I’M NOT QUIET OR LONELY, JUST IN THOUGHT: WHY DO WE ASSUME INTROVERTED IS UNHAPPY

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“Being to yourself gives you time to reflect.”


A lot of people throughout my life have told me that I am an introverted person. They have asked me why am I so stand off-ish or why do I like being so lonely. But there is a reason why I have become the person that I am today. For starters, I am an introverted person, but I am not stand off-ish nor am I lonely. Because stand off-ish people are unaware of self so they have a hard time in conversations with substance. And there is also a vast difference between someone who is alone and lonely. I am a person who spends time alone, but I am far from lonely. But how does a person be alone and not lonely? Aren’t they one of the same? Yes, they are, but to an extent. So why do we perceive people to be lonely and stand off-ish, or even disconnected when they don’t converse as much?

Well the reason we give people these types of labels has a lot to do with being human. When you are a human, we all want and yearn for some level of companionship in our lives. It can come in many different forms: doesn’t matter if it is a pet or a friend, or even a monogamous relationship. We all want to be close to someone or something that makes us feel like we exist on Earth. But you can also have people around you and still feel alone and shut out. Well, how is that the case? It’s because not everyone is meant to be in your life. And you should really assess who you allow into your space before you make the leap to bring them close to you. These people not meant to be in your life are the leaches who will suck you for everything you got, and then they’re gone once they have what they have come for.

Another reason why we look at people who are to themselves as lonely is because it’s what is associated with depression and anxiety. People who suffer from these illness typically exemplify the characteristics of a person who is lonely. They feel uncomfortable when put in social settings because of their own insecurities. So they typically shy away from people and keep to themselves. And there is a great deal of truth to this claim. Because I am a person who has been kept back because I have dealt with these internal issues in my life. Throughout life, I have been self conscious, depressed, lacked confidence, and anxious. So a lot of times I strayed from so many social situations because I felt this way. But it wasn’t until I became an adult I realized who I really was: which goes back to what I said earlier about self awareness. And that is the key to understanding yourself and others to understands themselves as well.

In the end, I have learned a few things by being alone. I have learned to have a great deal of patience because the solitude forces you to be still. You’re in a space alone with your own thoughts. So you have to do a lot of reflecting on your life. You have to look up until this point in life and be happy with where you are and where you are going. This is the moment you become self-aware. I also learned to have an objective opinion because I am not dealing with only the intricacies of my own peer group. So being around different people than myself in society allows me to be more practical. I am not a loner, I am reflecting; I am not lonely, I have plenty of people who love and care about me; I am introverted, but only because I have looked deep within self to find my purpose driven life; and I am not stand off-ish, I just usually stray away from conversations when I have nothing of substance to add. But what I have learned, is that the more time progress, the more people learn about me, the more they understand and respect who I am.


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AGE OF DEPRESSION: HOW THE MORE WE UNDERSTAND SELF THE MORE UNHAPPY WE BECOME

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“In an era of technology, we are more connected, yet very much detached.”


In a world where we are more connected than anytime before, you would think it would make us happier. Yet it has not only made us happier, but the more we learn and understand ourselves the more depressed we become. And I don’t mean know ourselves like knowing me as an adult. I mean knowing us is it pertains to our existence on Earth. You would think with the advent of technological innovation and scientific breakthroughs, we would have a much higher level of enlightenment that would make us happy. But what that heightened awareness has done is give us the complete opposite effect. But should we digress because of this unintended effect?

View of Tourist Resort Well, let’s first look at what makes us depressed in today’s society. There are many different reasons why people tend to be unhappy. For starters, you are able to see up close your reality. And what I mean by your reality, you can see where you stand financially, socially, academically in the world. For example, you can Google image luxury, and see a world that is beyond your world just by typing it into a search engine. When my mother was young, an opulent life existed, yet you didn’t quite know about it. Clear Wine Glasses in a RowPeople were either born into wealth, or it was something you stumbled upon. Not today, today, you can actually see how little you have relative to someone else. And what’s crazy, you might have a socioeconomic position that is supporting you and your family. Yet you can’t enjoy because you are comparing yourself to someone way above you.

Why do we do it? Why do we look to someone that is far beyond us? Well, at times, that person is our age. No matter your age today, there is someone that age doing something on a more monumental scale than yourself. When I was in college, I was broke coming out, yet guys my age were signing multi-million dollar contracts to play sports. Comparing yourself to them and not appreciating what you have, even when what you have is adequate to live, robs you of gratification Image result for comparison peopleand the ability to live a fulfilling life. Meaning, you might want to make $50,000 in a year, but someone tells you, you should want better. Now you can’t enjoy what life you could have had with what you wanted because you’re chasing something you may not even want just to satisfy other people’s perspective. And with our lives being inundated with so much imagery, we still have another aspect of our lives that make us unhappy: our own existence.

Coping with our existence is tough for so many. And I don’t mean existence in the context of waking and going to work everyday, coming home, and sleeping. I mean the fact that we are here, on Earth, living and breathing. The fact that I was not born a lion, tiger, bird, or a house cat, but a human is hard for many to cope with in life. The simple existence that is me, a carbon based life form that has Related imagetaken forever to evolve into what I am, is hard to accept. And a lot of it comes from increased scientific understanding of ourselves. Here is where religion may have aided us in living on this planet. With the idea that there is something greater once we die, it gives us hope. As time progress in society, more and more people are becoming awoken to our existence. So awake, we are unmotivated to do anything. So now we become depressed with the idea that this is all that is here for us.

You would think that feeling this way would give people a sense of urgency, yet it’s having the inverse effects. The closer we come to figuring out why we are on Earth, the more we become detached from living. Maybe not knowing, is what’s best at times. Because in the end, unlike any other species where nature dictates how they behave, we are given conscious. We are given the ability to say yes or say no. We are endowed with the ability to make sound decisions. And that very conscious that gives us that ability also makes us aware of our situations in life. Some people make the best out of it, and others can never cope. And for those that can’t cope, it leads to further depression; leading to substance abuse or even suicide.

“He who increases knowledge, increases sorrow on the land.”

                          -Ecclesiastes 1:18


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NEARSIGHTED GOALS: WHY SOME CAN ONLY SEE WHAT’S IN FRONT OF THEM

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“Is it hard for you to see your potential future?”


Many of us can only see what’s in front us in life. We have a place where we want to be in life, yet we can only see what is in front of us. Everything in the distant appears to be blurry. But if we keep on working at what it is we’re doing, the far fetched place we want to be is not far away. So, what is it, what is it that keeps us fro stepping out into the world? What is it that makes us only see the now and not the future. I myself am very optimistic, yet I have even second guessed myself. So why do we do it to ourselves?

One of the reasons we do it to ourselves is because in order to see the light at the end of the tunnel you have to envision it. Reminds me of a quote by Hellen Keller, “I would have rather been born blind and than to have sight and lack vision.” This is a killer of a lot of people because the vision is blurry for the simple fact that it is either not a real vision or not mean’t for you. We have these idealistic ways of looking at the world. Which is fine, but it must be filtered through the scope of reality. Have a vision for where you want to be, but don’t let it be someone else’s vision. Too often we let others tell us what we should be doing in life. When asked how should I do this and this and that, they say, “I don’t know, figure it out.” You’re taking advice from someone who really don’t know you.

Another reason we only see what’s in front of us is because we have to survive in the moment. And if you’re just trying to figure out how to survive today, it’s hard to see tomorrow or even a few weeks up the road. You just want to be good in the moment. And think about tomorrow when tomorrow comes. Only this form of thinking is very damaging and has long term effects.  If you’re only living in the moment and not tomorrow, then tomorrow comes and you’re in a bind, then what? Or better yet you don’t think about ten years from now, then ten years goes by and you say to yourself, “If only I had of started then, where would I be now?”

And here is where people go wrong with their lives. Because they usually say this to themselves when they are still young. For instance, you might see some 30 or 31 year who is very successful because they started at age 20 or 21 years of age. But here you are at age 30 and you are measuring where you are with their success. Reality is that a lot of people start getting their lives together at 30 years of age. So by the time they are 40 years they are comfortable financially. But resentment keeps them from getting there once they give in young. Big mistake.

In the end, you have to have more vision to be where you want to be in life. If you are not where you want, then talk it up. Work on it, and talk into existence. Like I said before on previous posts, your thoughts turn into actions. And if thoughts are not directed in a positive space, it will prolong your success in life.


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UNLOCKING TALENTS: EVERYONE HAS THEM YET FEW UTILIZE THEM

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“Why most of us will miss the opportunity.”


When we are all born, it’s hard to gauge what we’re going to be as adults. But nonetheless, I think we all have something that we are born with that makes us not only us, but could make us successful. Unlocking this means having some level of self-awareness. When you become self-aware, then you’re able to unlock this inner talent. In addition to unlocking this inner talent, one must also work at this talent to define greatness. So why don’t we have more people who are able to become successful in life? Better yet, why are so many people unable to tap into this inner talent that we possess? And to me, a lot of it has to with fears.

That’s right fears! I know we always hear the same thing over and over again. You work hard, but what does that really mean? You can work 10 hours a day, 7 days per week, for years and not attain what you work toward. To me, what is for you is for you. You shouldn’t pursue the dream, but the reality instead. Meaning just because we want to do something does not mean it is for us. It may not be that inner talent you possess. And most people are wired to conform out of fear; fear of failure is major and fear of letting others down. We don’t want to try something, fall and not be able to get back up. So we live in a trance in our daily lives until we die. Hoping something will happen, a stroke of luck that will set us free.

But the fears are so detrimental because if actually pursued what you were meant to do, it could actually create a positive externality in society. For example, you want so dearly to be an actress, but you are a wiz at science. You could go on to become the Meryl Streep of physicians. Who knows, it could formulate into a Nobel Prize for Science. But we become afraid, or disinterested in that thing that resonates with us. You have people who become school teachers who are better litigators, or engineers who could be the next Vincent van Gogh. Missing the opportunity to unlock that talent is of great tragedy.

It’s a tragedy because people look at the top people in their field or another field and say, “How did you do it?” As if you’re this special human on Earth. The reality is they unlocked their talent because they are self-aware. It’s hard to describe because it is a non-verbal oh, ok moment. What do I mean by non-verbal oh ok. Meaning, something will happen in life that you will come in contact with, and you go, “Oh,” or you say to yourself, “Oh, ok, this is what this is.” It’s how your brain processes information. Once you realize how your brain processes information, you will become more self-aware. Then your thing, or talent will unlock on it’s own. Then people will say, “How did you do that?” It will be hard to described. You will want to explain, but it becomes difficult because unlocking that thing can be natural. Natural occurrences can be tough to explain at times how to perform.

In the end, talents are something all people in life possess. Yet so many miss their window to capitalize. For a lot of people it’s fear of pursuing out of failure or letting down others. But when you waste your talent you let down more people than if you don’t pursue. You let down a potential generation that could take a cue from you and build from there. But then there are the people who never unlock their inner knowledge. They spend their entire lives not knowing themselves. So they are unable to succeed in life and ultimately die not knowing and not going anywhere.


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MAKING MOVES OR IS IT YOU: HOW CHANGING YOU MIGHT BE THE REAL MOVE TO MAKE

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“What are you really running from in life?”


For me, growing up in a small city my entire life, I decided to move to the big city for graduate school. Living in New York City, you have a perspective of the world that I couldn’t have gotten in the small city. On the other hand, there are people who feel that leaving their small place is what’s holding them back in life. But be careful, are you leaving the city where you’re from because the opportunities or running from something? Me, I am pursuing a career interest in filmmaking/theatre as well as writing my novels. I felt that being in the biggest city in America is the right place to thrive outside of my small city. But some people running from themselves.

And what I mean by running from themselves; they seem to think that the people in the city where they are from are the problem. But what you don’t realize is that there are people just as rude, disrespectful, lazy, gossipy as your small town. Don’t make the mistake of thinking the city is holding you back and not being self-aware of you You could be the problem in addition to the city being an awful place to live. For example, the people in your city think with such a small mind-frame, then when you sit down to talk, you don’t realize how small you think. They can communicate with you because you both think the same. Because if you were thinking above the small stuff, then they wouldn’t be around you anyways.

You see, it’s about being self-aware of who you are in life. A lot of people are not self-aware when looking at their lives. They seem to think that it is always someone else. Someone else is holding them back from doing what they want to do in life. Yet, no one is holding you from doing anything. In reality, if you were busy getting your life in order, you don’t know what others are talking about. So the problem may very well be the environment, but you are part of the problem as well. So you are not running from the people you’re running from yourself. And there is no place to run when running from yourself. You have to face your problems head on.

In the end, it doesn’t matter where you move in America. If you are not willing to change you, there is no use in moving. More so, if you move to a bigger city and don’t change you, you’ll actually have life harder in the new place. People seem to think that running from themselves will make their lives better. But just because you leave a place you hate with this idealistic view of the new place, you’re playing yourself. You are guaranteed to find the same people in your new location. So without changing your outlook in life, you are not going to be better off.


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PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST: CARING ABOUT YOU BEFORE ANYONE ELSE

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“Are you always putting people before yourself?”


Are you a person who always think about the well-being of others before yourself? Do you tend to put the needs of others before the needs of yourself? Have you ever asked yourself where this feeling comes from to save people? Why do you think it’s your job to correct another human being? Could it be because it makes you feel good? Or is it because they genuinely need the help? There are so many of these people who exist in our world. You would think that’s admirable to be one of these people. And in theory, they are good-nature people. But everything you think is great is not always the great thing to do. Well why, why isn’t doing the right thing, doing the right thing.

For starters, you can’t always bend over backward to help people because you’ll cripple them. Just because you think you’re helping does not mean you are helping. Some people need to be put into the ocean and forced to swim or drown. By always throwing them a life raft, you become an enabler. Whereabout you start to stifle your own growth in the process. Then when it’s time for you to get something out of life, the people you helped have drained you so much, their is nothing to bring you up. This is why you must come first before anyone else in the world. Now, this becomes easy to say when you’re single and have no children. But even with kids, if children are always coming first before yourself, then what do you have to give you once they leave your house? Everyone has a hand out, and you suffer in the end.

Another downside of the hand out mentality is that you give and give and give. The moment you say no, you’re now the biggest piece of garbage in the world. You can give 99 times, the 100th time you say no, and that’s it. They don’t remember the 99 other times, just the one time. That’s why you must master the art of the word no. Tough when it’s family, but these are the main groups of people you have to say no to in life. They see you are up in spirits, and instead of using you as an example to propel themselves forward, they impose their misfortunes onto you. People love to welcome others into their own misery because they don’t want to cope with it in life alone.

So see, in the end, it’s not your job to make sure the world is OK. We all have to be responsible for the situations we create for ourselves. No one in this world is responsible for you as an adult. The only one with stake in interest in you being successful is you. In theory, it sounds good to care for others, yet when that care is not making progress in the person’s life, you have to leave them to their own devices. Because there is no nobility in holding down anyone not willing to take the appropriate steps in making their own lives better by way of you helping them. Cutting them furthermore when they are also clearly not willing to reciprocate when you need the help.


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MIRRORS: WHY WE CAN’T SEE OURSELVES IN SOCIETY

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“Ever have a hard time looking at yourself?”


 The United States of America has such a deep fear of transparency in this country. We hate looking into mirrors and seeing ourselves for who we really are in society. There is this fear that when the people do see us for who we are, it will uncover something about us we don’t want out. But that person or people you’re worried about seeing the real you is the same as you. We all are hiding from ourselves hoping ourselves are not seen by ourselves. It’s a strange concept, but we live like this on a constant basis. But is it something that has happened in the recent years or is it what we have always been? Have we always been phony and never even realized it?

In my opinion, the more information we have in society the more we are forced to sit and take a look at realize ourselves for who we are in this world. And that is the hardest realization to come to. But if we are all the same in our fear of people seeing us, why are we so quick to point the finger at someone else? Could it be because the person or people we point the finger at makes us feel better about ourselves? Or is that hypocrisy is more of a subconscious action that we don’t even realize we’re taking part in until we’re called out on it? Once the person or people are called on it, they start to scramble through their minds as to what should come out of their mouths next. The easy out allows the person the ability to not have to explain themselves when the person being criticized is a public figure.

And public figure is a very interesting aspect of the judging. We love to point the finger at them. Then when they say something is indicative to the all of us, we say, well you’re supposed to be better. But what they’re really saying is that my life stinks and if you’re no better than me in a higher position than myself, it really reinforces how awful my life really is. So I have this illusion of power which forces you (the public figure) now to apologize for what you say or do. Because if you don’t say sorry, I can’t look at myself in the mirror you having all these perks on top of success, and I have nothing.

And that’s why our language and behavior takes on so much duplicity. We don’t think anyone is watching us and we are discouraged with our own lives. We like to see a train wreck so we not only can witness the greatest show on Earth. But also so we can fall asleep and smile knowing that people above us have lives just as bad as ours. When in reality it’s the total opposite. So in the end, I don’t think you will ever get the people to see themselves for who they genuinely are in life. That is why we always have a public figure who we shift blame to. It’s one of the reasons so many people take issue with Donald Trump. To me, every time he speaks, it is like putting a mirror up. Because the discomfort we all feel about a particular group of people, he openly expresses it.