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“You’re never who they think you are.”

We all have this idea of how someone sees us in life. But how can you be for certain if people actually like you or if they are just putting on airs to get in good with you. Because you are never the person you are to you as you are with others. No matter how much you try to convey that you are someone else, they see you as something else. So which one is right; their perception of you or your perception of you? Well, this depends on the image you project outward to people. Sometimes how people see you is on the basis on what you show them. If you show them this person that you’re not, then they’ll believe in what you show them. And what’s crazy is that no matter how much you tell them you are different, they’re still going to believe the person that they have come to know the longest. But then there is the other side of things.

You have people who view you in a light that has nothing to do with what you show them, but who they think you should be in life. And if you want to see how someone really views you, then ask them to introduce you to someone on a date. You will get a full idea of what they think of you. From the physical aspects of who they introduce you to, to the mental conversation the person has on a date. After the date, you should make it your business to meet the person you want to date. Then once you do meet the person, bring them around the people who had a hand in hooking you up on a date. They had the person they wanted you to be with, and they might grow to resent you because you have more than what they felt you deserved. This is how you find out who your true friends are and how they really feel about you.

Like I said earlier, you’re never to others who you are to yourself. What is it that would make a person feel like you don’t deserve the person you want to date? Because people feel that based off their own inner workings, they observe you. And to them, you fall into an equation somewhere below where they stand. So if you exceed the expectations of what they feel you deserve they have to evaluate two ideas in their mind. Number one, they are not as smart as they thought they were at pin-pointing a friend, and you as the successful friend makes them feel mediocre. But instead of figuring out a way to move away from the mediocrity, they want to stifle your growth. So in the end, be prepared in life to lose people that are not meant to be in your life. Not everyone is, and that could even extend into family. (PERSONAL WEBSITE) (FAN PAGE)   

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“Being us means a lot of work.”

Be courteous, open car doors, pull out the chair, hold the umbrella when it’s raining. Basic expectations from women to men in society when dating us. But does the job of being a man ever get to be too tough. Especially in today’s society where tangibles have taken the place of so many intangible expectations. Yet, is it all bad because shouldn’t women choose the best potential candidate. But let’s not confuse the best with just monetary. Are there any expectations that women don’t understand about being a man in this world? Because they always say it’s not about the finances, but finances could be a reason why the relationship ultimately ends.

You see, since childhood, boys are raised to be providers. We’re raised that real manhood extends itself to being law abiding productive members of society. We are supposed to go to school, get out of school, attain a good job, and then meet a good woman. But when we are unable to attain a job, then meeting that woman takes a back seat. Even though making money is not all of it, there are still financial expectations that must be met. So until we get on our feet, then we tend to prolong the dating experience. But should we always prolong the experience because of money alone? What if you have more to offer?

You may have more to offer, but it is still not enough. See, it’s one reason why I have decided not to date. I am not introducing a woman into my life until I am in a place I want to be. And with what I am pursuing, there are no guarantees. But is expectations from us as men really all about dating, what about employment? Are there separate expectations for men than women? And the answer is yes we do, we are expected to rise to a certain height. The excuses are a lot less tolerated from men than women. If anything, women themselves typically overcompensate because they’re expected to be meek and mild.

In the end, being a man is not as easy as you would think. The men who have it easy are not that prevalent. Yes, if you are blessed with hitting the genetic lottery and look a certain way. Or if you possibly have a cognitive ability that most don’t, then life can be a easier. And that’s manhood, you either work to fit into the social construct or wind-up ostracized. 

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“Are we worth what we ask for?”

I can’t find anyone! I’m tired of being with these losers! Is there anyone out there for me! These are some of the complaints men and women have when looking for someone to be in a relationship. Well, why is it so hard? Is it because there are so many people out there not worth your time? Or is it that people are overreacting and that it’s not as bad as we think? There are a few theories that I have for this issue. Maybe it has to do with the person you want not wanting you.

We all have someone in our minds that we want. But if you are not what the other person wants then you’re at a lose. Then we get defensive, what’s wrong with me. Well what’s wrong with the other person. Meaning I know I am everything somebody wants, but you are not what’s on my list. Whose to say you got it all together. Just because you think you got things right don’t mean you do. For instance you are a woman with a nine to five, with your own car, home, and responsibilities. But if I am a guy who wants more from you, you may see it as unrealistic, but you are unrealistic as well.

Which brings me to my second theory. We all think our expectations are realistic. But we dismiss those who we see as not on our level. And a lot of times it is connected to finances. She makes $75,000 he makes $30,000; not on her level. He makes $200,000 she makes $75,000; a good fit. But wait, you’re not on his level. Our levels come down to finances because living in society can be expensive. So we want this relationship to work from living in such an environment. Meaning, expectations living in NYC could be different than living in Cleveland; expectations for Miami are different than Des Moines. Then there are the social aspects of expectations.

This is now my third theory for why we can’t find someone to be with; societal viewpoints. People in society have a major impact on how we choose the men and women we date. Because God forbid we walk the streets with someone that America won’t like (as if they care about our existence). So if we come outside and society can’t look in adulation, then it must not be capable of working. But have we taken a look in the mirror ourselves. Which leads into the next theory.

Physical attraction is another reason why we can’t find anyone. You close your eyes and picture a person. Then that is what you want, but what about you. Do you look at yourself as desirable? Too often we look at someone and go you are not my type, but get defensive when our looks are on trial. Why is it so easy to critique others yet no one can do it with us? My guess is that we seek out attractive people because we know how we look. Yet we want to take the faces from our flaws onto the person we are with who looks good.

In the end, the reason we have it hard is because we want what we want. You see there is somebody for us all, but it’s not who you want. We want to dismiss so many, but we don’t want to deal with rejection ourselves. I don’t think it’s all bad at times. As humans we all want to shoot for what we feel is the highest height. But we should also strive to be what we want. You want a woman or man in physical body shape, do the same yourself. You want a certain income, be able to rise to the occasion as well. And that’s what it boils down to, be what you want.

SOFTIES & SUCKAS: What Has Become Of Men

I was reading on a female’s timeline via Facebook. She put up a posting that talked about how she was disgusted to see a woman pushing her stroller while the father walked ahead. Doesn’t sound like that big of a deal. It was, the woman was pregnant and the humidity was unbearable. Meanwhile, the father or lack there of was walking ahead listening to music without a care in the world. She wrote on her timeline, what kind of man does this to the woman’s he’s with? Where is the consideration for her well-being? I mean then again she is with child.

But this is not an isolated incident. More and more women have brought up the idea that men have loss their sense of respect for women. They feel as if men have lost that chivalrous behavior we once had. Now, as a man, the first thing that comes to my mind is the obvious, fathers. Boys who have their fathers in their lives typically exuberate the characteristics of a gentleman because of his father. He watches his mother given respect so he knows how to behave once he becomes and adult in a relationship. Then again, I was raised by my mother and two sisters. Why don’t I carry the trait of these men?

Well, for starters, I look at life from a very rational perspective. It makes more sense to aid your pregnant girlfriend or wife. Not because I am a gentleman, but she is carrying your child. Her health and well-being in turn is going to directly affect that of the child she is carrying. So to me, it makes sense to aid her by me pushing the stroller and not her. People have always told me, “You’re a good man.” But I don’t do things necessarily because they’re good, it just makes sense to me.

So if it makes sense to me, why doesn’t it make sense to the men who don’t care. What is it about the selfish behavior, that he doesn’t even see the selfish behavior? Because I doubt the man who left his girlfriend/wife to push the stroller even noticed he was being selfish. And that’s the scary aspect, is that he probably doesn’t even see the fault in what he’s doing wrong. Scary, but true; some people are just flat out ignorant and oblivious to the world around them. But I like to asked the question, “Who are these women dating or even marrying these men?

From my best guess as to the reason why a woman could even entertain this type of man says a lot about her as well. You see, growing up, I would look at certain females and ask why she’s not into me. Then I look at the guys she’s attracted to and think to myself, “She’s doing me a favor.” “My life would be miserable if I got with a woman like her.” You see, some women would rather be with “A” nobody, than nobody at all. Why?

Well, the problem is that when little girls are treated as less than as children, they grow to be women with a lack of self respect. Then, they seek outside for a man to define their existence. He gives them what they think is something to hold on to, his promises. And she gives him what she only has to give, her body. It’s why she keeps having children with this man over and over again. No one taught her or him self worth, so they are actually in a strange way mutually compatible.

It still doesn’t answer all the questions as to why she chose him. Another reason is that women are used to saying men ain’t this and men ain’t that. You meet a guy with actual defined goals, whose hard working and epitomizes respect it forces you to drop that, “he ain’t shit mentality.” “He ain’t shit,” is a crutch that makes your life easy. Meaning, pick a loser so that it continues to align with my inner core belief of what men are. This way I choose bad so if it goes bad I don’t look to bad. Because hey, like I said, wasn’t worth nothing anyways.

But wait a minute, doesn’t that make you still look like a fool. Choose a loser, hoping he’s good, then he is a loser, and you think it doesn’t reflect on you. Ahh, I get it, you don’t want to look bad. You don’t want a good situation and lose it, then all eyes are on you. The thing is, all eyes are already on you. Inevitably, you’ll eventually have to straighten up. Either hold him to task or watch your children follow in his footsteps. Your daughter will grow to carry false illusions of who men are, and your son will lack responsibility; selfishly going through life as if someone owes him something.