological action that takes place internally that women shut down a lot quicker than men. So when a man approaches a woman, they (women) quickly start to process their response, constantly thinking forward as to their response because of their vulnerable position. And the older the woman get, the harder it becomes to find a mate because there are so many social stigmas attached to why she is not married with children.

In the end, men are like pretty girls when we are successful. And at times, more beautiful than the women who want to be with us. Meaning, we have the key to what you want in us. You need a man whose doing something and going somewhere in life. We can have and we cannot have it. So for the woman it’s a tougher go, and a lot of women settle for someone she never thought she would be dating. Then there are the group who just spend their lives dating around and never marry and have children. They become a second mom to their nieces and nephews if they have them. All because the guy she wanted is not at her level or near. Meanwhile we choose when we want and how we want, and it’s all a matter of how we feel about her as a woman, not necessarily where she is at in her career.


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I GOT YOU: DOUBLE STANDARDS OF WOMEN AND MEN IN RELATIONSHIPS

hu

“Ever wonder what happens when we flip the script?”

Ever wonder what would happen if there were full on gender role reversals in society? But what about only changing certain aspects of society as it pertains to gender? What about if women had to ask men out on dates? What if women were the main breadwinners? What if women had to deal with losing the majority of time in child custody or divorce proceedings? This topic came to mind over all the upset over Kylie Jenner being accused of taking financial care of her boyfriend Hip Hop artist Tyga. But women always say they can do what men can do, what’s the problem?

Number one, going back to my question about being the breadwinners, in my opinion it’s harder for women to be the main source of income. For women, there is a deadline for you to get on your feet before the relationship dissolves. You sometimes find men who lose the woman he’s with over money. But that’s the average guy, what if the man is upper middle or even upper class? Kylie has more money and women say, don’t take care of some man. But a man with her money who takes care of his woman is considered a good man. I mean, aren’t feminist trying to eliminate these double standards in society?

Which leads into my next explanation regarding asking men on dates. I live in New York City, I wonder how women would go about asking us on dates. I also wonder how women would fair with the rejection aspect. Considering a lot of men have to approach a woman more than one time to get her to notice him. How would a woman win us over if we reject you initially? What would be a method you use to get us to notice you? For instance woman approach man, he says not interested. How do you make him interested? Because that is something we have to do, is make you want us, meaning be desirable. How do you as a women drive desire from a man who doesn’t want to be with you?

That would be a very interesting experiment to see conducted by women. But how about something different. How about we are currently ending a relationship such as in the case of divorce? What do you think about women paying us a divorce settlement so we can keep our standard of living? Soulful singer Mary J. Blige is currently going through this situation. Her ex-husband is seeking $120,000 per month in spousal support to maintain his living because she made all the money. Women say that’s unfair, why should she have to care for him; you mean how we have to care for you when the relationship ends. Which leads me to believe that women are not all in on this role reversal.

There is an aspect of this role reversal that’s not honest. Women always say we can do anything men can do, but are always the first to reject women to live by this ideology. An older man date a younger women, it’s fine. Women say we can do it, and the first time a woman does, it’s another woman who attacks her. Remember, women are the ones who attack Jenifer Lopez for dating a much younger man. So what is it about women who say they want to eliminate so many roles, but attack the women who do change.

My theory is that women and men like what we like. Nature never lies and we respond accordingly. But we have these social agendas, yet it’s not an internal feeling. Women typically attack other women for actually living that agenda because it’s not what women do. So why adhere to these agendas? The reason being is that so many women fought for you to have the rights you do today, yet you really don’t feel certain ways they feel. You don’t want to show a divide in the faction, but it ultimately manifest itself in the end. Because when the agenda becomes real, now everyone is held to something that is not a true gut feeling.

I just feel that public opinion is the reason so many people don’t live their lives the way they want. A lot of people are wired to conform and do what’s safe. Yet in the end, a woman is just attracted to men who are in successful positions, and a man substantially lower than herself is not only frowned on by society, but causes an inner conflict as well. So I still say men and women are just built different. We don’t look at you the way you look at us. And with that, I don’t see it ever changing in life.