ARE YOU REALLY THE ONE AND ONLY: HOW MUCH DO WOMEN REALLY LOVE US

Close-up of Couple Holding Hands

“Am I your first choice or last result?”


Comedian Chris Rock had a very funny joke directed at men. He said, “You ever catch your woman looking at you, but not saying nothing.” “It’s because you aint her first choice.” That joke resonated with so many people in relationships. But is there something deeper to that joke that we are not looking at that we should? Are we hearing a joke as men that makes us feel a little more uncomfortable the more we listen to it? I myself developed a theory as to why this might be more disturbing than funny the more we read into it. And the disturbing aspect of the joke is a pill that is hard for a lot of men to swallow.

Men have this stoic, fearless, unemotional, unapologetic aspect to us. We are supposed to be so big and strong. Then when we experience hurt from a woman, the real human element that is us emerges. We never want to think of another man with the woman that we are in a relationship with; must less her actually doing it. We think and at times we know that we cannot be replaced until we are replaced. And that’s why Chris Rock’s joke about us not being first choice kind of stops us in our tracks. We want to believe we are the first choice since she is in the relationship with us. But here is my theory.

My theory starts like this; if a woman dates nine six foot four guys, nice body, beautiful hair, amazing smile, and highly viral, then switches it up. She now is in a relationship on number ten with a guy who is five foot seven, average body, rugged looks, and average sex drive. What was it about those other guys that brought her to this one man? There is something about this five seven guy, that those other guys didn’t have going for them. So she settled for the five seven because what he has that is stable trumps the other nine.

Now, here is the idea of not being first choice. Sorry Mister Five Seven, but you are not her first choice. Those other guys are the first choice, but what you have she needs in her life. But those nine guys were her wants in life. She really wants Mister Five Seven to be Mister Six Four, but Mister Five Seven isn’t. So she must make a decision, be with what is stable, or what is not, but her wants are met. The needs are from Mister Five Seven. So now she has to stare at what could have been if only Five was born Six.

And in the end, that’s what the stare is about. I wish you were what turns me on naturally and not what I have to learn to love. Learning to love takes times and it is a long arduous path. What is natural is instant. What’s crazy about the universe is that what you need in life is not always what you want. And what you want is not always the best thing you need in life. But if you can find your needs being met, and above average wants, you’re talking a great relationships.


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TOO OLD TO CHANGE: HOW WAITING TOO LONG FOR MONOGAMY IS A HARD ADJUSTMENT

Image result for LIVING alone

“Did you wait too late?”


Are you in your late 20’s or even your early 30’s and have yet to enter a serious monogamous relationship? People see this as crazy, but it’s not as impossible as you might think. Especially if you are working toward a goal in life, sacrificing your personal life is an easy thing to do. And before you know it, it’s hard to be in a relationship. Dating is pretty standard, but being in a relationship is a lot different. It becomes hard because now you’re sharing your personal space with someone. You have become used to living on your own for so long it becomes tough to live the opposite.

Your transition from moving in with someone or getting an apartment jointly is tough. One of you might be used to living a certain lifestyle that can be negotiated upon. But there are things people are not willing to compromise on which makes living with someone difficult. You like to sleep with the television on, but they want it to be off. You leave the lights on when you leave the house, they need them to be on. You take longer showers than the other person, and need a longer time in the bathroom to prep yourself. Certain things can be given up and some cannot. What about not being able to give up certain things.

Let’s say for a second that you are living with someone and your non-negotiable is what the other person want you to give up. This could hurt the relationship if this happens. Giving up something you love most is tough especially if you’re not guaranteed to be with this person. You’re really taking a gamble with your life. Now what if you give what you love up and then the relationship ends. Now you’re behind in whatever it was you were pursuing in life. Setbacks that cannot be recuperated is hard to cope with. Money can be replaced, but not time, you will never get that time back in life. So where do you go from here if you’re set into a way as it pertains to relationships.

In the end, a lot of people are used to living on their own for long become turned off by relationships. Just the idea of someone other than yourself occupying your space is an invasive experience. Unless this is something you’re used to, your first few relationships might fall through. It might even take years for you to get into the groove of a relationship. But once you’re used to it, it may not be as bad you might think.