APPROPRIATE DATING AGE: WHEN YOUTH IS ON TRIAL BASED ON THE GENDER OF THE ELDER

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“Is age really only a number?”


The above photo is a picture I found on the internet that shows what appears to be a much older woman hugged up with a younger man. And it has popped up on dating sites as well. So I ask you, is age only a matter of a number? Is there more that comes with dating someone who is younger that you must realize? Because yes, there are going to be some characteristics besides the physical that we see, that will make dating a person of a certain age different than dating someone close in age. And when I say dating someone younger, I am not referring to dating someone 60 years old if you are 40 years old. Because I feel there is something built into the minds of both parties different than 40 years dating a 20 year old. So, why do men and women begin to date younger?

For starters, you observe men, and we have always dated younger women because it’s just what we have always dated. It’s hard to explain besides the initial attraction which tends to be purely physical. But what is it besides the physical that keeps the situation together? One reason is that we as men and women have two separate biological clocks that differ from each other. When a woman is 35 years of age she is generally already a mother and married, or in the process of; while men typically can wait longer. There is a reason we can wait, it’s because we can have children for the rest of our lives. So there is not this rush to find someone to marry. Women start to decrease odds of bringing a child into the world once they reach a certain age. So men date younger because when a younger woman is ready to have children she’s still young and not in rush up to that point.

Well, what about women and their reasons for wanting to date younger. In the recent years, more and more women have opened up the possibilities of dating younger. Only when it comes to women, the relationships become a little more complicated. Women have traditionally themselves gone for much older men because men by a certain point in life are established in their careers. So dating a man who is younger goes against so much of their beliefs about relationships. So when an older woman dates a guy who is younger, the situation is usually judged by women more harsh than men. Because you as a woman knows how the majority of you feel about that particular situation. So it’s odd to you to see that couple.

In the end, for me, it comes down to a certain age at different stages of life. Now that I am 30 years old, I would much rather date a woman who is at least 23 years old or 24 years old. Because she is out of college, and starting to have a realistic perspective of society. Before that point we all have these altruistic views of the world that aren’t real, so I would have a hard time communicating with someone not in the general population already. You need to have to some degree of an understanding of how the workforce works. This way you know my struggle and understand my work ethic.


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FATHERLESS: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN BOYS DON’T GROW WITH THEIR FATHERS

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“You are his first guidance counselor.”


As a young boy who grew up in a single parent home without my father, I can tell you first hand what boys miss when they don;t have a man around. Luckily for me, I was able to not only look to my mother, but there were enough men around I could look to, to gauge what it means to be a man. Now that I am 30 years of age, my father and I speak now. This is tough for many considering they have so many grudges they hold for the other parent. As for me, I have learned not mainly the art of forgiveness, but an aspect of life has set in; which is no one cares. The world at large could care less about you not having your father in your life. Because when its all said and done, the world will judge you based on you, not your parent.

Sounds like a hard pill to swallow because you lose so much with that other half not in your life. And what are some of the key aspects of life you miss out on.

RESPONSIBILITY

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You might be thinking to yourself, your mother can raise you to be responsible. But living in society there are different expectations for men and for women. Even as we start to take on relationships, the expectations of men become different. Funny that your mother never sit down and talk to you about the real standards that women have in life. But instead, mothers don’t want to throw too much at you, almost like she wants to protect you more than see you afraid to step out into the world. But a man afraid to step out into the world, is a man headed down an unsuccessful path. You can’t become successful if all you’re doing is second guessing the entire time. And women themselves will learn to not be able to trust you and depend upon you as well. Nothing you say will be taken seriously because there is not that strong male foundation. Mothers are more apt to give their sons a little more leeway than the father. The father is more authoritative when dealing with their sons, while mom tends to be more emotional. And the problem with mom emotions directed toward her son. He grows and starts to take on these attributes. Which is seen as normal for women, but we appear to be weak and unwilling to take action when action is needed. We’re more likely to be sons and friends to women in our lives than boyfriends and husbands.

DISCIPLINE

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Here is the part of life where fathers teach their sons about how to be patient. Here is where young boys get that first hand lesson in good things coming to those who wait, when the one is waiting is focused and poised. Usually boys are quite jittery, but fathers are the ones who whip them into shape. “Boy sit down,” or “Didn’t I tell you to be still?” You’re given these hard directions, that at times come from mom, but they scream louder from dad. And why do we listen to dad’s discipline more than mom’s discipline. It has nothing to do with our love for him more. It has everything to do with the idea that we know and understand, even at a young age the strong staff that dad carries. And that internal feel of dad means business leads into the next thing boys miss out on.

SELF-IDENTIFICATION

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The previous paragraph that explains the understanding we have as men when we are in each other’s presence. That feeling that women don’t have when we as men come cross paths with each other. And you look into the eyes of another man and realize in that moment when he is serious, when he is not who he says he is, and when he is burying something internally. And part of knowing who we are is by way of knowing yourself as well. A lot of boys growing up coming into manhood have a hard time communicating with other men without getting emotional because they lack self-identification. Then they finds themselves in trouble because they are not consciously aware. Not having any man who is truly unaware because he was not taught awareness, is not only a problem and detriment to himself but society. And if you look at the statistics, boys who are more prone to commit crimes and wind up in prison usually didn’t have their fathers to teach them men don’t do this or do that in life. So the boy grows full blown from whatever imaginations is there that is not cultivated by the man in his life.

In the end, boys tend to miss out on a lot by not having their fathers or some man around that they can look to in how to be a man. Like I said earlier, in my life, I could look to someone that was an image of manhood. Some boys in the community turned to gangs as a way to link up with men who served as guidance in their lives. And even though mom plays an intricate role in your life, their is so much you lose that have to learn on the fly by not having a father.


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WHEN TO SAY WHEN: HOW TO ELIMINATE PEOPLE WHO AREN’T IN YOUR BEST INTEREST

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“Know when to throw in the towel.”


Packing your bags and removing people from your life can be a very tough decision to make. Because at times these are people that are the closest to you. They are usually friends and even family. You have to cut people loose sometimes because they tend to be more of a burden and hindrance in your life than an advancement. But how do you know if the person or people in your life are becoming a ball and chain. Trust and believe, you’ll know, you may try to act like you don’t, but you’ll know. And for those of you who don’t know what I mean here are a few examples of the ball and chain. They are generally people who leach off of you, they’re me people who only care about themselves, the jealous types who hate on your success, and they’re people who make excuses as to what’s wrong with everyone else but themselves.

How do you rid yourself of the first type of person or people; the leach. The leach are the ones who want to live off of your shine and success. They don’t use you as an example where they want to be in their own lives. They say, you’re successful, why don’t you take care of me. But it’s not your job to care for them, better yet, it’s their job to play catch-up. And if they are not bent on catching up, you have to leave them behind. Easier to do with friends, but what about in the case of family. What happens when someone whose a family member becomes a burden. You give and give, and nothing transpires from it. They just look at your act of kindness as weakness. That’s when you must cut them off, until they are willing to change.

Now the next  group of people who you have to cut loose are the ones who only care about themselves. They live for them and only them, and could care less who it effects you. They’re the all about me people, which is a mental illness in itself. Doesn’t matter who has something else going on in their lives, it’s all about me. My issues, my life, and you should want to revolve your decisions around me. This ball and chain have to be gotten rid of so that you can focus on yourself. If you have nothing but me people around you, you spend time trying to appease them while your own life fails. So in the case of these type of people, cut them, and cut them fast.

Now the third group of people are the jealous types. These are the people who see you shining and they would love nothing more than to see you fall. Well, why would people close to you want to see you fail? It goes from a lack of self-worth within that person or people. They look at you and see what they could have been, and express disdain. These are the people who are worse than leaches and me groups. You have to watch this bunch closer than your enemies because they’re already in your camp. They might look at you and think, “They use to be right here with me.” “They don’t deserve what they have.” “If they have what they have, and started with me at the bottom, it means I wasted my life.” These are toxic people and are only going to hurt you in the end.

The last group are the I got the short end of the stick group. They’re the ones who blame everything and everybody else but themselves. The world is out to get me group, and they want you to correct their lives because of it. These people you have to leave behind because they become a hindrance on your progress. And they’re a hindrance because if all you hear is negativity from them all the time, then it’ll start to infiltrate your mind and taint your thinking. Before you know it, your life has fallen off from you trying to help them out. You see, in the end, you have so many people in your life you will lose along the way. It’s painful, but it’s part of your growth in this world. Everyone is not meant to be in your life. And sometimes its comes from the unlikeliest of places such as friends or family.

PETRIFIED: HOW FEAR CAN LEAD TO URGENCY IN LIFE

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“Do you value your time on this earth?”

Ever hear the term time is of essence? That’s because the most valuable commodity in life is time. Money comes and goes, but you only have one shot at life. And for most people there is fear that lies in only having one life. But having fear is not all bad. Sometimes fear gives people more of an incentive to spend their time on Earth being more productive. When you realize that this is the only life we have and after that, that’s it, you’re quicker to get things done. Well, why do we waste time?

Like that old saying, why put off until tomorrow what you can accomplish today. This is not all about putting in the work to live a good life. In my life, I have witnessed the deaths of three very important people close to me: my great grandmother, and both grandmothers (mother and father’s mothers). Missing the relative will never go away, but you don’t have regrets as long as you were able to get the most out of life from them. Some people wait until the person in their family has passed then start asking questions: How come I didn’t call them? I wish I had just a little more time with that person. That’s what is meant by putting off until tomorrow. But we go, it’s ok, I’ll see them tomorrow. But when they pass, you can never get that time back.

Now, in context of working in society, we really put off things on a daily basis that could help us succeed.  It’ll be Monday, and we say things like, “It’s alright, I’ll do it tomorrow.” Then Friday comes and it’s still not done. Not only is it not done, but you may have to accomplish a new task that overlaps with the old one. As you get older, you do less and less of this because you’re more aware of your own mortality. It’s that fear that gives you urgency to get things accomplished. Then why not when we’re young. What is it about being young that we think we’re going to wake up everyday.

Well, when you’re young, you’re not as used to people your age dying. So if you’re 19 years, your time is spent hanging and not thinking about tomorrow. Life is all about drinking and hanging with friends. Life starts to set in around 30 years of age. This is a milestone where you start to realize where your life has come thus  far. It’s when you start looking at life more long term than short term. The fun can still exist, but it has rapidly declined because you understand the ultimate goal in life, and how much time it will take to get there.

In the end, fear can hold us back, but it can also propel us forward. For me, fear is used to help me succeed. If not for my fears, I don’t know how I would function. Not everyone need it, but I do, because it makes me have a goal to accomplish. So with each passing year, I assess where I am in life, and where I want to go. As long as I hit the majority of my targets I am on track to success.

FIGURED OUT: IS THERE REALLY AN AGE LIMIT THAT COMES WITH KNOWING LIFE?

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“What comes with knowing life and the world around you?”

I have always heard growing up that if you keep going to sleep and waking up, I’ll figure the world out eventually. But I ask myself, is there really an age that comes with figuring out the world. Because when it comes to figuring out the world, the only thing I really need to know is people. Everything else is dictated by nature accept for us as a species. Plants have their way of interacting and animals have their way. But what about people? What is there really to figure out? I mean I think I have life already figured out, but soon as you say that people assume something else. Well let me explain what I mean by that statement.

When I say I have life figured out, I am not saying the intricacies that of the Earth and the Universe. I am more so talking about us as people. You see, when I was a young child I was babysat in the house by a few of my elders. My great-grandmother, her daughter (my grandmother), my grandmother’s sister, and their sister-in-law. But what I remember most was something that I asked my great grandmother as to why she never left the house. Her response was always the same, “Ain’t nothing out there.” Now, my mother knows what that means now that she is pushing 60 years of age. But at the age of 29 years old, I already know what that means.

See, my great grandmother was born around the early 1900’s and passed away in my second year of undergrad. So you’re talking a lot of years of witnessing humanity. Humanity at our worst and at our best. So when you are 96/97 years of age, why go outside. And living in New York City with such a diverse group of people, I now know what she meant now. Once you come in contact with enough of us as people. Understand what motivates us, our agendas, likes, and dislikes; you really don’t need to explore much after a while. Maybe this is why I am so aloof of a man. I think I understand us too much at too a young of an age.

Put it this way, look at life. People say life isn’t fair, but yet it’s very fair. Millions of sperm is thrust from the male genitalia. Yet, out of all those millions only one will fertilize the egg. Even with this one sperm reaching the egg, there is no guarantee the egg will fertilize. But let’s say it does; the journey from Fallopian Tube, to the fully mature baby in the wound, anything can happen. Those nine months can result in a child, or a still born infant. Now, let’s also further assume a baby is born, then what? Is the hard part over? No because as the child is released from the mother’s wound, all sorts of measures must be taken to clean and protect the baby from this new world. That infant immediately becomes exposed to everything from viruses to bacteria.

So, that infant comes home and from infancy through adolescent life you make that journey. From early adulthood to middle aged. Given that the average human body is only built to reach 40 years of age, yet due to improved scientific medicine we live to 78 years. Now, do you think life is fair now; yes or no? That is what I mean by I have life figured out. That is really the only thing to figure out. Yet anything else involves dealing with the human aspect of this planet. And this is what makes life hard; humanity. So biologically I have life figured out, but we make life unfair as people. There is enough food and water for every human on Earth, yet we as people get in the way of everyone having it.

Now you ask again, do I think I have life figure out? Of course because life is what I am doing now typing this blog post. It is the state of human existence, life. Living is dealing in the society in which I dwell. Outside of humanity, what else is there to know, or I must figure out. Human impact is the biggest impact. You don’t have food, human; lost your job, human; got cheated on, human. People say life throws you curve balls. Like what sicknesses, that’s not much of a curve ball, we all get sick. We just think it’s a curve ball because of the, “We think there for I am,” mentality. I think I am going to wake up tomorrow, I think I will be successful. Then you lose your job, that’s not a curve ball life thrown you, man fired you from work; human.

In closing, we have this notion that life must be figured through years of living, yet living alone is not enough. Watching and keeping your eyes open in your environment has a lot to do with knowing life. When you’re young, your eyes aren’t open because you’re into yourself. Your goals are paramount, yet when you get older and lose people and tangibles, you see nothing is guaranteed. As for me, I don’t live my life like the average 20 something. I am always trying to see the world from another perspective. Not just human thought processes, but natural. Our universe is so vast and infinite, yet we only have a finite time on this Earth as people. And how you spend your time will ultimately become your legacy when you die. So given that I know life and the living, I want to know more. Something higher, another level up. Something above us, greater than use, that man has not yet grasped hold of, that we seek to hold in our grasp. And with an infinite universe, and a finite species, opportunities are endless.

GENDER FLIP

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“What if I were a woman?”

Have you ever thought what your life would be like if you were the opposite gender? I have found myself going, “How would my life be different had I have been born a woman?” “Would I have the the same cognitive processes I do now?” “How would my physical attributes look in this feminine body?” “Would I be just as safe walking the streets as I am now?” “What would be expected of me from society?” So many questions to myself go through my mind. But I have another way of approaching the situation. If I could go back to that conceptualized moment of birth, I would take notes with me from today’s society. Meaning I would write an advice letter from a man’s perspective then send it back in time to my female self in how to deal with man.

My advice to female self starts in elementary school. I would first start off by telling me that life didn’t make us fair. Sorry kid, boys’ muscular structure is different than women. So chances are you won’t be the fastest kid in school. You will dominate among women, but as far as being the fastest in general that’s all biology. But I will tell you that you will be a better communicator. Man has been endowed biologically greater than a woman in which that is physical, but you are greater in which that is emotional. Find your skill that makes you unique from the rest, using that greater in which to shine.

Your next stage in life will come middle school. This is the beginning of your adolescent life. You will start to develop so much mentally through this stage as well as physically. But you will know this because you’re in your female body. But if you’re reading this message to you, you should know that it’s also boy’s adolescent stage as well. We are going through puberty, and our affinity for you will start. Now, our voices don’t only crack and we are not only growing hair everywhere, but we don’t fully know why we like you as well. At age 12 years of age it is very unclear, but we’ll understand coming through middle school into high school.

Now, as you pass from middle into high, you’ll realize a key attribute as a teenager. It is that virginity for you is different for us. Sex is way more emotional for you than us. We will go to farther lengths for sex, and at times you won’t understand why we are willing to risk it all. You’ll even notice we are willing to spend money, play sports, dress a certain way, and talk a certain way for your attention. Now, everyone has some sort of price, once the level at which you’re willing and able to pay exceeds your price, get out. There is a catch to I want this much, but I’ll give you more; what’s the catch. Which brings me to another thing about us as guys, we don’t operate off of something for nothing. But also keep in mind, that once people understand you have a price and a price only, you could find yourself doing things you never thought you would, so beware.

Which brings me to the advice I’ll give you about being an adult. That is men have come to realize that we don’t necessarily need much going for us once we have trinkets. Meaning, man me talking to female me must know that once we have acquired tangibles, we know it impresses you. So we realize at times it’s all we need. Now, this is when you must use your gift of communication. Always remember, to a degree, you’re better at communicating because you utilize more words for expressing what you want. Men are looking for the most simplistic measure, you are more complex. Make people seek out the complexity within.

In the end, I am writing this letter you as 29 year old man me, to now adult you as a woman. There is so much more to learn and understand in life about even man men now. And hopefully, just hopefully you’ll pick up another letter from an older more wiser man. A letter which will tell you the next stage of life which is middle age and ultimately elderly years of what we are as men.