DATING ALLEGATIONS: WOULD YOU TELL SOMEONE CLOSE TO YOU ABOUT A CHEATING PARTNER

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“To talk or not to talk.”


Having a friend in a relationship can be a new adjustment if you guys have both been single for so long. Now this new person comes in the mix and everything is different. But that is not the topic of today; the topic of today is sharing information with your friend regarding their significant other. What if you had proof that your friend’s significant other was talking to someone else on the side? Would you inform your friend that this person was out talking to someone else? Or would you keep the information to yourself? Telling your friend could mean an argument depending on how they felt about the person. But keeping it a secret could mean jeopardizing the friendship as well.

Let’s observe the outcomes of telling your friend. See, if you tell your friend it could go a few ways. The first is that your friend is proud that you would bring the information to them. Allowing them the access into what is going on behind their backs is really important. But there is another outcome from telling them. That is that they might lash out at you for telling them. You don’t know how they feel and it could backfire ending a friendship. So, so many people tend to not say anything and leave the situation alone. But even that has repercussions to it. What are the repercussions for not telling your friend about their significant other?

That’s right, there is the other side of the coin. And that is not telling your friend what happened. This could have its own set of problems by not speaking. Because once your friend finds out what happened and you knew, now what comes of the friendship. When they found out you know, it will put a serious damper on the relationship. Especially if you are their best friend, they expect you to say something before anyone says something. So then if they are mad for you not saying anything, and mad for you saying anything, then what? And it all boils down to the friendship that you and this other person have together.

In the end, friends usually have an understanding whether they would want someone to say something. If you don’t have an understanding with your friend, then it can go good or bad. With no communication, it can go in any direction.



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FORCED FEELINGS: WHY WE GIVE PEOPLE WHAT THEY SHOULD ALREADY KNOW

Man and Woman Sitting on Sidewalk

“What is meant to be, is meant to be.”


When looking for a relationship, we all have our negotiables, and I our non-negotiables. The actions in the relationship that we will and won’t stand for from the other person. But my question to you is, is everything that we define as a negotiable and nonnegotiable, should it always be implied? Because I have heard women make statements that at times they need to imply to men to behave a certain way. But I say, why, why are you telling a grown man how he should behave in a relationship. And I have a theory as to why. But for starters, why do we have these negotiable and nonnegotiable standards?

Well, we have these standards so that the other person knows what we will and won’t stand for in the situation. But another reason we have them is to give the other person a heads up that we have a certain level of respect for ourselves. The third reason is that we also want to see how well the other person communicates what they like and dislike. I know it sounds a little trite, but communication is key. Without a clear line of communication, the relationship won’t work. So now that I have given a quick overview into why we have negotiables and nonnegotiables, what is an underlying reason for them? Meaning, what do I sense from hearing you tell someone certain things they should already know.

For example, why are you telling someone they need to respect you in a relationship. Once you reach a certain age, you should just know how to talk to someone. Now, like I said earlier, women especially feel they need to explain themselves because some guys are not respectable. But hey now, hold the phone. Why are you having to tell a grown man he has to respect you? And if so, that doesn’t sound like a good situation. The situation should be more so based around you just going with the flow, and seeing who and what he’s about. Now, I have a theory into why you might give people golden nuggets of advice.

When you meet someone that you’re attracted to, you don’t want to lose this person. So if you’re giving them golden nuggets of advice in how to treat you, then they are going to react to what you say. So if you tell a man he must respect you, he will. But to me, it sounds like forced feelings of grander. What do I mean, you won’t just let this person show their real selves because what if this person does trip up and disrespect you. Now you have to get rid of this person you like. So you tell them how to treat you, and especially a man, we’ll play off the actions. Eventually he shows his true self because the feeling of giving you respect was forced in the beginning. And you don’t want forced feelings, they should be real.

In the end, we give people information in how to treat us not just as a heads-up so they know, but we want them to stay. So we give them information in what to do and not what to do because we want them in our lives. They will play off those actions of what we want. You love Valentines Day, you’re getting roses because it means something to you. You love God, we’re going to church because I know a nonnegotiable of yours is a faith base. What you should do is remain silent. See if they’ll bring up religion on their own, or special holidays. Make them figure it our, and if they slip up, you might have to get rid of them. Not because everyone makes mistakes, but because you might be dodging a bullet that could hurt you in the long run.


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RELATIONSHIP CURRENCY: WHAT DO YOU VALUE IN RELATIONSHIPS

bank notes, bills, cash

“If cash is king, where do relationships stand?”


Relationships throughout history have always taken on different forms as time progressed. But in today’s society there are so many meanings for what relationship currency stand for. How do you define what it means to have relationship currency? Now when I say relationships it can mean marriage or even a friendship. Currency can mean something of monetary value or it can mean something of mental/emotional value. I am here to ask which one is important to you. A lot of people say money and others say what someone has to offer. Some people want a monogamous relationship others don’t. So which is important to you?

The majority of people in society hear relationship and automatically think it has to do with dating or marriage. But what about friendships; how important is friendships and what is their currency. We usually dictate friendship by what the person has to bring emotionally to the table. Because what is the use in hanging around people who are not in your best interest. And what I mean by that, it’s heading in the same direction as you. This doesn’t mean you want to be a physician they should be doctors. No, it should mean that they have some type of goal in life. If they don’t and you do, you guys will fall apart from each other. So relationship currency in friendships should be pushing each other to do better which translate into non-monetary currency.

Well, what about monogamous relationships, currency is important here. But what type of currency? What type of currency is important to you in a relationship? Let’s observe from an emotional standpoint. When you’re looking at monogamy from an emotional standpoint, then you’re talking about how much meaning you bring into someones’ life. This means that when one of you are weak, how well does the other counteract that weakness with strength. And that in itself can be seen as sometimes and even greater form of currency than the monetary. But what about the monetary? There are people that look to this as a form of currency in relationships.

When in monogamous relationship, having an income coming into the house is very important. Maybe not when you’re in your early twenties, but what about once you hit your thirties. Once you get to this point, it’s the getting your life together point. The time where you need to really have it carved in stone where you would like to see yourself in the years to come. Now, money isn’t everything, but when you’re talking about settling down and having a family, you need to keep this in mind. Take into consideration the cost of buying a home, car, paying off any debts, and long term investments like retirement. This is where monetary currency is very important to your future success in a monogamous relationship.

In the end, the meaning of relationship currency can take on many different meanings. It’s up to the person/s interpreting what the currency means or even what the word relationship means. No matter how you look at it, know the currency you are looking for, but also know what your value is as well.

BALL AND CHAIN: GETTING RID OF THE DEADWEIGHT THAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Image result for ball and chain

“Is someone holding you back”


Are you being held down by someone that is your significant other? Do you feel like no matter how much you try to help them it seems to not do any good? Every attempt you try to make to aid them in their life backfires against you. You want them to be the best them they can possibly be, but it’s not enough. They are only bringing you down in the process and stopping your dreams from happening. This is the time you must let go of this ball and chain. Cut the person off because you can only true grow once you let them go. Well how do you know they are truly a ball and chain? They might actually need your help.

This is how you know a ball and chain. Let’s say someone you’re in a relationship with is at home. Meanwhile you’re out working while they sit in front of television set. You want them to have the passion to do so much, yet they don’t have the same fight as you. You keep staying with them because you think it’s the right thing to do. But you only cut your life short by keeping them around. This is where you have to let go and allow them to have their own lives. Staying in the situation only hinders you from growing. Well why, why do we work so hard to satisfy those who serve us no real purpose.

For two reasons, the obvious is that we want to help. We want to feel like we’re accomplishing something by being in the lives of people who need our help. We look at our own lives and say to ourselves, “Here by his grace is I.” We go it could easily be me. So I should be thankful. The other reason we intervene is because we like the people having to depend on us; the leaches. There are people in the world who know that they are being leached off of, but like the leaches. They like someone having to extend their hand and asks them for stuff.

In the end, allowing someone the opportunity to live off of you not only hurts you, but them as well. It does not make you better by staying with them. If anything you should be the first person to tell the person when something is wrong. See, we all want to  help people around us. But we don’t quite understand how to do so. So we allow them to hang around; hang around until we can’t take it anymore. And then and only then will we have enough and remove these people from our lives.

AGE GAP: DATING SOMEONE OUT OF YOUR AGE RANGE.

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“How acceptable is age limits in relationships?”

You ever thought about dating someone who was out of your age range? Are you worried about how people will react? Are you worried the relationship won’t last? A lot of people have issues when it comes to age as it pertains to dating. But I think this could be because a few reasons: the age, income at the age, or the maturity at the age. On the other hand, there are some double standards when it comes to the genders. Society views it differently if a man dates out of range than women. But why is age alone such a problem?

The reason age could be a problem is because it’s pretty offsetting when a person says I am 40 years old how old are you. The person responds with, oh me I’m 25 years old. Then there are mixed emotions after that; well, depending on the gender. A 40 year old man dating a 25 year old woman is seen differently than 40 woman with 25 guy. Women who date older men make sense because the age she is ready to have children can be around the time he is ready. But on the other hand, 40 year old women are in more of a rush than a 24 year old guy.

This is when age based on maturity comes into play. When a man is younger dating older versus woman dating older, men mature slower. So women older have a harder time with a younger guy because it takes longer for him to grow. Now if he is 40 and she is 55 that’s fine, but if he is 25 and she 40 then it’s a different story. Now females dating older is not like men because she is more likely ready to settle down quicker than he. So a woman 25 to 30 could be looking for a husband and kids.

Well there is one more area and that is income and age. When a young man is younger than the woman and make less than a woman, it’s harder for the relationship to work. Because still in American society men are expected to play vital roles as a bread winner in the household. If the man is older and makes more than the woman she is applauded for finding herself a good man. On the flip side, men are considered irresponsible and women are considered enablers when he is younger and makes less.

In the end, the age seems as if it is important more so when the man is younger than the woman. We have certain standards in our society that we live by. Even though America is supposed to be this progressive place we still have these double standards. It has changed over the years, but for now it seems like we are going to keep things status quo.