White House

“It’s only a matter of time before the great reveal.”

Growing up in the United States, the social landscape has always involved conversations surrounding race. And I don’t mean the human species when using race, but how it’s socially utilized. In America, the term race, racial, racism, and racist has been used in the context of one groups superiority over another. But it’s the superiority over another group of people mentally. Yet now we are witnessing that social construct that has kept in this country Black and White people bickering among each other unravel. You might ask, how so; how is the racial construct that kept this country so segregated now unraveling? And all fingers point to White men and women in America.

And when I say all fingers point to White men and women, I am saying this in context of hardships and whose to blame. Coming from the Midwest, more than anytime prior, White men and women are being shutout. The same can be said for the southern regions of America. You see, in the past, the United States kept this one group propped up by White men and women higher up in power. And this worked because there were no other kids on the block. Yet as more global competition started to come into play, you can’t keep a nation going with just one group working.

Meaning, with countries like China and India positioning themselves as global competitors, you need more than just White men and women working. Now here comes other groups, African Americans, Hispanics, East Asian groups, and other minorities. But as time went on, more and more jobs were shipped overseas so companies could save on goods and services. Now, here we are today, and that American dream for so many is going down the toilet. People are losing all sense of security. But, not just any group of people, White men and women. The Black community still for the most part struggles economically as well as the Hispanic community. So now, there is feeling of lose from a lot of the White community. But lose to who?

If so many other minority groups are struggling as well, then where is the wealth going? Redistributed back into the hands of wealthy elite; small group of White males and females. Yet it still leaves the White community saying, we’re losing. But like I said, to who? And this is why that construct that worked for so many years is now unraveling. This country was constructed to make a group feel this land was for them, and it never was for the group. I am a firm believer that had another group took over America after slavery, then most likely by now, we would be past this Black and White issue. But sense the majority of the people in power were White it is this social issue. When in reality, the problem is more human than ethnic.

We have these people in power who have been irresponsible for quite some time. But now the main group that has benefited all this time is hurting and they’re looking for a reason as to why. Yet, who do you blame when the group that has not benefited is still struggling as well as the group who is supposed to have all the jobs. Like I said earlier, they’re all being shipped overseas. And now more than ever, race is being set aside and we’re slowly putting faces to the problem. Because I am a firm believer that racism will be over once the predominantly White community see how deep in trouble they are with us.

See, in the end, that construct that has kept one group comfortable is now falling apart. But it’s a construct that never meant anything in the first place. So much of America has been designed for conflict, and now that conflict is causing emotions to flare, who is to blame? What will come of it? Only time will tell. 

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“Do they really want us like we think they do?”

When observing monogamous relationships, we seem to think that it is men and not women who have a hard time being tied down. But, who’s to say that women really want to be with us. Or who’s to say they want us all the time. Women are typically the more emotional ones in the relationship, so we think that women are these sweet and innocent beings that only want us. Me, growing up around a lot of women in my life, you have enough conversations with them and realize that aspects of the previous statements regarding women are not all the way true. Well, you ask, what aspects of women am I referring to.

One of the aspects I am referring to is the notion that men are more sexual than women. Men are supposed to be more apt to cheat, but I think women think just as much as men do about infidelity. The only problem is that social norms in society frown on women being more sexual than men. But social norms and who we are biologically as humans are different. Women are expected to suppress feelings because it is socially immoral. Yet the internal feelings say something different. Women see plenty of men that they are attracted to, and yet never make a move. Now, outside of social norms, men generally are more impulsive while women observe a situation. But that’s the not the autonomous number of women and men.

Another aspect of women not being able to be at times who they truly want to be with us is the choosing method. When choosing a man, women would really prefer to be with someone who they love that loves them. But society tells you to be with a guy of a certain financial and educational means. You may not even want to be with this person, yet they have on paper what you are taught you should want from a man. I have always wondered do women really care, or do they “HAVE” to make excuses. Because women usually say, he doesn’t have this and this, but he has this other quality. Why do women have to point out the greater of what he does not have to uplift what he does have that is considered the lesser to where he could be in life. This has to do with a space of judging as well as biological.

I say biological because there is something very attractive about us as men when we are productive members of society. But it’s even more attractive to women when we start from nothing and build ourselves to something. Then again, society, once again, dictates a lot of how we live our lives. Women are expected to make excuses for what a guy lacks by stating he doesn’t have this, but has this. At times she really want to say, I wish he had this and this, so I wouldn’t have to choose between to the two (Oh, and by the way, it goes both ways). They would love to say, “Why can’t I be with a man who is successful in his career and can please me sexually.” Why must I say, “It aint all about the sex.” In reality she wants the sex and the career.

You see, in the end, women are expected to be the better of the two of us. They’re expected to be the moral compass of the relationship. It further feeds into the ideology of the woman’s way is the right way. Yet, since when is anyone right all the time. Sometimes she want you to be right about something. But when you live in a society that makes you feel like you are the face for what is right and wrong, where do you find time to be human? You need someone to be right in cases where you are wrong. You would really like to be overt sometimes, but you’re always expected to be nonverbal and passive. I will say that times are a lot different than in the past. But we still, even in a modern era, expect women to be the greater morally & ethically and the lesser sexually & emotionally. 

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“Why are all bad things synonymous with the color Black?”

From Black cats to outer space. Anything that is attached to the color Black is connected to negativity. Where did all of this come from? Who decided that this would be the definition for a color? But more so, why is this topic so important to myself? This topic of color is of interest to me because of the construct. The societal construct of living in a society where skin color has been the defining motto of a country. Now biologically, it means nothing in the way in which it means something to the human species. But we construct society to make it mean something.

The reason this topic is of importance is because the construct starts young. From the moment your mother gives you a relaxer as a young Black girl to Black boys who want more of a wavy hair look rather than the natural you. The connotation of what you are starts young. Making you believe that the hair follicles that grow out of your own head is no good. Next is the wanting for eye contacts, which consists of other colors. Anything to make yourself appear unique. Dark brown or black eyes are seen as lacking life, void, and without substance.

But is it all true, or all false. Even down to the foods we eat. Anything black is not only seen as visually unpleasant, but it is prepared to lack any real flavor. Now I challenge these ideologies and go, what are the good things that are connected to being Black. One of which is dark chocolate, which has a bitter taste, but actually is really good for you. Or better yet, more melanin protects you from the sun than anyone else of a lighter skin tone. So why do we focus on what is the negative?

For starters, when observing people, associating Black with something bad is of benefit. When you observe for example American history, it was of benefit to attach color to the country’s construct. It’s the main reason White men and women couldn’t have been slaves in this country. It’s virtually impossible to have a defining “thing,” which separates them outside of color. But, you bring into the mix another group and you’re in business. So whose to blame for constructs? Because like I said before, man gives meaning to a lot of stuff we live by. So color for the most part has very little importance to the human species.

In the end, we not only connect color for understanding something we aim to describe, but also societal constructs. But the construct is not to benefit society. On a social level it is to control the masses. Only people have the ability to change that. In my opinion, we know all of what I have said to be true. We have just become comfortable because whoever benefits is all that matters. We are a as long as it doesn’t effect me world. It only becomes important and not language sensitivity when we are effected group.




“Ever wonder what happens when we flip the script?”

Ever wonder what would happen if there were full on gender role reversals in society? But what about only changing certain aspects of society as it pertains to gender? What about if women had to ask men out on dates? What if women were the main breadwinners? What if women had to deal with losing the majority of time in child custody or divorce proceedings? This topic came to mind over all the upset over Kylie Jenner being accused of taking financial care of her boyfriend Hip Hop artist Tyga. But women always say they can do what men can do, what’s the problem?

Number one, going back to my question about being the breadwinners, in my opinion it’s harder for women to be the main source of income. For women, there is a deadline for you to get on your feet before the relationship dissolves. You sometimes find men who lose the woman he’s with over money. But that’s the average guy, what if the man is upper middle or even upper class? Kylie has more money and women say, don’t take care of some man. But a man with her money who takes care of his woman is considered a good man. I mean, aren’t feminist trying to eliminate these double standards in society?

Which leads into my next explanation regarding asking men on dates. I live in New York City, I wonder how women would go about asking us on dates. I also wonder how women would fair with the rejection aspect. Considering a lot of men have to approach a woman more than one time to get her to notice him. How would a woman win us over if we reject you initially? What would be a method you use to get us to notice you? For instance woman approach man, he says not interested. How do you make him interested? Because that is something we have to do, is make you want us, meaning be desirable. How do you as a women drive desire from a man who doesn’t want to be with you?

That would be a very interesting experiment to see conducted by women. But how about something different. How about we are currently ending a relationship such as in the case of divorce? What do you think about women paying us a divorce settlement so we can keep our standard of living? Soulful singer Mary J. Blige is currently going through this situation. Her ex-husband is seeking $120,000 per month in spousal support to maintain his living because she made all the money. Women say that’s unfair, why should she have to care for him; you mean how we have to care for you when the relationship ends. Which leads me to believe that women are not all in on this role reversal.

There is an aspect of this role reversal that’s not honest. Women always say we can do anything men can do, but are always the first to reject women to live by this ideology. An older man date a younger women, it’s fine. Women say we can do it, and the first time a woman does, it’s another woman who attacks her. Remember, women are the ones who attack Jenifer Lopez for dating a much younger man. So what is it about women who say they want to eliminate so many roles, but attack the women who do change.

My theory is that women and men like what we like. Nature never lies and we respond accordingly. But we have these social agendas, yet it’s not an internal feeling. Women typically attack other women for actually living that agenda because it’s not what women do. So why adhere to these agendas? The reason being is that so many women fought for you to have the rights you do today, yet you really don’t feel certain ways they feel. You don’t want to show a divide in the faction, but it ultimately manifest itself in the end. Because when the agenda becomes real, now everyone is held to something that is not a true gut feeling.

I just feel that public opinion is the reason so many people don’t live their lives the way they want. A lot of people are wired to conform and do what’s safe. Yet in the end, a woman is just attracted to men who are in successful positions, and a man substantially lower than herself is not only frowned on by society, but causes an inner conflict as well. So I still say men and women are just built different. We don’t look at you the way you look at us. And with that, I don’t see it ever changing in life.

Masculinity: Who Decides What A Man Is?


Image result for pink and blue

“What are the rules really?”

All my life I have heard the words coming from people’s mouths about what it means to be a real man. But who decides what that is suppose to mean? Yes, if you are born in this world, the sex of a baby is determined, but what is masculinity really? I went far as to use the above image to pose the question. Well, what does the colors pink and blue have to do with manhood. We look at the color pink as a softer, gentler color. It represents being more passive and less aggressive. The color blue represents more of a dominant trait and more aggressive. Maybe this is why we use pink and blue when we have children: pink for the girls and blue for the boys.

But who decided that this must be of symbolism? Better yet, who is to say a color represents ones’ dominance? When a child is born, both are fragile, both are gentle, neither is aggressive. So why are we placing color limitations on our young so early in life. It’s how we can determine the place in which to put men and women. The place meaning, what is for the girls is for the girls; what is for the boys is for the boys. So let’s start here and work our way into masculinity, childhood into adulthood.

When I was a child, I was into the norm: toy trucks, action figurines, building blocks, wrestling dummies, and toy guns. My two older sisters were into Barbie dolls, makeup kits, doll playhouses, Easy Bake ovens, and clipping out the clothing in fashion magazines. Yet I remember owning male action figures, but needed and opposite female companion. There weren’t any, so what the hell I used my sisters dolls. Whoa now! That is a red flag for some parents, but to me, I just saw toys I wanted to play with at home. I thought to myself, “Wouldn’t it be nice if I took my GI Joe and dressed Barbie in his clothes.” “Man, can you imagine, Barbie and GI Joe saving the world.

So here I am I’m flying around beating up bad guys, or lack there of with Barbie and GI. Little did I know, had people have seen me, there would have been some scolding to my mother. “You let that boy play with dolls?” Now of course I knew her reaction would have been a frown and a middle finger. But to me, I wasn’t harboring homosexual feelings, I just wanted GI to have a female sidekick. The same for when I saw my sister and her Easy Bake oven. I thought, “Hey, I want some cookies and brownies.” “I wonder if she would let me use her oven.”

Yet again, another red flag to a parent, but not a child. Adults are thinking feminine characteristics, but I’m thinking chocolaty snacks. Well, why didn’t I feel any kind of way. It’s because our sexuality is a development, not something we are endowed with at birth. And here we are again, what is masculinity and how do we come to these logical explanations. Then again, could adults be on to something, with Barbie and Easy Bake. No because by the time I was midway elementary school my attention was focused on sports all the way. So focused on sports that I didn’t even have a girlfriend until I was almost out of high school.

Uh oh, red flag again, no girls until eighteen. That’s a problem for a boy, or isn’t it. While some people theorized, to me I grew up in a poor community. So many guys were having multiple kids by multiple women, I didn’t want the headache at such a young age. Not once did I go, “I’m not a real man” or “Am I gay,” because my definition of responsibility is a question of my masculinity. When I look in the mirror I see something I like, but not in another man. I have attraction in women. But it wasn’t until I became an adult I observed more about masculinity and gender views.

When you date, it’s more masculine to ask the woman out on a date. It’s more masculine to pay for the date. And it’s more masculine for you to initiate the sex. And if you are a man who don’t fall into these equations you’re not worthy of being called a man. But who set forth these boundaries and are they more limiting and hurtful than helpful. Does a man asking out a woman all the time mean a woman should remain alone until someone speaks to her first. Think about how lonely of an existence it is for her to be in this construct as well.

What if you’re a guy who don’t have much money, you should never date? And if you want to date, should you break the law if you have to just to get the adulation of a woman? Time and time again we ask ourselves these questions because as a man you are constantly put in positions to question manhood. It could be something as simple as wearing a small article of clothing, to how you eat your food, the music you listen to, and even your world views. Where do these social norms come from and who decides what’s a man or not?

I am a firm believer that if at every turn you’re constantly trying to make sure your masculinity is good, then inevitably it’s not in check. But as a man, can you blame some guys. Everything we do is scrutinized in society regarding our masculinity. Maybe I don’t care much because I’m close to thirty years old. The older you get the less people’s opinions matter. In the end there are things that never will change. No matter how much time goes by, as a man we are just expected to act a certain way and do certain things. Luckily, the myths that question manhood and sexuality are rapidly being laid to rest. Laid to rest as nothing more than antiquated rhetoric than has actually hurt more than helped men.