SEX IS WAY TOO EASY: THE CULTURE OF SWIPING

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“Left for no, right for yes.”


the new chivalry

I have a Bumble account, but I have never really used it. Just went about my time swiping on it and playing around. But there is still something to be said about actually approaching someone and talking face to face. Dating apps gives you the ability to be shot down over the computer and you don’t have the personal rejection up close. Yet even this is not the topical point of today. This is more about the sex lifestyle of living on the apps. Just swiping on someone then see if you can get a quick hookup. And that is what so much about being a young person today is about. It’s almost crazy to assume someone would be willing to approach then build from there into something more.

convenience is key

Work, life, balance for the average person is so stressful in today’s society. So the popularity with online dating has made life so much more convenient. You swipe and wait for them to respond. If they respond then we move on from there, if not then keep swiping. And this is due to us always trying to find our next gig. Making money is very important and with a lot of jobs, yet lower pay and hours, we find ourselves working more gigs. Then when you think about your dating life, it gets thrown to the back burner. But once that happens you start to lose the ability to connect to another person. You are more so connected to the ideas of what that person might be, but not actually be. We become in love with a representation instead of the real deal.

parents just don’t understand

When you are swiping as a means to meet someone then parents look at you like they don’t understand you. And the reality is that they will never because their way of meeting someone was to was to approach that person. It is too risky for them to go over the computer to meet someone. Because this way you are able to see the person and not them putting forward this person that is not them on a screen. Funny thing is, we all come with a representative of who we are in life. No one shows up and says, “Hey I’m_________, I have an emotional problem, financial issues, and looking for someone to aid me in good life decision making.” The average person would run for the hills. But in all, it still seems odd to you parent’s generation.

the next generation’s swipe

If we swipe today, what will be the swipe for dating 20 years from now. Who knows, maybe there won’t even be a swipe. They might be inclined to go back to dating like the distant past. Or maybe a flip could happen where women play the role of us as men and pursue us. But I will say this, technology will make things more and more strange to my age group.


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RELATIONSHIPS ON THE DECLINE: WHY YOUNGER GENERATIONS ARTE NOT SEEKING MARRIAGE

Macro Shot Photography of Two Gold-colored Band Rings

“I don’t.”


let’s just live together

A lot of the millennial generation is of a young group that was raised by parents who taught us that we should want to get married. But so many of us don’t want to make the wrong mistake. Because if you don’t choose wisely, then you will find yourself marrying someone who makes your life hell. But we also don’t want to live a life alone either. It’s not like the 1950’s or the 1960’s when families had problems but were families. Today, you are taking too much of a risk to be married because so many people think in context of themselves. So it’s best to just stay single a lot of the times and go at life alone. Then again, what happens when children come into play? Do you really want to be a single parent?

doing it all aint always better

We love to brag about how we did it all by ourselves. We love to tell people how great we are at doing us. Reality is that it’s not always the best route to take in life. Sometimes, well, to be honest, a lot of times. See, I am a single male working on building my career by myself. And I am going to tell you something, it’s fucking hard. Now, that does not mean it is impossible for me to succeed. All I am saying is that we all have to get some sort of help in order to do well in life. It doesn’t mean anything less for you to want help.

dollars and cents

Marriage has always been a union where people are pooling finances to make this relationship work. So when you are trying to build a life for yourself, marriage is still the way many people build. Now, I am not saying your should get married to build with someone finances because then you run into a lot of problems personally. But, marriage still in today’s society is a gold standrd for how men and women build a life together. It’s like that old saying, two incomes are better than one.


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GENERATION FAST TRACK: HOW THIS NEW SOCIAL MEDIA ERA IS RUINING A GENERATION’S DRIVE

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“In a fast paced world, with long term success.”


Google, Yahoo, YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Tinder, and way more. We are the generation that is used to instant gratification. You type it, it pops up in less than a few seconds. And if we just so happen to get a 15 second commercial clip we get antsy. And this behavior has to do with so Image result for social mediamuch moving so fast in today’s society. But when it comes to other areas of life, time seems to stand still. And there are two areas of interest where you don’t receive instant gratification: building a successful career and maintaining a successful monogamous relationship. These are two of the most important aspects of adulthood, and two of the hardest to tackle.

Yet, we struggle so much with the idea of having to build so long. Why does it take so long to build a career? For starters, initially, you’re building experience in the field of interest. Our generation wants someone to show us, kind of like working at a fast food restaurant. Then once we learn, we can start making Related imagethe big bucks. But it doesn’t quite work like that; you need more time. So you might think, what time, 6 months, 1 year? No, you should probably take close to 10 years of learning. And that’s when the onset of stress and depression set in. So much of your life is about in the now, that you hear 10 years and say to yourself, forget it. But 10 years is nothing when trying to build a career. As a matter of fact, I’m actually being nice when I say 10 years.

Nice! Yes, nice; it’s more like 15 to 20 years, maybe even close to 20. That’s why it’s best to start young and build. This way, hopefully, you’re still young by the time your career takes off. Then again, when you see someone young doing the things you want to do, you get discouraged. But you don’t know when they started. They could have started at age 19 years old, and are now Image result for GROWTH30/31 years old. We tend to look at the now, and say what you could have been. Don’t regret, you’re still young at 30 yourself, and you will be at 40 years of age. But so many see those who are what they could have been had they have started early.But now, they resent not working at what they want. Big mistake, you’re still young, start now.

But even with all I have written, what about relationships. With so many apps geared toward meeting someone and hoping up in just a matter of hours, no wonder good relationship are so hard to come by. How do we maintain a relationship when so much is based around a quick one hour encounter. But then you look at people who have been married for 25, 30, Related image40, 50, and some more years. And you ask yourself, “How did they make it that far?” Well, they made it that far because there was no rush when they first met. There was trial and error where people learned along the way. Now, there is no trial and error; if you screw up, you’re gone. Why, well there are more options today.

If the generations before us thought the way we do about relationships, I could only imagine what the state of relationships would look like today. There was a courting process in the past that involved not only you getting to know your partner, but the family you were marrying into. Now, it’s meet you today, sleep with you tomorrow, meet your family next week, marry a few months later, and then divorce five years after. Everything is so fast, yet Image result for goalswe want things to last long.We are way too impulsive in our society today. There is little thought that goes into our decisions that have long term effects. And in the end, the long term effects are what I am worried about. Will we wind-up hurting ourselves in the end? Will a generation become depressed and less driven because they are ill-prepared for the real world? Hopefully this is fear, and it dissipates as time goes on.


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GENERATION FRUSTRATION: WHY WE AS A YOUNG BLACK DEMOGRAPHIC CARRY SUCH ANGER

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“Where does it all come from?”


Ever see the crime rate in the inner cities throughout the country? You ever wonder where so much of this rage comes from? The frustrations comes from a multitude of issues in the community. It’s not just one thing to observe when trying to figure out why this exist. From the gun violence in the community to the rioting when the police shoot an innocent Black male. This rage comes from internal struggle as well as external struggles. But it’s not indicative of who we are as a people. The black community didn’t have these high crime rates during the 1920’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, or even the 60’s. And this was a time period when we barely had rights in America. Well, what happened?

I’ll say the first issue that came about was actually a positive as well. That double edge sword was the Civil Rights Bills passed in the 1960’s. After this time period Black people had this sense of accomplishment. We felt like the work had been complete. Yet, during the Civil Rights Movement, we had our own communities. Black people had our own businesses, schools, hospitals, and social programs. That Black owned mind-frame shifted after the movement. We thought to ourselves, “Why all the Black stuff, we are free now.” Then, communities dried up as Black people left our urban environments to take solace in upper middle or upper class predominantly White neighborhoods. So money left the community, while at the same time spending was poured outward. Whereas in the past money was circulated through the community.

What happened next, coming into the 1970’s as money left, narcotics took hold. The combination of Heroine met Cocaine, led to high crime rates and bombed out buildings. Fatherless homes left Black women dependent on welfare. Which leads into my next reason for the rage. The lack of a co-parenting  situation that made the women both mother and father. Initially Black men were gone from the house for a few hours. Why, well the family needed money from the welfare system. Then hours to days, days to weeks, and then weeks to months. In no time fathers were gone, beginning to get hooked on drugs and alcohol, while women were the new leaders of the community. Now we have this pride in the woman doing it all, when in reality it takes more than just Black women to keep young Black men out of trouble.

Men and women have different skills, thought processes, and emotions. So it’s no wonder why Black women have had such a tough time raising children alone; especially connecting young Black males. So, with no help and forced to work long hours to provide for the family, more than ever the term latch key kid came into play. With her at work and no father around, young Black males turned to gangs as a means of creating bonds with each other they weren’t receiving at home. Gangs started battling for turf over other gangs which were predominantly Black, leading to an even higher crime rate than before. This time was known as the Crack Cocaine years of the 1980’s and 90’s. Which leads to the rage as well of a generation.

Drug trafficking was an issue coming from the 1960’s throughout the 70’s, but nothing was like Crack. Crack took communities deviations down to nothing. KKK were far removed from our communities, while we took over where they left off. Black women who could have been beauty pageant contestants were taken down by Crack. Hair matted on their heads, eyes blood shot red, skull caps & ripped t-shirts, bodily scares from syringe use and scratching, and diseases stemming from drug use. Women who could have been doctors, lawyers, engineers, educators, were taken down by drugs. Black males were dying and getting hit with conspiracy charges and sent to prison for decades, as well as life sentences.

Then the 1990’s came and went, leading into the 2000’s. After a few decades of mayhem, we felt through this past 90’s into the 2000’s this sense of accomplishment as well. But entertainment became bigger influences than ever. Hip Hop hit in the 90’s and early 2000’s, making these men bigger influences than the Civil Rights leaders of the past. And here is another aspect of the rage from young Black males and females. Our entertainment was now raising us, and we would base more and more off of tangibles then intangibles. Boys were more encouraged to be players and pimps than boyfriends and husbands. And Black women were prompted to chase after ballers over day-to-day working men. So now, pickings are slim because expectations became so unrealistic.

So the relationship between Black men and women was even more fragmented. Then in 2008, the United States elected its first Black president Barack H. Obama. Black people flocked to Washington D.C. from all across the country for his inauguration. That sense of accomplishment reemerged and for the past eight years, we felt success. He, a Noble Peace Prize winner, and his wife Michelle Obama was inspirational as well through her public persona. After they left the White House, people geared themselves for Hilary Clinton, the first woman. But the nation elected Donald J. Trump in the year 2016. A man who pulled no punches on how he spoke. Unapologetic and aggression was enough to make him president. And that feeling of hurt emerged from the Black community. Hate crimes rose and everything felt bleak.

And in the end, that’s the feeling of rage from the Black youth of today. We have constantly been told things are different, but don’t feel different. My millennial generation and generation Y were raised into a community of crime and poverty. We feel lied to and with a feeling of limited opportunities, the rage rises. But there is a flip side to the rage. Trump has also had an inverse effect in other ways. Consciousness among young twenty somethings have risen as well. We may be headed toward another Black Renaissance like that of 1930’s Harlem. So with all the anger and frustration, we need more and more consciousness, especially in this troubling time.

ODDBALL: WHY YOU CAN’T CONNECT TO YOUR AGE GROUP

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“You ever get the feeling you’re too old to be so young?”

Waking up at 5:00 am and going to the first of my two part time jobs. Then in the middle of the day when I’m not working I work on my novel. Unless I don’t work double shifts, then it’s all day in the computer lab. In addition to my novel I have my book of short stories, pre-production for my next short film, freelance photography in 2017, and finding a way to build my podcast show I want to start in 2017! So when I hear, man, when I get out of work, I’m going home to chill; it creeps me out. Or better yet, I’m about to go home and blaze up.

Blaze up! The world is passing every single second of the day and you’re getting high. What about doing more, don’t you want to do more? I have a theory about those type of people. When you’re in your 20’s, you don’t quite know what you want out of life. So you spend the entire decade hanging and partying with an occasional hook up. It’s a sign that you don’t have anything you’re passionate about in life. But I found my passion when I was only 23/24 years old. Am I special, no, I just hate waking up, work, home, eat, then sleep. Why don’t I connect with the average person my age? It’s more than just not having passion.

Another reason I don’t connect or anyone else in my position is because of how I look at the world. When you’re young you think you know everything. The whole world is myopic to you because you have not been anywhere yet. And I’m not talking about traveling. I’m talking about the hardships that come with life. You’re not jaded yet by the world because of the things you see around you. Now me, I am jaded, why because I think I know too much about my surroundings. It’s this weird unexplained awareness. Now you ask yourselves, aren’t you a 20 something. Aren’t you doing what makes you irritated about so many other 20’s. Not quite.

Other 20’s have conversations like for instance political stance that lack substance. For example, “I could never vote for Trump!” He’s just bad for the country and Hilary is right!” “I can’t see how anyone would vote for a man like that!” “I can’t even talk to a person who would vote for a man like him!” Now me, I look at life for starters never say never. I have disagreed politically at times with him, but wouldn’t all together rule a person out. You have to way your options before making a decision. If you’re a person that all you see is bad in someone and no good, you’re just as pitiful as them. No one has all bad traits. Also, saying how could someone vote for him, yet in the same breathe stating I can’t converse with a Trump supporter answers your question as to why someone would vote for him. You have to talk to the person who you see as your opposition. But it’s hard to do so when you only stick your points.

The same applies to social ways of looking at the world. My generation says you shouldn’t fat shame, but are quick to put each other in the friend zone if they are not the archetype that we call people out for doing. We say no bullying, until a random person walk in the room we don’t know. Then a conversation ensues around what they are wearing and how they looked wearing their attire. We scream racism, but the same hipsters who are anti-racist actively work to remove certain ethnic groups from the community in opposition of their culture. We say we see woman in Kaitlin Jenner, but a woman wouldn’t dare date a man whose been with a transgender woman. Men say our new president disrespects women, all the while we shoot the shit the same why.

And that’s why I say I see and know too much. It is not just the lack of plausible information we use to drive our points. But it’s the willingness to stick to those points and not bend. You would think age changes people from age range to age range, but from 18 – 30 years is not much of a quantum leap. From some of the clothes to the music selection. I don’t feel my age, which could mean I am maturing faster than people my age or missing out on experiencing life at my age. But I can’t help how I feel. Feelings are real; the cognitive disconnect to my age group is real. Sad thing is that a lot of people never change. They wonder through life, aimlessly searching. Trying to find their place in a world that is rapidly passing them by.

BY 30: WHAT IS EXPECTED OF YOU BY THIS AGE?

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“Are the expectations for us realistic or not?”

It’s funny the expectations people have for you once you reach a certain age. The age 18 years old, 21 years, and now 30. By the time you reach 30 years of age parents, friends, significant others, and society expects more from you. This is the age where you’re suppose to have your life together. I guess this is why I started in my 20’s pushing toward what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Most guys go out on Fridays, I’m in a computer lab trying to focus on writing/filmmaking. But why the strain, 30 is really not that old. As a matter of fact, it’s really young.

This is why 30 is such an important part of your life. You’re 12 years out of high school, hopefully far removed from your parent’s house, and bills start to role in. You’ve been out of college for the greater portion of the past decade. And if you are in a relationship, no more late night caps of sex. Especially if you’re a guy with a woman, she’s thinking marriage. It’s when you really start wanting children if you don’t already have any. It’s also a time to reflect over your life so far. Every milestone of my own life I have been happy up to this point. 18 years old, graduating high school; 22/23 years old graduating college, now I am 29 years old looking to 30.

I am in the process of working to be self employed and I may say, it is an uphill battle. What if I fail? What if I am not as good as I thought I was? Was the past decade for me a waste? Maybe I should have just partied it up like every other guy my age and figured out life later. Who knows what will happen for me because 30 years of age is not even 12 months away. But on the other hand, I’m not the only one who feels the pressure of 30. Yet, there is something about me that sits me apart from so many my age. I don’t feel pressured to do certain things a lot of millennials my age are thinking about: children, marriage, buying a house, and making car payments.

Now, what makes 30 so difficult for my age group that is different than my older sister is that my age group will need multiple crafts/skills. It’s not good enough to work one job anymore. I talk to people I grew up with who are working professionals and struggle to survive. Let me reiterate that, “working professionals” struggling to survive! In school growing up, you’re always taught that in a professional position you should be good. But actually, they struggle just as much as non-professionals.

Why the change with this new generation. It just seems like technology is shrinking everything. But in reality technology has created more opportunities to make money. You just have to dig it up out of the ground like gold because the days of working a 9-5 for 40 hours per week and benefits are over. So, is 30 still looked at like 30 a decade or so ago. The answer is yes! 30 is still 30, and you are expected to be at a certain place mentally and financially.

So I go back to myself. Maybe the book I am about to finish writing helps build me some type of audience, maybe it does very well, or maybe it falls flat. Maybe my next short film will help me land more work in my respective field or maybe I will be forced to keep grinding. Whatever the case may be, I am in preparation for what I want. Shouldn’t that mean something. We’ll see in a year because change is important. If you are in the same mind-frame and same financial position, you probably have not done much to change your situation. These are the adjustments all adults have to make. In the end, I don’t know what next year, next month, next week, or even the next day will bring. But as long as things are better each day than the day before I am making progress. And that at this point in life is good enough for me. Because life is about the journey, not necessarily where you’re at this moment.