STOLEN AMBITION: WHAT IF THE WOMEN OF THE PAST COULD HAVE HAD THE OPTIONS OF TODAY

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“What little they had made way for a lot today.”


My mother was born in the year 1960, making her the last of the baby boom generation. This was the first generation where men were coming home from the war and suburbs were being built up all across the country. Mass marketing and advertising was introduced and the influence of entertainment was taking hold. Why was so much going on during this time period? Well, it was because this was an era of mass population growth in the United States. Jobs were in abundance and the men who came home from World War 2 were settling in and with their wives building large families. But there was something else that was prevalent during this time period. And that is the fight which was taken to the streets by women all across the country along with the civil rights movements. Women were expected to act a certain way at times outside the realm of their choice.

It makes you think that what if these women were born in today’s society. How much would they have been able to accomplish had they had that push that women have today? My mother recently showed me a photo of her when she was a teenager running track and field. A sport that I took part in myself at a young age. Only difference between me and her is that, not only am I a man, but the encouragement I received was different than her generations. Girls were told to “shut up” and “keep quiet” when expressing their goals and ambitions. Ambition was for the boys, and staying at home was for the girls. It makes you think; how many of those house wives back decades ago often dreamed when being at home all day. What were their dreams when they would be cleaning floors or preparing meals for the family.

These were thoughts I never got a chance to ask my grandmother or great grandmother that I could ask my mother. I would have loved to ask my great grandmother, before you married my great grandfather what did you dream about in life. Because women today don’t have all these goals and women in the past didn’t have them. It’s just that women were not expected to do anything in life. I was an adult when my grandmother died, I wish I could have asked her what were her goals as well. Just so I could get some clarity into what life was like living with all of this bundled up inside. Asking them what it was like to not be able to do what you wanted to do.

See, in the end, so many young women say there is still a lot of work to accomplish for the women of today. But in the past, they had it much worse, even with the good times. I guess that’s why I push so heavy at my goals because my mother never got her chance to shine like she wanted at a young age. So many women at that time had so much potential to be great, but greatness was not an option. And for the ones who stood out front despite the lack of encouragement, it gave way to so many today.


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FEMININE PLIGHT: WHY IT’S HARDER FOR WOMEN TO FIND MARRIAGE THAN ME

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“They need more than we do.”


When seeking out a potential mate in a relationship, I am quite lucky to be a guy in society. As a man with two sisters, I can tell you first hand that the life of a woman is a hell of a lot harder when choosing a mate than men. And the reason why I say that is because it’s almost like men are this lottery ticket that they (women) need to scratch to see if we’re worth something. Men can hold on to a lotto ticket that is less valuable and it not reflect on us in society. So a man can look for a woman outside of her accomplishments, while the woman choose based on his treatment of her and his accomplishments. We are more inclined to be able to sway while it’s harder for women. Why is that, is it that women have to maintain a certain decor that we don’t; is it societal or biological.

Well, there is a biological and a societal aspect of women choosing men to be in relationships. The societal reasons why has to do with how we over time have constructed our civilizations to make women choose. If you are a very successful woman with a less successful guy, then a question of your standards comes in play. A man can be a CEO in a relationship with a school teacher, yet it’s harder on the flip-side. Number one, him lower than her on the financial totem pole is hard for her because women are told in society that he need to be somewhere near her. She is seen as irresponsible and he is seen as lacking as a man. But we are totally aloud to be with a woman with less, and at times nothing at all. So as much as we think we’re in this new equal space its still not so. But where does nature lie in the choosing of a mate.

A lot! Nature plays a major role in how women have to choose as well. A man who is more successful and more productive is naturally seen as more attractive. Why, well from a nature response there is a procreating piece that women start to think about in regards to having a family. His productivity and efficiency is stable enough to start a family with him. There is a physiological action that takes place internally that women shut down a lot quicker than men. So when a man approaches a woman, they (women) quickly start to process their response, constantly thinking forward as to their response because of their vulnerable position. And the older the woman get, the harder it becomes to find a mate because there are so many social stigmas attached to why she is not married with children.

In the end, men are like pretty girls when we are successful. And at times, more beautiful than the women who want to be with us. Meaning, we have the key to what you want in us. You need a man whose doing something and going somewhere in life. We can have and we cannot have it. So for the woman it’s a tougher go, and a lot of women settle for someone she never thought she would be dating. Then there are the group who just spend their lives dating around and never marry and have children. They become a second mom to their nieces and nephews if they have them. All because the guy she wanted is not at her level or near. Meanwhile we choose when we want and how we want, and it’s all a matter of how we feel about her as a woman, not necessarily where she is at in her career.


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TRUTH BE TOLD: DO WOMEN REALLY WANT US ALL THE TIME?

“Do they really want us like we think they do?”


When observing monogamous relationships, we seem to think that it is men and not women who have a hard time being tied down. But, who’s to say that women really want to be with us. Or who’s to say they want us all the time. Women are typically the more emotional ones in the relationship, so we think that women are these sweet and innocent beings that only want us. Me, growing up around a lot of women in my life, you have enough conversations with them and realize that aspects of the previous statements regarding women are not all the way true. Well, you ask, what aspects of women am I referring to.

One of the aspects I am referring to is the notion that men are more sexual than women. Men are supposed to be more apt to cheat, but I think women think just as much as men do about infidelity. The only problem is that social norms in society frown on women being more sexual than men. But social norms and who we are biologically as humans are different. Women are expected to suppress feelings because it is socially immoral. Yet the internal feelings say something different. Women see plenty of men that they are attracted to, and yet never make a move. Now, outside of social norms, men generally are more impulsive while women observe a situation. But that’s the not the autonomous number of women and men.

Another aspect of women not being able to be at times who they truly want to be with us is the choosing method. When choosing a man, women would really prefer to be with someone who they love that loves them. But society tells you to be with a guy of a certain financial and educational means. You may not even want to be with this person, yet they have on paper what you are taught you should want from a man. I have always wondered do women really care, or do they “HAVE” to make excuses. Because women usually say, he doesn’t have this and this, but he has this other quality. Why do women have to point out the greater of what he does not have to uplift what he does have that is considered the lesser to where he could be in life. This has to do with a space of judging as well as biological.

I say biological because there is something very attractive about us as men when we are productive members of society. But it’s even more attractive to women when we start from nothing and build ourselves to something. Then again, society, once again, dictates a lot of how we live our lives. Women are expected to make excuses for what a guy lacks by stating he doesn’t have this, but has this. At times she really want to say, I wish he had this and this, so I wouldn’t have to choose between to the two (Oh, and by the way, it goes both ways). They would love to say, “Why can’t I be with a man who is successful in his career and can please me sexually.” Why must I say, “It aint all about the sex.” In reality she wants the sex and the career.

You see, in the end, women are expected to be the better of the two of us. They’re expected to be the moral compass of the relationship. It further feeds into the ideology of the woman’s way is the right way. Yet, since when is anyone right all the time. Sometimes she want you to be right about something. But when you live in a society that makes you feel like you are the face for what is right and wrong, where do you find time to be human? You need someone to be right in cases where you are wrong. You would really like to be overt sometimes, but you’re always expected to be nonverbal and passive. I will say that times are a lot different than in the past. But we still, even in a modern era, expect women to be the greater morally & ethically and the lesser sexually & emotionally.


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GENDER FLIP

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“What if I were a woman?”

Have you ever thought what your life would be like if you were the opposite gender? I have found myself going, “How would my life be different had I have been born a woman?” “Would I have the the same cognitive processes I do now?” “How would my physical attributes look in this feminine body?” “Would I be just as safe walking the streets as I am now?” “What would be expected of me from society?” So many questions to myself go through my mind. But I have another way of approaching the situation. If I could go back to that conceptualized moment of birth, I would take notes with me from today’s society. Meaning I would write an advice letter from a man’s perspective then send it back in time to my female self in how to deal with man.

My advice to female self starts in elementary school. I would first start off by telling me that life didn’t make us fair. Sorry kid, boys’ muscular structure is different than women. So chances are you won’t be the fastest kid in school. You will dominate among women, but as far as being the fastest in general that’s all biology. But I will tell you that you will be a better communicator. Man has been endowed biologically greater than a woman in which that is physical, but you are greater in which that is emotional. Find your skill that makes you unique from the rest, using that greater in which to shine.

Your next stage in life will come middle school. This is the beginning of your adolescent life. You will start to develop so much mentally through this stage as well as physically. But you will know this because you’re in your female body. But if you’re reading this message to you, you should know that it’s also boy’s adolescent stage as well. We are going through puberty, and our affinity for you will start. Now, our voices don’t only crack and we are not only growing hair everywhere, but we don’t fully know why we like you as well. At age 12 years of age it is very unclear, but we’ll understand coming through middle school into high school.

Now, as you pass from middle into high, you’ll realize a key attribute as a teenager. It is that virginity for you is different for us. Sex is way more emotional for you than us. We will go to farther lengths for sex, and at times you won’t understand why we are willing to risk it all. You’ll even notice we are willing to spend money, play sports, dress a certain way, and talk a certain way for your attention. Now, everyone has some sort of price, once the level at which you’re willing and able to pay exceeds your price, get out. There is a catch to I want this much, but I’ll give you more; what’s the catch. Which brings me to another thing about us as guys, we don’t operate off of something for nothing. But also keep in mind, that once people understand you have a price and a price only, you could find yourself doing things you never thought you would, so beware.

Which brings me to the advice I’ll give you about being an adult. That is men have come to realize that we don’t necessarily need much going for us once we have trinkets. Meaning, man me talking to female me must know that once we have acquired tangibles, we know it impresses you. So we realize at times it’s all we need. Now, this is when you must use your gift of communication. Always remember, to a degree, you’re better at communicating because you utilize more words for expressing what you want. Men are looking for the most simplistic measure, you are more complex. Make people seek out the complexity within.

In the end, I am writing this letter you as 29 year old man me, to now adult you as a woman. There is so much more to learn and understand in life about even man men now. And hopefully, just hopefully you’ll pick up another letter from an older more wiser man. A letter which will tell you the next stage of life which is middle age and ultimately elderly years of what we are as men.