GENDER FRIENDSHIPS: CAN MEN AND WOMEN REALLY JUST BE FRIENDS

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“Friendzone is a hard zone.”


I was contributing to a discussion on a Facebook page of a woman I know who was having a hard time regarding finding male friends. And she was saying how it’s hard to have male friends because there is always some way of bringing the situation back to him liking and pursuing her. And I started to think about that, can men and women truly be friends, given the two are heterosexual. Because it’s obvious they can be friends when one or both of them are gay. But what happens when both are attracted to the opposite sex, but also are physically attractive. Can two people find each other attractive and still be friends? Because men and women are biologically on this Earth to procreate, but socially we are expected to behave a certain way in certain situations.

That’s what is interesting about both genders, is that there is this scientific piece, then there is the societal element. Society says, you are supposed to give the other person space when they just want to be friends and respect that space. Science dictates that I am attracted to this person, and want to intimate with his person. So what happens is that the friendship sometimes degrades when one person is trying to date the other person, while the one being pursued just wants to be friends.So how do you get across to the person that you just want a friendship, yet you know how we are designed as men and women?

This is all the reasons above why so many women have their gay friends. This is so they don’t have to deal with the stress of having a guy every single second of the day trying to create means of getting with her. She can also go to the night spots that this guy frequent and have a good time as well. But on top of this, she can also have the comfort of being able to hang with her guy friend and receive man advice with no pretense. Now, on the other hand, be careful if you want someone to just be your friend and they are fine, but then you turn around and change up the contract. This is also known to happen as well. You can’t hold someone to a friendship and then you don’t hold up your end of the bargain.

In the end, men and women can ultimately be friends, but I think that happens with time and maturity. Your objective when you are a young man is to meet women and date. So when you come across a woman that you find attractive, the last thing you’re thinking is let’s hang out. You would almost sound phony in situations trying to act as if you do want to be friends as a means of getting close to her. But once people do age, they take on certain viewpoints making it easier to have opposite sex friends.


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DATING ALLEGATIONS: WOULD YOU TELL SOMEONE CLOSE TO YOU ABOUT A CHEATING PARTNER

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“To talk or not to talk.”


Having a friend in a relationship can be a new adjustment if you guys have both been single for so long. Now this new person comes in the mix and everything is different. But that is not the topic of today; the topic of today is sharing information with your friend regarding their significant other. What if you had proof that your friend’s significant other was talking to someone else on the side? Would you inform your friend that this person was out talking to someone else? Or would you keep the information to yourself? Telling your friend could mean an argument depending on how they felt about the person. But keeping it a secret could mean jeopardizing the friendship as well.

Let’s observe the outcomes of telling your friend. See, if you tell your friend it could go a few ways. The first is that your friend is proud that you would bring the information to them. Allowing them the access into what is going on behind their backs is really important. But there is another outcome from telling them. That is that they might lash out at you for telling them. You don’t know how they feel and it could backfire ending a friendship. So, so many people tend to not say anything and leave the situation alone. But even that has repercussions to it. What are the repercussions for not telling your friend about their significant other?

That’s right, there is the other side of the coin. And that is not telling your friend what happened. This could have its own set of problems by not speaking. Because once your friend finds out what happened and you knew, now what comes of the friendship. When they found out you know, it will put a serious damper on the relationship. Especially if you are their best friend, they expect you to say something before anyone says something. So then if they are mad for you not saying anything, and mad for you saying anything, then what? And it all boils down to the friendship that you and this other person have together.

In the end, friends usually have an understanding whether they would want someone to say something. If you don’t have an understanding with your friend, then it can go good or bad. With no communication, it can go in any direction.



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FRIEND ZONE: CAN YOU EVER GET OUT?

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“You like me: check yes, no, maybe so; or friend.”

Naw, I kinda look at you as just a friend, sorry. These are the words no one wants to hear, especially a guy. But how did it happen? How do you find yourself in this uncharted zone? You thought you were doing and saying all the right things to make yourself seem more attractive, so what happened? Maybe I was too nice, or maybe I was too mean. On second thought, maybe I was not nice enough, or maybe I was not mean enough. Well, what was it that brought me into the friend zone?

These are some the questions we ask ourselves for anyone that has been in this space known as the friend zone. Guys manage to get ourselves into the friend zone a variety of ways. One way is that we are interested in a female and never make the move to show interest. She become familiarized with us as more of a friend or develop a brotherly bond with us. Then once we do work up the courage to ask her out, she immediately place you into that zone or get skived-out that we like her. But wait, did she place you into the zone or did you put yourself into the friend zone.

A lot of guys start off by developing a friendship like a woman has with her friends. He never expresses how much he likes her initially. Like for instance, instead of just coming out and asking her on a date, he invites her a to kid cousin’s birthday party. Then once there she is introduced to the family as his friend. Or he’ll say let’s go grab some coffee from a diner and hang out. These are friendly exchanges, that are a lot different than just asking a woman to dinner outright.

Another means of placing yourself into the friend zone is to share certain common interest that she typically share with her girlfriends. For instance, you guys are both into the same chick flicks. I don’t know, call me crazy, but I don’t think too many women are interested in a guy if when they first meet he owns the DVD box set of Sex and the City. Not only owns the set, but follows plot lines and know all the characters. These are friendly common interest that she shares with her girlfriends.

So, knowing how some men may get in the zone, are there ways women become friends. Yes, as a matter of fact, women have been known to get in the friend zone. The reason why it’s fewer instances when women do is because it’s harder for guys to be friends with women unless we grew up together. Especially if we find her to be attractive. It’s natural for us to be into her, but as for women, they seem to be able to friend us easier than we are to friend them.

Now with that said, is there any way for a man to be brought out of the friend zone? Sure it is, but there is just one problem. If you start dating someone that you have deemed to be a friend and it does not work out, than it could effect your friendship. But some people say who better to date or marry than a friend, but it can get tricky. Because you never want to lose a good friend. So how do you approach dating someone that is a good friend. You have to assess if the relationship does not work out, then is it worth the friendship. Some friendships are not worth losing, so usually the friendship stays just that, a friendship.

So in the end, I will say, approach the situation from a non-friend position in the beginning. Don’t try to friend your way in because you don’t want to deal with rejection. Ask the person out and if they say no, keep going. But once you develop a friendship, it can be hard to get out of that position.