Tag: #existence

HYPOCHONDRIACS: WHY DO WE WORRY SO MUCH ABOUT OUR HEALTH

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“I feel fine, but something must be wrong.”

Do you know of anyone that might fall under the term of hypochondriac? Or better yet, are you one of those people who fall under this term? Hypochondriacs for those that are unfamiliar, are people with almost an obsessive feeling of illness from an undiagnosed condition. They are people who get a stomach ache and right off the back they know for a fact that they are dying of some form of cancer. Or for me at least, I have lost quite a bit of hair, so now I have this feeling of, “Oh my God, am I getting sick?” Or is it that I need to adjust my sleeping patterns and the food I eat. Because we worry so much, especially now in society than at any other point in history. And there may be some explained reason as to why someone might obsess over the idea of getting sick and feeling like they are worse than their true problem.

One of the reasons is that as people who are hypochondriacs, we tend to be more aware than the average person. And when I say aware, the idea of your mortality constantly sits in the back of your mind. And knowing this gives you a sense of urgency, so you don’t want to check out of the world too soon before you can accomplish your goals in life. Yes, death is inevitable, and something none of us can control, but no one wants to die young. Especially if there is so much that you have not yet accomplished. We freak out at the very thought of someone telling us we are ill. But what is crazy about hypochondriacs is that not only is there nothing wrong, we tend to be completely fine. And worrying sometimes brings upon stress that makes us more ill than the illness we fear that is inside of us. But what is another reason for hypochondria.

We also freak out over the idea that we are sick because in some weird psychological way, it makes us seek attention. We are typically lone types of people and we want someone to feel sympathy for us. Yes, that is a very me driven mentality to have, but it is true. Our side might hurt, and we immediately think, “Oh my God, I have Kidney disease.” When in reality we might just have a slight pain that eventually goes away. But we want to actually be sick so people can treat us like a special case. Our loved ones will galvanize and crowd around us, giving us their prayers. Sometimes hypochondriacs envision our own funerals, and how everyone mourns over us, then we play back in our minds what happened in our lives that brought us to the point of sickness, that ultimately led to death.

It all sounds crazy, and you know what it is crazy. In the end, hypochondriacs tend to be quite self-centered and overly aware. We’re sensitive to everything from the natural world, to the language we use among each other as people. And our sicknesses are almost the confirmation that we need to say something is wrong. It comes from a place of emptiness in our lives. Because anyone who receives fulfillment in life is not constantly thinking about death. They know it is a reality and just deal. But our mortality and the understanding of our mortality creeps hypochondriacs out. Yet, with that awareness comes the need to accomplish goals because we know we are not here on Earth but for a temporary stay.

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MENTAL HISTORY: WHY YOUR INSTABILITY TODAY COULD BE PREEXISTING

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“Fixing the mind starts with the history not the treatment.”

When I was a child growing up, I never thought of myself as mentally unstable. Yet when I became an adult, I attended therapy at one point and time. Now, that doesn’t mean I’m crazy, but that is the label associated with going to a therapist. And once I attended, I always thought that maybe something was stemming from childhood that brought me to this point. Because the point between my last year and half in undergraduate school and my last year of graduate school were depressing. The more I would think about how this was an issue the more I look into my own life’s past. What could have gotten me to the level of being depressed? Was there something in the moment? Or was there something there that may have been festering for a while? And eventually, I figured it out, and have been able to cope since then.

As for the rest of you, how do you fair as it pertains to your mental history? People have issues that have teetered on the brink of suicide, but have never been close. And you think to yourself, where did that come from? You might want to consider checking into your family history as well as observing your life up to this point. Throughout my life, I lived in constant fear, and writing is the first time in my life I have been confident about anything. So I found the catalyst for my mental issues. What is the catalyst for your mental issues? My mental extended to lacking confidence; an internal feeling that has taken years, and will take years to fully overcome. What are you lacking that has stopped you in your tracks? People say things like, “Just fix it.” If only life were that simplified, no one would have any problems. And as far as depression, it never goes away fully.

Once you are depressed, you usually live out your life that way. But it’s all about trying to manage it moving forward. Finding ways to cope with your mental instability. And like I said before, mine is to write. Conversations make the situation worse, which is why I stopped therapy. You on the other hand might think talking to someone is the best course of action. Now, you might ask, “Why writing?” Writing gives me the ability to be honest without filter. When you talk to another person, you’re not allowed to be human honest, but society honest. One is natural and indicative of us as people and the other is how we construct society to be. And the one I like is nature; the things you feel but can’t say in the public. That is why I write, it is one of the last vestiges of honesty that doesn’t get you in as much trouble as the verbal.

So in the end, I have shared with you my life mission from instability to stability. My mental health has transformed over the years, and I still have my moments. What are your moments? With everything we are blessed with with, we have something that is an imbalance to us. You can’t be 100% good at everything in life. You have an instability somewhere in your life. But finding a balance is what’s important. You should not try to find the perfect way to live, but more so the optimal way to live.

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INTERNAL ABYSS: HOW TO FACE THE HURT THAT IS YOU

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“Fighting the me inside of me.”

Ever feel like you’re having one of those days when you have the internal feeling of fighting something. You either know what it is or don’t know what it is. But whatever the case may be, it has you fixated on nothing good in the moment. It’s that feeling you get when nothing seems to be going right. The feeling you get when you are sluggish and unmotivated. When you’re beginning to contemplate why are you alive and what are you doing with your life. And that my friend is the sign of depression. You have the strong case of hurt, pain, anxiety, and stress. It is sometimes an onset of emotions, and other times it is prolonged. So where does it come from?

In my own life, I have battled depression. I have always wondered where it came from, and now that I am an adult I now know. And that depression that hit my world came from childhood and adulthood. From childhood, it had a lot to do with the idea that I was always afraid of everything. I wouldn’t even climb the tree like a lot of children when my cousins would be outside. My fears kept me from doing so much, that now I look back and wonder for what. What was my reason for being so scared of so much. One of the reasons is because guys in my community were going to jail and getting killed. So to keep from being a statistic, I thought it would be best to fear everything: jail, death, even life. My other reason for fear was not having a man in my life to teach me how weak it was to fear what I was fearing.

But that fear does not stop there in my life. It follows you into adulthood. My adult fear was becoming a parent when I know I don’t want children. Yet, I do want relationships. And if a woman want a child, oh well, yet now you have a kid here. So now she is making a decision involving my existence that I want no part of. So I have lived in isolation because of it. And that isolation tends to make one depressed. But since finding writing, it has made me cope with any internalized problems. So now that you know a little about myself, what about you? What makes you fight the internal thing that is you. I know that the flip side of me being so afraid, it has given me urgency and focus on important aspects of life as well because I am not as spontaneously crazy. So how do you fix the you inside of you?

You have to bring yourself to a place that will drive out the good in you. Meaning, find things you love that you are good at as well. And then work to be great at those things. Everything else will fall to the waist side. But if your mind is only in the frame of the hurt and pain, and you can’t get past that, you will always be depressed. And in the end, that always being in a state of depression is what’s the killer. Because looking over life you’ll be more hurt that you never made the initiative to do something about your life. And by that time it’s far too late.

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ASSOCIATION IS MOTIVATION: HOW BEING IN A SOCIAL GROUP IS WORTH THE WORK

“How much is it worth being apart of the group?”

A lot of people want to belong to a social group. And for most of us, we have at some point in our lives were members or are members of a group. But what is the reason one need to belong to a group? Well, there are a multitude of reasons as to why. I have decided to write about the few reasons why so many have chosen to be apart of a group. My conclusion that I have come up with as to why we need a group is because of not wanting to become ostracized, fear of being alone, and a need to belong to something. These are, in my opinion, the top reasons why we join.

For starters, we don’t want to be ostracized like the others we deem to be losers. When you’re growing up in school, you want to belong to a group. And when I say belong to group, you want to  be one of the popular kids in school. We don’t pay heed to the personalities of the kids in the group or how they treat other people. We want to be accepted by our peers within the group. So, a lot of times we’ll join in on the ignorance of the group just to be accepted. The group skips school, you go with them. The group gets caught getting high, you’re with them. Whatever they do you do, just to belong. But this goes beyond school kids. There are adults who play the I would rather be in a group than not game as well.

This leads me to my next reason why people join groups. We as humans need some form of companionship. And being in a group is part of that companionship. Because think about it, who really wants to be alone. You see elderly people walking up the street. They have no friends, no family, no nothing. All they have is themselves and the thoughts in their heads. So with all that has been said, why wouldn’t you want to be in a group. Because then again, everybody want to be apart of something. Which leads into my third reason why we join groups. This is the main reason in my opinion why we all want to belong to something great.

Being apart of something great is an aspiration of most of us. Even if being apart of the group means just standing next to the greatness. It’s the reason we apply to certain colleges, associate with a certain groups of people, or work for a certain organization. Just look at the entourage of famous celebrities. Not everyone in that group has a purpose, but some people need to be in the vicinity of something great. In the end, we all want to belong to something. We hate being alone and yearn for companionship. Just as long as you don’t associate with a group that is detrimental to your safety, you’re fine.

GONE AND FORGOTTEN: WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF ALL PEOPLE VANISHED FROM EARTH?

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“What if we weren’t around?”

I sometimes think about what life would be like if people disappeared from Earth. My intrigue sparked when I first saw the television show on the Discovery Channel Life After People. It was a one hour show that would explain what happens if people were to vanish from Earth. The show talked about the animals would reclaim the land, and how long it would take for the building we built to collapse. Almost immediately, grass and trees would grow into the buildings and engulf vehicles. What’s the most interesting is how long would it take to cover up any reminisces of our existence? Will that time ever come where people won’t be here on Earth? What would an Earth without us look like?

As time progress, in a few billions years the sun is suspected to swallow up Earth. My question is, will there be people on Earth when this happens? If so, can you imagine the hell they’ll go through when this happens. But, if you know anything remotely about the science involved, people will be dead long before this happens. Well why, why would people be dead long before this happens? It’s from the fact that we only have a limited room for growth and only so many resources that contribute to our quality of life. And because the Earth is a living breathing organism in itself. So it can’t last forever, yet it’s traveling through the cosmos to God knows you where. But speaking of God, that sounds like an interesting theory. Could religion possibly be right, or maybe not?

Or, what if people die out here, but the evolution starts over once again. Maybe, because after the sun engulfs the Earth, other planets will eventually follow suit. Then the universe will reach a point where the universe can no longer expand, then we will have yet another big bang. The universe will sustain back to its original state and expand once again. Then there will be yet another ability for evolution to take hold. Could that possibly mean as human die off, we will reemerge. Or is it possible that the universe has expanded beyond capacity before and we are leftover from some previous universe?

In the end, a world without people is hard to comprehend to us, but not in the universe. We are very small in the grand scheme of things. Humans on Earth are like a grain of sand on a beach, and Earth in the universe is a grain of sand on an even bigger beach. So our existence or nonexistence is small, but my intrigue is open nonetheless.

FIGURED OUT: IS THERE REALLY AN AGE LIMIT THAT COMES WITH KNOWING LIFE?

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“What comes with knowing life and the world around you?”

I have always heard growing up that if you keep going to sleep and waking up, I’ll figure the world out eventually. But I ask myself, is there really an age that comes with figuring out the world. Because when it comes to figuring out the world, the only thing I really need to know is people. Everything else is dictated by nature accept for us as a species. Plants have their way of interacting and animals have their way. But what about people? What is there really to figure out? I mean I think I have life already figured out, but soon as you say that people assume something else. Well let me explain what I mean by that statement.

When I say I have life figured out, I am not saying the intricacies that of the Earth and the Universe. I am more so talking about us as people. You see, when I was a young child I was babysat in the house by a few of my elders. My great-grandmother, her daughter (my grandmother), my grandmother’s sister, and their sister-in-law. But what I remember most was something that I asked my great grandmother as to why she never left the house. Her response was always the same, “Ain’t nothing out there.” Now, my mother knows what that means now that she is pushing 60 years of age. But at the age of 29 years old, I already know what that means.

See, my great grandmother was born around the early 1900’s and passed away in my second year of undergrad. So you’re talking a lot of years of witnessing humanity. Humanity at our worst and at our best. So when you are 96/97 years of age, why go outside. And living in New York City with such a diverse group of people, I now know what she meant now. Once you come in contact with enough of us as people. Understand what motivates us, our agendas, likes, and dislikes; you really don’t need to explore much after a while. Maybe this is why I am so aloof of a man. I think I understand us too much at too a young of an age.

Put it this way, look at life. People say life isn’t fair, but yet it’s very fair. Millions of sperm is thrust from the male genitalia. Yet, out of all those millions only one will fertilize the egg. Even with this one sperm reaching the egg, there is no guarantee the egg will fertilize. But let’s say it does; the journey from Fallopian Tube, to the fully mature baby in the wound, anything can happen. Those nine months can result in a child, or a still born infant. Now, let’s also further assume a baby is born, then what? Is the hard part over? No because as the child is released from the mother’s wound, all sorts of measures must be taken to clean and protect the baby from this new world. That infant immediately becomes exposed to everything from viruses to bacteria.

So, that infant comes home and from infancy through adolescent life you make that journey. From early adulthood to middle aged. Given that the average human body is only built to reach 40 years of age, yet due to improved scientific medicine we live to 78 years. Now, do you think life is fair now; yes or no? That is what I mean by I have life figured out. That is really the only thing to figure out. Yet anything else involves dealing with the human aspect of this planet. And this is what makes life hard; humanity. So biologically I have life figured out, but we make life unfair as people. There is enough food and water for every human on Earth, yet we as people get in the way of everyone having it.

Now you ask again, do I think I have life figure out? Of course because life is what I am doing now typing this blog post. It is the state of human existence, life. Living is dealing in the society in which I dwell. Outside of humanity, what else is there to know, or I must figure out. Human impact is the biggest impact. You don’t have food, human; lost your job, human; got cheated on, human. People say life throws you curve balls. Like what sicknesses, that’s not much of a curve ball, we all get sick. We just think it’s a curve ball because of the, “We think there for I am,” mentality. I think I am going to wake up tomorrow, I think I will be successful. Then you lose your job, that’s not a curve ball life thrown you, man fired you from work; human.

In closing, we have this notion that life must be figured through years of living, yet living alone is not enough. Watching and keeping your eyes open in your environment has a lot to do with knowing life. When you’re young, your eyes aren’t open because you’re into yourself. Your goals are paramount, yet when you get older and lose people and tangibles, you see nothing is guaranteed. As for me, I don’t live my life like the average 20 something. I am always trying to see the world from another perspective. Not just human thought processes, but natural. Our universe is so vast and infinite, yet we only have a finite time on this Earth as people. And how you spend your time will ultimately become your legacy when you die. So given that I know life and the living, I want to know more. Something higher, another level up. Something above us, greater than use, that man has not yet grasped hold of, that we seek to hold in our grasp. And with an infinite universe, and a finite species, opportunities are endless.

BIRTH RITE: WHY ARE YOU HERE

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“Why were put on this earth?”

To ask the question why you were put on this earth is quite odd because we all know why were placed on this earth. Your father’s sperm and your mother’s egg; and in 9 months you were brought into existence. No, no, no, I am referring to why you wake up every single day. So many people wake up in the morning, just to exist until the next day. I heard a quote once that stated if you’re living for Friday and dreading Monday, you’re not living. Then what should you be doing? It’s easy to say what you shouldn’t do. But how many people have the skills and know how to go out into the world and be who they should be.

Note that I said should be instead of what everyone else wants from you. Because what you expect from you is who you should be, but other people will tell you to do this or that. But how dare they! How dare they assume they know something about you: you strengths, your weaknesses, your skills, your intellect. They don’t know you, that’s why it’s called self-awareness. You must have a sense of self so when people make assumptions you can correct them.Yet self awareness comes with a lot of time knowing yourself. I guess it’s why I have stayed single for so long so I am not determined by way of the relationship that I am in.

But all of this still leaves questions as to what is our purpose on this earth. Well, once you understand your self worth and become aware, then you can define your purpose. And that purpose can be to educate, to learn, to feed people, to fight tyranny,  to prophesied, and/or to lead. Note that I didn’t include to earn money. Understand that making an income is good for surviving in the world. But when your purpose for existence is to work, there could be some downsides to this. For instance, if you shall ever lose your job, your reason for existence diminishes as well. So your purpose has to be something outside of your career.

In the end, you have to figure out what is it you are here to do. What is sad is that most people will never find their purpose. They will live their whole lives not knowing why they were here. And that is a fear of mine. Which is why I took it upon myself to work at my purpose. Now, I have not started yet, but I know to a degree that purpose.