cemetery, dark, graveyard

“The end is more near than the beginning.”


When you are young, you don’t understand what death means. You’re just living your life and existing. But do you remember the first time you realized that you wouldn’t be on this Earth forever. It creeped you out when you first found out that there is an end to life. Now that you are an adult and are more in the know, it creeps you out even more. Then you get to someplace in your life where you comfortable. Usually that happens toward the end of life once you see so many people around you die off. Life becomes a lot more alone and not worth living.


I had a great grandmother who passed away at almost 100 years old. Which is an amazing lifespan to exist on this planet. How one lives to be that age with so much around us is mind boggling. So many friends and family are hurt by the circumstance, but you start to think to yourself, when is the right time to die? Is it 50 years old, 70 years old, what about 100 years old? We are so hurt when someone who is an elder passes, but 100 years is a long time. Is it really a tragedy at that point, or do we rejoice? Because to me, that is a happy ending to life.


Age has a lot to do with being afraid to die. I am 30 years old, and in my life, I have heard of a few people in my age group die already. One guy in my twenties and another more recent, both natural causes. Isn’t that something scary, natural causes taking you away from Earth at the age of 30. And that’s when it dawns on people the real fear. People don’t fear the inevitable; we fear not being able to reach our full potential in life. Because just being afraid to die for the sake of dying will drive you crazy. Because it’s something that we all will do some day.


Knowing you will pass, and that life will continue after you are gone is a bummer. And what’s more of a bummer, the majority of people on Earth are not public figures where at least names live on forever. A time will come where no one will care or even know you existed. And that’s just members of your family past a certain point. I guess that’s why I write so much. I will leave behind a base of knowledge. From me to the people of who I was, how I thought while I was here. So far at the age of 30, I have written a lot. Imagine if I live to be my great grandmother’s age.

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Greyscale Photography of Tombstones in a Cemetery

“Here one minute and gone the next.”

No one wants to think of the day in which they will no longer be here on Earth. We dread that moment, but it won’t even be something we realize. We will just be gone, and that’s it. But our family and friends will hopefully make sure our name stays around forever. And another aspect of living and dying we hope is the belief that we will make it to a great age. I recently saw a post on my Facebook where someone I knew through passing, died this week. Only in his late twenties, it can shake you up when you hear this type of tragedy. Because I am abut to be thirty years old next month. And you never know when that day will be your last.

No one wants to think about that day especially when you’re young. We have all these visions of our lives once we reach an old age. We all hope that someone will be with us when we do pass along. But no one is ready to experience being told they only have a small time on this planet in their twenties. There are even people who die at younger ages. When you hear about a teenager dying it’s even more tragic. But what tends to be more shocking is once you find out how someone has died. Anytime I hear of a young person dying of natural causes, it always blows my mind. Especially if the person was around my age. You think to yourself, we are the same age and just passed unexpected. What is that about? How did that transpire?

It’s for those reasons we have a sense of urgency in life. So that whenever we do pass along, whatever we have done up to this point meant something. And that is something that terrifies people as much as dying. Which is dying and not even achieving close to what it is you set out to accomplish. There is this massive void you feel exist in your life. But if you have accomplished so much, and/or living the life you want, then can we honestly say this is a tragedy. You have people who live their life to the fullest, so their life was full of meaning. My great-grandmother passed away back in 2010. She was born in the year 1914. Now you’re talking a long life. I can’t imagine if I live that long what I would witness. Hence is another reason we aim for longevity. The longer we live, the more we are able to cope with our mortality.

In the end, no one wants to think about the day when they die. It’s final, and the only thing in life that is guaranteed. The eternal aspect creeps people out, yet there is something also so soothing and calming to the mind knowing that hardships and struggles are over. I guess this is why people cling so tight to religion because it gives us that feeling there is more after we leave here; thus making it easier to cope with our own mortality.



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“We all cope in different ways.”

One of the hardest, if not the hardest moment of your life is losing a loved one. We all have these ideas of how we’re going to deal with the situation. We even go as far as purchasing insurance and putting together wills for when that time comes. But even with all the preparation it’s still a sudden blow to the family. So what is your way in which you have learned to cope with the death of a close family member? We all have our way of dealing. I know in my life time I have lost three close relatives: all three were my grandparents. And even though they were elderly, you’re never ready for them to go.

Some people become what I call the reclusive types. They go and hide, and no one sees them for a very long time. The sudden death is too much for them to deal with, so they have to get away. It takes these people sometimes years to gain the courage to visit the grave site of a loved one. And depending on how they died, it could really have taken a toll on reclusive people. In addition to the death and how the person died, reclusive people might also be a solitary type of person anyways. So the death just added to the further recluse behavior.

Now the other group of people who cope with death are the people known as the abusive types. These are people who usually deal with a lose by turning to some form of self-deprecating behavior. The harm to ones’ self can come in the form of drugs, sex, and/or alcohol. They are people who already have a hard time dealing with any minimal lose. Now they have to live with this major lose. So it wears down on them to the point they themselves become a detriment to their lives and people around them.

Now, another group of people are known as the spiritual types. They look at death and try to find the religious angle in coping. Their belief is that the person is somewhere better than here. The struggle in life is over and the person is on to something far more greater. And this coping mechanism makes it easier to deal with their own mortality. The end is a very terrifying realization, so to be able to look death in the eyes and deal with that, it’s quite uplifting. Yet, there is still one more group of people who cope with death that is different than the rest.

The last group are the types that fall under the category of realist. They are geared toward a less spiritual outlook. Thy tend to be more scientific in their viewpoint. They don’t abuse alcohol or substances, nor do they become recluse. These realist look at life and go, we all will die. The human body is only made to live 40 years, so the fact that we get 78 years is a miracle in disguise. Anything beyond 78 years and life is fair to this bunch; beyond fair. To these people, why asks for more, when there is so much greatness right here on Earth to experience.

In the end, we all have ways that we deal with death. I can’t say one person’s way is better than another way. It’s however you’re able to deal with death. I’ll say that if I were more of one than the others, I would be more of the recluse type. It’s a lot easier for me to look at death out of mind out of sight. Still thinking about the person, but place the death somewhat to the back of your mind. I’ll remember more good times than bad so I don’t have to deal with the constant death reminder.


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“Are you ready?”

Most people take for granted that their loved ones will be here every single day. Are any us prepared for the loss of a relative? Are you ready for your child or parent to leave? I know asking about such a tough subject conjures up so many feelings. But the question is still open for being ready. But ready for what? We know that no one is ready to lose anyone, but what should you really be preparing for. You should be preparing for the cost associated with burying them, the emotional stress that comes with losing them, paying any debts the person left behind, and the moving on process.

Well, how should you ready yourself for when the person dies when burying this person. And I don’t mean burying them, I mean the cost associated with the death. Do you have the money in your will? Do you come from a family that could pay for a death? This is the initial problem people run in to if who are from a family that does not have the means. It can cost thousands of dollars to bury a relative. But that’s a lot of money for middle class to pay for, not to mention poor people.

But what about other financial concerns such as the debt that is associated with people who pass away. You see, their issues are over because they’re deceased and yours as their family is about to start. Why because if they have any outstanding debts you could be the heir to that debt. So hey, watch what you sign thinking the person has money in their will. You might wind-up in debt yourself trying to pay off their debts. Trust and believe that emotional loss could go away fast once you find out that person owes a boatload of money to debtors. But wait a minute, what about other problems associated with being ready for someone’s death.

What about the emotional concerns that come with hearing the initial news. How did we forget to include this one. How do you process the information that you have just heard? Sorry for your loss. Sorry, uh is that all sorry. I just lost someone close to me and that’s all I get is a sorry. But what can they say? But what about the person who breaks the news that you’ve lost your relative? Trust and believe that it makes them uncomfortable as well. So where do you go from here, which leads into the next concern of readiness.

The last stage would be the moving on process. How do you move on in the case that a person dies who is close to you? The day after the funeral, you might have to go to work. How do you deal with getting your life back in track? If you lose a cousin, aunt, or uncle, maybe it’s easier to move forward. But in the case of a  parent or even a child, it’s a lot harder to move forward. In the end, there is a preparation for death that is necessary. But how do you tackle this issue if the person is not sick. Whatever the case, you have to prepare because you never know what could come of the situation.