NOT WORTH THE TROUBLE: WHY I DON’T WANT KIDS

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“Saving myself from what could be a disaster.”


Since becoming an adult I have been pondering over the idea of whether I want to become a parent someday or not. And as time progress, I know I don’t want to get married. But what about a child. Right now, I know I don’t want children, though I think about it. Who knows how I will feel at the age of 40 or 50 years. Because next month, I will be 30 years old, and I still feel the same about having children now as I did as a 20 year old. But also, my ideas of marriage and relationships have not changed either. The only aspect of my life that has changed is success in a career. So why haven’t I changed my stance of children?

Well, my main reason I don’t want children is because I don’t want to deal with the idea of dealing with the other person. Once you have children, there is a dual input in raising a child that I don’t want to adhere to. I have my way that I want to do things and that is that. Now, I do believe that someone else may have a better way. But it’s not about a better way, it’s about my way I want things to go. So with that said, it wouldn’t be best to have children with someone. My best way to go about having children might be to adopt one day. This way I can raise my child how I want to raise them. But are there other reasons that are keeping me from parenthood?

The other reason I don’t want children is because of the aspect of who having to always make them your life. Once you have children, they are your life. You have no other choice because even on hard and depressed days, you have to suck it up and deal. There is no out, most often, parents wish there was somewhere other than here at the moment. Yes, if you’re famous, you can hire a nanny, but most Americans can’t afford a babysitter, must less a nanny. So they have to find a way to deal with their lives. And although this is not a human existence that you genuinely want to live all the time, it’s a must. Children have no choice in their existence, so it’s a thought before having them.

Now, the third reason, is because there are so many things I want out of life. And having children get in the way of those things. And for the most part, they’re not that big of a deal, except when you have kids. Like, living in New York City, I’ll get up and just go for a walk around the city. Just something so simple, is major when you’re a parent. You can’t just up and leave the house. Because you are no longer alone anymore because there is someone there to depend on you. See, in the end, children are a career outside your daily job. It doesn’t pay, and there is no guarantee that what you teach them will ultimately work. So for now, I live my life for myself and whatever benefits me. But children are still a 10% yes and 90% no, and marriage is still 100% no.


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INTERNAL ABYSS: HOW TO FACE THE HURT THAT IS YOU

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“Fighting the me inside of me.”


Ever feel like you’re having one of those days when you have the internal feeling of fighting something. You either know what it is or don’t know what it is. But whatever the case may be, it has you fixated on nothing good in the moment. It’s that feeling you get when nothing seems to be going right. The feeling you get when you are sluggish and unmotivated. When you’re beginning to contemplate why are you alive and what are you doing with your life. And that my friend is the sign of depression. You have the strong case of hurt, pain, anxiety, and stress. It is sometimes an onset of emotions, and other times it is prolonged. So where does it come from?

In my own life, I have battled depression. I have always wondered where it came from, and now that I am an adult I now know. And that depression that hit my world came from childhood and adulthood. From childhood, it had a lot to do with the idea that I was always afraid of everything. I wouldn’t even climb the tree like a lot of children when my cousins would be outside. My fears kept me from doing so much, that now I look back and wonder for what. What was my reason for being so scared of so much. One of the reasons is because guys in my community were going to jail and getting killed. So to keep from being a statistic, I thought it would be best to fear everything: jail, death, even life. My other reason for fear was not having a man in my life to teach me how weak it was to fear what I was fearing.

But that fear does not stop there in my life. It follows you into adulthood. My adult fear was becoming a parent when I know I don’t want children. Yet, I do want relationships. And if a woman want a child, oh well, yet now you have a kid here. So now she is making a decision involving my existence that I want no part of. So I have lived in isolation because of it. And that isolation tends to make one depressed. But since finding writing, it has made me cope with any internalized problems. So now that you know a little about myself, what about you? What makes you fight the internal thing that is you. I know that the flip side of me being so afraid, it has given me urgency and focus on important aspects of life as well because I am not as spontaneously crazy. So how do you fix the you inside of you?

You have to bring yourself to a place that will drive out the good in you. Meaning, find things you love that you are good at as well. And then work to be great at those things. Everything else will fall to the waist side. But if your mind is only in the frame of the hurt and pain, and you can’t get past that, you will always be depressed. And in the end, that always being in a state of depression is what’s the killer. Because looking over life you’ll be more hurt that you never made the initiative to do something about your life. And by that time it’s far too late.


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SHE LOVE ME, SHE LOVES ME NOT: WOULD YOU LIE ABOUT YOUR ATTRACTIONS TO KEEP A RELATIONSHIP TOGETHER?

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“I’m not into you, but want to keep this going.”

Growing up, I always thought getting cheated on would be the biggest heartbreak. Or even getting rejected by a woman. But in my opinion, the biggest heartbreak would be someone dating you or even married to you that are really not in love with you. Do the person who thinks they are loved know they are not loved? And if they are aware there is no love, how does it make that person unloved feel? I can’t imagine how hurtful this is for someone to walk through life thinking their significant other really has no interests in them. Are there any signs of this? Or, why would you stay with someone you’re really not that in to?

One reason some people decide to stay is because the person is everything they want in a person. Yet that person is not what they truly want out of a relationship or marriage. You have all the right qualities of the other person I want. But, I’m going to stick this out because what if I end the relationship and can’t find another you. Then I am stuck wondering if I should have left you. But isn’t that selfish to the person who should be able to go look elsewhere for someone who really wants them? Now they’re stuck wasting their own lives because you’re being selfish. It’s best to just walk away. But if someone is everything you want, what is the reason for not being into them.

Well, let’s put in context what everything you want in someone means. This usually involves all the emotional attachments. Yet the physical attraction might not be there. And women are more apt to stay with a guy she is less attracted to just because he has other qualities she likes. But if you ask her is she physically attracted to him, she’ll say it’s not all about the looks. But that’s not the question you asked. You asked are you attracted, not are you only into the looks of a person. It’s hard for her to say yes because ecstatically, you might not be that pleasing to her. But she’ll make the excuse that you have other qualities.

That editing system that we have keeps us from being honest. Yet deep down inside, you’re really not into that person. You stay for reasons outside the physical because it’s a good fit for you; usually financial stability. But if you’re not into that person, you’re robbing them of a potential life with someone else. On the other hand, some people stay because they think it hurts the person more to be honest and leave. In the end, the one being led astray always deserves honesty. Because staying and stringing them along is ultimately the worst feeling.