TOXIC MASCULINITY OR FEMININITY: WHAT IS THE AGGRESSION REALLY?

Purple Liquid Poison on Brown Wooden Surface

“Manhood is not what you think.”


the aggression is real

Have you been hearing the phrase “toxic masculinity?” And if you have, do you know where it comes from? A lot of feminist may think that it is coming from growing up in such a male dominated society. But the reality is that the toxicity is worst today than in the past. Now most would say that is because men are losing power and women are gaining. This is in my opinion is not correct. Well, then the bad behavior stems from a history of bad things that males do in the name of boys being boys. In my opinion, I think that the emotions of so many young boys are not male but to a degree feminine. Now, what do I mean by this, well look no further than the boys who grow up without a father.

the ones without fathers

I grew up in a household where my mother raised my sisters and myself as a single parent. And when this happens a lot of times, the parent is not ready for the uphill battle of being a parent. One of those areas is when a mother has to raise a boy. She is more than prepared to teach her daughters the ways of society, but there are clear fundamental aspects about manhood that she cannot teach to her son. See you might think he has a good job, dresses nice, and talks nice, but that is just the basics of being a responsible adult. The animal that is man and the animal that is woman need to align with each other to work especially in a relationship. And because women are not aware of what really makes us who we are, boys make vital mistakes when trying to be boyfriends and husbands that can annoy and irritate a woman. It’s because we are still learning how to be men and the woman in our lives are the crash dummy.

from her through us

As a young child, my mother would cry when she was hurt so I cried. Her aggression was my aggression, and her happiness was mine. But then you step into society and realize, wait a minute, men and women don’t have the same emotions. Sure we cry and show happiness, but context means everything. Boys raised by mom tend to exuberate the qualities of mom which in turn are feminine. We get angry and react the same as women react. But real male anger in its most natural state is not overly aggressive, it’s actually poise until it needs to get to the point of aggression. For example, a woman argues with a man, he typically stands there not saying much, which annoys her in the argument. Rest assured, he is angry, but only after a while does his energy match the woman’s because it has been brought to that point. Boys who go straight to aggression don’t have the male who understands male aggression to calm him appropriately. And a lot of times we boys raised by mom grow full blown from moms imagination. So the energy is not masculinity, it’s feminine energy. It is scary and masculine because our bodies are stronger and voices are deeper, yet it’s feminine emotions. And a boy with emotional reactions he has seen mom exuberate used in society is more dangerous than a girl stepping into society with the same emotion.

the prisoners rationale

Now, for those still unsure as to what I have said prior, look at prison inmates. For the ones who get turned out in prison, or taken advantage of sexually. You would be surprised how many of them carry that aggressive energy. A lot of the time they do. Well, why would a guy who is that aggressive be seen as a prey to another man? Here is why. Because when a man is kept back and observant he is unpredictable. When a guy is rough and aggressive, society sees him as scary, but a guy in jail sees feminine energy. He’s exemplifying female sexual energy that little do he know has caught the attention of another man. And if we know anything about that energy, when you crash and you will crash from that high, the human is capable of being manipulated. This is why women take the man back over and over again in relationships. Prisoners can manipulate that crash and before you know it, you are in a world wind romance being comforted by a significant other. A relationship has been cultivated unbeknownst to yourself because you had not masculine energy, but unchecked feminine energy manipulated by a real man who knows where it came from.


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BRINGING YOU TO THE EDGE: WHY AS MEN WE MUST CHECK OURSELVES

Image result for arguments in relationships

“Don’t let her make you just as emotional.”


 When we get in arguments as men, we tend to get to the same level of anger as the woman in the argument and it boils over. You are being pulled into this person emotionally, and cannot let that get to you. And the reason is because as men once we get emotional, it becomes how can I hurt this person the most. What can I say to get this person to shut up. Why, well we’re in charge of physicality. And that is not to say that as a woman you are this lesser in society (we know that given you birth our children). But what I will say is that men tend to carry ourselves in a more physical way with our emotions, whereas women are more internal. And what do I mean by men not letting the woman’s anger get to you; this is what I mean.

In any argument, one person is always trying to gain the upper hand over the other person. And with that comes insults that are thrown for what appear to come from deep down inside. And with the person trying to gain the upper hand, you will always have someone say something that they regret. And usually, it is us as men. Why is it us as men? The reason why us as men get to that point because once we reach the boiling point we try to hit you with anything to tear you apart. It’s to crush anything and everything you thought you had inside to give. But it most often result in us stopping before hand. Because that realness in how we feel could cut you deep. Which might ultimately make you out to be worse than the woman you’re arguing with.

Now, men typically say things we feel out of rage when feeling rejected in some sort. So we stoop to a much lower level than the woman to try to make her feel less because we can’t have her. And it has to do with checking our egos. But the other reason is that we hate to lose arguments so we say the worse thing we feel to win. Because in life to men, this battle is a zero sum; there has to be a winner and there has to be a loser. And in the moment of fighting, I have to win and you have to lose. So we will try to bring you down emotionally, to bring ourselves up in the fight. So in the end, we try to win at all cost, or least end the conversation when we want to end it. And once we feel we have lost control, we go to extreme measures to end the conversation. But what we really end of doing is saying something that shows us in a much worse light than the woman.


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ARE YOU REALLY THE ONE AND ONLY: HOW MUCH DO WOMEN REALLY LOVE US

Close-up of Couple Holding Hands

“Am I your first choice or last result?”


Comedian Chris Rock had a very funny joke directed at men. He said, “You ever catch your woman looking at you, but not saying nothing.” “It’s because you aint her first choice.” That joke resonated with so many people in relationships. But is there something deeper to that joke that we are not looking at that we should? Are we hearing a joke as men that makes us feel a little more uncomfortable the more we listen to it? I myself developed a theory as to why this might be more disturbing than funny the more we read into it. And the disturbing aspect of the joke is a pill that is hard for a lot of men to swallow.

Men have this stoic, fearless, unemotional, unapologetic aspect to us. We are supposed to be so big and strong. Then when we experience hurt from a woman, the real human element that is us emerges. We never want to think of another man with the woman that we are in a relationship with; must less her actually doing it. We think and at times we know that we cannot be replaced until we are replaced. And that’s why Chris Rock’s joke about us not being first choice kind of stops us in our tracks. We want to believe we are the first choice since she is in the relationship with us. But here is my theory.

My theory starts like this; if a woman dates nine six foot four guys, nice body, beautiful hair, amazing smile, and highly viral, then switches it up. She now is in a relationship on number ten with a guy who is five foot seven, average body, rugged looks, and average sex drive. What was it about those other guys that brought her to this one man? There is something about this five seven guy, that those other guys didn’t have going for them. So she settled for the five seven because what he has that is stable trumps the other nine.

Now, here is the idea of not being first choice. Sorry Mister Five Seven, but you are not her first choice. Those other guys are the first choice, but what you have she needs in her life. But those nine guys were her wants in life. She really wants Mister Five Seven to be Mister Six Four, but Mister Five Seven isn’t. So she must make a decision, be with what is stable, or what is not, but her wants are met. The needs are from Mister Five Seven. So now she has to stare at what could have been if only Five was born Six.

And in the end, that’s what the stare is about. I wish you were what turns me on naturally and not what I have to learn to love. Learning to love takes times and it is a long arduous path. What is natural is instant. What’s crazy about the universe is that what you need in life is not always what you want. And what you want is not always the best thing you need in life. But if you can find your needs being met, and above average wants, you’re talking a great relationships.


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